Divorced mom bails out because of kids.

LoneRanger

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We had set a date for this afternoon but I get a call several hours before the meet with her saying she has to back out because her sister who was going to baby sit had to work over time.

She was sincere and her interest level is high, so I know it isn't something I've done. However, how do I handle this?

I made the offer to order pizza and watch a DVD at her place later that evening, but I'd have to be back home by 10 and she said no because of young kids being there. :nono:

Now I know why there are so many single moms out there who are alone. No one wants to go out with a woman who can't leave the house because of the kids. :mad:
 

LoneRanger

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BTW, the date was for a dinner and a movie. When she canceled out I told her I was going without her anyway, and did. :)

It is something I have been doing every Sunday for the past couple of years. The local movie place runs an Independant Film Series.:crackup:
 

darkstarrr

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Tell me about it...

Well, you said it yourself, she sounded sincere. How do you handle this you ask? I don't think there is much to handle per say. Just let it go for now and let her come to you next would be the consesus I believe.

Just try not to think into it too much, I know "things" can be disappointing, but its our duty to not let the smaller disapopintments phase us too much.

How old are you? I have a couple single mom plates I am working on right now. Man i definitely prefer the younger ones (like 18 haha no just kidding like 23 or 24) but the late 20s and early 30s women even those with a little one running around are a lot more reliable for obvious reasons.

Its about reliability, ironically, because it is your feeling of the lack thereof that caused you to post this, isn't it..
 

LoneRanger

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darkstarrr said:
Its about reliability, ironically, because it is your feeling of the lack thereof that caused you to post this, isn't it..
I am 38 and she 34 or 35.

Yea, I am beginning to thing there is going to be a lack of reliability on her part.
 

cedd

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you did right by sticking to your plans. And a good movie is sometimes better than a bad date :yes:

but some thoughts here...
if she were so horny/interested she would have open you her door wearing only sexy panties under a raincoat, wouldnt she ?
Even with the young kids on the next room :p

What do you think ?

She may be sincere, but did she suggest any alternative ?


Now I know why there are so many single moms out there who are alone. No one wants to go out with a woman who can't leave the house because of the kids.
You will never be the #1. She already has priorities that will ALWAYS trump you---her kids.

cheers
 

Never try to read a woman's mind. It is a scary place. Ignore her confusing signals and mixed messages. Assume she is interested in you and act accordingly.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

LoneRanger

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cedd said:
She may be sincere, but did she suggest any alternative ?
I suggested an alternative. I told her after I got back from the film we would go out to eat. However, she was still waiting to hear back from her sister when I got home so I ate (over a pound of chicken breast, doritos, greens and lots of water) and am now too drowsy to do anything.

cedd said:
You will never be the #1. She already has priorities that will ALWAYS trump you---her kids.
And that is the unfortunate thing. Around where I live most single women have kids.:cuss:
 

Mr. Me

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Hey Loneranger, is this the woman you saw yesterday, the one who you spoke to on the phone for almost two hours and then called her a couple of times more?

If so, maybe you've overwhelmed her OR
said or did something that turned her off OR
she doesn't like your appearance.

But you say she's sincere and that her interest is high.
How do you know that? What exactly tells you that?

I picked up on this too, that after she cancelled the dinner and movie date, you then:

"I made the offer to order pizza and watch a DVD at her place later that evening"

to which she said "no", and then you:

"I suggested an alternative. I told her after I got back from the film we would go out to eat."

I'm going to go on a limb here and say you're coming off pushy/needy/desperate.

Anyhow, since she didn't give any specific counter offer and sure doesn't show any interest in working something out with you, I'd say it's over.
 

LoneRanger

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Mr. Me said:
Anyhow, since she didn't give any specific counter offer and sure doesn't show any interest in working something out with you, I'd say it's over.
You beat me to the punch. It's over. I was just going to post about it here.

When I got done eating my dinner I called her up and her cell was cutting on and off so she said she'd call back.

That was about 3 hours ago.

I have been thinking of ringing her up to ask if it were over.

Perhaps that would be a bad idea.

[edit: Moments after typing this post I called and asked her honestly if we were finished and she said yes. There was "no chemistry" between us, she said.

Oh well, I am glad it is over. time to move on. At least I got an answer tonight and not three to four days from now.]
 

darkstarrr

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LoneRanger said:
You beat me to the punch. It's over. I was just going to post it here.

When I got done eating my dinner I called her up and her cell was cutting off so she said she'd call back.

That was about 3 hours ago.

I have been thinking of ringing her up to ask if it were over.

Perhaps that would be a bad idea.

