fellow djs I need some insight pls...

[katzorange]

Hi, this is my first post...

There's this girl that i really like, a mutual friend hooked us up. We agreed to meet to talk but I had to cut it short since I was running late for something else. Later during the week I asked her out for a few drinks... turned out that date lasted for 8 hours, we went from one bar to the next lol, it was fun and when i dropped her home i invited her to a loft party that my friend is throwing the next week. She enthusiastically said yes. Then tuesday i bumped into her, and asked her if we were still on. She said yea and she was giving me a good vibe. So on friday the day of the party, I called her to ask what her house number was since i wanted to make sure I dont pick up the wrong person lol she said she couldnt make it anymore, I ddnt ask the reason why I just said, thats fine we can do it again some other time, and said bye.

Should I give this girl another shot? I heard from the mutual friend that she had a great time with me and would want to go out again. What's my next move fellow Djs?

 

[jophil28]

Did she give you a credible explanation and an aapology ?
Did she make a counter offer, or express her eagerness to see you again SOON ?

It would bother me that she waited until you called her on the morning of the party to tell you that she would not be coming. Did she have your # ?

Something is not right here ..

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

Call her to set up one more date, on a weeknight, something you like to do i.e. action date such as bowling or mini-golf. She should either accept or counter-offer.

If she does neither and flakes, difficult as it is, I wouldn't give her another chance.

Most posters here abide by a two or three strike rule; and that is what I'd recommend as well.

 

[squirrels]

I wonder if sometimes we try TOO hard not to offend.

I think to myself, "what would I do if one of my FRIENDS copped out of a party at the last minute"?

Something along the lines of..."WTF, man??...Lame...come on out, stop being an ass....what else are you gonna do?...lame, f*ck that, come on out..."

Of course it's always done in a half-serious, half-joking tone. The point is she was enthusiastic about the idea. You KNOW she'd have a good time if she came out. Yet for whatever reason, she suddenly can't make it and has no explanation. Is that acceptable? No, not really.

Yet because it's an attractive woman, we're "afraid of seeming needy", so we just punt. "OK, that's cool, cya!"

She thinks: "Wow, he must not be that into me."

8 hour date and no sexy stuff?? I wouldn't be able to handle it.

You're too non-con.

 

[katzorange]

LOL i forgot to mention... on our first date i had my phone in her purse and her purse got stolen at the club i DJ at!!! but when i was driving her home, she said... I had an awesome time till that happened... so i asked her to that party and said yes... so, well when i called her on the day of to confirm, she said she couldnt make it and ddnt know how to contact me.

 

[jophil28]

LOL i forgot to mention... on our first date i had my phone in her purse and her purse got stolen at the club i DJ at!!! but when i was driving her home, she said... I had an awesome time till that happened... so i asked her to that party and said yes... so, well when i called her on the day of to confirm, she said she couldnt make it and ddnt know how to contact me.

Well, OK so she had no way to contact you. But now she does.

When she told you about her stolen purse, did YOU go to plan B and discuss with her how and when YOU would contact her about the party ?
Dude, you got to control and initiate all the fine details with a new woman. IF you don't, her imagination takes hold a few days later and she will have herself convinced (with the urging of her b!tchy G/fs) that you are a child molesting drugdealer.

You and she had EIGHT hours together. That is heaps of time to amp up her IL and get her eager to be with you again..

Something is not kosher here.

 

[Mr. Me]

You and she had EIGHT hours together. That is heaps of time to amp up her IL and get her eager to be with you again..

And heaps of time to lower it too. First dates ought to be short and sweet, leave 'em wanting more. The longer you spend with them, you run the risk of satiating their desire for you, either by over-exposure or saying or doing something they don't like. She may have acted enthusiastic at the end of the night, but that could've been just that: acting. I mean, she was "yessing" you about the next date on Tuesday but she canceled out on it anyway and used the "couldn't call you" as an excuse not to face you about it (she could've mentioned it to your mutual friend right?), so it suggests to me that she might've been pretending also on that first date, at least toward the end. Or maybe you said something about her to your mutual friend and he relayed it to her, and she didn't like you talking out of school about her or what you said about her. Dunno, but something happened.

See, we don't know her take: you think it all went well, but that's because you like her, so in your eyes it went well. I mean, you're out drinking all night and she's going along with the program, but maybe in her eyes, she's thinking, "this guy's got a drinking problem!", you know? Or maybe you went off-color or who knows what. You said you're a republican and she's a liberal, or you like dogs and she likes cats and she figures you're not compatible. Whatever, thing is, you wouldn't know.

But we sure know this: She did cancel the date without a counter offer, so that speaks to her disinterest, so when do you think she got disinterested? I think it had to be when you were with her, because, and I'd like you to understand this: a women is more likely to get disinterested when you're with her than when you're not. When you're not with a woman, if she's interested, you're not doing anything that could lower her interest, you're not there, right? If anything, if she's interested, and you're not there, she's wondering if you like her, right? So that's why I'm thinking something happened on the first date that lowered her interest.

