Find your leauge and play in it.

[BeExcellent]

In response to the wildly erroneous assumptions made by @ShePays:

If my ex husband had fulfilled the man’s role (as both his father and my father did), they were both leaders of their marriages and families as well as other men....then I would have happily been a stay at home mom cooking, cleaning, raising babies and supporting my man by running the household. And I’d still be married to him had that been the case. We were best friends and ardent lovers throughout the 15 year marriage. I gave and gave with minuscule return from my husband.

After we married and I was pregnant within our first year quite by happenstance he hit a serious life obstacle and his business partnership soured, leaving him out in the cold. I was supportive & encouraging. Rather than man up he curled up into a ball. He gave up & never got up like a man.

So I had to ramp up my business, give birth, get back on the road (my field is highly specialized and requires up to 80% travel) 3 weeks post C Section and work my ass off or we didn’t eat at my house. Meanwhile he didn’t open mail, didn’t do laundry, didn’t clean, didn’t keep up on bills (the power got suspended any number of times because he wouldn’t open the bills), and he slept all the time.

He was depressed probably at his failure as a man. So I’d pump milk (my son was violently allergic to dairy & formula), ship it home FedEx on dry ice & then I’d come home to a filthy house, unkept yard, piles of dishes & mail to open, and I’d bust my ass getting the homefront in order. Repeat the next week. For years. But see I didn’t get to be depressed. I had to shoulder the load of the responsibility for my family. The man child I married (who fronted that he was something and someone he wasn’t) was too lazy/depressed/entitled/etc. to do his job in the family.

For years I encouraged and uplifted. But his abject laziness and abdication of the man’s role took its toll. I lost respect for him and over time became resentful. I probably should have bailed much sooner. But I was committed. After all I picked him. All seemed fine until after we were married. Then I discovered I had a loser for a husband. Bitter pill that because I chose him for love, for compatibility and so forth.

I was loyal, never cheated, and didn’t date at all until a year after the divorce.

It is well known in my social circles that I do NOT sleep around. It’s not my character.

I STILL support him financially without the court requiring me to do so. I don’t want my kids shortchanged so I subsidize him as needed.

He is still lazy & irresponsible. He has a breathalyzer on his car currently because he recently got got a DUI and is on probation for 2 years. He nearly got fired as a result. He still drinks and recently started smoking and dipping tobacco. My kids do not like those habits. They have all told me so without me passing comment. My kids see other families where the dad has his act together and behaves like a man. So truly I say nothing negative about him. His behavior speaks volumes. I don’t need to say anything. I work hard and provide. I’m not perfect, I get irritated at his chaotic existence once in a while, but I cannot control his behavior so it’s no sense wasting energy or emotional bandwidth about it. My current client has me based on the west coast so it’s important that I spend a great deal of time in my western residence. So I do. I talk to all my kids twice a day, have them out to visit and I go to their location about 40% of the time.

My kids have met the man I’m seeing a number of times and spent time with him. Like in stretches of a week to 2 weeks at a time.

My son starts university this fall and I will be paying for that. My daughters are teens as well. They are all paying attention and see what the situation is. Without me saying a thing.

I have informed my children that they need to study hard, set goals and do their best. I have told them the world will not care about them so they will be required to accomplish something and look after themselves. I let them face the natural consequences of their mistakes, speak openly about avoiding mistakes they can’t recover from, and also work hard to encourage healthy self esteem.

My youngest has a physical disability too. So I have to manage that and guide her through her adolescence. Kids can be quite mean in the teen years as everyone knows. She needs to have confidence and resilience to deal with what the world will throw her way.

It’s not about teaching my son to pick up girls. He’s quite socially adroit and not suffering in that area. He’s also handsome, stylish & charming. If anything it’s helping him understand the risks & distractions that too much focus on women can cause. He has got to keep focus on himself to keep from undermining his own aims. It’s teaching him self discipline. Like my father taught me.

 

[BeExcellent]

So you bet your ass I require a man with his act together who knows how to be responsible for himself. I’ve had to overcome adversity without any safety net...and I’ve also built the foundation for lasting wealth at the same time (see Success Starts Between Your Ears in the Wealth sub forum.)

