Getting over a heartbreak

[HBK]

1. Firstly I accepted it.

2. I went No Contact. (That means no calls, FB stalking, texting, emails, anything!"

3. Spent more time with my family and friends

4. Hit the gym full on.

5. Made small goals for myself, and completed them.

6. Got out again and started meeting new people

7. listening to my gut. Self reflection

8. Read new books and idea's

9. Travelled

10. I'm happy and wiser and have met somebody new.

 

[SecondHalf]

1. Firstly I accepted it.
Almost there, starting to see it's for the best, barely...

2. I went No Contact. (That means no calls, FB stalking, texting, emails, anything!"
Yep, no matter what!
I have no FB account. All I ever here about it is from people that have been betrayed. It will never be for me!

3. Spent more time with my family and friends
Rebuilding. Takes time, not just from the latest breakup, but from my failed marriage of 15 year (branch swinging skank :s )

4. Hit the gym full on.
Soon, likely next week. Have been too busy with the other steps. I am a single dad too. The boy needs my time a lot now.

5. Made small goals for myself, and completed them.
Yep, getting things I've been procrastinating done. Fact is, sooner than later I was going to implode. This .... obsession, was costing me productivity!

6. Got out again and started meeting new people
Yep, working on it.

7. listening to my gut. Self reflection
No choice there, it's howling at me!

8. Read new books and idea's
Yep, SoldMySoul suggested one, it's very good (no more mr nice guy).

9. Travelled
Will take time (single dad thing), hopefully August, want to get Scuba certified

10. I'm happy and wiser and have met somebody new.
Nope, maybe, and nope. But it will happen - or I'll turn into a champion s1ut - either ok. Drag is, I have to behave because it influences my 14 year old boy :s

Sigh, I'm starting to pull out of it, but only moments at a time.
If I didn't have the boy to care for, I'd be able to progress more freely.

SH

 

[charlezz]

Secondhalf,

I am from another part of the planet, Asia. I feel for you and after i see the whole thread. You should feel happy that there are so many BROTHERS here supporting you and raising you up again.

Remember, you are not alone. We are beside you "virtually"

Fighting! :box:

 

[SecondHalf]

Secondhalf,

I am from another part of the planet, Asia. I feel for you and after i see the whole thread. You should feel happy that there are so many BROTHERS here supporting you and raising you up again.

Remember, you are not alone. We are beside you "virtually"

Fighting! :box:

Thank You charlezz.
Letting go of the image that I built her up to be is the hardest part.
Once I accept that she was just going through the motions until she received a couple of commissions and didn't need me anymore, I'll be well on my way.

I'm pissed though!
I hate, hate, hate dating.
Especially this year as I have a full time teenager who will be influenced by his plate spinning father.
Uggh!

 

[HBK]

SecondHalf your a good man, and not a quitter. When going through hell, keep going!

 

[kiwijim]

How do you guys deal with this (or used to before the armor grew)?

Do you start light dating again?
Work on yourself & bod?

I'm hurting here guys, I could use some voices.

Thanks,

SH

I think a lot of us have been thru this sort of thing and its sure not easy. Old "clechea" I know but time will heal all things and one day you will wonder why you were so hurt because it will drift into insignificance:yes:

 

[SecondHalf]

I think a lot of us have been thru this sort of thing and its sure not easy. Old "clechea" I know but time will heal all things and one day you will wonder why you were so hurt because it will drift into insignificance:yes:

Thank you, I know.
It is tough though, obsessive thoughts are in and out of my head. Never let myself go like that. Think it might be partially tied with a midlife crisis (I'm the right age).

Also, alot has happened in the last two years.
I got divorced from a woman of 15 years.
Lost my son for a year (didn't know we were breaking up when she took a job in another city).
Got him back, Sept 2011 (whew), but the plate spinning stopped then and I focused on a steady girlfriend.
Lost my father in Nov 2011 after a 9 year battle with ALS. That was tough, every weekend driving to a different city and doing everything while still trying to juggle life.
Took a second job to try to get back on track with my retirement seeing as half just walked out the door (b1tch!).
Burned myself out completely. 70 hours per week, plus all else is too much for a guy my age.
Then over the 8 months with this women (who I put way too much of myself into), I turned a blind eye to red flags because I allowed her to fill in so much of my life that had been displaced with helping old crippled parents and single fathering a 14 year old son.

Now I sit here, completely fecked up, don't know who I am, and too tired and frustrated to put it back together.

I need about 3 months swinging in a hammock in Jamaica smoking big fat Bob Marley's!

But alas, I've no time for that.
So I grovel on these boards, trying to listen for a compassionate voice out there, trying to find hope.

I know it will come. I'm just sick of trying so hard and the diminishing returns life is giving me.

Whine done!

SH

 

[HBK]

Thank you, I know.
It is tough though, obsessive thoughts are in and out of my head. Never let myself go like that. Think it might be partially tied with a midlife crisis (I'm the right age).

