Fear of approaching women

[sangheilios]

The hardest thing for any guy to learn is difference between REAL interest and FAKE interest. I’ve never ever ever ever had a woman outright reject me. Ever. I have had tons disguise their interest and me thinking they liked me when in reality they were just friend zoning me under my nose and I didn’t know it and had wasted a bunch of time on something that was never going to happen. To me that kills confidence quicker than just flat out rejection because you become gun shy and might dismiss a woman that has genuine interest all because you had some bad experiences and you’re confused on telling the difference between a woman interested and a time wasting *****.

I actually was going through a lot of this last year, and yes it ruined my confidence and completely turned me off from trying to meet women. I approached a woman at my gym, literally walked up to her and we spoke for 10 minutes before I left. Next time I saw her she comes over and asks me out, only to flake and ghost on me. Long story short, it just turned out to be her stringing me along for literally no reason. I had a few other stories like that last year as well. I would get pretty hurt by this because my initial approaches and interactions with these women were amazing, displayed tons of confidence and I was also being a really good guy with the way I interacted with them.

The important thing is learning how to spot this early on and then cutting it off right then and there. There are too many women out there addicted to attention that will without hesitation lead a man on for her own pleasure with no thought of the consequences.

 

[soulforge]

Man i have a similar issue when it comes to could approaching.

Firstly I am very lucky in the sense that, the City in which i work is wall to wall beautiful woman.

I mean hotties everywhere out and about.

I absolutely have no issues with getting rejected by a chick if I approach her.. Fuk it, I will live another day.

Also i am pretty confident to just tell her that I think she is attractive and I want to take her out.


My only problem is This... I am somewhat anxious about approaching chicks or getting rejected in a very public place.

If for example she got a little bichy about things infront of a group of people etc.

Infact I have missed out on approaching a good few hotties, simply because she was around lots of people.

Anyway around this? Or is it simply a matter of not giving a fuk?

 

[zonn]

My only problem is This... I am somewhat anxious about approaching chicks or getting rejected in a very public place.

If for example she got a little bichy about things infront of a group of people etc.

Infact I have missed out on approaching a good few hotties, simply because she was around lots of people.

Anyway around this? Or is it simply a matter of not giving a fuk?

I think there are women who might really like you but feel uncomfortable being talked to in public in front of many others because they are shy or whatever.

 

[espanish]

I am shaking my head reading through these replies.

OP, stop reading forums. Stop watching those stupid videos. When you watch videos, whether you know it or not, you try to emulate those guys and it just doesn't work. you have to be yourself.

to stop getting nervous, just stop being a loser. You get nervous because you think "what if I talk to her and she doesn't validate me? that will make me so upset"
you feel like you need to get validated because you are a loser (or maybe you are not actually a loser, but feel like a loser. maybe your self-image is not in line with reality). In either case, do something with your life, start a new business, exercise, treat yourself to a nice ice cream, do whatever it takes to stop feeling like you're a loser.

And if you could find someone who gets blown out over and over again and doesn't care, follow him around for a few days. The real life experiences will help a lot more than those stupid videos. You have to be in the situation, you can't watch videos.

One last thing: just be yourself. I heard a quote once "I would rather be hated for who I am than be liked for who I am not"

 

[soulforge]

So I just only an hour ago approached a chick in a really public place..

Thought i would put myself to the test.. Managed to get her number.. Wasn't all that bad after all.

3 approaches in a matter of an hour.. My City is full of hot azz.

 

[In2theGame]

I actually was going through a lot of this last year, and yes it ruined my confidence and completely turned me off from trying to meet women. I approached a woman at my gym, literally walked up to her and we spoke for 10 minutes before I left. Next time I saw her she comes over and asks me out, only to flake and ghost on me. Long story short, it just turned out to be her stringing me along for literally no reason. I had a few other stories like that last year as well. I would get pretty hurt by this because my initial approaches and interactions with these women were amazing, displayed tons of confidence and I was also being a really good guy with the way I interacted with them.

The important thing is learning how to spot this early on and then cutting it off right then and there. There are too many women out there addicted to attention that will without hesitation lead a man on for her own pleasure with no thought of the consequences.

