Getting a feel for women at work - Do all the same rules and concepts apply?

[Smartone84]

For the last 6 months or so at work, I've been getting to know this one woman at work little by little. HB7 in my opinion. We do not see each other every day or even every week though. It has been more like every 3 weeks on average, so the progression has been super slow. Eventually, probably about 2 months ago (and more like only four conversations ago), we reached what I feel was a turning point of where now there is a different vibe in the sense that if we see each other, we know we are definitely talking and catching up, even if just for a short period of time. The conversations between us flow extremely well, and there is definitely good general chemistry. We talk about our families, our hobbies, work stuff, etc, sometimes in detail and I make her laugh constantly. While she has never been flirty, she has sparked conversations with me and on one occasion recently specifically walked out of her way in the office to stand next to me and chat when I was finishing up fixing a machine (I do repair work). I feel that attractive women at work who have no romantic interest at all in men will always find a way to keep a good distance from you. I have seen this many times over the years at work.

So I'm right at the point now of wanting to finally strike while the iron is hot where I plan to casually and somewhat indirectly (I like to be very careful at work, even though I trust her to an extent) ask her to grab a drink after work one day. The problem is, even though we have progressed very well and I am 100% certain she thinks I'm a very nice guy who she clearly enjoys talking to, for the life of me I still can't get a read on her at all as to whether she actually has any form of romantic interest in me. While I've thrown very few subtle flirty remarks her way, like I said earlier she has never done so herself. Even though I'm not afraid of rejection and would move on fine, I do want to make sure I'm putting myself in the best position possible to not have that happen. So my question is simple.... Whether its at work or not, do you think the same rules always apply? By this I mean, I feel like whenever I've met a woman at a bar or a party or wherever else, 9 times out of 10 if there is interest, I'll get the IOI's and/or some flirtation. These are the signals we all use as men to go in for the close, whether it be the # or even setting a date. With this chick, I've basically gotten nothing other than very nice and playful banter/conversation. Do you guys think its still all good to go in for asking her out? Or should I do some more leg work to see how she really feels, and if so, what could that be? Thank you in advance.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Try like hell to not give in to your urges to bone women you work with. This was fraught with danger long before MeToo, and will continue to be, long after this moral panic has evaporated

 

[pipeman84]

We talk about our families, our hobbies, work stuff, etc, sometimes in detail and I make her laugh constantly.

So what's her age and relationship status?

 

[Smartone84]

So what's her age and relationship status?

29.. single, never married. Doesn’t seem too experienced with men and the world of dating. Don’t ask why I feel that. Just a hunch.

 

[pipeman84]

In that case, just ask her out. I suggest something like a coffee/walk through the park kind of date. Or something related to your hobbies, if that's possible. You have plausible deniability in case she says no. And if she does, then it makes the situation clear for you. #winwin

 

[SW15]

Try like hell to not give in to your urges to bone women you work with. This was fraught with danger long before MeToo, and will continue to be, long after this moral panic has evaporated

It's not advisable to try to merge a romantic life with a working life if a man works a white collar job.

The best a white collar man can do is to try to get introductions to the friends of his female co-workers.

If a man works in a large office building, he might be able to randomly approach women in common areas of that building and arrange first dates with women working for other companies.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Not a fan of trying to date someone at work unless the woman is the one who initiates and you have text messages confirming it in case it gets to HR at some point.

But just treat it like any other interaction...I would personally ask her to go to lunch first since it's during work and something you both are doing anyway during the day.

If she says no to that you can pretty much guarantee that she is not interested and it saves you from having asked her out on a date technically.

If she does say yes and if things are going well there ask her she would be up to grab a drink after work sometime.

You have more to lose than to gain in these interactions at work and you need to be more worried about what you could lose rather than what you could gain in these situations when you approach them instead of how most people approach them thinking the opposite way, IMO.