It has been tough and continues to have its obstacles.

But plenty of men here have dealt with similar situations and come out healthy, wealthy, successful and wise at the end of the day.

If I as a woman can do this...then so can men.

But yup. I require a guy who can understand me. That’s going to be someone who has got life experience, self discipline, leadership and his own self handled.

That’s the kind of man I can support and defer to...and happily so.

 

[BeExcellent]

Would my ex husband agree with my characterization? Yes. I discussed it with him directly for years. I was as unvarnished with him as I am here. He knew he would eventually lose me over it.

What I have stated is fact (and a bit how I felt about it -disappointment being the main theme). But I am relating events that objectively occurred in my life. It is what it is.

The irony is that I really am quite a feminine traditional conservative woman at my core.

But I wasn’t going to sit by and let my family run off a cliff either. Not when I could avoid such an outcome.

My ex borrowed money from his friends to start another business along the way late in the marriage. He didn’t have the organizational skills to run it. I rolled up my sleeves and helped him on top of everything else I was doing. The endeavor failed. He never paid his friends back. I sunk thousands of dollars and countless hours of time, contacts & reputation into that business. I’ll never be repaid either. It is what it is.

He needs a schedule & structure. His job provides that at his place of work. He lacks it in his personal life, and he didn’t want me trying to boss or manage him, which frankly wasn’t what I signed up for anyway.

Interestingly enough he uses his life as an example of what NOT to do when mentoring others. He knows he’s a mess. He does nothing about it, mind you, but he’s not stupid. He knows.

As for my son and daughters. Boy it’s a full on shjt show out there. Last night my guy and I went to a nightclub we enjoy. We are old enough to be parents of most of the patrons. There was a group of objectively pretty young women there who are probably college upper classmen and/or sorority girls. Girls who are pretty enough to look demure and elegant at Sunday church. All of them were twerking, writhing on their backs tossing their hair, licking their lips, grinding and basically air fvcking each other, the bouncers and grabbing at my guy and a couple of other handsome men. These young women (quite likely from respectable families) were acting like unadulterated skanks. And having a great time acting that way. And this is common I am well aware. I see it every time we go out.

My guy said to me last night...ya know BE, this is what your son is going to be exposed to. He needs to be very careful he doesn’t get into party mode & wreck the opportunities he has worked so hard for. These type girls are everywhere. It’s much worse than when we were younger.

He’s correct of course. He sees those women as pump & dump prospects just like the scores of men who gathered around to watch these girls defile themselves.

And I’m no prude. My ex husband owned a well established prestigious nightclub venue when we met (I dance Latin, country, swing etc. and his place always had the best bands & dancers). But I’d never act like those women in public. Sex can be unbridled, but that’s for my man only and behind closed doors.

 

[devilkingx2]

I dated my share of "bad girls," as a young man, but at least they got paid for their twerking. Actually, even strippers had more self-respect than to twerk. These kids have lost their f ucking minds.

Don't be a stick in the mud lol. The girl twerking is having fun, the person standing there judging is probably not. You can be a nurse with a degree that makes $50,000 a year, who twerks at night clubs on the weekend. And she can be an unemployed ghetto pothead that is "too good for such low class behavior" (I've met girls exactly like this, the irony is lost on them.)

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The flag goes up as soon as they start speaking in absolute terms. This subject could be debated for years because there is no right or wrong answers.
A lot of men think that the tall sexy venus model types are out of there league because first and foremost they won't look in her pupils to see were she is coming from and maybe just be open to interpretations and not immediately about the way she looks.

She may have a purpose for him.

 

[cola]

In response to the wildly erroneous assumptions made by @ShePays:

If my ex husband had fulfilled the man’s role (as both his father and my father did), they were both leaders of their marriages and families as well as other men....then I would have happily been a stay at home mom cooking, cleaning, raising babies and supporting my man by running the household. And I’d still be married to him had that been the case. We were best friends and ardent lovers throughout the 15 year marriage. I gave and gave with minuscule return from my husband.