You are kidding, right? You don't want to open the drivers side door for her and then get into the back seat child-seat. You're giving her all the power in the "relationship". You are in charge of whether or not it is "over" or not. You are the prize, remember? I would recommend not calling her back after dinner next time, and definitely don't call her again to ask her if it is over. Let it go and if she comes she comes to you. I hope I don't sound harsh bro. And Lord knows I am not one to give advice. I'm the same as you and you would prolly laugh slapping your knee if I told you some of things I've done before. Just my .02 based on the mistakes I have made that the guys here have helped me to recognize.
 

Mr. Me

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I remember there was a woman several years ago who I met and it happened that I called her and she said she'd call back.

I never heard from her again. Until a few months ago, that is, I sh1t you not! She calls me and tells me how she just got out of a relationship and was thinking about me and would like to see me.

I told her I'd call her back.

LOL.
 

LoneRanger

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darkstarrr said:
You are kidding, right? You don't want to open the drivers side door for her and then get into the back seat child seat. You're giving her all the power in the "relationship". I would recommend not calling her back after dinner next time, and definitely do not call her again to ask her if it is over. Let it go and if she comes she comes to you. I hope I don't sound harsh bro. And Lord knows I am not one to give advice. I'm the same as you and you would prolly laugh slapping your knee if I told you some of things I've done before. Just my .02 based on the mistakes I have made that the guys here have helped me to recognize.

I added this to my post probably just before you posted yours.

[edit: Moments after typing this post I called and asked her honestly if we were finished and she said yes. There was "no chemistry" between us, she said.

Oh well, I am glad it is over. time to move on. At least I got an answer tonight and not three to four days from now.]


Yep, at least I have an answer. She didn't have enough class to tell me herself so now at least I know it is over.

I had to ask her several times if she though we were through and then she finally came out and said it.

At least I can move on a lot smoother now.

And all this time her interest level was high. She was taking the lead most of the time we were together. Another lesson learned.
 

squirrels

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That's what you get for settling for divorced moms.

You have no shortage of those to choose from, so I suggest finding a couple more and seeing if they're more interested in meeting you. If this one comes around and offers to "make it up to you", then make it worth your while.
 

LoneRanger

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squirrels said:
That's what you get for settling for divorced moms.

You have no shortage of those to choose from, so I suggest finding a couple more and seeing if they're more interested in meeting you. If this one comes around and offers to "make it up to you", then make it worth your while.
When talking to her it was if she was making the date for earlier today. I said I was going to see DeNiro and she said she wanted to go so I said okay. She did this hours after our date yesterday.

I see she viewed my profile moments after the call I made but I deleted her from contact and finding me in searches. Good riddance! :rockon: :rockon:

[edit: I am at my 10 post per 24 hour limit so I'll add this; One thing I liked about her is when I told her what restaurant we were going to meet at on the first date she told me she would bring a BUY ONE ENTRE GET ONE FREE coupon. Basically, I didn't have to pay for her food. She did me a favor because she wouldn't have been worth the $9 to $10 I would have spent. lol!
 

darkstarrr

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LoneRanger said:
And all this time her interest level was high. She was taking the lead most of the time we were together. Another lesson learned.
It could be 2 things.

1. her IL was genuinely high and it fizzled when you came on too strong too early

2. her IL appeared high but thats just "who" she is, meaning: she is the type to show high IL with anyone in the beginning

i suppose you could have "gamed" her to perfection and kept things moving along but who the fvck wants to put in all that effort? you deserve a girl who will be into you to the point where if you call a couple times in a row she will be filled with glee. not some over complicated putz with a kid who needs to be "gamed" the fvck out of in order for her to "feel" chemistry. don't sweat it dude she sounds like too much trouble than it would have been worth.

good luck out there.
 

LoneRanger

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squirrels said:
If this one comes around and offers to "make it up to you", then make it worth your while.
I don't think that is going to happen. I told her politely that it was nice meeting her and suggested that she was being deleted from my PC.
 

You essentially upped your VALUE in her eyes by showing her that, if she wants you, she has to at times do things that you like to do. You are SOMETHING after all. You are NOT FREE. If she wants to hang with you, it's going to cost her something — time, effort, money.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

Jitterbug

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Let me get this right: in half a day (afternoon -> night) you tried to make 3 different dates with her, which she turned down one after another, and you kept calling her trying to get a real answer. This is also the woman that you talked nearly 2h on the phone with. Don't you have anything else to do or some other girl to call? Does she have any other choice than saying it's over, with such desperation & neediness coming from you? You almost sound like Mikey from Swingers, in that phone call scene. Even interested women will turn 180deg & run a mile from that.
 

cordoncordon

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Jitterbug said:
Let me get this right: in half a day (afternoon -> night) you tried to make 3 different dates with her, which she turned down one after another, and you kept calling her trying to get a real answer. This is also the woman that you talked nearly 2h on the phone with. Don't you have anything else to do or some other girl to call? Does she have any other choice than saying it's over, with such desperation & neediness coming from you? You almost sound like Mikey from Swingers, in that phone call scene. Even interested women will turn 180deg & run a mile from that.
The same thought entered my head (swingers) when reading this thread.

