Female Friends

[backbreaker]

I think that guys who cut off the opposite sex from friendship are missing a hell of alot of life.

My best friend on earth is a 28 year old Female. Meet her at meetings, we have alot in common. We started to talk to each other when we were going through ****. Man this girl is like my sister. My GF loves her to death.

WhenI came here a while back I was "taught" that women and men can't be friends unless the issue of sex has been addressed. Well.. I guess it has been. She's cute. She thinks I'm cute. But it's jsut that. I would honestly say if she walked through my door but naked and said fvck me right now I'd tell her to put her clothes on. I'm just not intereste din having sex with her, and quite honestly ,her with me. we don't see each other like that.


I could see if I secretly wanted to fvck her.. you know what.. it goes deeper than that or at least for me.

For a while, for quite a while actually, I seeked validation though women. I could not meet a woman and me not be interested in her wanted to screw me.

even if I really didnt' want to screw her. I was not okay with women just not wanted to have sex with me.

Actually I have a couple of women friends, but I know for a fact one of them wants me. but this girl is a very special friend that I would not have had, had I not given her a chance.

My GF could care less. Plenty of times she's been mad at me and Amanada (my friend) would call me and ***** me out on my GF's behalf. then at the same time, I can go to her when I have a real question and get a real answer. and we just kick it. she loves football...

and more importantly, I really don't give a **** what that makes me. If i'm breaking a rule so be it. It's fun.

 

[wjh]

Most women that I've met don't offer me anything some other guy can't (in terms of friendship, obviously).

 

[KontrollerX]

"and more importantly, I really don't give a **** what that makes me. If i'm breaking a rule so be it. It's fun."

Right on.

I have a great friendship with a cool female cousin but other than her?

No.

I have no interest in female friends.

Its not really about strictly following the DJ rules so much as its about doing what you find useful to your life.

I have no interest in the majority of women out there outside of sex.

Time has proved at least for me that men are more suitable as friends anyway as my fellow men tend to be interested in the same things be it MMA, hardcore music, philosophy what have you. The majority of women could give a sh!t less about those things and the ones that do tend to be undesireable in the sense that they are the opposite of feminine in attitude, appearance or both.

So when it comes to useful things for my life friendship with women for the most part is not one of them.

 

[realsmoothie]

Time has proved at least for me that men are more suitable as friends anyway as my fellow men tend to be interested in the same things be it MMA, hardcore music, philosophy what have you. The majority of women could give a sh!t less about those things and the ones that do tend to be undesireable in the sense that they are the opposite of feminine in attitude, appearance or both.

I think the point that the OP is making is that some women are good for that, and it has nothing to do with whether or not you're attracted to them. In fact, it's the ones you're NOT attracted to that you should be friends with if they interest you in some way.

 

[backbreaker]

I don't go looking for female friends. Hell I don't go looking for friends period. it just happened. we both are in the program and we exchanged numbers in case one of us is going though something. she was going through some **** one night and called and we went out for coffee and talked about it. I was going thoguh something and she is one of the people I called and she helped me a lot. she asked me to go to the gym with me, so she' been my gym buddy for about 4 months now. And not I 'm following you to the gym becuase I think you are cute gym buddys.. waking my ass up at 6am to get to the gym type of gym buddy. she takes it serious.

after a meeting we stop and get something to eat and talk about what we heard.. I mean.. .**** it. she's a good friend.


We aren't even each ohters types. she has 16 tattoos, and while she's cute, I don't really do that many tattoos. she has a kid as well and that's not a big turn on.

she likes guys with tattoos and rides bikes.. not me. although we generally think each other are attractive, we aren't the type of people we generally go out of our way to talk to.


Kontroller, I think ti's a pretty narrow minded view to say that ALL men make better friends than ALL women. yes you are right for the most part, but I dont' think you are getting ahead of the game by putting those type of shades on.

each person is a case by case basis. rather it be dating, friendship or anything else.

I'd rather have a woman who is okay with me not wanting to **** her as a friend than to have these "great guy friends" who get jealous when hot women want me and not them who talk **** behind your back becuase they are envious, etc.

 

[piranha45]

I'd rather have a woman who is okay with me not wanting to **** her as a friend than to have douchebags (your description, not mine).

i think that feeling is pretty universal, but it doesn't back up your argument at all.

 

[backbreaker]

that's the thing. i'm not arguging. I'm just telling what's going on in my life. I have a very good friend, very very good, and she happens to be a female.

I'm not debating rather it's okay to have one. I have one and I'm perfectly fine with it, and I can honestly say there are no pinnings or hoping that she will one day see me for waht I am bull**** there. we are cool good friends.

I'm not going to go to her tomorrow and say "you know what.. you are as cool as dirt but the fellas at sosuave say that I can have a better relationship with a male friend, so you have to go".

As long as the issue of sex has been dealth with, I don't see the issue.

 

[The Grue]

I have to be honest among my fellow DJ's.