After we married and I was pregnant within our first year quite by happenstance he hit a serious life obstacle and his business partnership soured, leaving him out in the cold. I was supportive & encouraging. Rather than man up he curled up into a ball. He gave up & never got up like a man.

So I had to ramp up my business, give birth, get back on the road (my field is highly specialized and requires up to 80% travel) 3 weeks post C Section and work my ass off or we didn’t eat at my house. Meanwhile he didn’t open mail, didn’t do laundry, didn’t clean, didn’t keep up on bills (the power got suspended any number of times because he wouldn’t open the bills), and he slept all the time.

He was depressed probably at his failure as a man. So I’d pump milk (my son was violently allergic to dairy & formula), ship it home FedEx on dry ice & then I’d come home to a filthy house, unkept yard, piles of dishes & mail to open, and I’d bust my ass getting the homefront in order. Repeat the next week. For years. But see I didn’t get to be depressed. I had to shoulder the load of the responsibility for my family. The man child I married (who fronted that he was something and someone he wasn’t) was too lazy/depressed/entitled/etc. to do his job in the family.

For years I encouraged and uplifted. But his abject laziness and abdication of the man’s role took its toll. I lost respect for him and over time became resentful. I probably should have bailed much sooner. But I was committed. After all I picked him. All seemed fine until after we were married. Then I discovered I had a loser for a husband. Bitter pill that because I chose him for love, for compatibility and so forth.

I was loyal, never cheated, and didn’t date at all until a year after the divorce.

It is well known in my social circles that I do NOT sleep around. It’s not my character.

I STILL support him financially without the court requiring me to do so. I don’t want my kids shortchanged so I subsidize him as needed.

He is still lazy & irresponsible. He has a breathalyzer on his car currently because he recently got got a DUI and is on probation for 2 years. He nearly got fired as a result. He still drinks and recently started smoking and dipping tobacco. My kids do not like those habits. They have all told me so without me passing comment. My kids see other families where the dad has his act together and behaves like a man. So truly I say nothing negative about him. His behavior speaks volumes. I don’t need to say anything. I work hard and provide. I’m not perfect, I get irritated at his chaotic existence once in a while, but I cannot control his behavior so it’s no sense wasting energy or emotional bandwidth about it. My current client has me based on the west coast so it’s important that I spend a great deal of time in my western residence. So I do. I talk to all my kids twice a day, have them out to visit and I go to their location about 40% of the time.

My kids have met the man I’m seeing a number of times and spent time with him. Like in stretches of a week to 2 weeks at a time.

My son starts university this fall and I will be paying for that. My daughters are teens as well. They are all paying attention and see what the situation is. Without me saying a thing.

I have informed my children that they need to study hard, set goals and do their best. I have told them the world will not care about them so they will be required to accomplish something and look after themselves. I let them face the natural consequences of their mistakes, speak openly about avoiding mistakes they can’t recover from, and also work hard to encourage healthy self esteem.

My youngest has a physical disability too. So I have to manage that and guide her through her adolescence. Kids can be quite mean in the teen years as everyone knows. She needs to have confidence and resilience to deal with what the world will throw her way.

It’s not about teaching my son to pick up girls. He’s quite socially adroit and not suffering in that area. He’s also handsome, stylish & charming. If anything it’s helping him understand the risks & distractions that too much focus on women can cause. He has got to keep focus on himself to keep from undermining his own aims. It’s teaching him self discipline. Like my father taught me.

Just curious, since you left your husband has he picked himself up by the boot straps yet? Or is he still living in self defeat.
And hats off to you for being the mom and the dad in your kids life. Much respect.
Edit: nevermind read part where you still support him financially.

You should introduce your ex to so suave. Also you need to stop supporting him he has to reach rock bottom.

 

[ThinkerG]

People are doing you a disservice by telling you that you can get girls of a high status if you yourself are low status. I’m here to inform you that there is a such thing as leagues, and it’s quite possible if she is playing games with you, you ain’t in hers.