This is why you need to be bold in your upfront conversations with them to let them know that you find them sexually attractive and want to share their company outside of the gym or where ever. Exchange numbers and go from there.

Here's the thing, When you approach a Woman....You need to have a demeanor like "You have no idea what I'd do to that pussey". Talk to her in a calm but seductive manner. You're attitude should be "it makes no difference whether you're into me or not" HOWEVER, I think a lot of guys go about this the wrong way. They put on this attitude which shows in their words and body language that "I dont give a fvck if you like me or not" and it rubs the chick the wrong way. This is why I mentioned in another post, You need to feel good about yourself first.

It depends on the setting you are in but the interaction should go something like this:

You: Hey excuse me...
Her: (blank stare) Oh Hey...
You: I didn't mean to bother you but I saw you walk by/in *Insert location* and I thought you were incredibly sexy. (It doesn't HAVE to be sexy, It's what I say but you can use Cute, Hot, Beautiful, Attractive etc.)
You: I'm ****.........What's your name?
Her: Oh... haha thanks...my name is ***** (shake her hand) <--- If she stays and stops to talk to you... It's a green light for (I'm intrigued) (look for smiles too.)

After this stage, It depends, again on the setting and location. You can lead up with "what brings you out tonight?" or at the gym "So what you're working on today?" etc. You have to get creative at this part but dont talk too much. just keep it short and sweet.

After that stage, right away, hit her with why you stopped her...

You: Well, listen, like i said I thought you were incredibly sexy, let's exchange phones numbers and go out this week or next.


Its either going to be 1 out of 3 outcomes...

Her: Haha Ok Sure! <--- if its a genuine reaction. It's all good. After dealing with many Women, you will be able to tell what are genuine interests or just complete bullsh!t interest.
or
Her: Haha sorry I'm seeing someone or Sorry, I have a boyfriend or Thank you but I'm not interested. <--- These are GOOD responses because they are being honest that they are not interested in you and it saves you time and potentially money. Time wasting Women wont tell you this and have you for only validation so when you text her to hang out, all of a sudden shes "busy" or she "cant make it" or "Maybe next time" or "I'll let you know " or "We'll see " <---- All complete bullsh!t.
or
Her: Um... Haha... ok sure. <--- like i mentioned in example one... you need to judge from experience if it's all BS or is she really interested.


When it comes down to it, If she doesn't respond well or seems flaky. Don't get salty about it. Delete her number and move forward to the next Woman. But always be bold and upfront about what you think about her. If you are at a bar/lounge/party setting then get even more bold and tell her she looks "so ****ing sexy in that dress". From there judge her space between you and her, she should be drawn to you.

I'll attach 3 Videos that I think are pretty good and I could totally relate because this is what I used to do when i approached Women. It depended on my setting though, so in my case I was usually busy during the day and did all my approaching/meeting Women at night. As far as smoothly approaching them and talking dirty to them sometimes, ARC is definitely correct with this. This is why I also encourage you to always smell really good when you go out because when you're getting very close to a Woman and talking to her in her ear or just up close, she should be drawn in with your smell as well as making her wet.

Dont be fooled by how he looks, from personal experience, he definitely knows what he's talking about:

 

[redskinsfan92]

Hello guys,

How did you overcome the fear of rejection?
Do you have any tactics, techniques or exercises towards this confidence problem?

It happens to me every time when I watch some kind of video about approaching women and I would get motivated, only the sky would be a limit.
And when I would go out, my confidence evaporates. I can't be the only guy with this problem.

What actions should I take? Where do I begin?

Thank you for all the answers.

All right. Listen up. I have the exact same issues. You want to know why? There's nothing wrong with you. It is instinct. Thousands of years ago in small villages it was really bad if you were rejected by a woman you pursued. It could mean you never passed on your genes. That's not true today. You have no limit on your attempts with women now. So, we must rewire our brains the hard way. By going out and approaching despite every excuse our mind gives us.

 

[redskinsfan92]

All right. I have this issue too. So, as many know on this forum. I practice what I preach. Going out with a buddy for drinks tomorrow. I will attempt to approach several women. I'll provide a report on this thread Sunday.