Almost all of the women I have befriended in my life were ones that I ,initially at least, wanted to nail.
I could talk to them and enjoy their company, but at the back of my mind(or even further towards the front) there was always the desire to have sex.

Our friendship was based on an attraction, which was often mutual;something I discovered when I inevitably did wind up in bed a few times with some of them.

But generally, I can't become friends with a woman unless I feel at least some attraction towards her.
If it isn't there, she is just an acquaintance but not really a "friend".
Interestingly enough, some of my long-term female friends I don't even think of as being "female", meaning they don't register sexually...something which I don't think they'd enjoy finding out.

Finally, I have found that it is almost impossible to get your female friends to hook you up with other females.
They are too possessive and want you for themselves, so they are neigh useless in this regard.

 

[Hooligan Harry]

Just because you are not attracted to her, does not mean that she is not attracted to you. And just because she is your buddy now, does not mean that she is your buddy next week.

Women are fickle in friendship. Its why a large majority battle to retain lifelong friendships with people. Its just not as common as it is in men.

If its working for you though, good luck to you. I have a female friend whom I grew up with. Known her all my life. I call her parents Aunt and Uncle FFS. Still, its very rare

 

[Trader]

I definitely agree with the OP - it is FUN to have girls as friends. You don't have to call her everyday like you would a gf, you don't have to make a huge emotional and financial investment in her. It's just about fun, and that is awesome

But OP - don't you find that almost all of your female friends end up being attracted to you in some way or another?

I stand by the belief that if a guy and a girl are just platonic friends, one side does end up wanting to date the other.

For AFCs, he is the one who ends up falling in love with his platonic female friend (personal experience)

For DJs, the girl is the one who ends up being interested in him for a bf/gf relationship (personal experience too)

Just because you are not attracted to her, does not mean that she is not attracted to you. And just because she is your buddy now, does not mean that she is your buddy next week.

Women are fickle in friendship. Its why a large majority battle to retain lifelong friendships with people. Its just not as common as it is in men.

If its working for you though, good luck to you. I have a female friend whom I grew up with. Known her all my life. I call her parents Aunt and Uncle FFS. Still, its very rare

I agree - it is unlikely you will maintain a lifelong friendship with a girl. But sometimes the best things don't have to last forever. With female friends, it's all about the fun, the fun you are having now - don't expect anything more from them. If you want someone who will always have your back, then go to your guy friends.

 

[STR8UP]

Female friends are worth their weight in gold, as long as you could care less whether or not you will ever fukk them. If you desperately want to get into their pants, you're done.

As for chicks being cool to be "buddies" with, unless she's a MANLY woman, I don't see that happening. Women don't make good "friend friends". They make great social hubs.

I learned awhile back that as a man you should NEVER show women your weaknesses. This goes quadruple for romantic partners, but also for platonic friendships. A woman does not respect a man who pours out his problems to her. Part of the cohesiveness of your relationship with ANY woman is your masculine presence. Even outside of a sexual context.

If you are already in a relationship this isn't such a big deal, but if you are single you have to maintain your masculinity (read- don't talk about your problems) around women at all times. If you fail to do so it will come back to haunt you. Women feed off of other women's perception of you. The way your female friends see you will rub off on everyone else.

 

[Warrior74]

Female friends are worth their weight in gold, as long as you could care less whether or not you will ever fukk them. If you desperately want to get into their pants, you're done.

As for chicks being cool to be "buddies" with, unless she's a MANLY woman, I don't see that happening. Women don't make good "friend friends". They make great social hubs.

I learned awhile back that as a man you should NEVER show women your weaknesses. This goes quadruple for romantic partners, but also for platonic friendships. A woman does not respect a man who pours out his problems to her. Part of the cohesiveness of your relationship with ANY woman is your masculine presence. Even outside of a sexual context.

If you are already in a relationship this isn't such a big deal, but if you are single you have to maintain your masculinity (read- don't talk about your problems) around women at all times. If you fail to do so it will come back to haunt you. Women feed off of other women's perception of you. The way your female friends see you will rub off on everyone else.

Good damn post.

I have three female friends. One is my ex-roommate, one I met over 10 years ago we have always been friends. The third is an ex. I wanted her, was in the friendzone with her, became lovers later and now we are best friends. We both know there is an attraction, but we both know that beyond sex we wouldn't work as a couple, so we are content to be friends. I'm just smart enough to not hang around her when I'm single or when she's having relationship problems.

Women are decent friends, but remember...if they are chattywith you about other peoples private issues, they will be the same way about yours, so act accordingly.

As for the weakness...yah, can't be pathetic in front of any woman. A man's pain is always private.

 

[DJDamage]

Here is a classic quote which I often use when faced with this discussion:

99% Friendships with women are a house of cards

a boyfriend / husband / drama / your friend hook up with her

the smallest gust of wind and NO MORE FRIENDSHIP

I found the above quote to be true for most women I dealt with.

Backbreaker even though you are enjoying being chummy with her now, it probably won't last in the long haul. Which is why you only have 1 girl you consider a 'true friend' and why until now all the girls in the past you did consider 'close female friends without fvcking' aren't really around anymore.