Dude, you need to relax. You went from talking with a girl you had never met for hours on the phone, to a brief meeting, to making plans with her for the next day, to her canceling, to you going into a frenzy and asking her out twice more the SAME day, to you then calling her asking if ITS OVER...all in a matter of 24 hours or so! Thats insane! How can something be OVER when it hasnt even gotten started yet? If I was a girl I would be getting extreme stalker/neediness vibes from you. You know all those stories you hear about guys stalking their gf's or guys that make fools of themselves trying to get a girl to go out with them? That's YOU.

YOU WILL NEVER MEET AND ATTRACT WOMEN BY ACTING IN THIS MANNER. At least now you know what to do with the next woman you hang out with>>>THE EXACT OPPOSITE!
 

Demodulate

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Mr. Me said:
I remember there was a woman several years ago who I met and it happened that I called her and she said she'd call back.

I never heard from her again. Until a few months ago, that is, I sh1t you not! She calls me and tells me how she just got out of a relationship and was thinking about me and would like to see me.

I told her I'd call her back.

LOL.

this made my morning..

lol...
 

Mr. Me

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You better listen to this guy, he can predict the future. I wish I listened! lol
That's right. I predicted Vlad would become an Impaler back when he was just a little pecker.

Permission to speak frankly, sir. LoneRanger, women can feign high interest, nothing really counts until they meet you face-to-face. My take on your whole sitch is that, regardless of giving her over-exposure of yourself via phone calls about every day before you met, she was still desirous to meet you, which makes me suspect that her interest was more about her need to find someone to take her out rather then in you, specifically.

Apparently, when she did finally meet you, you didn't turn out to be her cup of tea. Her later offer to see the movie seems to have been gratuitous, her just being agreeable, she didn't really mean it. That's why we go by a woman's actions rather then her words.

When a woman says "no chemistry", that usually means she wasn't turned on by your physical appearance.

But I have to say that calling her as much as you did trying to resurrect a date out of the ashes only signals desperation. And calling to ask "if it's over"? is just weak. It's better for your quality of life as a man, to see the evident signs and judge for yourself that it's going nowhere, and choose to shake the dust of your boots and be the one who moves on. You'll feel better about things because you'll feel more in control of these circumstances.

I know it's cold and somewhat barren and that the good looking women are sparse in Saginaw. Try Petoskey!

And inferring that you were now going to delete her from your computer... you're venting at her. If you wish to delete her, just delete her. To tell her so is more about you trying to smack her ego, serve her a return blow for the smack she gave you, to make you feel better. The thing is, all that does is make you come off like you're bitter, angry and showing it, and that only reinforces her notion that she made the right decision in not seeing you again. The fact is, deleting her is something she couldn't care less about, since she doesn't care to see you anymore, so it doesn't affect her. If anything, it probably gives her laugh with her girlfriends.

This also stands out to me:

at on the first date she told me she would bring a BUY ONE ENTRE GET ONE FREE coupon
I know you may think that this was just her being thoughtful, but to me, it signals her wish to not feel obligated to you. Not a good sign. Women are good at crafting things that outwardly we may decode as interest and thoughtfulness, but it's not, it's actually contrived to be self-serving.

What you saw as high interest, her "taking the lead most of the time we were together", is not a sign of high interest. The man has to always take the lead. Defaulting to the woman's lead has the woman take on the masculine role, which they will because of the default, but unless they're control freaks, they'll resent having to do so. I know you may think you're being gallant by deferring to her, but again, this is one of those areas where the woman actually feels uncomfortable by having to make the choices.

Try this:

Not so much calling next time and keep any calls purposeful and short.
Don't talk much about yourself or serious life subjects, just keep it fun and laughs for now.
No dates for the very next day. Make them for a few days away. Space yourself.
See the mannequins in male clothing store windows and models in catalogs? Dress and groom like them. Make sure you're spotless and smell good. Trim your nasal and ear hairs. Get a decent haircut (Just saying...)
If the gal turns down a date, don't offer her alternatives. Get more phone numbers in the meantime.
You make the plans and stick to them.
Never let them see you sweat.
 
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