Do you honestly think a fitness model is going to date you when you have a beer belly, haven’t seen a gym since high school and work at a shoe store? The answer is f*ck no.
There is nothing wrong with finding your speed and sticking with it. You can say the hell with self improvement, continue to eat donuts for breakfast everyday and just date chubby girls who like donuts for breakfast too, and that’s perfectly ok.


If you want high level women, you have to be a high level man. You have to be fit, you have to have a good career, she has to perceive you as on her level and when you she doesn’t perceive you as on her level this is when you get games, flakes, long text response times, wishy washy behavior. I promise if she sees you as her equal or even better superior to her, all the games stop.

The final paragraph is about a new term I’m coining “sympathy closes”. Sympathy closes are when girls are impressed with your boldness and, or are too nice to tell you get the f*ck away from me, you vessel of mediocrity. So they give you their number, may respond to a few texts here or there and maybe even allow you to schedule a date that she never had intentions of going on. I think a lot of the threads we see here with issues in regards to flakiness, hot & cold behavior are results from getting sympathy closes. If she is aeons above the level of the girls you usually date, there is a very good chance it was a sympathy close. Once you get that idea it’s best to end communications and move on.

What this post is not:
This post is not saying you can’t get hot girls. You totally can. You just have to earn them like anything else as life. Don’t let this post fuel your resentment. If you know you want a specific type of girl, and you don’t want her to play games you have to get to a certain level yourself. So focus on gym, career and grooming and your leauge can and will increase.

Handsome millionaires don’t get flaked on.

For anyone who wants real insight in this topic just go to rollos podcast because that’s exactly where he got it from. It’s was live the other day. And to correct you, “handsome millionaires” do get flakes on. Money and looks gets your foot in the door but if you’re a “beta” then she’ll still treat you like one.

 

[cola]

For anyone who wants real insight in this topic just go to rollos podcast because that’s exactly where he got it from. It’s was live the other day. And to correct you, “handsome millionaires” do get flakes on. Money and looks gets your foot in the door but if you’re a “beta” then she’ll still treat you like one.

I have never been to a “rollo podcast” this thread was 100% my own thoughts.

 

[ThinkerG]

I have never been to a “rollo podcast” this thread was 100% my own thoughts.

You don’t go to podcasts, you just listen wherever you want. Do you know who rolls tomassi is? Because the premise is identical until you said millionaires and handsome dudes don’t get flaked on but ok bro.

 

[cola]

You don’t go to podcasts, you just listen wherever you want. Do you know who rolls tomassi is? Because the premise is identical until you said millionaires and handsome dudes don’t get flaked on but ok bro.

I do know who he is but I’ve never listened to his podcast family. I wouldn’t lie to you bro. I dunno why you coming at my neck like that.

 

[ThinkerG]

I do know who he is but I’ve never listened to his podcast family. I wouldn’t lie to you bro. I dunno why you coming at my neck like that.

Haha I’m not, must just be a Coincidence. Anyone who hasn’t read the rational male by rollo tomassi is seriously missing out though. 1,2,3 books are gold..should be a staple in any mans red pill knowledge journey

 

[BeExcellent]

Just curious, since you left your husband has he picked himself up by the boot straps yet? Or is he still living in self defeat.
And hats off to you for being the mom and the dad in your kids life. Much respect.
Edit: nevermind read part where you still support him financially.

You should introduce your ex to so suave. Also you need to stop supporting him he has to reach rock bottom.

Thanks @cola. I greatly respect your content around here & I appreciate your kind words.

My ex does need to hit rock bottom. Agreed. But with school age children still in the home there’s too much risk for collateral damage if I just cut him off. It’s not worth it. And he is NOT worthless.

Also he is employed at the all boys private military school where my son is a senior. My son gets free tuition there (about a 40K value annually) because my ex is employed there. The school no longer gives that benefit or option to employee sons but my son has attended since 6th grade and the school grandfathered him as he’s a good student & represents the school well. Additionally there are some fantastic male role models there. Ex military officers with combat experience and young men from influential families from across the globe. So that is a real benefit to me financially and to my son both academically and socially.

