Ex-Girlfriend Email

[animal crackers]

This is an email my ex-girlfriend of over a year sent me, and there's a background behind it. But basically, as this was the final communication I've had with her, I need to respond. What would be a way to "get her back" if there is any.

A quick run down of the problem : i'm 2 hrs away at college, I ****ed up and started acting jealous when she would go to parties, and I did that for awhile.

She has told me she "needs time to herself to be more independent"
I told her i dont want to be "friends" with her.

Animal Crackers,
In your first e-mail you said you wanted to "keep in touch" with me. And I agreed, I want to keep in touch, I don't want the same thing to happen with us again. You said if I really had feelings for you then I would want the same thing. But if you really loved me then you would not put me in this situation and force me to pick either being with you or having nothing to do with you. That's not fair, and if you really want me to be honest then you're being selfish. And you said you were relieved instead of feeling terrible, so don't you think that should tell you something? I can't just believe you when you say you're not the same person, someone doesn't magically change overnight. Of course I care about you, you know you're being ridiculous when you say if i cared about you I would do this or that, you can say whatever you want about what I would do but I know how I feel. I also know that I cannot be in this kind of ! relationship right now, and that's the truth. It has nothing to do with me caring about you less, it really is about me doing my own thing, whether you choose to accept that or not. We agreed that some things are out of our hands, and I'm really just trusting that right now. So, it's not fair for you to say either we're together or we never talk again, because if you love me then why would you want nothing to do with me? It just doesn't make sense. You want me the way you did before, and right now it's not physically possible. I think we just need to make due with the circumstances, and right now I cannot be in this relationship. I was never looking for a reason to break up, things just did not work out. That's how I feel right now, and I really can't do anything about it. But like I said, I don't want you out of my life, so call me or write me back or whatever.


Any feedback from you guys would be great.

 

[Joe The Homophobe]

NEVER LET A WOMAN DICTATE A RELATIONSHIP!

you're the man, you set the rules.

"She has told me she "needs time to herself to be more independent"

the minute she said the word "independent" that is enough for any smart DJ to let her go. That word alone is a red flag.

 

[Adrian]

Fvck it. Let it go. You don't need that headache. Cut off ALL contact with her by all means necessary. If you still carry feelings for her don't be her friend. She's the one bieng selfish on her part by telling you to do so. Don't listen to anything else she says.

 

[animal crackers]

so should i even reply to the email

 

[Adrian]

Nope.

 

[animal crackers]

but shouldn't i tell her my side of it.

 

[DeathDealer]

damnit dude, stop being a little baby and ask us.. okay what should i do next.. alright.. so should i do this or that?

If you want to pour your heart in angry way out to this girl to show your side of things. GO AHEAD.

Other DJS will tell you to ignore or don't even bother. The thing is they're right. It's a futile effort, it continues to justify why she should stay away from you.

 

[Jariel]

It sounds like she is being reasonable with her email and in the politest terms is telling you that she doesn't have feelings for you.

She's not being a b1tch or trying to hurt you, but she wants to end the relationship with as little drama or pain as possible.

However, please don't get sucked into her guilt trip. I'm 90% sure that her offer of friendship is to ease her conscience, but if you try to be her friend, she will eventually brush you off. I know this because I've been sent almost identical emails from women and every time I agreed to be friends, I ended up regretting it. Being friends with your ex- is also one of the surest way to prolong the pain of rejection and stop you moving on.

If you write her a long email, explaining your feelings or get caught up in this drama, you will drive her further away and completely trash your dignity. From then on the only thing she will feel for you is sympathy and guilt. Believe me.

If it was me, I would reply to the email very briefly and maturely explaining that there are no hard feelings, but you think it's best if you move on. Don't exceed 3 sentences and let her see that you're cool about it.

 

[squirrels]

Xxxxx,

I never said I didn't want to talk to you again. However, I can't be "just friends" with you. My feelings about you are more than that and I won't repress them just to placate you, or waste my time waiting around for you while you go out and see if you can "do better."

If you feel that you need time away from me, it's obvious you're not getting what you want out of me...and if we're not anything more than "just friends," then you're not giving me what I want from you. So it's probably better if we just take time off entirely from each other.

I don't hate you and I'm not mad. You may not want me out of your life, but I feel that being out of each others' lives is the healthiest thing for both of us. Take care of yourself.

-AC


Then break contact. No more letters, phonecalls, text messages, block her off AIM, etc etc...

Detach. Just let it go and walk away on good terms. Nothing you can say right now will make her come back to you. There's no "magic words" that will make her fall in love all over again. And unfortunately, the distance really puts the final nail in the coffin.

And for you to "wait for her" or "try to win her back" is you being unfair to yourself. Yeah, you f**ked up with the whole jealousy thing...but jealousy is indicative of insecurity. That's what she sees...you clawing and grasping to hold on to her. It's over, man. Learn and move on.

 

[KbTo]

Damn squirrels, that card made me cry


Beatiful

Will you help to do somethin like that?

PM , Me

 

[NewMan]

It breaks down like this.


She doesn't want you.

She doesn't want to fvck you.

