Everything Bad is Good (cont'd)
You see, you can try as hard as you can to make a list of 'dating rules' that make you seem like some awesome guy that any woman would be glad to swoon over. Try and be 'spontaneous' by making a chart of when to call women - yeah that's real daring, captain wildchild. I bet women love your dangerous side, calling on a Wednesday. You know exactly when to say "Are you checking me out!?" and they just love it don't they? Not that you sound rehearsed because you've been waiting for an oppurtunity to say that all night. And I'm sure you sitting there the whole time making a mental checklist of "indicators of interest" so you make sure you are raising her interest level (not working? more C&F... stat! Still no? Uhh... Kino! No? Damn, ignore her until she comes around. Wait! She's not comin back! Oh well NEXT!) isn't going to affect you at all through your body language and tonality. Surely you won't betray the fact that you are using about every supplicative technique known to man short of just buying her flowers and telling her that's she's beautiful just like you did the last 50 girls.
You know I must be full of it, I'm challenging everything you know is true and right! I mean, we all know every guy who's read all these techniques gets laid like a rockstar. It's a widely believed fact. Surely this weird BrotherAP character has spent the last year posting on this website acting as an undercover feminist agent, slowly gaining respect so that he could mislead these poor guys in the wrong direction to make sure that they don't get good with girls, because he would hate to see somebody succeed!
Well I'm not an undercover feminist, and I do want you to succeed. That's why I'm making this post. What I wrote in the first paragraph, mind you, are all things that I have done in the last year and gotten away with - well more than gotten away with. Done with great effect. But you have to understand it's because I'm coming from the other side. View it as a sliding scale from complete prick to total doormat, with the balance being right in the middle. Most of the guys come here to the left, the nice guy doormat sad, and these techniques are intended as device to get closer to the center. The problem is, there's a fundamental belief system that has to change, and unfortunately the total prick is much closer to having a mindset that gets him laid than the total nice guy. He starts out with no respect for boundaries, no desire to be validated by others, and no concern what others think about him, and quickly learns that he has to reign in his attitude for people to want to be around him. Why is this so much easier than coming from the side of the nice guy? Well to go from approval-seeking to somebody who doesn't care, to learn when to cross boundaries by trial and error (and, by error, I really mean going too far), and to acquire the swagger that all women fantasize about it takes a lot of balls. A lot of times naturals are lucky that this is where they started. They never had to 'man up' and learn to 'cross the line'.
So what's wrong with the advice here? Doesn't it teach men to do just that - to cross the line? In short, no. No it doesn't. The problem is, it tries to tell men exactly where the line is, and how to get right to it without ever going over. And that doesn't help anybody - because to be truly good with people you have to be a very adept risk taker. Sometimes you're not going to know if something is too much, a comment goes too far or a touch will really be welcomed. You know how you find out? You go for it. It takes balls at first, it really does. But you do it a few times, and you realize that it isn't so hard afterall, and the consequences are nothing like you imagined. Sure, you will probably cross the line in embarassing ways at least a couple of times, but trust me you will laugh at yourself later for it. What am I saying?
Ditch the techniques! They're not helping you. You're not getting laid because your waiting to call her a certain amount of days. That's a placebo. You think it makes you more attractive, hence your confidence is boosted and - viola! - you become more attractive. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. But when you're too nervous to call her on any day besides the designated day, well then it's a problem. You're not confident anymore - you're dependent. And, worst of all, you're unable to adapt.
Oh and about ****y & Funny - lay off it. I mean, yeah, it's a good conversational tool that most truly confident guys have to some degree. But you're all taking it wayyyy too far. It's like, every other sentence doesn't have to be some comment about how hot you are. Just like millionaires don't feel the need to talk about how rich they are (and if they do, they're annoying), guys who get laid don't feel the need to talk about how they get laid. Sure, every now and then throw her a ****y comment, just to show her you're a fun guy and you don't take yourself or others too seriously. Make sure it's funny, too! Say it, and forget it. You shouldn't be dropping the line and waiting for her to say, stunned "Wow.. I had no idea you were so... ****y. And funny. Make love to me NOW" Because it doesn't work that way. Although you might get a slight look, or a touch with a laugh, or even an eye roll with a playful punch. These are all good things. But you're not going to get them if you're just spouting memorized ****y lines. Be spontaneous, man. This is all supposed to be fun. No pressure. If you get to a point of comfort, you'll find C&F comin out all on it's own.
But there's more wrong with the strict adherence to these rules than people might realize, even if they agree with everything I've already said. You see, not all girl troubles are caused by a guy being too easily won. So much of this advice is written for the 'nice guy' give-too-much-too-soon personality that the rest is lost in the haystack, and people start believing that the right thing to do is always be more aloof. Less interested. More challenging. Well it doesn't always work that way. A girl won't invest herself unless she thinks you're investing yourself too! Sometimes you've got to give them something to go on, a small compliment, maybe a quick "you know I like you", a lingering look. Give them a reason to believe that you're not using them for sex - because, really, you shouldn't be. But that's another post. Point is, if you've gotten your act together enough that you're already a challenge then acting like you're "too cool for school" is going to frustrate the women into not pursuing. How can I put this? It goes back to cat-string theory. A cat will chase a string that you dangle in front of it just so. If you let it have it, just sitting there in front of it, it doesn't care (nice guy). But if you just yank it 10 feet into the air and leave it there, the cat won't bother. You've got to dangle it just within reach, or just without. Anywhere else and it's too easy or too hard. Strike a balance!
What's really most important here is that you learn to interact with the fairer sex (yes, women are the fairer sex, and if you disagree, you're gay). The best way to do this is to interact with them more. Maybe it'll take you a year before you really seem natural, confident, and comfortable without being too aggressive, creepy, or too withdrawn. Given the information at your behest here, the people you can talk to, and the fact that you know not to put women on a pedestal means that you should be starting a point better than at least 50% of your peers if not more. You have no excuse not to be really getting good! Go out and talk to girls, however you want to do it. I don't care if you use routines or not (even if I think they're silly, there are respected people who like them so I'm not judgin), hell it doesn't even matter what you say or use just talk to them. The more you do, the better you'll be, and you know what you'll be doing well enough within a year that your confidence will be solid. I mean, the more time you spend dealing with chicks, the more you realize it's no big deal. Not even worth writing as much as I have over. Yet here I am trying to explain it to you because it's just one of those that every guy has to figure out at some point, and I want to help you on your way. So go out there and talk to girls! Every day! It's simple and straightforward - the more you do this, with whatever plan, or even no plan at all, the better you'll get. This is how naturals became naturals, and this is how you are going to do it to.
One more point of contention, and I just have to bring this up. While the phone game on this website definitely sucks, there is no worse phone advice than the three day rule. Every girl knows about the three day rule. Cosmo talks about the three day rule. You're not showing her that you're busy and couldn't call her, you're showing her that you were too afraid of looking desperate so you followed some stupid rule that you probably read in Maxim magazine and, in the process, actually made yourself desperate. Good job cowboy. So here's what I want you to do: forget you ever heard the 3 day rule. Call her within 1-2 days, or as soon as possible if you can't do that, and everything will be fine. It's not that complicated.
Anyway that's all I'm going to say for now, but seriously think about what I've said. Actually, don't think about it. Just go do something. Talk to some girls for chrissakes. Just talk. No interest level, no challenge, and no C&F unless you really think of something C&F worth saying. If you don't have anything to say, don't say anything. See what happens, maybe she'll fill in the gaps. If not, oh well, whatever, you're just talking. Have fun with it. Getting girls really is as easy as you want it to be.