The other thing is that because of the way we did our divorce settlement I am going to fund a retirement income stream to my ex. Both because of the benefit my son has received through my ex’s job and because my ex willingly gave up all interest in all real estate assets through the divorce. Instead of financially cutting me in half he left me financially intact which has allowed me to double the portfolio instead of recover...and this benefits all involved.

I agreed to fund university, I agreed to get him the car he wanted within reason (I did that 3 years ago - Dodge Challenger 6 speed manual with catback exhaust and upgraded features....)

I also will buy him a house at some point when he sorts out where he wants to live for a while but that is tricky from a tax standpoint. I’ll figure that out.

The trust is already set up to handle retirement income and so forth.

He waived both child support and spousal support during the divorce too...but he lets me know much he needs whenever he needs it and I cut him a check. It’s an arrangement based in trust, focused on benefitting the children and covering his basic needs beyond that. I pay all bills for housing, utilities, cell phone, life insurance and retirement investments. I give him whatever he asks for above that to cover food, kid costs, and other expenses. He is reasonable in his requests.

He helps me supervise my income properties when I need local help. He is trustworthy which is a big deal.

So we remain rather financially tied together but out of integrity rather than a court order.

As far as his personal habits he’s worse now than when we were married (he used to not drink nor use tobacco) and his housekeeping remains horrid. It embarrasses the children when they want to have friends over.

He had hope for a time that he could win me back (denial that he had really lost me for good...) and now that he knows I’m really gone he’s stopped caring even more about himself. He needs to get a hernia repaired which I keep encouraging him to do, but he keeps putting that off. He doesn’t care about himself and it shows. It’s actually very sad but talking about it just gets him defensive and irritated. So I don’t. It’s the elephant in the room that my kids live with.

This year I will establishing full time residency out west and my son will graduate with honors and head to college. My girls will move to live with me full time, and my ex will follow to my same city where my ex will have greater personal opportunities but only if he gets his act together to a better degree. My girls are looking forward to a change in environment and less chaos. They love their father. But they KNOW him too.

I’ll help him as needed and wean him off my support as much as possible in time. He needs to love & respect himself. I can’t do that for him & I have to take care not to enable him any more than necessary to meet my obligations to my kids.

It’s a narrow path.

I’ve thought about introducing him to SS. I think the support might greatly benefit him...and he’s always had game & been good with women...he just knows now that at mid 50’s women expect a man to have accomplished something...and so he sees his prospects as slim. I think if he’d get into better shape, get the surgical repair, get his teeth fixed and get out there he’d find he’d do better than he expects. He’s still sexy, easy going and likable. He is fun and a great dancer. He’s attractive. I’d like to see him with someone who is into him.

And his perspective is going to be different in places than mine obviously, which is fine. Denial of reality is a wicked witch and there are 2 sides to every story.

He knows I offer advice to a male group online. Maybe he’s already here. It’s not like I’m hiding the fact that I’m here.

 

[cola]

Thanks @cola. I greatly respect your content around here & I appreciate your kind words.

My ex does need to hit rock bottom. Agreed. But with school age children still in the home there’s too much risk for collateral damage if I just cut him off. It’s not worth it. And he is NOT worthless.

Also he is employed at the all boys private military school where my son is a senior. My son gets free tuition there (about a 40K value annually) because my ex is employed there. The school no longer gives that benefit or option to employee sons but my son has attended since 6th grade and the school grandfathered him as he’s a good student & represents the school well. Additionally there are some fantastic male role models there. Ex military officers with combat experience and young men from influential families from across the globe. So that is a real benefit to me financially and to my son both academically and socially.

The other thing is that because of the way we did our divorce settlement I am going to fund a retirement income stream to my ex. Both because of the benefit my son has received through my ex’s job and because my ex willingly gave up all interest in all real estate assets through the divorce. Instead of financially cutting me in half he left me financially intact which has allowed me to double the portfolio instead of recover...and this benefits all involved.

I agreed to fund university, I agreed to get him the car he wanted within reason (I did that 3 years ago - Dodge Challenger 6 speed manual with catback exhaust and upgraded features....)