 

[soulforge]

I actually don't care about rejection.

You don’t know that girl from shyte... She rejects you on a approach, you will forget about it within the hour.. Unless you are some super sensative beta bich.

I got rejected by two today.. And now i don't even remember there faces.

 

[AttackFormation]

This is why you need to be bold in your upfront conversations with them to let them know that you find them sexually attractive and want to share their company outside of the gym or where ever. Exchange numbers and go from there.

Here's the thing, When you approach a Woman....You need to have a demeanor like "You have no idea what I'd do to that pussey". Talk to her in a calm but seductive manner. You're attitude should be "it makes no difference whether you're into me or not" HOWEVER, I think a lot of guys go about this the wrong way. They put on this attitude which shows in their words and body language that "I dont give a fvck if you like me or not" and it rubs the chick the wrong way. This is why I mentioned in another post, You need to feel good about yourself first.

It depends on the setting you are in but the interaction should go something like this:

You: Hey excuse me...
Her: (blank stare) Oh Hey...
You: I didn't mean to bother you but I saw you walk by/in *Insert location* and I thought you were incredibly sexy. (It doesn't HAVE to be sexy, It's what I say but you can use Cute, Hot, Beautiful, Attractive etc.)
You: I'm ****.........What's your name?
Her: Oh... haha thanks...my name is ***** (shake her hand) <--- If she stays and stops to talk to you... It's a green light for (I'm intrigued) (look for smiles too.)

After this stage, It depends, again on the setting and location. You can lead up with "what brings you out tonight?" or at the gym "So what you're working on today?" etc. You have to get creative at this part but dont talk too much. just keep it short and sweet.

After that stage, right away, hit her with why you stopped her...

You: Well, listen, like i said I thought you were incredibly sexy, let's exchange phones numbers and go out this week or next.


Its either going to be 1 out of 3 outcomes...

Her: Haha Ok Sure! <--- if its a genuine reaction. It's all good. After dealing with many Women, you will be able to tell what are genuine interests or just complete bullsh!t interest.
or
Her: Haha sorry I'm seeing someone or Sorry, I have a boyfriend or Thank you but I'm not interested. <--- These are GOOD responses because they are being honest that they are not interested in you and it saves you time and potentially money. Time wasting Women wont tell you this and have you for only validation so when you text her to hang out, all of a sudden shes "busy" or she "cant make it" or "Maybe next time" or "I'll let you know " or "We'll see " <---- All complete bullsh!t.
or
Her: Um... Haha... ok sure. <--- like i mentioned in example one... you need to judge from experience if it's all BS or is she really interested.


When it comes down to it, If she doesn't respond well or seems flaky. Don't get salty about it. Delete her number and move forward to the next Woman. But always be bold and upfront about what you think about her. If you are at a bar/lounge/party setting then get even more bold and tell her she looks "so ****ing sexy in that dress". From there judge her space between you and her, she should be drawn to you.

I'll attach 3 Videos that I think are pretty good and I could totally relate because this is what I used to do when i approached Women. It depended on my setting though, so in my case I was usually busy during the day and did all my approaching/meeting Women at night. As far as smoothly approaching them and talking dirty to them sometimes, ARC is definitely correct with this. This is why I also encourage you to always smell really good when you go out because when you're getting very close to a Woman and talking to her in her ear or just up close, she should be drawn in with your smell as well as making her wet.

Dont be fooled by how he looks, from personal experience, he definitely knows what he's talking about:

I know I'm going on about it but this stuff has been going through my head and at this point, I am starting to believe that the whole idea of "approach anxiety" is a fallacy... what we REALLY have is PHONEY anxiety.

If you told these same guys who have approach anxiety to go and approach women to say hi and ask what the time is or the direction to the subway, it'd be no problem. It's not approaching and talking in itself that they're afraid of. It's that people naturally feel uneasy about being insincere. It's natural to feel uneasy about going up to someone and being convinced you need to make them "like" you through small talk and approval seeking to get what you want, all the while knowing what you really want but don't express, and either knowing the other person also knows and demeaning them by pretending anyway OR hoping the other person doesn't know and being terrified that they might "realize". But they've been conditioned to believe they can't be sincere their wholes lives by everyone around them - tradcons, blue pills, women or even "manipulative game" PUAs - so they are unable to realize what the real problem is.