 

[corrector]

For the last 6 months or so at work, I've been getting to know this one woman at work little by little. HB7 in my opinion. We do not see each other every day or even every week though. It has been more like every 3 weeks on average, so the progression has been super slow. Eventually, probably about 2 months ago (and more like only four conversations ago), we reached what I feel was a turning point of where now there is a different vibe in the sense that if we see each other, we know we are definitely talking and catching up, even if just for a short period of time. The conversations between us flow extremely well, and there is definitely good general chemistry. We talk about our families, our hobbies, work stuff, etc, sometimes in detail and I make her laugh constantly. While she has never been flirty, she has sparked conversations with me and on one occasion recently specifically walked out of her way in the office to stand next to me and chat when I was finishing up fixing a machine (I do repair work). I feel that attractive women at work who have no romantic interest at all in men will always find a way to keep a good distance from you. I have seen this many times over the years at work.

So I'm right at the point now of wanting to finally strike while the iron is hot where I plan to casually and somewhat indirectly (I like to be very careful at work, even though I trust her to an extent) ask her to grab a drink after work one day. The problem is, even though we have progressed very well and I am 100% certain she thinks I'm a very nice guy who she clearly enjoys talking to, for the life of me I still can't get a read on her at all as to whether she actually has any form of romantic interest in me. While I've thrown very few subtle flirty remarks her way, like I said earlier she has never done so herself. Even though I'm not afraid of rejection and would move on fine, I do want to make sure I'm putting myself in the best position possible to not have that happen. So my question is simple.... Whether its at work or not, do you think the same rules always apply? By this I mean, I feel like whenever I've met a woman at a bar or a party or wherever else, 9 times out of 10 if there is interest, I'll get the IOI's and/or some flirtation. These are the signals we all use as men to go in for the close, whether it be the # or even setting a date. With this chick, I've basically gotten nothing other than very nice and playful banter/conversation. Do you guys think its still all good to go in for asking her out? Or should I do some more leg work to see how she really feels, and if so, what could that be? Thank you in advance.

I find that when a job sucks, you tend to be more vested in the emotional drama at work because it becomes a form of escapism. Most people don't like their jobs. Sometimes you need to do things to keep you grounded and remind yourself that you are not another corporate drone or cog-in-the-wheel and this in turn, makes you better at your job indirectly. Given this aspect, you should be true to yourself and follow your instincts. Follow-through with asking her out.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Ask her out for lunch/coffee or something casual outside the office during your break or after hours. Her IOI would be getting close to you while you repair the machine; it is in the same vein as them asking you “when are you coming back to head office” or them saying “you never come say hi to my cubicle”.

It is hard to gauge attraction levels in a professional setting, but if you have to ask or you sense that she is not open to leading things further to a more romantic status, then the reality is that you are just a co-worker that is easy to talk to.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

If a woman is interested. She’ll let you know. At work women hold all the cards. They’re usually upfront. If it’s been 6 months…it’s too late.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP don't get caught in the trap of asking her out for lunch just so she can keep showing you her poker face. Use some light kino in your normal interactions with her (light, sensualized touching in non-erogenous zones) to get her "to sh1t or get off the pot"

 

[Smartone84]

if you have to ask or you sense that she is not open to leading things further to a more romantic status, then the reality is that you are just a co-worker that is easy to talk to.

Yes and this is what I'm afraid of. But still, I just don't know. I still think its very possible she'd go out to grab a drink or coffee with me.

If a woman is interested. She’ll let you know. At work women hold all the cards. They’re usually upfront. If it’s been 6 months…it’s too late.

For the most part, I do agree, but I will say that this particular woman isn't like most that I've gotten to know. She's a little "different". She just seems like the overly friendly type, doesn't have too many street smarts, has probably not faced too many awkward or tough situations in life. Still lives at home for example. Think sheltered to put it simply. For example, I wouldn't be surprised if she has never been in a serious relationship. To make sense of all of this, I think its quite possible that she doesn't even know HOW to flirt, let alone execute throwing me IOI's. One of those (somewhat rare) types of women.

 

[corrector]

For the most part, I do agree, but I will say that this particular woman isn't like most that I've gotten to know. She's a little "different". She just seems like the overly friendly type, doesn't have too many street smarts, has probably not faced too many awkward or tough situations in life. Still lives at home for example. Think sheltered to put it simply. For example, I wouldn't be surprised if she has never been in a serious relationship. To make sense of all of this, I think its quite possible that she doesn't even know HOW to flirt, let alone execute throwing me IOI's. One of those (somewhat rare) types of women.

