Exclusivity

[Red Legg]

Don't wife up women from old

I believe "concrete" rules like this one are hogwash as we say in Oklahoma,I am sure there are decent women on OLD.

 

[Fruitbat]

I believe "concrete" rules like this one are hogwash as we say in Oklahoma,I am sure there are decent women on OLD.

Is that my Red Legg Redemption?

 

[AJ84]

of course, I didn't tell her I am screwing others but she sure thinks others are in the frame. I also told her roughly how many I have screwed on the site, which I think shocked her (none are recent). I've been pretty honest, perhaps even overstated slightly.

This is it, I want to agree that going for lunch with guys is cheating (when do I meet women as friends - never, theres always a reason), talking to guys online is cheating, I see my friends, I keep my hobbies, I do not tolerate flirting with anyone I know socially, not even slightly. Women have done this to me before and I hate them for it, and I will explain that.Mostly it's just "fun" in their eyes (it wasn't done really to do anything but test me out), but these types of test in my book are too far and I have men in my group who don't give a sh1t and will welcome the chance to piss me off.

Issue is, it may come off needy and they know how to annoy me. I am super paranoid as there are a couple complete losers in my group who are spectacularly succesful with girls and we have long standing feuds. They have taken girls off me I just met before (I was chatting up a girl and he just walked in and took her off me - within the first 10 mins to be fair but I ended up going home I was so mad, I would have hit him) - I just can't compete on looks with these 2 guys, one in particular.

But, I seem needy and paint him as an alpha if I explain. I can't give her that social proof, perhaps I just trust that she likes me for me and is not a sloot, but so many are, it worried the sh1t out of me.

You're sleeping with other women behind her back and you want to agree that going for lunch with other guys is cheating.
I think you need to think long and hard about what it is you really want from this girl. Is she worth you being exculsive to her? Can you even be exculsive? Pros and cons to the current situation with her. What will change for you (good or bad) if you drop the other plates to be with her?


Being a boyfriend is very different from being some guy she's casually sleeping with. When you think about what you want in a girlfriend, also think about what you are comfortable offering as a boyfriend, see how they match up. For example, if you want loyalty, faithfulness, and friendship in a girlfriend, are those values you can also offer as a boyfriend? Because as much as it may seem ideal to have the doting gf or bf who does everything for you and expects nothing back, human beings don't function that way. If you want something you often have to give something and LTR involve a lot of give and take.

Think about it and ask yourself if this main plate is worthy of you being a boyfriend to her.

 

[CMNILS87]

I am in the game for a LT partner.....surely this will just ensure I am single forever....what self respecting woman would accept that? If a woman said that to me I would drop her like a stone.

Just to explain, I never met a woman I had so much common ground with....this isn't just some chick, this is like epic level compatibility.

How long have you been dating her? Because if it's more than 3-4 months and she can see you're still active on your account then she'll think something's fishy. The account online gives you one less layer of autonomy sincecshe csn "check up on you". Personally if you're not sure yet, delete your account and mYbe go on a couple dates with other women. If the dates aren't meshing and you feel the other girl is sticking around, you have fun with her. Then I'd reward her with a short term exclusive relationship if she has really good behavior and is basically begging.

 

[CMNILS87]

I know, that's what I thought too. However, if she is lying and dating others, she isn't giving them nb time as she offers me anything I suggest, right off the bat.

She isn't really pushing it per se, but she has said I was the only one who made it past the first date. I think maybe I am thinking of this because truthfully I am developing a hint of oneitus here.

There genuinely is a very high level of mutuality, not known it before. However, I need to cool it before I ruin it.

You're not developing oneitis. Just keep doing what you're doing and play it casual and aloof. Hang out, date, have sex and keep it light. If she wants to bring up that heavy stuff early on, flip it and tease her about it

Her: you're the only one I'm seeing right now and... blah blah
You: woah woah, you want a relationship now??? I don't even know your middle name.

Remember, her talking about all that crap is her Hampster spinning hypothetical timelines. You're a man, you don't have a hamster. You decide what to do based off facts and live in the now, not the hypothetical.

