Feel the butterflies and approach!

[oc16]

Doesn't matter if it's an attractive woman you've never talked to before or an attractive woman you might have had a brief interaction(s) with.

Feel the fear and just do it!

Remember, shyness is a feminine passive trait and a natural repellent to the majority of women.

Women can get away with being shy since it can be seen as a feminine quality and attractive, but not men.

If your gut is telling you to go talk to that woman, but you have butterflies, just do it! Better to try and possibly be awkward then to not try
at all.

In regard to this, I am only referring to attractive women whom your gut tells you that she might also be attracted to you (e.g. that woman across the bar or that female patron online at Starbucks, etc.....who gave you an IOI)

I am NOT talking about a female(s) who act like you don't exist.

Regardless of the outcome, you will be proud of yourself for doing so.

An experience I had today prompted me to post this.

 

[RangerMIke]

There really is no reason to fear an approach. No matter what happens... it's all good. She likes you and allows you to take her out: she shoots you down... now you know are can just move on.

The only reason anyone would be afraid of anything is over-thinking and being dependent on an outcome. If you really don't care what happens then there is no fear. All negative emotions are derived from expectation not met.

 

[corrector]

There really is no reason to fear an approach. No matter what happens... it's all good. She likes you and allows you to take her out: she shoots you down... now you know are can just move on.

The only reason anyone would be afraid of anything is over-thinking and being dependent on an outcome. If you really don't care what happens then there is no fear. All negative emotions are derived from expectation not met.

Or another nail in the coffin for an otherwise bad day.

 

[RangerMIke]

Or another nail in the coffin for an otherwise bad day.

I’ve been rejected a lot more than successful. Do this enough and getting shot down doesn’t really bother you. It’s like cold calling in sales… you have to get through a lot of nos and getting the phone slammed down on you before getting a yes. It’s all part of the process.

 

[Serenity]

I went from shy to IDGAF and there was definitely phases to it.

Back when I joined this forum I used to be extremely shy, anxiety held me back HARD for years. It was at this time I started to challenge it, I realized I had to do something about it which is what lead me this forum. My desire to change grew and grew, my frustration regarding my inaction grew with it until one day the desire to change overcame my anxiety. That's when I just started to send it and see what happens.

The first few times was hell, it was a mess, I was a mess. However, after the very first time I realized that I did come out the other end not being any worse off than I was, so what was there to lose? I wasn't going to see her again, I lost nothing, in fact I gained experience. I now had something tangible to reflect upon, a first hand experience in full detail. What did I mess up? What went well? I could evaluate and potentially improve, I could not do this with theory alone because there's just too many moving parts.

Anyways, that was the first phase which was really uncomfortable, anxiety every time, but I just plowed through the emotion and did it anyways. After a few months of this I figured out I could reframe my anxiety, that it basically is the same base emotion as excitement, but with different thought perspectives (if that makes sense). At this point I started chasing the feeling, even being weird on purpose just to amplify the tension. I cared way less about the outcome, being rejected was fine, I had already gotten my reward, the excitement.

I had a great time in phase 2, I kinda miss it, the excitement. I can't go back to that, I'm just too advanced to feel that level of adrenaline from approaching women.

Enter phase 3, Zen. While phase 2 sure was a lot of fun, it was ultimately a rollercoaster, for every high there's a low and the lows in between wasn't that fun. I sought control and mastery of myself and my own life, I wanted stability because frankly the strong emotions were a bit exhausting in the long run. I managed to calm myself, but without sealing in what I had opened up, I was never going back to fearing again. That's when I peaked, that's the phase I reside in still.

I'll go up to anyone who looks a bit intriguing to me in some way and I will say whatever is on my mind. I don't care where it goes, I don't care if I speak my mind and get shot down immediately. I can always just move on like it's nothing because I don't have any strong emotions attached to it. More often than not my complete lack of fear and saying exactly what I'm thinking is received positively though. It's rare and women absolutely love it.

Your post is about phase 1 and it's right on the money. Feel the fear, just do it anyways! Before you know it you're in phase 2 chasing that high and then in phase 3 feeling essentially invulnerable to it.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Women love a 'devil-may-care' attitude in men, so if there's one thing you need to embrace it's the IDGAF attitude.