Fear of approaching women

[w4nhels1ng]

Hello guys,

How did you overcome the fear of rejection?
Do you have any tactics, techniques or exercises towards this confidence problem?

It happens to me every time when I watch some kind of video about approaching women and I would get motivated, only the sky would be a limit.
And when I would go out, my confidence evaporates. I can't be the only guy with this problem.

What actions should I take? Where do I begin?

Thank you for all the answers.

 

[Robert28]

Honestly? You’ll get rejected enough to where you don’t care anymore if you get rejected or not. Or you become MGTOW and just don’t give a flying sh!t about what any woman thinks, says, or does.

 

[In2theGame]

Hello guys,

How did you overcome the fear of rejection?
Do you have any tactics, techniques or exercises towards this confidence problem?

It happens to me every time when I watch some kind of video about approaching women and I would get motivated, only the sky would be a limit.
And when I would go out, my confidence evaporates. I can't be the only guy with this problem.

What actions should I take? Where do I begin?

Thank you for all the answers.

You definitely aren't the only guy with this problem. MANY Men are in this camp.

These are some of the problems with a Fear of rejection and what holds Men back:

1. They don't internally feel good about themselves and that reflects on the outside. They have already lost the battle even before it's even fought. What I mean by that is, They have (In their minds) been rejected by that female they think is hot/sexy and assume that she will reject them. So in turn, they don't even try
2. They worry about what everyone else around them will think. "What if she rejects me in front of everyone and I'll look like an idiot" or "She might call me a creep and just walk off on me so it'll be very embarrassing"
3. They worry that they don't know what to say to her. That is complete bullsh!t. Men always know what to say to a Woman but they are afraid to say it. Go up to her and tell her exactly what you think about her. You think shes beautiful? go up and tell her that. You think shes incredibly sexy? go up and tell her that. You think shes hot as fvck? go up and tell her that.
4. They don't know how to be smooth about their interactions with Women, They storm up the courage to approach but don't have the right tone of voice or the calmness/confidence conversation skills, so again, they dont even try. But how can you ever learn without trying?
5. They are afraid their ego will be crushed and will make them feel ugly and worthless. In reality, even some of the best looking guys get rejected. They even get rejected by girls are levels below them in looks and status, yet they still get blown out. it happens to ALL Men.

Also I want to point out a harsh truth (You can also say its Red Pill truth) but looks matter a good amount. Women can tell within a minute or less if they'd fvck you or not based on pure sexual lust. If you're up there in the good looking department.... there's no reason not to be approaching any Woman you want. It's not a guarantee that you'll get her but without a doubt, you should be approaching easily. If you feel you are on the lower levels in the looks department then you'll have to evaluate what you can do to improve your looks/image and bump yourself up. You can tell what looks level you might be at in comparison with the type of Women you've been able to attract. Not always the case but it's a decent measure.

Do what you can to improve your image because this is where it starts. You need to feel good about yourself.

 

[corrector]

Hello guys,

How did you overcome the fear of rejection?
Do you have any tactics, techniques or exercises towards this confidence problem?

It happens to me every time when I watch some kind of video about approaching women and I would get motivated, only the sky would be a limit.
And when I would go out, my confidence evaporates. I can't be the only guy with this problem.

What actions should I take? Where do I begin?

Thank you for all the answers.

You can try bring your smartphone out with you and watch the videos while you are outside rather than inside the home. You could be making a mental separation between your home environment and the outside. Play the smartphone loud with these videos near a lady or women around and see if you can play them and see if you feel uncomfortable. You probably will feel just as uncomfortable playing the video there than approaching because there is a level frequency that's going out when you play that which you are not getting when you watch that at home. You can also try talking to yourself in the mirror and pretend you are approaching someone, out loud. Get used to hearing your own voice or record yourself on the smartphone. Keep the recorder on when you approach girls so you can replay it, and most importantly see how you sound.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Honestly? You’ll get rejected enough to where you don’t care anymore if you get rejected or not. Or you become MGTOW and just don’t give a flying sh!t about what any woman thinks, says, or does.