 

[CMNILS87]

of course, I didn't tell her I am screwing others but she sure thinks others are in the frame. I also told her roughly how many I have screwed on the site, which I think shocked her (none are recent). I've been pretty honest, perhaps even overstated slightly.

This is it, I want to agree that going for lunch with guys is cheating (when do I meet women as friends - never, theres always a reason), talking to guys online is cheating, I see my friends, I keep my hobbies, I do not tolerate flirting with anyone I know socially, not even slightly. Women have done this to me before and I hate them for it, and I will explain that.Mostly it's just "fun" in their eyes (it wasn't done really to do anything but test me out), but these types of test in my book are too far and I have men in my group who don't give a sh1t and will welcome the chance to piss me off.

Issue is, it may come off needy and they know how to annoy me. I am super paranoid as there are a couple complete losers in my group who are spectacularly succesful with girls and we have long standing feuds. They have taken girls off me I just met before (I was chatting up a girl and he just walked in and took her off me - within the first 10 mins to be fair but I ended up going home I was so mad, I would have hit him) - I just can't compete on looks with these 2 guys, one in particular.

But, I seem needy and paint him as an alpha if I explain. I can't give her that social proof, perhaps I just trust that she likes me for me and is not a sloot, but so many are, it worried the sh1t out of me.

You guys are casually dating and you have no claim to say flirting with others is cheating or going out to dinner is cheating lol. You can't be dating others or secing them up, but the rule only applies to her. Women flirt, women still flirt even when in relationships, women even flirt when you're not around.

The reason those guys are successful, is because honestly don't care about the chick. It's a numbers game. They hit on them and drag them away to their cave and bang because they don't give 2 ****s about them. Then you're over here before them probsbly pouring your soul out to these poor women and they gladly go with Chad Thundercock to get away.

 

[AJ84]

Well you're definitely not going to meet women playing footie with a bunch of dudes either..

Fruitbat you're saying you don't want to explore new interests and avenues when you're out to meet women.. but if you keep doing the same thing you're doing now how on earth can you ever expect different results?

If I were you I'd just tell her fine let's be exclusive and just keep seeing women behind her back. You're already seeing women behind her back now anyway.

If you tell her the truth and reject her relationship request you risk having her fvck other men and infect you with a disease. When you're absolutely sure you don't want to see other women, you can just quietly drop them.

Lying to her just to prevent her from meeting with and sleeping with other people while he does exactly that is a cowardly and insecure move. Nothing manly about that. Plus he risks infecting her with a disease if he's sleeping around and she's ok with not using protection because she thinks she's the only one he's sleeping with. A d**k move all around in my opinion. Just man up, being upfront and honest saves him alot of headache and wasted time.

If you don't want to offer exclusivity then you have no right to ask for or expect it. Period.

 

[Fruitbat]

Has nobody actually listened to what I said?

I am fvcking this chick yet I am dating others. Nothing has been agreed regarding a relationship.

Some seem to think that fvcking a chick means I can't fvck others in this dating scenario?

I don't seriously expect her to go faithful while I play the field.

Have I missed something or does fvcking a chick mean I automatically have to go faithful on her?

What I am suggesting is that I am beginning to not want HER to fvck others, by potentially trading my other plates. It's going that well after nearly a month now - too soon one would think.

I tested the water by mentioning a scenario where she would meet friends. She has not responded by asking to come and I am getting the impression I am still in appraisal stage. I got a giant shyt test where she tried to get me to change an opinion and I didn't cave, then I got loving. I brought it up and she kind of got embarrased later and was like "oh, that was a silly thing"....bona fide shyt test right there.

So, she doesn't seen keen to meet my friends yet nor has she introduced me to hers. She has kind of said she is still working me out.

However, when drunk we both said we are falling for each other a bit, ad she initiated that. I get a bit romantic when drunk but it's more just silly sh1t I say to chicks in bed......

She now says that she has 2 weekends she has other commitments but wanted to see me again this weekend "to make up for lost time"

Could be genuine, could be her moving away......I know she has said she has some girl mate things she is doing....and I know that for a fact.

