The Lotus dragged me out for my B-day. Good on him. His attitude is improving, but he still resists engaging: "I don't see anyone I want to talk to."
He's pretty full of himself, or has crazy-high standards. But we got out and had a good time.
Earlier, HBRose practically begged me to stop by and get my present. Ok, it is my birthday, and the Lotus wasn't getting done with work until late, so I had some time to burn. I could drop in if I had another excuse... I rode my bike for some exercise. (I know, I was going to wait until Wednesday, but she's on the rag and emotional, so I'll be nice-ish.) She got me a fun gift, nothing major. We had a little convo, but when I was leaving, she dropped this little gem on me:
HBRose: "So, can I uh, ask you a question?"
V: "You just did."
HBRose: "haha. Seriously. Are you, uh, are you dating anyone else?"
V: "Not at the moment, no. Why?"
HBRose: "I'm just wondering. If you were, I'd be a little more guarded."
V: "Psshff. You're pretty guarded already." *smile, pokes chest*
HBRose: *coy recoil, smile*
V: "Whatever, I think you're just trying to get your hooks into me." *makes hooks with index fingers and tickles her with them* "ARRRGH, Matey!"
I'll probably burn in hell for that, but I don't "date".
Why is this worth mentioning? Let me back up and offer some background. I have great attention to detail - it's a sickness of sorts. I would say it's something that I developed in the Army. Well, as all guys should know by now, women snoop in the bathroom. I have an old favorite "trick" that I devised, and I'd like to share it with you:
The first time she was over, she was taking unusually long in the bathroom. I had a couple rubber wrappers in my bathroom trash can. They were pretty much on top (under the flip-top lid), and very visable (yellow wrapper). In my AFC days, I would have emptied the trash before she came over. I actually stood and watched a chick snoop once, and thought about it a bit more. I knew the wrappers would be seen, and wanted them to be seen.
It might have worked against me that night: it probably provoked the slvt defense.
The second time she was over, the FB had been over since, so there was a fresh one in there. I actually emptied the trash and left the new one (brown wrapper) in there with a couple of used Q-tips and that was it. We still fuxed that time, but she was bragging about having a good "photo memory". I didn't think anything of it at the time.
Do you see why this is diabolical?
1. I must be banging other women, so I must be worth banging. Value!
2. Challenge
3. Jealousy
4. Emotion
That's what women get for snooping: their own games used against them. My name's not Vulpine for nothing.
Looks like I've got the "challenge" thing handled after all!
Anyway, back to the story. When I was leaving, she was begging me to stop by later for some "birthday drinks" with her. I let her know that the Lotus was "in control of the evening, but I'll mention it to him."
Well, after we were at a different place, I mentioned it to him. Since it was Monday and everywhere would be dead anyway, he agreed, and we went to her bar: the OTP.
The Lotus pulled his weed antics and we smoked a "birthday J" in the parking lot before going in. HBRose greeted us instantly:
HBRose: *comes around bar, hugs* "OMG! You guys REEK like weed!"
We were super smoked out, and the place was crazy shady and full of FUGS. The place is in a pretty "ghetto" neighborhood, so there were a lot of "unsavory characters". The scene was defenitely harshing our mellow... until we got into it.
There were some gangsta dudes hanging off to our left freestyle rapping to the background beat about some killin' and fightin'.
Lotus: "This is a rough corner, WTF?!!"
V: "ShhhAAAdy!"
Lotus: "You're gonna get shot, dude!"
*we had a good hearty laugh*
We were too smoked up to recognize at the time what was going on. The two slickest looking dudes in the bar walk in and social proofed the bartenders, and were now laughing super loud and having a good time.
Meanwhile, HBRose is getting macked on by this black guy and she doesn't even recognize. Dude was totally smooth. He came up with this bullsh!t story that he was explaining to her about how a black guy he knew was saying that he was bringing her lunches. He was basically feeling her out. This guy was slick:
Dude: "Oh, so, are you into black guys, then?" (asking for his own sake)
HBRose: "Not at all."
Dude: "So this guy is lying?" (awesome leading)
HBRose: "Yeah. I got a boyfriend."
Dude: "Psshf. You're just sayin' that."
HBRose: "Oh yeah?" *points at me, EC's me, looks back at him*
V: (uh.. what? uh.. wait, uh.. ok, wow, I'll play along) *smiles big, nods the 'what's up' nod, raises eyebrows a bunch of times like 'yowsa, yowsa'*
I suppose I better get used to that. I was thinking, "Oh, crap. That guy is pretty big, and I'm pretty fuxed up. This isn't cool if it turns into something."
Lotus: "WTF, man?"
V: "ShhhhAAAAdy."
Lotus: "You're gonna get shot, dude."
Lotus/V: :crackup:
It wasn't long before several chicks came up and started asking for hugs. Uh... okay. Well, there were 3 of them who got hugs and made their way along. Lotus and I were cheeched out and staring at each other like:
The two fat ones of the three came back. One of them was hanging all over the Lotus, and he was freaking out. He wasn't being a d!ck or anything, but being obviously uncomfortable. She got the hint and wandered off. The Lotus and I looked at each other...
...and bust out laughing like hyenas.
Dammit! They came back again! Oh well, there weren't any hotties there (aside from the bartenders), so what the hell - I decided to be friendly.
At some point, the hotter of the fatties (if there is such a thing), waved a pen around and asked me to sign her t!tties. There was no more room! Slvt! Blah blah drunken blah... she asked if she could write on my chest.
V: "Uh... um... sure, why not?"
She starts unbuttoning my shirt. Slow. Slow. Trying to be all sexy...
V: "Hey, hey, hey! Wait a minute! Where are the dollar bills? Come on, now!"
(they scramble to pull out dollars)
FUG: "Come on... show it off..." *waving dollars*
Finally, she gets to the last button and throws my shirt open dramatically.
V: "DENIED!! Sorry, thanks for playing." *starts buttoning shirt back up* "HAHAHAHAHAHA! Awww.... no dice!"
I had a wife beater on under my shirt.
Lotus: :crackup:
FUGS:
These chicks were basically throwing themselves at us after that. No thanks, but thanks anyway.
After last call, there was some drama starting with a loud-azz black chick squawking because she got busted coming in from outside with a drink in her hand. She got all beligerent and started making some threats. The other bartender (not HBRose) grabbed up the phone while exchanging with this woman who was freaking out.
Lotus and I exchange glances, stood up, and were making for the door. The cops were coming and we were waaay too screwed up to be around to chat with them when they got there.
I caught HBRose's attention, blew her a kiss, and she acknowledged with:
:yes: :wave:
*sigh* If we could have stuck around until close, I would have gotten a birthday BJ - no doubt. Blah. She did throw tasty free drinks at us all night, so that was cool.
All in all, it was a wild night. Lotus and I have the good energy going, no success or approaches, but at least the energy is right. Heck, we had FUGs opening US, so we had to be doing something right.
All I have to show for my birthday is the "31" after my age under my name.
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