Deal with women who show interest in you. Dont force things with women who havent shown an affinity towards you. Its really stupid to pile up a pile of rejections when its avoidable. Women choose. Have some social intelligence and be aware of who actually gravitates towards you.

 

[Robert28]

Deal with women who show interest in you. Dont force things with women who havent shown an affinity towards you. Its really stupid to pile up a pile of rejections when its avoidable. Women choose. Have some social intelligence and be aware of who actually gravitates towards you.

The hardest thing for any guy to learn is difference between REAL interest and FAKE interest. I’ve never ever ever ever had a woman outright reject me. Ever. I have had tons disguise their interest and me thinking they liked me when in reality they were just friend zoning me under my nose and I didn’t know it and had wasted a bunch of time on something that was never going to happen. To me that kills confidence quicker than just flat out rejection because you become gun shy and might dismiss a woman that has genuine interest all because you had some bad experiences and you’re confused on telling the difference between a woman interested and a time wasting *****.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The hardest thing for any guy to learn is difference between REAL interest and FAKE interest. I’ve never ever ever ever had a woman outright reject me. Ever. I have had tons disguise their interest and me thinking they liked me when in reality they were just friend zoning me under my nose and I didn’t know it and had wasted a bunch of time on something that was never going to happen. To me that kills confidence quicker than just flat out rejection because you become gun shy and might dismiss a woman that has genuine interest all because you had some bad experiences and you’re confused on telling the difference between a woman interested and a time wasting *****.

But you learned from it. Women made things simple with their current system. They have one guy who they kno better than to try to have a relationship with, heb fvcks her in booty calls. Then the guy they want a relationship with. She eventually fvcks him but makes him wait. All the rest of the guys are to entertain her, help her or kiss her azz. Be one of the guys she is fvcking.

 

[AttackFormation]

Hello guys,

How did you overcome the fear of rejection?
Do you have any tactics, techniques or exercises towards this confidence problem?

It happens to me every time when I watch some kind of video about approaching women and I would get motivated, only the sky would be a limit.
And when I would go out, my confidence evaporates. I can't be the only guy with this problem.

What actions should I take? Where do I begin?

Thank you for all the answers.

I would recommend reading "Mode One: let the women know what you're REALLY thinking" by Alan Roger Currie. I did yesterday after @In2theGame, whose posts like the excellent one above you should really go over and take to heart, recommended it. It's 10 bucks or so on Amazon kindle.

And don't just read it... make a file with notes and lessons. It's a world view changer. I'll sum some of it up below:

We act out of fear and manipulation instead of assertion and honesty. We don't tell women what we are REALLY thinking - how we'd like to make out with her, how sexy/hot/beautiful we think she is, how we'd like to fvck her casually, or whatever else it is we're thinking. We don't because we fear that, if we were honest with her instead of dishonest, she would not give us what we want. Instead, we try to manipulate a woman into giving us what we want through disingenuous, platonic behaviors of seeking her approval, entertaining her, small talking, doing favors, wining and dining, playing games, being nice to her, and so on. We hope she doesn't realize what we really want, or, in the all too likely case that both of you know what it is you really want from her, we still pretend otherwise. Fear and manipulation are the things we act out of when we are in Mode Two and Mode Three. They are both Weak, and Mode Three is Ineffective too. Mode Four is Strong because it's honest, but not Effective because it's only anger, bitterness and spite after trying and failing with Mode Two and Mode Three.

In Mode One we act out of courageous honesty and assertion. You don't act to avoid the consequences of your fears, so you don't feel a need to manipulate women and hide what you really want. Mode One is Strong because we are informed (women want sex just like we do), honest both with ourselves (I want sex) and women (she also knows what I really want, or I will show her what I really want), and dare to face the consequences of our fears (I won't be approved of/I'll look stupid/she might not want what I want/etcetra). Mode One is also Effective because we want to have sex, women also want to have sex, whether someone wants sex is determined within the first moments of interaction, some women want to have sex with us, we are not acting out of anger, bitterness or spite turning those women off, and since we are not manipulative we cannot in turn be manipulated into wasting our time in the pursuit of sex - or whatever else we want beyond that.