I also will buy him a house at some point when he sorts out where he wants to live for a while but that is tricky from a tax standpoint. I’ll figure that out.

The trust is already set up to handle retirement income and so forth.

He waived both child support and spousal support during the divorce too...but he lets me know much he needs whenever he needs it and I cut him a check. It’s an arrangement based in trust, focused on benefitting the children and covering his basic needs beyond that. I pay all bills for housing, utilities, cell phone, life insurance and retirement investments. I give him whatever he asks for above that to cover food, kid costs, and other expenses. He is reasonable in his requests.

He helps me supervise my income properties when I need local help. He is trustworthy which is a big deal.

So we remain rather financially tied together but out of integrity rather than a court order.

As far as his personal habits he’s worse now than when we were married (he used to not drink nor use tobacco) and his housekeeping remains horrid. It embarrasses the children when they want to have friends over.

He had hope for a time that he could win me back (denial that he had really lost me for good...) and now that he knows I’m really gone he’s stopped caring even more about himself. He needs to get a hernia repaired which I keep encouraging him to do, but he keeps putting that off. He doesn’t care about himself and it shows. It’s actually very sad but talking about it just gets him defensive and irritated. So I don’t. It’s the elephant in the room that my kids live with.

This year I will establishing full time residency out west and my son will graduate with honors and head to college. My girls will move to live with me full time, and my ex will follow to my same city where my ex will have greater personal opportunities but only if he gets his act together to a better degree. My girls are looking forward to a change in environment and less chaos. They love their father. But they KNOW him too.

I’ll help him as needed and wean him off my support as much as possible in time. He needs to love & respect himself. I can’t do that for him & I have to take care not to enable him any more than necessary to meet my obligations to my kids.

It’s a narrow path.

I’ve thought about introducing him to SS. I think the support might greatly benefit him...and he’s always had game & been good with women...he just knows now that at mid 50’s women expect a man to have accomplished something...and so he sees his prospects as slim. I think if he’d get into better shape, get the surgical repair, get his teeth fixed and get out there he’d find he’d do better than he expects. He’s still sexy, easy going and likable.

And his perspective is going to be different in places than mine obviously, which is fine. Denial of reality is a wicked witch and there are 2 sides to every story.

He knows I offer advice to a male group online. Maybe he’s already here. It’s not like I’m hiding the fact that I’m here.

Man BeExcellent you are stand up chick. If you were 30 it would be my pleasure to marry and divorce you. Godspeed big sis.

 

[BeExcellent]

Man BeExcellent you are stand up chick. If you were 30 it would be my pleasure to marry and divorce you. Godspeed big sis.

Thanks @cola. Lmao. But I’d never want to divorce you then...would I?

Cheers my friend

 

[17 shots]

My guy said to me last night...ya know BE, this is what your son is going to be exposed to. He needs to be very careful he doesn’t get into party mode & wreck the opportunities he has worked so hard for. These type girls are everywhere. It’s much worse than when we were younger.

I remember a post you made a while ago, where you talked about some model type guy who told you that you were the only woman who actually liked him for who he was as a person....You seem to take a lot of things guys say for face value, when I think a lot of times they are just telling you what you want to hear. I think that played into you being so duped by your ex husband

I could be wrong, but as a man, a lot of times when I read what you say men are telling you, it sounds like the typical man just saying what he needs to say stuff

 

[BeExcellent]

I remember a post you made a while ago, where you talked about some model type guy who told you that you were the only woman who actually liked him for who he was as a person....You seem to take a lot of things guys say for face value, when I think a lot of times they are just telling you what you want to hear. I think that played into you being so duped by your ex husband

I could be wrong, but as a man, a lot of times when I read what you say men are telling you, it sounds like the typical man just saying what he needs to say stuff

I can understand why you’d say that.

However the man who was the model related what he said (about me seeing him as a real person) to a mutual friend some length of time after I had gotten married. He never said that directly to me. He also regretted not leveling with me about his dire financial situation (which was why he was working from 6am to midnight...while I thought he was simply a workaholic). He told the mutual friend that in the same conversation. He was afraid I’d think less of him if he told me. So there wasn’t any motivation for him to say something I wanted to hear. I was already happily married. On occasion my husband and I would run into him. He was always very warm & kind to us as a couple and to me individually.

