dear journal reader,
now i want to write a little bit about my current situation and the way i see it, and what needs to be done that i reach my goals. i don't want the journal just to be a workout microsoft excel sheet, because this site is not just about bodybuilding but also about women and life.
my appearance
till summer i want to get a tan and clear skin. also i want to dye my hair to a shining blonde. but it should look pretty natural.
what i need to do:
-my dermatoligist subscribed me roaccutane for another 2weeks, i will take double dosage for 1week, and than he can subscribe me as many roaccutane as he wants, i will just sell it at ebay. my acne will probably be not completely gone, so i will buy cordes bpo benzoylperoxide 3% ~7€, and a moistorouizer? should i buy one?which one? i will just take it before sleeping to prevent fvcking up my clothes. i hope that will be enough.
-tanning: that one is very important to me but a big problem b/c of roaccutane, regarding to my dermatologist i shall wait at least 6weeks from now on to start tanning(then the roaccutane will be out of system, it takes that long :/ ). but i will start tanning in about 4weeks, i will not overdo it but i can't wait anylonger.hopefully i won't fvck up my face.
-other things
i need a beart trimmer, i think it looks cool and manly to have a "3day beart", i tried it more of lazyness but i think it's cool and got good feedback!
i want to buy a vest like tyrese in 2fast2furious, and a light leather jacket for spring/autumn...either the color like brad pitt in fightclub(red) or the color like the b1tch in hollow man(light brown). didn't find a real cool color yet, so i hope i will have more luck in the future. my last leather jacket i stealed from a party but i dont like the color. proably i will give it to the poor because i'm such a nice guy!
-my teeth aren't white because of fvcking smoking! i bought some stripes to whiten them, just need to use em(they hurt painfully)
-in about 4 weeks i will dye my hair blonde, i want the same color i had as a child, i tried some colors but none did work so far, hope this time i chose the right color!
women
i will approach the situation in a totally different way. i came to the conclusion that getting girls is very easy(just have to be good looking and muscular.....easy sh1t
).....and even getting a quality woman is easy IF you two fit good together, and if we don't, why should i want a relationship anyway?! i don't see the need for techniques or anything because if i just want to fvck my looks will do the work and if i want a relationship, then i don't have to work to get the girl, better have the girl to work to get me! i don't see myself responsible for things like keeping the conservation going......if she is too shy or doesn't know what to say then okay not my problem. i am not the best conversionalist so i expect the girl to keep the conversation going. but what i should do is to do the approaching and going for the sex.
more important for me is what i will avoid doing, because i can no longer stand to feel the pain i felt in the past!
-i'm not saying fvck on the first date, but after i have got known a girl a bit i either go for her aggressively or don'T go for her at all. if she likes me too, fine, if not, even more fine, because i didn't waste much time and prevented another broken heart! so, a little bit patience is a good thing but NEVER EVER WAIT TOO LONG! i will never forget how much i suffered just because i was too much of a chicken to just go for it. and i will never feel like that again. rather would i never ever get a good girl than to feel like that again.
-another important thing i learned some weeks ago, i was at a school party so the girls were very young 15-17, so one cute young girl knew a friend of mine and sat very close to me so i started talking to her, fact was i liked her(of course not for something serious but for some fun) but was confused what i should do now because she for sure wasn't 18+(didnt ask her age). so i just stopped talking to her and went away. later alone at home i got very angry that i didnt go for her! i have the impression that i am even more concerned about my social reputation than the girls! how pathetic is that? whats the deal with having a clean reputation? people don't bring hot quality girls to me, they don't offer me well paid jobs, they don't offer me the best work out routine of the world, so why the fvck should i be concerned what they think of me??! FVCK IT. as i told the story to an "AFC nice guy" friend he said bah THE ONLY THING MATTERS IS IF YOU THINK SHE IS CUTE/IF YOU WANT HER. and this "AFC" is FVCKING RIGHT!!!no longer will i sacrifice my happiness because of social reputation
-don't chase a girl, don't adapt your lifestyle to a girl, having no girl and being able to do what you want is better than to be in a relationship with an average girl.