-

First time I'm writing this up and I'm still organizing this myself, so it's longer than I would like to make it... in the future I will make a thread of this. Again I would recommend you read the book I referenced, "Mode One: let the women know what you're REALLY thinking" by Alan Roger Currie. If there's one thing I can tell you that'll blow your mind after you read this post or read that book, it's that after you've done so, read the threads and posts on this forum. Look at how much of it is written out of fear and manipulation. I say that because it blew my own mind. Most of what we write here is to try to get around being straightforward and honest with women, instead asking what the best way to try to manipulate her and avoid the consequences of our fears is. It's really incredible: "I really think this and that, and I really want to do so and so, but I'm afraid of saying and doing what I really want to for reasons X, Y and Z. What's the best way to try to manipulate her instead, and avoid facing my fears?", that's how you can sum up most threads seeking advice on this forum. That's the best base scenario - many times the man is too fearful to even know what he really wants, and instead adjusts it to whatever he hopes will get approval from the woman.

 

[Robert28]

I would recommend reading "Mode One: let the women know what you're REALLY thinking" by Alan Roger Currie. I did yesterday after @In2theGame, whose posts like the excellent one above you should really go over and take to heart, recommended it. It's 10 bucks or so on Amazon kindle.

And don't just read it... make a file with notes and lessons. It's a world view changer. Almost everything we wrote about on this forum can be summed down to this:

We act out of fear and manipulation instead of assertion and honesty. We don't tell women what we are REALLY thinking - how we'd like to make out with her, how sexy/hot/beautiful we think she is, how we'd like to fvck her casually, or whatever else it is we're thinking. We don't because we fear that, if we were honest with her instead of dishonest, she would not give us what we want. Instead, we try to manipulate a woman into giving us what we want through disingenuous, platonic behaviors of seeking her approval, entertaining her, small talking, doing favors, wining and dining, playing games, being nice to her, and so on. We hope she doesn't realize what we really want, or, in the all too likely case that both of you know what it is you really want from her, we still pretend otherwise. Fear and manipulation are the things we act out of when we are in Mode Two and Mode Three. They are both Weak, and Mode Three is Ineffective too. Mode Four is Strong because it's honest, but not Effective because it's only anger, bitterness and spite after trying and failing with Mode Two and Mode Three.

In Mode One we act out of courageous honesty and assertion. You don't act to avoid the consequences of your fears, so you don't feel a need to manipulate women and hide what you really want. Mode One is Strong because we are informed (women want sex just like we do), honest both with ourselves (I want sex) and women (she also knows what I really want, or I will show her what I really want), and dare to face the consequences of our fears (I won't be approved of/I'll look stupid/she might not want what I want/etcetra). Mode One is also Effective because we want to have sex, women also want to have sex, whether someone wants sex is determined within the first moments of interaction, some women want to have sex with us, we are not acting out of anger, bitterness or spite turning women off, and since we are not manipulative we cannot in turn be manipulated into wasting our time in the pursuit of sex - or whatever else we want beyond that.

-

First time I'm writing this up and I'm still organizing this myself, so it's longer than I would like to make it. Again, I would recommend you read the book I referenced, "Mode One: let the women know what you're REALLY thinking" by Alan Roger Currie. If there's one thing I can tell you that'll blow your mind after you read this post or read that book, it's that after you've done so, read the threads and posts on this forum. Look at how much of it is written out of fear and manipulation. I say that because it blew my own mind. Most of what we write is to try to get around being straightforward and honest with women, instead asking what the best way to try to manipulate her or avoid the consequences of our fears is. It's really incredible.