I am now in a odd situation. All I know is pushing at this point is suicide so I will just get sex soon and not be at all needy about what she might be doing. I am not usually very good at this stage - the evaluation bit.

 

[AJ84]

She told you she is still working you out. She doesn't seem keen to meet your friends and visa versa. She seems unsure about you it, but is saying she has feelings for you when she's drunk. There's probably some truth to that as we tend to be less inhibited when drunk and say how we really feel.

But she's clearly holding back, for some reason.

 

[AJ84]

He's already lying to her and sleeping with other people anyway.

Yep. And he said she is still working him out. Wonder why....

 

[Fruitbat]

He's already lying to her and sleeping with other women anyway. And his end goal here isn't what's best for manipulative shaming women like you, but what's best for young men like himself.

No I am not, you aren't listening

 

[Fruitbat]

To clarify to all, there is no contract. I don't sleep with one woman only after a few weeks of dating. I date many and will continue to do so until one mentions it or asks to go exclusive.

 

[Fruitbat]

Nobody in this thread said you have to



So you're not lying to her? Of course you are. Are you telling her about all the girls you're banging? That you're banging other girls at all?

She hasn't asked and I would tsll her the truth if she did

 

[Dash Riprock]

Yo,

My main plate is dropping hints. She checks my OLD profile and lets me know she knows I am on there.

Things life "am I in the top 10" etc and how she isn't dating anyone else. She also always has time for me and seems a bit paranoid about me seeing others.

I have worked on the basis that it's for her to initiate this discussion but it's only been a few weeks, but we've spent A LOT of time together and both seem pretty sold.

I don't want her dating others or losing interest because she thinks I am gaming others (I am)

Is there any way I can have this discussion without losing frame or shall I just leave it hang until she suggests it?

I have other plates but I really do like her. I would prefer to play it but I might lose her, or at least give other dudes the opportunity to date her.

Any advice? I could tell her another plate asked me and I prefer her or something?

I was in a similar situation recently. The girl I was seeing was hinting big time about being exclusive, wanting a committed relationship, etc. In 99% of cases you do want the woman to ask you for exclusivity. So when she started hinting around again, I said "Wow, it sounds like you want an exclusive relationship with me. Is that what you want?" She knew I had her at that point and sheepishly said, "Yes." I pretended to think it over for a minute and then said, "Ok, we can try it." It kind of threw her for a loop, but I got what I wanted, she got what she wanted, and I maintained control and hand. Another wrinkle would be to say "I need to think about it for a day" after she says she wants to be exclusive. Then tell her in person the next day, "We can try it." Act cool and don't show too much emotion--almost like you're still not 100% sure. Maintain hand at all times! Good luck.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Interesting false dichotomy. It's not bars vs online.

Yep... it bars/ on-line versus coffee shops.

 

[Fruitbat]

so you're not telling her that you're going out with and fvcking other women..

but you're right that's not lying

Look you're only fooling yourself. Hiding the fact that you're going out and fvcking other women is just as bad as lying - and in a lot of ways it's actually worse. My point is that either option you choose you will in essence be lying to her, and that you shouldn't be the one to bring up a relationship here because you're not the woman. Besides, from the things she has said she doesn't seem to want one with you right now either.

But if you're going to keep banging other women, then make sure she doesn't find out.

Look I don't care whether you lie or not. I'm not trying to argue morality here, I'm just trying to get you what you want. In a perfect world, as soon as two people start seeing each other they would be more or less exclusive after the first two dates or so. But in this day and age, you have to be specific with what you want because these days people want all kinds of fvcked up things. The two of you aren't in an exclusive relationship until you both agree on it, and you both need more time.

I have made hints that I may be seeing others. Not really telling her about our sexual activities because it's just a bit rude and hurtful.

My basic position is that I will do what I want with who I want until I am asked to stop and go exclusive and while I maintain this position, she is free to do the same. I have found most women I am dating don't like having multiple men, at least that's what they SAY.

However, I DO bring up how fickle women are when dating - how quickly things can change and how this makes me a bit ruthless when dating.....cancelling dates, going quiet....women seem to want you to themselves but can change their mind in 3 seconds. So I keep my options open until one proves she actually wants me LTR. I have explained the truth, that I am in this game for LTR not quick lays, but in hunting for this, I end up being a bit of a player, because why would I turn potential women down while women I am dating are not sure about me? Catch 22.