Do you think I'm making sense? I really think this whole idea of approach anxiety could be a big myth, a big fallacy, and what people really have is phoney anxiety. At any rate I think this could be a useful perspective for guys because they may not have thought about it.

I can't wait to put all this to the field in a few months when my environment changes...

 

[MillionBillionaire]

Deal with women who show interest in you. Dont force things with women who havent shown an affinity towards you. Its really stupid to pile up a pile of rejections when its avoidable. Women choose. Have some social intelligence and be aware of who actually gravitates towards you.

This... Also remember that you have to give a woman the chance to like you, hence the approach.

 

[KenAdams123]

The only way to overcome fear is to confront it..

Keep a progress journal. Whenever you go out and talk to some random woman, rejected or not, log it in the journal. After a while when you've got like 100 entries in there you'll find you won't care so much. When it comes to fears in general, the trick is not to make people less afraid, but to make them more brave.

If after 6 months of going out, you're checking your logbook and you're like "Hey I've done this over 200 times already" Your unconcious will automaticly follow up with "What's the big deal?" and your fear will eventually dissipate.

This works for all fears btw, spiders, heights, public speaking, social phobias etc. Thing is failing miserably is better than doing nothing, most people try once or maybe three times and give up. This is however where you will succeed because you know instead of quitting at 3%, you will realize you're at 3% instead of 0% and eventually will end up at 4% -> 100%.

Note this is not a magic pill and will take some time. There are magic pills and they're called xanax, and I highly, highly advice you to stay away from that poison. Goodluck friend

 

[soulforge]

The only way to overcome fear is to confront it..

Keep a progress journal. Whenever you go out and talk to some random woman, rejected or not, log it in the journal. After a while when you've got like 100 entries in there you'll find you won't care so much. When it comes to fears in general, the trick is not to make people less afraid, but to make them more brave.

If after 6 months of going out, you're checking your logbook and you're like "Hey I've done this over 200 times already" Your unconcious will automaticly follow up with "What's the big deal?" and your fear will eventually dissipate.

This works for all fears btw, spiders, heights, public speaking, social phobias etc. Thing is failing miserably is better than doing nothing, most people try once or maybe three times and give up. This is however where you will succeed because you know instead of quitting at 3%, you will realize you're at 3% instead of 0% and eventually will end up at 4% -> 100%.

Note this is not a magic pill and will take some time. There are magic pills and they're called xanax, and I highly, highly advice you to stay away from that poison. Goodluck friend

Keep at it.. I was anxious about being rejected by a chick infront of people in a public place.

Yesterday i delibriatly put myself in that situation several times, and yes got rejected haha.

However I have somewhat overcome the anxiety about it.. I will try again.. And again..

Untill i don't give fuks about it anymore

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Hello guys,

How did you overcome the fear of rejection?
Do you have any tactics, techniques or exercises towards this confidence problem?

It happens to me every time when I watch some kind of video about approaching women and I would get motivated, only the sky would be a limit.
And when I would go out, my confidence evaporates. I can't be the only guy with this problem.

What actions should I take? Where do I begin?

Thank you for all the answers.

I hit on women the way i would had iaalready beat it rotten, dry smashed her ******* and blew on her face. Zero ****s given. #nextSet #micdrop #smash #repeat

Grow a pair of nuts. Man up. Go get girls.

The 1st thing you notice, rejections are not the worst thing ever. I am a strike out king. Guess what? So is babe Ruth. Swing for the fences. I hit multiple grand slams. Chill 1-3x smash or next her. Repeat. Check out earlier days rsd. Check MM. Learn more. Read. Chase excellence. Have something worthwhile to discuss and DO.

You will begin to recognise patterns. What attracts one girl is attractive to the next. The point of approach is to overcome the fear. Go through the fire. Who you are before and after isnt the same thing.

Purpose > women. The point isn't pua or mpua status. Acquire game competence. Chase excellence. Get girls. Approach 3x a day. Thats 21 a week minimum. Should be more. Barely under 1000 in a year. Cultivate being that guy. Play to win.

