GF going out to bars

[Marlimus]

at least twice a week she goes to bars you're not old enough to go to to get hit on at least 5 times a night? er...Mystery said it best. I'm sure she was just going out
'...just to dance"

 

[Jackman]

Good god you mother ****ers are so insecure.

So let's say she's cheating on you. Big f'n deal. Are you so desperate to scramble for manliness? A few ****ing tid bits and you're ready to curl up into a defensive ball? It should have no effect on you at all. A cheating woman will show signs of being a slut long before it happens. You should almost expect it. It's only a surprize when you're an "AFC", and there isn't one indication at all in the original post that this girl is like that at all. Maybe you should all stop reading the bible.....

 

[penkitten]

she just turned 21 and wants to experience going out for a bit. going clubbing does not mean you will hook up with someone else . some ladies are capable of going with friends, dancing and having a drink and listening to music without trying to meet people to hook up with.

this is a phase and will wear out especially when she realises she cant afford to do it all the time.

if she continues to do this for a long period of time and doesnt seem to care that you are being neglected because you arent old enough to get in, then you should start doing your own thing or speak up and tell her how you feel.

 

[S1NN3R]

She is cheating on you - guaranteed!!!!

Where is that "shakes head at exactly how insecure and overcompensating this forum has seemingly made 99% of men who visit it" smily when you need it?

 

[WORKEROUTER]

I'm going to handle this in the most mature way possible.

First off, to all the guys claiming she's going out and finding other guys. As of now, that's not true. She's told me this personally before, and like I've mentioned, I DO believe her.

There are girls who go out and make out with random guys and do who knows what else. But she's not like this. I took this girl's virginity, and she's had several years of parties to f*ck around, and she hasn't. This is why I trust her going out.

I'm not going to get into the trap of acting insecure over this. I'm not going to worry about something that might happen, because that's futile and pointless.

As of now, we're good. If she finds someone else while out, so be it. It'll be over, and I'll move on. That's something beyond my control, but at least if we do break up, she'll remember me as a secure, confident guy, not an insecure p*ssball who tried to force his control on her.

That in essence seems like the only thing I can control here.

 

[sexy_kuta]

I'm going to handle this in the most mature way possible.

First off, to all the guys claiming she's going out and finding other guys. As of now, that's not true. She's told me this personally before, and like I've mentioned, I DO believe her.

There are girls who go out and make out with random guys and do who knows what else. But she's not like this. I took this girl's virginity, and she's had several years of parties to f*ck around, and she hasn't. This is why I trust her going out.

I'm not going to get into the trap of acting insecure over this. I'm not going to worry about something that might happen, because that's futile and pointless.

As of now, we're good. If she finds someone else while out, so be it. It'll be over, and I'll move on. That's something beyond my control, but at least if we do break up, she'll remember me as a secure, confident guy, not an insecure p*ssball who tried to force his control on her.

That in essence seems like the only thing I can control here.

two thumps up bro

keep that attitude going.. and for tips.. you shouldnt worry too much about the future.. worry about the present.. if u worry too much about the furture it can flect on ur present and screw everything up

live life to the fullest enjoy whats given to you right now..

 

[tihash]

How long have you been with her? How serious is it?

I am guessing not very at 19/21.

If it was serious or if you had been together a long time, I would advise talking to her about it. Any girl worth her salt would want to be with YOU those nights screwing YOU instead of with her friends getting drunk in an environment where nothing good could come of it.

Yeah, you can trust her not to cheat, etc. But why would she want to be in place where she knows she will be hit on, where her inhibitions will be down, etc.

Some girls never intend to cheat... "it just happens."

Other girls would never cheat, but they meet a guy, he talks her up, and she gets "confused" eventually. Then she dumps you.

Not saying any of this would happen to you... or that it would not happen if she were never in a bar... just that she is going to a place, without her man, that is designed for single people to get drunk and hook up. Not good.

 

[mrRuckus]

at your age, you should not be tied down to one woman - especially with a woman who has just turned 21 and is for the first time hitting the bar scene with her friends.

she is going through a phase of meeting lots of new people (guys) and drinking to excess with friends.

she entering situations which promote meaningless sex - for teh first time.

expect it to happen.
.

Haha. Apparently youre not remembering that americans are drinking to excess and having meaningless sex (at the same time) in high school and into college far before they are 21. This cant be new to her. The only thing new is that people feel more sophisticated for a while that theyre not in a smelly frat house but instead in a smelly legal establishment.

 

[insanity]

most women love bars for either the attention or a quick fling or just going out and dancing. it all depends though. if she's dressing skanky and showing alot of skin then watch out. these are the types of girls, who see alot of guys checking them out and approaching them. all it takes is a lot of drinking to cloud her judgement.

alot of times her and her friends might end up at a guys house for a little get together and there's always a few guys at these parties who move in for the kill. she may act like she's taking but i've seen some guys use the right formula and actually have these girls in bed.

if your getting a bad feeling in your stomach, your intuition is sensing something just ain't right. feel it out and good luck.