 

[Fruitbat]

I agree. That's why if you want to keep a quality woman who won't put up with cheating you have to either lie and hide your tracks well or fully commit.

****, I imagined these days it was pretty much assumed you do as you please until a woman asks to tie you down.

I also think most of the DJ way suggests being open about this as women don't want a man with no options. I thought this was social proof in the early dating stages - I actually have this so why shouldn't she know other women are fvcking me? Obviously I wouldn't if committed.

 

[Fruitbat]

What a d1ck.

Totally misread this shyt. I have offers on the table elsewhere and because I am sleeping with this chick and quite happy with how it's going, I spoke to her and basically said are we excl now as I have others who want to see me and didn't want to lie or hurt her.

She said she isn't seeing anyone but is chatting online. She asked me if I wanted excl and I said I probably would say yes if she wanted it. She said it was too soon. To me, 4 weekends and a weeknight is enough for me to know if I like someone.

Lost all frame, came off needy. Probably sounded a bit butthurt on the phone too.

How wrong I did, go on, call me all the names under the sun......I guess I just like her and want her to stick around. Obviously she is not as sold on me as I had hoped. She even kind of gave me green light to screw them, which actually hurts because she really must not give that much of a shyt. Plus she can now do the same to me.

Only a short while ago we were v close and imtimate.

Only thing I can feel good about is at least she knows I have options. However, I screwed up big time. I have a hard time getting my head around how you can want to spend all your free time with someone yet not want them as a excl partner. It's only been 4 weeks, but we've spent approx 7 full days together.

I will invest little time in this chick now, if she is still looking about, she isn't the one for me. I thought a month is about average. I just feel like I invested a lot and I am a bit pissed off she still wants to look around.

Dating hurts man. I have other irons in the fire but I really wanted her.

I guess the ball is massively in her court now so I will go pretty much NC now unless she comes back to talk to me.....she has said before about wanting to know me better and "choosing well this time" as she has just left a bad LTR.

Hoping this isn't the end of everything, I am sure I am not the first guy to have done this.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

What a d1ck.

Totally misread this shyt. I have offers on the table elsewhere and because I am sleeping with this chick and quite happy with how it's going, I spoke to her and basically said are we excl now as I have others who want to see me and didn't want to lie or hurt her.

She said she isn't seeing anyone but is chatting online. She asked me if I wanted excl and I said I probably would say yes if she wanted it. She said it was too soon. To me, 4 weekends and a weeknight is enough for me to know if I like someone.

Lost all frame, came off needy. Probably sounded a bit butthurt on the phone too.

How wrong I did, go on, call me all the names under the sun......I guess I just like her and want her to stick around. Obviously she is not as sold on me as I had hoped. She even kind of gave me green light to screw them, which actually hurts because she really must not give that much of a shyt. Plus she can now do the same to me.

Only a short while ago we were v close and imtimate.

Only thing I can feel good about is at least she knows I have options. However, I screwed up big time. I have a hard time getting my head around how you can want to spend all your free time with someone yet not want them as a excl partner. It's only been 4 weeks, but we've spent approx 7 full days together.

I will invest little time in this chick now, if she is still looking about, she isn't the one for me. I thought a month is about average.

Dating hurts man. I have other irons in the fire but I really wanted her.

Why did you want her? We gotta get over this thing about "wanting" a female just cause she's h0t. What does she bring to the table, what does she do for you and how does she make you better?

 

[Fruitbat]

Why did you want her? We gotta get over this thing about "wanting" a female just cause she's h0t. What does she bring to the table, what does she do for you and how does she make you better?

This is NOT about HOT - trust me - the other chick I can see is far hotter. I feel something deeper for this one, we have a bunch of stuff in common and I like everything about her.

I don't meet women I like this much often. Plus I was very luvved up as we had sex and a close and intimate time. It's going well and I just can't be bothered with the effort of dating loads of women and having to revise the future - to be honest I want a steady GF I can make plans with.