Who knows maybe she is that 1%.

 

[Colossus]

99% Friendships with women are a house of cards

a boyfriend / husband / drama / your friend hook up with her

the smallest gust of wind and NO MORE FRIENDSHIP

I would second this. 99% might be a little extreme, but most of them are sandcastles.

Male friendships are more substantial and stronger than m/f friendships. Men understand each other. You dont need to fill silences, explain yourself, or word things gently. Plus, it's the common interest thing. A brotherhood. I can talk to chicks about weightlifitng and strongman, survival, even game, but they're just listening because they are my friend or gf, not because they actually give a sh1t about the subject.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

A lot of guys cling to this mistaken notion that they can parlay a female friendship into action with one of her hot friends. You may even have examples where that might've happened, but for each one I'll show you a girl who would've ƒucked you irrespective of whether or not you had a mutual female friend to vouch for you.

You may think it's great social proof to have some hot friend endorse you as a good lay for her other friends, but women talk. In fact it's all they do most of the time. To invoke POOK here: "If a friend she sees a friend you will always be." Your status as a friend gets transferred to her girlfriends. Why? First, if she was a prior target for you who turned into a LJBF, you already have that as the foundation of your friendship. Any of her girlfriends that would subsequently date you will know that she was your primary interest initially - not them. Secondly, assuming you could have a completely innocuous, asexual, platonic beginning to your inter-gender friendship, there will be competition anxiety with the other girlfriends. This will result in a tendency for the original friend to filter your exposure to which of her girlfriends she finds the least threatening.

To complete the circle here, all of this leads up to understanding that your female friend will NEVER be one of your guy friends. This silly notion is founded on the expectation that your female friend will hold the same interests and have the same reactions that your male friends will. Women are never going to be your wingman. One of the great downfalls of men today is too much female influence in their lives, to the point that it's become stigma. Beware the guy with too many or exclusively female friends. This might make for the plot of stupid movies, but most women are wary of guys with so many female friends that they question their being able to relate with and be Men

 

[iqqi]

Great post, BB. I am glad you have such an awesome friend, and that her gender has nothing to do with it.

I have some awesome male friends, and they see me as an awesome friend too. I am glad they do not have the same filters some other people do, because we would have missed out on a lot of our shared experiences together, like trips, laughs, and helping each other out through tough times.

 

[Zunder]

I never met a woman, friend or no, of at least reasonable attractiveness, that I didn't want to fvck.

 

[STR8UP]

You may think it's great social proof to have some hot friend endorse you as a good lay for her other friends, but women talk. In fact it's all they do most of the time. To invoke POOK here: "If a friend she sees a friend you will always be." Your status as a friend gets transferred to her girlfriends. Why? First, if she was a prior target for you who turned into a LJBF, you already have that as the foundation of your friendship. Any of her girlfriends that would subsequently date you will know that she was your primary interest initially - not them. Secondly, assuming you could have a completely innocuous, asexual, platonic beginning to your inter-gender friendship, there will be competition anxiety with the other girlfriends. This will result in a tendency for the original friend to filter your exposure to which of her girlfriends she finds the least threatening.

This is why you don't want a "completely innocuous, asexual, platonic beginning to your inter-gender friendship".

You must maintain a sexual air about you with ALL women. They don't necessarily have to cream their panties every time you walk through the door, but you should never be "friends" or anything else with a woman who has put you in the friend zone or with any woman who doesn't at least see you as a sexual being. To do so performs exactly the OPPOSITE of the desired effect. You have to maintain a masculine frame.

The problems men have with hanging out with women stem from their "sexual status" with these women being low. You have to maintain a high sexual rank in the group. The group as has to see you as a worthy, masculine man. One bad apple makes the whole thing implode.

 

[zekko]

I think it's possible for men and women to be friends, but I also think such purely platonic friendships are relatively rare. Sometimes these relationships start out purely platonic, but at some point change into something else (at least on the part of one of the participants).

I'm not totally convinced the woman involved doesn't have some secret romantic feelings for the OP, especially since backbreaker has noted in another thread how women tend to be naturally attracted to him. It's one thing to be friends with a woman, but fast forward two years and let's see how things look at that point.

 

[Tazman]

I don't see how it's possible to have a platonic friendship with a woman you find, not even attractive, but simply f-ckable. Do you some how turn off your hormones when she bends over in front of you? If you're a guy (straight) you're going to look, and you're going to be sexually curious. It will also color the relationship you have with them even if you're not conscious of it.

I've had great conversations with women whom I didn't even think about having sex with, I was genuinely interested in the discussion and their point of view. The main reason I could relate to them was because they were either lesbian (on the butch side) or masculine in appearance and/or thought process. Feminine women don't think like men, nor do they care to understand why.

I'll admit that if I'm engaging in conversation with a woman I'm trying to have sex with, or already am, I pretend I care about what they're saying. I do it to the point where I've almost convinced myself I care, but I know in the back of my mind what the true motivation is.