Well more men would be more aggressive and up front if #metoo and false rape accusations weren’t all over the place. I’d act out of fear too if the other sex could ruin my life just because she could. I’ve not been nearly as aggressive with women as I used to be and my dating life has suffered because of it but at least no false rape accusations or sexual harassment accusations for me.

 

[AbaGanov]

Hello guys,

How did you overcome the fear of rejection?
Do you have any tactics, techniques or exercises towards this confidence problem?

It happens to me every time when I watch some kind of video about approaching women and I would get motivated, only the sky would be a limit.
And when I would go out, my confidence evaporates. I can't be the only guy with this problem.

What actions should I take? Where do I begin?

Thank you for all the answers.

Just like going to the gym, you don't hit the heavy weights first but you do some warming up before with lighter weights to make the blood flow and your body in the right temperature.

When you go outside it's very hard going from "sitting in front of the computer for 8 hours" to immediately cold approaching a good looking girl on the street. You need to slowly transform yourself into this social kind of guy, who greets the doorman in the building and ask him how was his day, talk to strangers (dudes as well) about random stuff, makes friends at the gym etc etc (you get my point). once you will be this guy and that "social muscle" of yours will be all pumped up - then cold approaching girls will be much more easy and will be part of your natural flow.

at that state - rejection will not be an issue. you are just having fun and playing around, nothing too heavy or overly serious so who gives a **** is she is into you or not.

 

[AttackFormation]

Well more men would be more aggressive and up front if #metoo and false rape accusations weren’t all over the place. I’d act out of fear too if the other sex could ruin my life just because she could. I’ve not been nearly as aggressive with women as I used to be and my dating life has suffered because of it but at least no false rape accusations or sexual harassment accusations for me.

You are rationalizing your fear, and #metoo gives you a plausible cover to present the rationalization with to others because it deflects agency away from yourself. Don't try to fool me dude. You are the same guy who came here complaining about being manipulated into the "friendzone", something that can only happen if you try to manipulate women by not being upfront with them, and lack the selfrespect to walk away from bad situations. Obviously you do not want charges filed against you, but that's not what's really the case here. You don't see the self-assured men on this forum using this excuse.

 

[AttackFormation]

Just like going to the gym, you don't hit the heavy weights first but you do some warming up before with lighter weights to make the blood flow and your body in the right temperature.

When you go outside it's very hard going from "sitting in front of the computer for 8 hours" to immediately cold approaching a good looking girl on the street. You need to slowly transform yourself into this social kind of guy, who greets the doorman in the building and ask him how was his day, talk to strangers (dudes as well) about random stuff, makes friends at the gym etc etc (you get my point). once you will be this guy and that "social muscle" of yours will be all pumped up - then cold approaching girls will be much more easy and will be part of your natural flow.

at that state - rejection will not be an issue. you are just having fun and playing around, nothing too heavy or overly serious so who gives a **** is she is into you or not.

Why should he avoid approaching the girls he wants from the start?

 

[w4nhels1ng]

The hardest thing for any guy to learn is difference between REAL interest and FAKE interest. I’ve never ever ever ever had a woman outright reject me. Ever. I have had tons disguise their interest and me thinking they liked me when in reality they were just friend zoning me under my nose and I didn’t know it and had wasted a bunch of time on something that was never going to happen. To me that kills confidence quicker than just flat out rejection because you become gun shy and might dismiss a woman that has genuine interest all because you had some bad experiences and you’re confused on telling the difference between a woman interested and a time wasting *****.

Sounds logical to me. How to know if she's a time waster or genuinely interested?

 

[w4nhels1ng]

I would recommend reading "Mode One: let the women know what you're REALLY thinking" by Alan Roger Currie. I did yesterday after @In2theGame, whose posts like the excellent one above you should really go over and take to heart, recommended it. It's 10 bucks or so on Amazon kindle.

