Don't be like my friend...talked to a woman for 30 days straight then drove 12 hours to meet up and...

[SW15]

2) Never drive to see a woman if it's over an hour and only then if you KNOW you are getting laid.

Great lesson. I observe way too many men getting into unsustainably long distance arrangements. Keep your distances short.

I only date women who live within 30 minutes of my place. When I used swipe apps in the past, I was fussy on the geolocation distance I would set. In real life, I live near the majority of my city's unmarried and childless population. I also tend to go to places in real life (non-bar venues and nightlife venues) where people who live close to me would generally go.

Some people need to relocate for a better dating pool. It's a common situation for men living in areas with 150,000 or less in population to need to move to a more populated place if they find themselves 25+ and single in order to keep distances short.

 

[sosuave213]

Where is the Vin DiCarlo escalation ladder when you need it the most

However I think your friend was in puppy love doggy land. It's ok to be like this as long as you act sexual and make progress, or else you will come off as another nice guy.

 

[sosuave213]

Crazy thing is he is a decent enough looking dude that does OK for himself where he is.

Unsure why but he gets stuck on certain women and builds these relationships with them in his head that don't pan out. He loves long distance stuff for some reason. Almost like a rush for him or something. I don't get it.

And I was like "WTF would you drive all that way and the women is basically telling you to fvck her and then not push further?"

It's a failsafe against commitment. If the women get attached it's easy to see it will not lead to a relationship. Sounds like ya boi needs to work that one out.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

My very first OLD date was from POF, she drove 3 hours to see me. She parks her car in front of my place as I watched from the upstairs window. I will never forget the horror of witnessing those massive thighs swing out of the driver side door. In retrospect, the first red flag missed was that she worked at Pizza Hut

LMAO! I had one of those too...we planned to spend the day together and talked about her spending the night in reality the date ended after about 45 minutes

 

[Divorced w 3]

My very first OLD date was from POF, she drove 3 hours to see me. She parks her car in front of my place as I watched from the upstairs window. I will never forget the horror of witnessing those massive thighs swing out of the driver side door. In retrospect, the first red flag missed was that she worked at Pizza Hut

I was on my first OLD date and I didn’t realize the obvious problem with dating a girl with photos from shoulders up, long distance or older. I get to the restaurant and she’s huge. lol. I felt bad she was nice so we hung a bit and we actually had good convo leading up

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I was on my first OLD date and I didn’t realize the obvious problem with dating a girl with photos from shoulders up, long distance or older. I get to the restaurant and she’s huge. lol. I felt bad she was nice so we hung a bit and we actually had good convo leading up

That angled shot from above is now an auto "hard pass" from me. Also I always make sure to check all their pics. A new move is they post like 7 older pics when they looked good then the last one is them currently 50+ lbs heavier.

 

[sangheilios]

My very first OLD date was from POF, she drove 3 hours to see me. She parks her car in front of my place as I watched from the upstairs window. I will never forget the horror of witnessing those massive thighs swing out of the driver side door. In retrospect, the first red flag missed was that she worked at Pizza Hut

Holy smokes lol. What ended up happening?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Holy smokes lol. What ended up happening?

Hopefully nothing...I just want to know if he answered the door

 

[sosuave213]

This was my first date coming out of an LTR that cheated on me and just picked up The Rational Male. I was vulnerable and then one thing led to another.

Kidding!
Dear lord! I invited her in for coffee, this gal took up half the futon. Luckily I had my work laptop open and said I needed to finish up. In doing so, bought me time to plan my exit strategy and self-reflected on how I spent countless days having phone sex with a manatee. We go to a little pizza joint nearby and I put an alarm on. It went off and I told her it’s from one of my hospital customers. Quickly wrapped up the SeaWorld feeding show and checked if my futon needed to be replaced.

Yeah bro I can imagine. When you meet a chick that's as skinny or in shape as she looks in her pics, there's no going back

 

[sangheilios]

This was my first date coming out of an LTR that cheated on me and just picked up The Rational Male. I was vulnerable and then one thing led to another.

Kidding!
Dear lord! I invited her in for coffee, this gal took up half the futon. Luckily I had my work laptop open and said I needed to finish up. In doing so, bought me time to plan my exit strategy and self-reflected on how I spent countless days having phone sex with a manatee. We go to a little pizza joint nearby and I put an alarm on. It went off and I told her it’s from one of my hospital customers. Quickly wrapped up the SeaWorld feeding show and checked if my futon needed to be replaced.

How big are we talking, can you give us some sort of reference?

When I read that whole story where it was from POF and the fact that she was willing to drive 3 hours was a red flag in itself lol. This is the reason why OLD sites and apps can put you into some very awkward positions.