Also, alot has happened in the last two years.
I got divorced from a woman of 15 years.
Lost my son for a year (didn't know we were breaking up when she took a job in another city).
Got him back, Sept 2011 (whew), but the plate spinning stopped then and I focused on a steady girlfriend.
Lost my father in Nov 2011 after a 9 year battle with ALS. That was tough, every weekend driving to a different city and doing everything while still trying to juggle life.
Took a second job to try to get back on track with my retirement seeing as half just walked out the door (b1tch!).
Burned myself out completely. 70 hours per week, plus all else is too much for a guy my age.
Then over the 8 months with this women (who I put way too much of myself into), I turned a blind eye to red flags because I allowed her to fill in so much of my life that had been displaced with helping old crippled parents and single fathering a 14 year old son.

Now I sit here, completely fecked up, don't know who I am, and too tired and frustrated to put it back together.

I need about 3 months swinging in a hammock in Jamaica smoking big fat Bob Marley's!

But alas, I've no time for that.
So I grovel on these boards, trying to listen for a compassionate voice out there, trying to find hope.

I know it will come. I'm just sick of trying so hard and the diminishing returns life is giving me.

Whine done!

SH

Hey man,

Your doing a great job. A lot of guys in your situation would have given up. That's the measure of a man. Be proud of yourself. Take one step at a time, life's oceans will toss you around, and try to sink you. But you are strong, and also a father. I know it's hard now, and reflecting over the past is heartbreaking. But you need to concentrate on now, and start setting little goals for yourself. It's never too late, and your a young man. It's time to start thinking positive, and keep focusing on what YOU want OK. I can't stress this enough, positive thinking brings positive things into your life. You just need to open your eyes and take the opportunity when it comes your way.

I wish you the best man, i'm looking forward to reading some success stories from you in the near future. Let's turn this year around beginning today

 

[SecondHalf]

Thank you. That was a very encouraging post.

SH

 

[SecondHalf]

What's missing - a partner, what's still here - the world!

You know .....

I've been stumbling around this forum for a little while trying to ease the hurt of my last breakup.
I had an epiphany today (nudged along by many posts)!

I'm going to try to look at the big picture here rather than this constant orbiting and obsessing of the little picture.

What I have:
I own a home in a big city.
I have a car.
I have a 14 year old son full time who loves me.
I still have some family left.
I have a job.
I have my health.
I'm fit - ok too thin, but no massive transformation required.
I have some friends, a few anyway.
I have ambitions once I get out of this rut.
I'm not in any kind of trouble.

What am I missing:
The old girlfriend and the bubble I was living in.
That's it! One woman who didn't get me any of the above, rather just enjoyed them for a spell.

My question to me is ...
I'm sitting around, moping, whining, struggling with productivity, putting everything I have at risk or stress for what?
One GF who couldn't make up her mind about me?
Feck that!

Did I associate her with the future?
Yep, but there are other futures to be had now!

I'm officially done whining!
Thanks for you support.

SH

 

[SoldMySoul]

What I have:[/B]
I own a home in a big city.
I have a car.
I have a 14 year old son full time who loves me.
I still have some family left.
I have a job.
I have my health.
I'm fit - ok too thin, but no massive transformation required.
I have some friends, a few anyway.
I have ambitions once I get out of this rut.
I'm not in any kind of trouble.

WOW!!! Look what you do have instead of what you don't!!! You have more than me! I am childless; lost my home cause of on the job neck injury helping others on an ambulance...but we share one bond my man!! We are getting over women that decided for one reason or another we were NOT good enough... Today, I was shown things happen for a reason and it takes as long as it takes to get over someone... Today I got a job making the kind of money I am used to to..and outstanding benefits! Am I still over my ex? Not by a long shot, but you know what??? Her fvcking loss because today I got that job I have been hoping/ praying for!!

Some people give up 5 minutes before the miracle happens!!! Our ex fiancee's just happened to give up RIGHT before things got good...got interesting!!!

THE BEST REVENGE IS LIVING A BETTER LIFE!!! When my ex runs into to me she will be kicking herself in the a$$ because I finally made it and her dumb a$$ gave up right before the miracle!!

Regardless what anyone tells you, it will take you as long as it takes you to get over her... I am still NOT 100% there and If I were to talk to ex... Not sure How I would react....BUT I do know I am stronger which makes me more attractive not only to her, but others as well!! I am here for you my man!!

 

[HBK]

You know .....

I've been stumbling around this forum for a little while trying to ease the hurt of my last breakup.
I had an epiphany today (nudged along by many posts)!

I'm going to try to look at the big picture here rather than this constant orbiting and obsessing of the little picture.

What I have:
I own a home in a big city.
I have a car.
I have a 14 year old son full time who loves me.
I still have some family left.
I have a job.
I have my health.
I'm fit - ok too thin, but no massive transformation required.
I have some friends, a few anyway.
I have ambitions once I get out of this rut.
I'm not in any kind of trouble.

What am I missing:
The old girlfriend and the bubble I was living in.
That's it! One woman who didn't get me any of the above, rather just enjoyed them for a spell.

My question to me is ...
I'm sitting around, moping, whining, struggling with productivity, putting everything I have at risk or stress for what?
One GF who couldn't make up her mind about me?
Feck that!

Did I associate her with the future?
Yep, but there are other futures to be had now!

I'm officially done whining!
Thanks for you support.

SH

If love from a woman is causing you the only problems in life, then you live a good life my friend.