How does she interact with other guys inside the office?

 

[Smartone84]

How does she interact with other guys inside the office?

Great question but if I'm being honest I can't give a real assessment of that. Like I said, I'm not working in her area everyday. I really only see her once every few weeks. But in the very little bit I have seen with regards to her interactions with other guys(as in literally minutes and only a couple of dudes), its friendly and casual. With me just the other day for example, we were in the same office for about four hours straight and aside from her taking her break and me taking one of my own later on in the day, we spoke for virtually every minute we were together. Could I just be a co-worker who's easy to talk to? Very possible. Could she be interested in something a bit more than platonic. That answer would also be very possible.

I've also done just about all I can to gauge her. I even joked with her about how I might be changing my location/hours one day in the future and that would mean she'd "Never see me again". I said this with a sarcastic smile on my face. Her response was just a laugh and a smile

 

[corrector]

Great question but if I'm being honest I can't give a real assessment of that. Like I said, I'm not working in her area everyday. I really only see her once every few weeks. But in the very little bit I have seen with regards to her interactions with other guys(as in literally minutes and only a couple of dudes), its friendly and casual. With me just the other day for example, we were in the same office for about four hours straight and aside from her taking her break and me taking one of my own later on in the day, we spoke for virtually every minute we were together. Could I just be a co-worker who's easy to talk to? Very possible. Could she be interested in something a bit more than platonic. That answer would also be very possible.

I've also done just about all I can to gauge her. I even joked with her about how I might be changing my location/hours one day in the future and that would mean she'd "Never see me again". I said this with a sarcastic smile on my face. Her response was just a laugh and a smile

When she takes her breaks or lunch....do you take your break/lunch at the same time as hers. Are they scheduled or can you both choose to take a break or lunch anytime that you want? Has there been any communication as to what you do in your respective breaks/lunches?

If you've seen her for six months, that's a rather long time that you have not already gone out to lunch with her, or she has not asked you what you were doing in your breaks/lunch and suggested spending time/go out for lunch together. Usually women are forward regarding these things. But, even if you did go to lunch with her, you'd probably still be talking like that over lunch anyway....sounds very pleutonic.

 

[Smartone84]

When she takes her breaks or lunch....do you take your break/lunch at the same time as hers. Are they scheduled or can you both choose to take a break or lunch anytime that you want? Has there been any communication as to what you do in your respective breaks/lunches?

If you've seen her for six months, that's a rather long time that you have not already gone out to lunch with her, or she has not asked you what you were doing in your breaks/lunch and suggested spending time/go out for lunch together. Usually women are forward regarding these things.

Well breaks are at completely different times for us so even if we were working together every single day, which we do anything but, it never would have had a chance to happen.

But, even if you did go to lunch with her, you'd probably still be talking like that over lunch anyway

I wouldn't go that far. If I ever got her out somewhere besides our office walls I would definitely be a bit more flirty and see how she responded.

 

[corrector]

Well breaks are at completely different times for us so even if we were working together every single day, which we do anything but, it never would have had a chance to happen.



I wouldn't go that far. If I ever got her out somewhere besides our office walls I would definitely be a bit more flirty and see how she responded.

I think it's a no-brainer to ask her out for lunch at this point and see how she responds to you. While it would be nicer if she asked you....she hasn't, so you have to step up to the plate. She will say yes to at least one lunch and it seems natural for it to go in that direction.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

OP don't get caught in the trap of asking her out for lunch just so she can keep showing you her poker face. Use some light kino in your normal interactions with her (light, sensualized touching in non-erogenous zones) to get her "to sh1t or get off the pot"

Sounds like a great way to get a call from HR

 

[corrector]

Sounds like a great way to get a call from HR

You can find out if the lady from HR is single too. One should pursue two women.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You can find out if the lady from HR is single too. One should pursue two women.

You could also get fired and become virtually unemployable too