Of the literally thousands of threads I've read about a guy with "friend" problems with a girl there are universally two terms the guy will use:
She's just my friend, I'm not trying to bang her.
and
I just hang out with them like they were guys.
,...every time man, every time.
First off lets cover the common term "hang out." This is a catch-all term many AFCs use to justify their behaviors. "Me and my girl-friends hang out together all the time, what's the big deal?" So, what exactly are you doing when you're hanging out? More talking perhaps? You see 'hanging out' is a nice general term, but you've got to be doing something, right? What is it that you do? Is there a difference in what you do with your same sex friends? You see if I tell my wife "Honey, I'm taking my friend Alice to church on Sunday morning" that's a whole lot different than me saying "Honey, I meeting up with Alice for drinks on Friday night," the difference is in what we're doing.
Of course the next thing a prepared AFC will trot out is 'common interests'. Common interest means a mutuality of interest; in other words she's into what you are and you're into what she is. Thus if you're into pro wrestling and muscle cars she must also be. If she's into painting her toenails and talking about cute boys on her bed on a Thursday night you must be also. Now that's black & white, but it comes back to what exactly it is you're doing together - as friends. You see, when two guys are into doing the same thing it's called 'common interest', but when a man and a woman enjoy the same thing it's called 'compatibility'. This of course dovetails into how men will make concessions based on sex. How many guys suddenly have an epiphany about modern art because their female 'friend' does in comparison to if their male friend asked them to go along to the museum? Once again, friendship mitigated by gender differences.
Another very common rationale AFCs like to use is the "sex by association" reasoning for befriending women. The idea behind this is that associating with one female "friend" will pivot into sex with another one of her friends. The assumption is that this "friend" is kind of like having a letter of recommendation when a guy hooks up with another one of her friends. The premise is ridiculous in itself, but as convenient as this may seem the notion is loaded with inconsistencies.
First, your inter-gender friendship is once again founded on your own sex interests as a guy - thus a disingenuous friendship to begin with. More often than not guys will justify agreeing to a LJBF rejection from the girl they wanted to get with by using this excuse. However, assuming that you did establish a completely platonic, organic friendship with a woman. This reasoning presumes she has more than a few girlfriends, they're attractive enough to want to date, they're single and they too don't see you as "friendship" material since you've already established you're a non-sexual threat with the original friend.
A common AFC mistake is to think that friendship will lead to sex. It's counterintuitive to most AFCs that anxiety and discomfort are the primary elements to sexual tension. In his mind friendship leads to comfort and comfort leads to sex. And why wouldn't he believe this when he's been told by countless girls (and more than a few fellow AFCs) that she "needs to feel comfortable with him before she'll do that"? So the natural progression to him is to establish friendships and qualify himself for her intimacy. What he fails to realize is that he has it backwards - it's discomfort and sexual anxiety that leads to sex, and then to friendship. Most AFCs lack the confidence to engage in the very important, very necessary, phase of seduction and tension, and move directly into comfort and rapport.
Now, lets apply this to your female friend's other girlfriends. Women talk. In fact it's all they do most of the time. To invoke POOK here: "If a friend she sees a friend you will always be." Your status as a friend gets transferred to her girlfriends. Why? First, if she was a prior target for you who turned into a LJBF you already have that as the foundation of your friendship. Any of her girlfriends that would subsequently date you will know that she was your primary interest initially - not them. Secondly, assuming you had a completely innocuous, asexual, platonic beginning to your inter-gender friendship, there will be competition anxiety with the other girlfriends. This will result in a tendency for the original friend to filter your exposure to which of her girlfriends she finds the least threatening.
Finally, to complete the circle here, all of this leads up to understanding that your female friend will NEVER be one of your guy friends. This silly notion is founded on the expectation that your female friend will hold the same interests and have the same reactions that your male friends will. Women are never going to be your wingman. One of the great downfalls of men today is too much female influence in their lives, to the point that it's become stigma. Beware the guy with too many or exclusively female friends. This might make for the plot of
stupid movies, but most women are wary of guys with so many female friends that they question their being able to relate with and be Men.