You smothered her - and pushed her away.

She's feeling pitty for you.

She's guilty.

She want's to be able to talk to you - someone who is safe - when times are tough. When the guy(s) she is banging leave's her at 11pm and she's upset. She wants you to be there for her - her safety net.

Your the nice guy.

Your her pvssy. Every girl has two. the one between their legs and the guy who will jump for her in the hope of her wanting him back.


Ok?

Why would you write her back?

I'll tell you why - because you think that your words may change her mind. Well they are not.

There is no point in writing her back - here goes:-

* if you write her back - your going to disagree with her. Your going to REMIND her of the old YOU. Of how you were in the relationship - Because your going to put your case forward. That means you never read what she's telling you. She's telling you "Friends or nothing". Your reply should be "Fvcking you or nothing". Don't give when your not getting.

* If you don't reply - you hold up your dignity. Because God knows, in her eye's you've probably not got much of that left.

* By not replying/calling/chatting/being her b#tch - you leave her naked to the world thats out there. Her fear's. Her hurt. Her emotion. In general when women break up with guys they want to be friends. Not because they want the guy - but because they want to emotional support and warmth that that guy offers. Leave her naked and cold to the world.

* Do you need more "Friends"? Don't you have guy friends? Why do you need a b$tch top be your friend? want a beer - go call the guys.


Finally - remember this - WOMEN DO NOT RESPECT/DESIRE/WANT AN EMOTIONAL WEAK MAN.

Don't be one.

 

[DJDamage]

I agree with most of what the guys said here.

ONCE ITS OVER ITS OVER. you cannot reverse time and have her back, the past and your relationship will be forever in the past. She clearly wants to be friends, which means as Hyde from the 70's show once put " IT MEANS SHE STILL WANTS YOU TO DO STUFF FOR HER BUT ONLY THIS TIME SHE WON'T PUT OUT".

So if you are willing to have the time and energy and your hurt feelings to be there for her, while the farthest you will get is a soft hug and a peck on the cheek while she is telling you how great of a guy you are for listening to her, while she is banging her new boyfriend, THEN YOU GO RIGHT AHEAD.

Concentrate on now, stop living in the past, and go get a new chick and stop being so jealous, go date several women and you will stop with that nonsense.

 

[squirrels]

Look...you're going to leave this girl. Permanently. You're NOT going to get her back.

Doesn't mean you have to be a d!ck about it. Send her an E-mail letting her know how you feel and that you don't wish her any ill will...then break all contact. Permanently. I mean, don't run from her if you should see her on the street, but give up on making any kind of miracle romantic recovery here.

It's time to move on. Live and learn.

 

[biker_gixxer]

Originally posted by NewMan

She doesn't want you.

She doesn't want to fvck you.

You smothered her - and pushed her away.

She's feeling pitty for you.

She's guilty.

She want's to be able to talk to you - someone who is safe - when times are tough. When the guy(s) she is banging leave's her at 11pm and she's upset. She wants you to be there for her - her safety net.

Your the nice guy.

Your her pvssy. Every girl has two. the one between their legs and the guy who will jump for her in the hope of her wanting him back.


Ok?

Why would you write her back?

I'll tell you why - because you think that your words may change her mind. Well they are not.

My thoughts exactly bro. Learn from your mistakes and move on, but don't make the same mistakes twice.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

AC - When I was 19 and immature, I used to get jealous. But then I grew up - it's part of the maturing process sometimes.

You better damn well nip this jealousy crap in the bud, man. Take care of it before you address anything else in your life - i.e. fix your self esteem or whatever else it is that is causing your insecurities.

 

[oda]

this thread needs to be in in the bible for its content

i think everybody has been through this once, and this is the ultimate point in which you make the turn from complete AFC to hopefully something better

 

[NewMan]

**
this thread needs to be in in the bible for its content
**

Agreed.

Lesson learnt.

 

[flexion_]

You invested a year into this woman so I like squirrels recommendations.

 

[ERIC]

I had the same situation happen to me, and right off the bat I'm gonna tell you just like everyone else has so far, LET IT GO!!!!

Long distance relationships don't work, and why would you want to be sitting in your dorm room wondering where she is and what she's doing when you can be out partying it up with some of the hottest women around in your college.

I can guarantee that she's not sitting at home thinking about what you're doing cause I know my ex wasn't, she would go out and party and do her thing. And honestly that's what you need to do. Experience college, have fun, and meet the ladies. If fate has it and you two end up being together again then I wish you the best of luck, but otherwise just end the relationship, but don't burn your bridges, if you really love her and I'll agree with her on this don't give her an ultimatum, just end it on a good note and be friends, and hey ya never know, when you go home for your breaks you can get some nookie while you're back in town.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Originally posted by animal crackers
but shouldn't i tell her my side of it.

NO. She knows it. She already knows what you're gonna say. Why do you think it will make things better? Because you will get it off your chest? You're just gonna say something you'll regret, and only feel better at first.

You will speak a lot louder if you don't even respond. Silence is the loudest response. What you need to do is go meet some new people. Easiest way to forget about her.