 

[Latinoman]

My gf, who just recently turned 21, goes out to bars usually a couple times per week w/ friends and such until late at night (1-2 AM).

As I'm only 19, I can't go with her, and often this makes me feel uncomfortable. I trust her that she won't f*ck around on me, but there's still a feel of discomfort.

My question is..what would be the best way to handle this scenario?

Here is my advice. Think about what makes you happy. A woman is there to enhance our happiness…not to make us unhappy.

If she is doing something that bothers you…you should talk with her about it. But do NOT tell her what to do. Simply tell her what is bothering you. You can tell her straight up or you can say it subtlety. Do not show “jealousy”. Always use the “respect” approach or whatever. But do not give her an excuse to accuse you of jealousy.

Now, because you are NOT telling her what to do…you are giving her the opportunity to make a decision for herself. She will make the decision based on what she values most: herself, the relationship, you, her friends, etc. Fact is…if you tell a woman what to do (other than when it comes to your house/property, your $$$, and your children) with HER life…she will eventually resent you.

If she makes a decision…and decides to do something that makes you Unhappy…knowing very well that is making you unhappy. Then the ball goes back to your court. And you must do what makes you happy.

MOST women that go to bars and get drunk…cheat. I know…I was in the night scene until very recently (about 8 months ago).

You are 19. Too young to be attached and too young to be worry. Also…too young to be experiencing what being cheated feels like.

 

[Latinoman]

You don't know how many girls I'm messed around with that have/HAD boyfriends at the time. A girl that goes clubbing or to bars without her man is AS GOOD AS SINGLE. Trust me. Get in the field bro.

007

I agree 100%.

I understand she going there once every six months for her friend's celebration or some kind of co-worker friends stuff. I mean...nothing wrong with that.

But every week??? Every week? Even if she is married...she is as good as single.

 

[Latinoman]

Look, if they were both 21+ and she was hittng the bars without him, then yeah, I'd be behind you 110% with ****ing pom-poms. Rah-****ing-rah-****ing-hoorah. But the idea that a man can be so insecure enough to completely ignore the perfectly NORMAL action of 21 year olds hitting the bars with other friends that are just turning 21 is just ****ing ludichrist and paranoid.

Now if this guys post indicated that maybe she started to become too busy for a lot of other crap, then I would have been right there to tell him to move on as well. But I'm not seeing it. Not so far anyway.

I have been the guy that has attracted women with boyfriends too. And I get a lot of them because of thier boyfriend's insecurities.

He should always be paranoid. ANY man should be paranoid.

Women are better cheaters than men. In my younger years (20s)...I was involved with women that were either married or with LTR boyfriends. Women that look normal and "decent" in front of their partners...but in the nightclubs were drunk and crazy.

If she was NOT into the alcohol thing, then I could see your point. But she drinks. She gets drunk. And there are lot of men out there. Make no mistake about that.

Furthermore...she goes TWICE a WEEK!!!!

He should NOT tell her what to do. He should understand that she wants to do that and will resent him if he prohibits her from doing that.

But he also has to understand that he is only 19 and he should seek what makes him happy. Way too young to be dealing with this crap, too be honest with you.

 

[Latinoman]

How long have you been with her? How serious is it?

I am guessing not very at 19/21.

If it was serious or if you had been together a long time, I would advise talking to her about it. Any girl worth her salt would want to be with YOU those nights screwing YOU instead of with her friends getting drunk in an environment where nothing good could come of it.

Yeah, you can trust her not to cheat, etc. But why would she want to be in place where she knows she will be hit on, where her inhibitions will be down, etc.

Some girls never intend to cheat... "it just happens."

Other girls would never cheat, but they meet a guy, he talks her up, and she gets "confused" eventually. Then she dumps you.

Not saying any of this would happen to you... or that it would not happen if she were never in a bar... just that she is going to a place, without her man, that is designed for single people to get drunk and hook up. Not good.

Bing-Bing-Bing!

We have winner!

Good advice!

 

[Jariel]

I partially agree with Godsgift that it's a possibility that she's keeping her options open, and you are a transitional boyfriend until she finds someone more suitable.

However, I think it's more likely that she is keeping her friendships and her lifestyle open. Chances are she enjoys going out with her friends and that's all. Unless you are in a serious committed relationship, she would be foolish to give that up for you. And you would be foolish to do the same!

I admit, I go out regularly with my friends (most are female) because I feel I need my own life and friends outside of my relationship and I enjoy it. Yet, I have no interest in cheating. Girls hit on me when I'm out and I brush them off, because I am happy in my relationship. In fact, I believe it improves our relationship because neither of us feel restricted or like we have to give up anything.

You should be doing the same thing and learn to enjoy the time away from your girlfriend.

 

[Jackman]

He should always be paranoid. ANY man should be paranoid.

Women are better cheaters than men. In my younger years (20s)...I was involved with women that were either married or with LTR boyfriends. Women that look normal and "decent" in front of their partners...but in the nightclubs were drunk and crazy.

If she was NOT into the alcohol thing, then I could see your point. But she drinks. She gets drunk. And there are lot of men out there. Make no mistake about that.