This is from years ago, but I had 2 matches from Tinder that I met up with in person and both of them were definitely heavier than what I saw.

The first girl I went to meet at a restaurant that had a patio/bar that was in her part of town, wasn't at all inconvenient for me. Anyway, I must have arrived at a hair before she did because she sent me a text saying she had just pulled up. This was a weekday night, so it was dead, and I saw this much heavier girl walking into the restaurant, so I knew this was off to a very bad start from the get-go. I had this urge to immediately bail but I decided to follow through with it and try to have a good time. We sat at a table and I bought her a drink but she was incredibly awkward and went on these one sided conversations. She didn't ask me any questions or even really tried to get to know me at all, so it was not an enjoyable experience. I had been sitting there for close to an hour and at one point decided to call it a night and ended the date.

The other girl was much heavier as well but was actually very intelligent and interesting, I enjoyed talking with her but had 0 attraction. She later reached out to me and asked if I was interested or not, to which I just gave her an honest answer.

I think experiences like this with dating sites and apps are incredibly common, if not the norm, for men looking to meet women.

 

[SW15]

The first girl I went to meet at a restaurant that had a patio/bar that was in her part of town, wasn't at all inconvenient for me. Anyway, I must have arrived at a hair before she did because she sent me a text saying she had just pulled up. This was a weekday night, so it was dead, and I saw this much heavier girl walking into the restaurant, so I knew this was off to a very bad start from the get-go. I had this urge to immediately bail but I decided to follow through with it and try to have a good time. We sat at a table and I bought her a drink but she was incredibly awkward and went on these one sided conversations. She didn't ask me any questions or even really tried to get to know me at all, so it was not an enjoyable experience. I had been sitting there for close to an hour and at one point decided to call it a night and ended the date.

I think experiences like this with dating sites and apps are incredibly common, if not the norm, for men looking to meet women.

This is right on point. It would have been better if you would have bailed immediately on that date.

Many men go on a lot of those one-sided dates you describe, even if the woman has an average level BMI. A lot of women are passive in early date conversations. They ask fewer questions than you would think that they would ask and don't put much effort into getting to you know you. They can appear to be not engaged in the interaction. I think these types of interactions are more common from tech-based date arranging methods where women have more abundance than in situations when they are meeting someone in real life or are fully dependent upon meeting men in real life. It is in those situations where women have less abundance and might actually be more engaged in the interaction.

 

[sangheilios]

This is right on point. It would have been better if you would have bailed immediately on that date.

Many men go on a lot of those one-sided dates you describe, even if the woman has an average level BMI. A lot of women are passive in early date conversations. They ask fewer questions than you would think that they would ask and don't put much effort into getting to you know you. They can appear to be not engaged in the interaction. I think these types of interactions are more common from tech-based date arranging methods where women have more abundance than in situations when they are meeting someone in real life or are fully dependent upon meeting men in real life. It is in those situations where women have less abundance and might actually be more engaged in the interaction.

As I mentioned, that was honestly my initial instinct but I also decided to just follow through it to see if I could have at least enjoyed a pleasant interaction. I had gone out of my way to drive over there to just meet someone at a bar and talk to them, there was the possibility she was interesting to talk to and I at least could have had a decent social interaction from it instead of just sitting at home. Looking back on this though, I think when women misrepresent themselves like that it's not a good sign at all.

I knew someone that had a tinder match that he went to meet at an arcade and he mentioned she was substantially heavier than the photos suggested. He said though that he just followed through with the date and just had fun at the arcade but he also mentioned that he did not reach out to her afterwards. I personally think this is the correct thing to do instead of just immediately bailing.

 

[SW15]

As I mentioned, that was honestly my initial instinct but I also decided to just follow through it to see if I could have at least enjoyed a pleasant interaction. I had gone out of my way to drive over there to just meet someone at a bar and talk to them, there was the possibility she was interesting to talk to and I at least could have had a decent social interaction from it instead of just sitting at home. Looking back on this though, I think when women misrepresent themselves like that it's not a good sign at all.

I knew someone that had a tinder match that he went to meet at an arcade and he mentioned she was substantially heavier than the photos suggested. He said though that he just followed through with the date and just had fun at the arcade but he also mentioned that he did not reach out to her afterwards. I personally think this is the correct thing to do instead of just immediately bailing.

My solution to this problem is not to date through any tech-based method. As an introvert, I find interactions like that one more deflating than most people would find it. When I arrange my dates through real life methods, I know that the person showing up on the first date is going to be physically acceptable to me. That means a lot to me. I would rather go on fewer dates and avoid bad dates like the ones you've described. My goal is productive and high quality dates.