As to my husband? Looking back I married him much too fast (6 months after we started dating). No arguement there, lol. He wasn’t actively trying to dupe me. He honestly had NO idea how to run a business properly but THOUGHT he did. He didn’t know what he didn’t know. This became utterly apparent when the partnership went south and my lawyer father had to rescue him. Had I dated him a year or two it would have become obvious that he wasn’t as advertised. He was ignorant. Which in some ways is worse.

The village idiot can be most convincing if he truly believes what he is saying. That was my ex husband. His second business failed because he still never had developed the skills to run a business. I knew it would fail on that ground before it opened. But I backed it anyway. He was my husband and I hoped that doing it would force him to develop. I was wrong. It failed as I had originally thought. But he had created something worth owning in the process and was able to break even by selling it.

My son works there now for the guy who purchased it from the man who bought it from my ex spouse. Kinda funny. It appears to be doing well. It’s a favorite hangout of my ex spouse.

I’ve been around men who try and tell me what they think I want to hear. I’m seeing someone now who has certainly had that tendency with me and with others. I always catch it if he tries and I call him out. Which he will grudgingly accept. He doesn’t always like the light that exposes him through me.

Why am I able to do that? Because saying what someone else wants to hear requires making accurate assumptions about the other person’s expectations. Because I relate in a genuine way I am interested in the truth and in transparency and congruence. I try not to expect but rather to exist in the present. Because I am intelligent and have a largely photographic memory I can recall minute details and piece complex puzzles together even over long stretches of time. BS artists can’t keep the lies and deceptions they weave straight over time because of inconsistencies that appear glaring through that kind of lens. For a while it might work...until nothing fits together.

Most player type men make this error early. They don’t realize I’m aware until I drop them in short order. At times I’ve explained how I knew things (they always tell on themselves) but I’ve quit doing that. No need to help someone become a better liar. I get amused by it at times actually. The arrogance of assuming things about another person. It can be quite funny. I laugh about it with my guy buddies who all try and do this (mostly with success) to women they are seeing.

I hang with guys who are themselves players. It’s entertaining and interesting. We sit around and breakdown game in ourselves & others. That’s the narcissistic tendencies we all exhibit to one degree or another. And it’s pretty funny. Busting each other’s chops a bit.

But I don’t hide from who I am. If I love, I love. I reveal myself, I’ll be vulnerable and a bit naïve. I’m not jaded. I’m not perfect. But I am real.

And I’d rather risk getting hurt in exchange for sharing my humanity with another human being than go around in full armor. Life’s meaninless if you never value being genuine and getting real. You get bunged up from time to time. You get wiser. You get stronger.

And you chose from a place of strength to reveal yourself anyway. You shine bright because you choose to. Who knows. You might help light the way for someone else.

Cheers

 

[YourGreatestFear]

...what about if he says he is broke, unemployed and lives with parents. He would have the same results as the millionaire.

Telling a girl how cool you are is a low value. Crying to a girl about how ****ty your life is a low value as well. If you are coming from the high-value frame, then you can tell her whatever you want, you can tell her that you living in your parent's basement and that you are a virgin, it wouldn't matter. It isn't important that you are telling her, what matters is the sub-communication.

 

[corrector]

Telling a girl how cool you are is a low value. Crying to a girl about how ****ty your life is a low value as well. If you are coming from the high-value frame, then you can tell her whatever you want, you can tell her that you living in your parent's basement and that you are a virgin, it wouldn't matter. It isn't important that you are telling her, what matters is the sub-communication.

Provide an example of high value and low value frame in both millionare and broke virgin.

 

[Prettyboy Dee]

Telling a girl how cool you are is a low value. Crying to a girl about how ****ty your life is a low value as well. If you are coming from the high-value frame, then you can tell her whatever you want, you can tell her that you living in your parent's basement and that you are a virgin, it wouldn't matter. It isn't important that you are telling her, what matters is the sub-communication.

This guy gets it.....