Furthermore...she goes TWICE a WEEK!!!!

He should NOT tell her what to do. He should understand that she wants to do that and will resent him if he prohibits her from doing that.

But he also has to understand that he is only 19 and he should seek what makes him happy. Way too young to be dealing with this crap, too be honest with you.

He could be going to the bars with her and guys will still hit on her when he is in the bathroom. If she's attractive, she gets hit on everywhere she goes. In the stores, at work, jogging... everywhere. Letting her go to buy milk alone requires just as much trust then letting her go out to bars, because a woman that will cheat is going to find opportunities to do so all day long. When we date attractive women, this is something we just have to realize and deal with. This applies to women who date attractive men as well.

If you're a sociable person that is considered attractive by the opposite sex, then you are always going to be in the types of situations that raise suspicion in the people you date no matter what you do or where you go. I've had one woman get jealous and break up with me because a buddy of mine stopped by with his girlfriend and one of her female friends. My girlfriend stopped by not knowing they were there, and that was it. Two guys, two girls, the accusations flew. I've spent all of my time with other girlfriends and they would still feel insecure because I often ran into women I knew when I took her out to a movie or whatever. Try going out without her once she knows that much about you. It's crazy.

The point is that if you're insecure and paranoid like that, then it doesn't matter what the other person does. If they stop going to the bars then something else will just take it's place. If they are sociable enough, there will always be situations that you, as a paranoid/insecure person, will worry about. It's not a healthy mindset at all. You're either going to worry yourself sick or act irrational over nothing or you're going to confirm your worse fears. It's a lose/lose situation. It's a waste of your time. You should only care about this when you're married, have kids, have other shared assests, etc., because that's when the mess goes way beyond just breaking hearts and breaking up. The pain will go on for decades because it's court ordered. Just ask a few guys here. They'll tell you.

Agree, dont agree, that's just how I look at it personally.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Workrouter,

I’m never wrong – so listen up.

“Cheating” begins before the action takes place – it starts as a thought and then she makes herself “available” then she takes action on the thought of being with another man.

Every hor was a virgin once – so to say she “was” a virgin means nothing!!

Does she go bowling twice a week with her friends? NO!!!

Does she go to dinner twice a week with her friends? NO!!! .

Does she go to play chess with her friends twice a week? NO!!!!

You get the point – SHE GOES TO CLUBS!!!!!!!

CLUBS ARE “SINGLES PICK-UP” PLACES WHERE ALCOHOL IS CONSUMED AND WOMEN PUT THEIR @SSES AND VAGINAS ON MENS PENISES!!!!!!!!!

Even though you are only19 you should know this.

A woman that goes to clubs without her man is untrustworthy – do not trust her –period!!!! (oops, I used exclamation points when I said period.). Men approach a woman if she is not attached to a man – particularly at clubs!! She is disrespecting you and making you look like a weak man!

The fools who say a man is “insecure” because he doesn’t allow his girl to disrespect him is naïve and is of the sort of men who will most likely marry a hor that ends up cheating on him and who in the end will kill her lover and not his hor wife!! Don’t listen to these kind of men – they are the AFCs who let women run over them!!!

Go after other women because by drinking and making herself available to the advances of other men in a club scene twice a week she is definitely seeking other men!!!!!!!!!!!!

Out of respect for you she should not go to clubs - she doesn't respect you!!

 

[makinwOmensmOuthdrOp]

You were....almost....right up until you said this.

"A woman that goes to clubs without her man is untrustworthy"

A woman that goes to clubs with or without her man is untrustworthy.

Even if a woman is in a club with her boyfriend, she can get picked up just as easily if not easier than without him.

I've seen me do it.

P.S.- Ok ok, you werent actually "wrong", but technically you left out a very important aspect.

 

[KarmaSutra]

I’m never wrong

I seriously doubt is the first time . . .

 

[KarmaSutra]

I’m never wrong

I seriously doubt this is the first time . . .

 

[Jackman]

The fools who say a man is “insecure” because he doesn’t allow his girl to disrespect him is naïve...

No, he's insecure because he is trying to make a relationship work with woman he doesn't trust. He's insecure because he has to keep her on a leash to keep her from wandering.

I don't have the time to baby sit my girlfriends constantly. I don't sit around all day wondering if my girl is "disrespecting" me. They get thier freedom and one chance. If they can't carry themselves as a respectful adult without me being all over them 24/7, they're worthless to me. If you can get my girlfriend, good for you. She's a cheating slut and she's all yours. I just go get myself a better one, because I can. It's very simple. Cut and dry. "Period". That's why I let them go. I would never marry a woman I couldn't trust in any situation. And that's why your dead ****ing wrong.

If you spend most of your time worried about where she is, what she's doing and who she's with, then exactly who is the "AFC" here? Where the hell are you going to go with a woman you wont trust around other men? What kind of idiot thinks this is the best way to find a good woman? I'd rather know a woman is a slut and just move on, rather than never knowing if I can ever trust her alone because I never give her the chance. Keep clinging, buddy. Keep telling yourself you're being "respected".