 

[katzorange]

well i told her, since we have no phones that I will call her at her extension... we work at the same place but we NEVER see each other, once at the parking lot and once at lunch. we work at different departments. So I only email her once a day or 2x if she asks a question. But since my blackberry got stolen I havent been emailing her since then. I only bumped into her on Tuesday at lunch and asked if we were still on. In which she enthusiastically said yes again. Plus its not a date perse, i just invited her to a party my promoter is throwing that I am going to anyways. So I called her on friday at her extension, 15 mins before she goes home to confirm. thats when she said she could not go. I dont have an extension so she could not call me. And I havent spoken or seen her since.

She knows that I can pick my lunches and She knows I know what lunch she takes but i just choose not to take the same lunch as hers. Plus according to our mutual friend, she said our date went well and is sure that we are going out again.

I got my phone back, so I will email her a quick good morning at work and see if she replies or not... if not. then NEXT.

 

[katzorange]

oh ya one more thing... when I told her that since we have no phones, if I dont see u at work... or contact you, I will be at your house at 8pm... she said yes thats fine. but then i did contact her on the day of and she said she couldnt make it. and has no way to contact me to tell me. I told her no worries, next time... ive never spoken to her since. but tomorrow is the day that I can email her since i got my phone back.

 

[katzorange]

and notes on the first date...

her body language was good... she is a shy girl,quiet type, I would do all the kino especially on the dancefloor and she would subtley reciprocate them after.

she said "i usually dont get along with guys on the first date, but you on the other hand... blah blah blah"

never once she checked her phone.

I controlled the flow of conversation and the venue changes. I had control over the course of the evening. I was leading.

some other things i could not remember... cuz we were both drunk as **** lol

 

[jophil28]

some other things i could not remember... cuz we were both drunk as **** lol

WHAAAAAT ! YOu got so drunk with her that you had memory blackouts ?
And YOU claim that you were in control and leading her? More likely JD was .

SO she now knows that you abuse alcohol.... Gawd knows whatever else you blabbed.
When will some of you guys learn?

 

[katzorange]

Jophil,

Ok I was exaggerating, we ddnt get THAT drunk cuz I had to drive us home safely lol. It happened last week so. I can't remember everything that happened I just know it went very well

 

[jophil28]

Jophil,

Ok I was exaggerating, we ddnt get THAT drunk cuz I had to drive us home safely lol. It happened last week so. I can't remember everything that happened I just know it went very well

" ...it went very well .." How so ?
Lets look at the current evidence - she bailed on your next date offer !

 

[slaog]

You'll noticed that the more experianced members here are judging her by her actions but you're going by her words. According to you everything went great and she had a great time so why did she pull out of the date at the late minute.


You said shes a shy girl so that might be a clue. Maybe she was being very polite by accepting another date? Maybe she heard something about you she didn't like during the week? Have you any skeletons in the closet? You have to go by her actions.


I've had dates before when I thought they went well but alot of the time I was just fooling myself into believing that. Could you be seeing things the way you want to see things?

 

[katzorange]

Is it considered a date if I just invited her to a party I'm going to anyways?

 

[jophil28]

Is it considered a date if I just invited her to a party I'm going to anyways?

The definition of a "date" is not significant here but her bailing out on meeting you again IS.

 

[katzorange]

that is sooo true... lol

 

[Desdinova]

This is one woman. Not only is it one woman, it's one woman you haven't known for very long. If she flakes out, you really shouldn't give a 5hit. There's tons of women out there, and if a woman's going to be important to you, she needs to prove her worth.

A woman will make excuses to spend time with you. She will make excuses with her friends, her family, and bull5hit them in order to spend time with a man she's highly interested in. If she's not doing this, then her IL hasn't left the runway yet.

I heard from the mutual friend that she had a great time with me

The worst part about getting information from a friend about a woman is that it's not incredibly reliable. If she knows you're friends with this person, she will avoid hurting YOUR feelings by telling him she had a good time. The information may also be a few days old. Early in the relationship, a woman's feelings toward you can fluctuate. One moment she's interested in you, an hour later she's interested in me

Don't put a lot of investment into a 'relationship' that's only a few days or weeks old. Once you hit six months or more, then you have a reason to invest emotion and time into a woman.

 

[iqqi]

OP, I think that you know already that this is making a mountain out of a molehill.

While it is pretty fishy that she did not say why she couldn't make the party... the fact remains that she could not contact you to tell you.

So now it is really a game of wait and see, isn't it?

Don't put too much thought or effort into it, do as you already said, just send a text or something in a few days to gauge the temp.

 

[katzorange]

you guys have been so helpful, thanks much! I'm glad i have people to talk to about stuff like this. More power to you guys I really appreciate the advice. Thanks!

I decide to give her one more shot, just so I can say, "well I tried" and not wondering about the what ifs scenarios, but not anytime soon though. I'm gonna keep myself busy with other things. Thanks again