confidence/being a man
i would say finally i become a man, but i am very nervous and unsure about it(no confidence). sounds strange, and it is. i am just so not used to people thinking i am a man/player/playboy/cool guy whatever, it is not that i am the best but some people seem to be really impressed by me. also i have the impression that many people look at me recently. i get very nervous when i feel that girls are watching me, and now i really fear that i get hit on again......it feels so fvcking uncomfortable. or yesterday i checked out a HB9 and really hoped she won't lock eyes with me....i felt so nervous about it....but she did wtf?!but what other chance do i have? to dump my dream to be muscular and goodlooking? i have no other chance!!!the way i see it is that i feel fvcking uncomfortable, very nervous and a bit hopeless BUT THAT I WILL DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO!
finally about bodybuilding!
okay the long term goal i set is to get to 165-175lbs@10-12%bf....whatever look i like better.....proably it will be the 175lbs
that is not huge, but at least not skinny. and i don't want to live a life in cycling steroids and eating all day....i would rather have just a athletic physique and do normal sports like martial arts which i want to do since ´my childhood! of course i will work out all my life but after i reached my goal i will do more power lifting than bodybuilding....maybe i will really become a powerlifter and compete??haha would be fun, too. okay but my minimum short term goal is to get to AT LEAST 155lbs@12%bf.....and i want this for this summer, so i am in a hurry!!
currently:161lbs@15-18%bf(dunno....). i will bulk for another 6weeks......6x2lbs=12lbs. 161+12lbs=173lbs.....so i will end up 170-175lbs after bulking. then, after 10days off i will start a insane cutting journal to reach my 12%bf in 4-6weeks.....maybe with some muscle loss but that is okay as long as i am at least 155lbs. i like to plan things out, so i will post the introduction for my cutting journal tomorrow. watch out it will be a insane journal as usual sponsored by the whey+fatburning maffia!
i have to pin a paper with "75kg@12%bf" at my door and to print out a picture of the body type i want to have. haven't found the perfect body for me yet, i keep searching on the bodybuilding forums.....till then it exists in my mind! this tip is from the skinnyguy program. i am also searching for the hottest girl to pin it also at my door. this tip is from lifeforce.
i will make new pictures when my bulking cycle is over, because i want you readers to see a big difference and also the blonde hair and tanned body, that makes it look more like a transformation haha!also i can use that pics as starting pics for my cutting journal.
okay, so the theoretical bodybuilding part about cutting will follow tomorrow, now something about my motivation. i have real big motivation but i am still only human. every day i feel like my stomach craves for food ALL THE TIME because my metabolism has gone insane.....and at the same time my throat feels like puking and if i don't eat slow i really puke :/....even when i wake up at night i feel damn hungry. and the whey tastes like sh1t with water. chicken with rice 2-3times a day gets a bit boring, too
. but that is acceptable, but what i really want is to drink and smoke as in my skinny days. i have little of a social life now because i schedule everything around my eating habits. but tomorrow i will give in, go out, armed with mass fruit bars and nuts, and get drunk as hell
another thing i really feel like getting is some good pvssy(for the first time in my life i can say i am not looking for a relationship.....if i really like a girl then maybe,but only if she behaves
)....but i fear that it interferes with my bulking and also it is hard because of bloody lips from roaccutane to make out with a chick etc.....so i will have to wait some weeks...........but maybe i will go for some grabbing tomorrow
......man it is really hard because i try to jerk off as little as possible because i fear that the testosterone levels drop and that would mean less muscle growth!!dunno what i wanted to say with that story.....probably that tomorrow i will get drunk and have fun
okay, probably lifeforce is the only one who read the whole sh1t, so be prepared for my cutting journal mate