And don't just read it... make a file with notes and lessons. It's a world view changer. I'll sum some of it up below:

We act out of fear and manipulation instead of assertion and honesty. We don't tell women what we are REALLY thinking - how we'd like to make out with her, how sexy/hot/beautiful we think she is, how we'd like to fvck her casually, or whatever else it is we're thinking. We don't because we fear that, if we were honest with her instead of dishonest, she would not give us what we want. Instead, we try to manipulate a woman into giving us what we want through disingenuous, platonic behaviors of seeking her approval, entertaining her, small talking, doing favors, wining and dining, playing games, being nice to her, and so on. We hope she doesn't realize what we really want, or, in the all too likely case that both of you know what it is you really want from her, we still pretend otherwise. Fear and manipulation are the things we act out of when we are in Mode Two and Mode Three. They are both Weak, and Mode Three is Ineffective too. Mode Four is Strong because it's honest, but not Effective because it's only anger, bitterness and spite after trying and failing with Mode Two and Mode Three.

In Mode One we act out of courageous honesty and assertion. You don't act to avoid the consequences of your fears, so you don't feel a need to manipulate women and hide what you really want. Mode One is Strong because we are informed (women want sex just like we do), honest both with ourselves (I want sex) and women (she also knows what I really want, or I will show her what I really want), and dare to face the consequences of our fears (I won't be approved of/I'll look stupid/she might not want what I want/etcetra). Mode One is also Effective because we want to have sex, women also want to have sex, whether someone wants sex is determined within the first moments of interaction, some women want to have sex with us, we are not acting out of anger, bitterness or spite turning those women off, and since we are not manipulative we cannot in turn be manipulated into wasting our time in the pursuit of sex - or whatever else we want beyond that.

-

First time I'm writing this up and I'm still organizing this myself, so it's longer than I would like to make it... in the future I will make a thread of this. Again I would recommend you read the book I referenced, "Mode One: let the women know what you're REALLY thinking" by Alan Roger Currie. If there's one thing I can tell you that'll blow your mind after you read this post or read that book, it's that after you've done so, read the threads and posts on this forum. Look at how much of it is written out of fear and manipulation. I say that because it blew my own mind. Most of what we write here is to try to get around being straightforward and honest with women, instead asking what the best way to try to manipulate her and avoid the consequences of our fears is. It's really incredible: "I really think this and that, and I really want to do so and so, but I'm afraid of saying and doing what I really want to for reasons X, Y and Z. What's the best way to try to manipulate her instead, and avoid facing my fears?", that's how you can sum up most threads seeking advice on this forum. That's the best base scenario - many times the man is too fearful to even know what he really wants, and instead adjusts it to whatever he hopes will get approval from the woman.

Thanks man. I think you've answered my question. Thank you for your time and effort.
I'm ordering this book today.

 

[Hal9000]

I think self confidence is the key. You need to feel like you're doing a favor to any woman you approach and they would be a fool not to give you a chance. Now that should be your internal attitude as being outwardly ****y isn't what I'm talking about. If you truly believe that, then when a woman rejects you will perceive it as her loss instead of any kind of reflection of your own inadequacies.

 

[Serenity]

How did you overcome the fear of rejection?

Probably not the answer you'd like to hear, but I just simply approached anyways. I couldn't control how I felt, but I sure as fvck can control my muscles.

Do you have any tactics, techniques or exercises towards this confidence problem?

Tactics, techniques and exercises is just another way to beat around the bush and delay the inevitable. Just go in, absolutely expecting it to end in failure. It probably will, but at your stage success isn't to get the girl, it's to approach in the first place.

This is what I did. I failed at the ultimate goal of course, but I passed the first goal. Even though I didn't get the first few girls I felt a sense of pride and accomplishment, I was chipping away at my fears. I had a reference experience to look back on the next time I did it, if I could do it then I can do it now. Each time being a victory against my enemy, the fear.

It is TOTALLY unreasonable to expect not being rejected. You should expect rejection, no man ever has a 100% success rate.

What actions should I take? Where do I begin?