Moreover, hotter girls are turning 18 everyday. Come @me bro!

Run into women from your past. Look u0 high school or college year book. It is single mother victimhood, bastard children diff men, cratered SMV, and a inability of competition for Chad's or Tyrone. Top form SMV 18-23 is on the come up.


The hottest girl today can't compete with tomorrow's barely legal stunner on her ascend.

Start now. Step up. The alternative is cuck.

 

[redskinsfan92]

All right. I have this issue too. So, as many know on this forum. I practice what I preach. Going out with a buddy for drinks tomorrow. I will attempt to approach several women. I'll provide a report on this thread Sunday.

No update to provide. They picked a bar that lacked single ladies.

 

[w4nhels1ng]

No update to provide. They picked a bar that lacked single ladies.

Please do that next time you go to a bar. Thank you.

 

[w4nhels1ng]

I hit on women the way i would had iaalready beat it rotten, dry smashed her ******* and blew on her face. Zero ****s given. #nextSet #micdrop #smash #repeat

Grow a pair of nuts. Man up. Go get girls.

The 1st thing you notice, rejections are not the worst thing ever. I am a strike out king. Guess what? So is babe Ruth. Swing for the fences. I hit multiple grand slams. Chill 1-3x smash or next her. Repeat. Check out earlier days rsd. Check MM. Learn more. Read. Chase excellence. Have something worthwhile to discuss and DO.

You will begin to recognise patterns. What attracts one girl is attractive to the next. The point of approach is to overcome the fear. Go through the fire. Who you are before and after isnt the same thing.

Purpose > women. The point isn't pua or mpua status. Acquire game competence. Chase excellence. Get girls. Approach 3x a day. Thats 21 a week minimum. Should be more. Barely under 1000 in a year. Cultivate being that guy. Play to win.

Moreover, hotter girls are turning 18 everyday. Come @me bro!

Run into women from your past. Look u0 high school or college year book. It is single mother victimhood, bastard children diff men, cratered SMV, and a inability of competition for Chad's or Tyrone. Top form SMV 18-23 is on the come up.


The hottest girl today can't compete with tomorrow's barely legal stunner on her ascend.

Start now. Step up. The alternative is cuck.

Question not answered, but thank you for your share, bro

 

[Visionist]

I direct approached a girl in a cemetery once. I was using it as a shortcut and this tall, tan brunette (that Greek/Israeli look) walks past me in the opposite direction. I stopped walking after a minute, told myself "FŪCK IT! I'M TRYING!" turned around and went after her.

She was laying flowers on her mother's grave, but that didn't stop me saying "Miss! I walked past you and if I didn't tell you how good you look, I'd be kicking myself all day!" or similar words to such effect. I immediately invited her to hang out.

Here's the thing; she told me she was pregnant with her boyfriend's child, so obviously it was a "failed" approach, BUT you should have seen how happy she was to be complimented like that. She told me gently it couldn't happen, didn't blow me off but was still direct about it, because I'd been direct with her. No time wasted.

I was fūcking BUZZED like crazy afterwards, even though I got rejected I felt GREAT because I hadn't walked away, which would have been oh so easy... I felt ready for anything at that point.

One day at a yacht show I was direct with every girl there. If she looked good, I told her. I even used poetic language to describe her looks. Of course they loved it, but it wasn't for their benefit; it was for mine. I was still scared as Hell so didn't stay around or get any numbers, but I became more and more calm and assured all day.

It all came to a climax when, my system "flushed clean" by direct approach adrenaline from a whole day, I calmly, almost fatalistically told a girl on a bus "You are beautiful. You are the best looking girl in this town right now" (and she was, she was a 10) and she went red as a Ferrari, whispered "OoooOoh... thankyou..." and looked at me like a movie star.

But I still didn't introduce myself by name, or get her number, and I left the bus. I was kicking myself, not for rejection, which this time hadn't happened, but for not going far enough...

Once you're kicking yourself for rejecting a girl yourself, you've conquered approach anxiety.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Question not answered, but thank you for your share, bro

There is no question. Take **** out. Smash baeeee or next her. Repeat till dead.