Notice an opportunity, notice your fear, remember my words and actively defy your emotions. Start walking, introduce yourself, talk until you run out of things to say and remove yourself before the silence becomes too awkward. Reflect on it afterwards, plan the improvements for next time and repeat.

Keep the process simple, efficient and streamlined. Before you know it you'll even grow to enjoy doing it.

 

[Toddz]

Confidence is everything.

If you have your life in order which includes health, happiness/fulfillment, career/finances, living situation, path/goals, etc.. then you will naturally be a confident man. If you lack in any of those areas then your confidence level decreases. Again you will naturally feel that you are lacking something in your life and your behavior will show that, especially towards women.

When it comes to cold approach you have to pickup on whether said female is open and giving you IOI's or closed and not giving you IOI's. They are very subtle, but you have to decipher whether or not she is. If she is open to your approach you do not hesitate and you have to be direct. The easiest thing to say is "Hi my name is ___ , I noticed you from over there and I just had to come over and introduce myself. You don't have to tell her she is beautiful or pretty because she already knows you are interested in her. After you introduce yourself you ask her things like where she's from and if she's here visiting or local, again she knows where you are leading it which is seeing her again. During the interaction you observe her body language and decide whether she is interested or not. If she is great, if not you move on. Nonetheless, after 2-3 minutes of small talk you excuse yourself from the interaction, but ask if she would like to go on a date. If she says yes then exchange numbers and set up the date a few days later.

 

[lgbs2004]

I would recommend reading "Mode One: let the women know what you're REALLY thinking" by Alan Roger Currie. I did yesterday after @In2theGame, whose posts like the excellent one above you should really go over and take to heart, recommended it. It's 10 bucks or so on Amazon kindle

This book is an eye opener. Another good one is "Be Relentless" by DavidX!

 

[AttackFormation]

Confidence is everything.

If you have your life in order which includes health, happiness/fulfillment, career/finances, living situation, path/goals, etc.. then you will naturally be a confident man. If you lack in any of those areas then your confidence level decreases. Again you will naturally feel that you are lacking something in your life and your behavior will show that, especially towards women.

When it comes to cold approach you have to pickup on whether said female is open and giving you IOI's or closed and not giving you IOI's. They are very subtle, but you have to decipher whether or not she is. If she is open to your approach you do not hesitate and you have to be direct. The easiest thing to say is "Hi my name is ___ , I noticed you from over there and I just had to come over and introduce myself. You don't have to tell her she is beautiful or pretty because she already knows you are interested in her. After you introduce yourself you ask her things like where she's from and if she's here visiting or local, again she knows where you are leading it which is seeing her again. During the interaction you observe her body language and decide whether she is interested or not. If she is great, if not you move on. Nonetheless, after 2-3 minutes of small talk you excuse yourself from the interaction, but ask if she would like to go on a date. If she says yes then exchange numbers and set up the date a few days later.

You are being dishonest with her. Your intention is not to make small talk with her, and you haven't conveyed what you were really thinking when you saw her and decided to approach. Even though you know that she knows why you're talking to her, you still feel the need to hide it and demean her by treating her like she's stupid? Why? What are you afraid of? Go ahead and tell her you noticed her from over there because she's sexy and you might like to make out with her. Do you think she doesn't like sex? or that she doesn't want to have sex with you? Or that small talk makes her want to have sex?

Let her know exactly what you think about her and what you want from her. Then "talk" with her.

 

[17 shots]

Deal with women who show interest in you. Dont force things with women who havent shown an affinity towards you. Its really stupid to pile up a pile of rejections when its avoidable. Women choose. Have some social intelligence and be aware of who actually gravitates towards you.

This x a million. A lot of guys are so socially oblivious to any IOI from women that it's ridiculous. A lot of guys are scared to even look at women, they think they're playing it cool by ignoring her and looking away. Meanwhile I'm looking right at them and catching every subtle sign there is

And even if it's fake interest, I'd still rather deal with them then a woman giving me the get away from me face, and ignoring me