Divorced mom bails out because of kids.

[jophil28]

That's what you get for settling for divorced moms.

You have no shortage of those to choose from, so I suggest finding a couple more and seeing if they're more interested in meeting you. If this one comes around and offers to "make it up to you", then make it worth your while.

These women frequently talk, in their clutches, frequently about their new "men"..
You can bet that you were discussed and examined in fine detail in some crappy coffee shop.
The POINT of these talks is to find things about the guy to "disqualify" him.
IT sounds wacky that a group of women who have few social and dating options would still be so egotistical to do this, but they do. Women will ALWAYS regard themselves as "the Prize"...until we establish ourselves as a BIGGER Prize.

Secondly, you chased her. After she canceled the date you should had done NOTHING more and just waited for HER next move..
What you saw as HIGH interest level was just a performance.
Her subsequent behavior showed you her true feelings.

My guess is that you got c0ckblocked by remote control

 

[DavenJuan]

Originally posted by Mr. Me
Apparently, when she did finally meet you, you didn't turn out to be her cup of tea. Her later offer to see the movie seems to have been gratuitous, her just being agreeable, she didn't really mean it. That's why we go by a woman's actions rather then her words.

When a woman says "no chemistry", that usually means she wasn't turned on by your physical appearance

this MAY have been the case, but for us to ONLY elude to this as the reason is not benefiting the OP

my take on this, whether or not she was "phsyically" attracted to you from the initial meeting should be the least of your concerns. there are TONS of men on this forum that will tell you they are not the most attractive guy out there but have no problem with women.

you should soley be concerned with how you HANDLED this situation. EVEN if she had been somewhat questionable on the physical aspect, you WITHOUT QUESTION pushed her to one side versus the other.

1. its already self depricating to be on the phone for 2hrs with this women, but as the initial conversation seems a bit strange to me.

yeah there are those rare occasions, but most of the time its because there was tons of "chemistry" and thats why the convo lasted so long, which apparently we know there IS NO CHEMISTRY.

2. she tells you that she had to cancel because her kids had no babysitter.. and you offer to GO TO HER HOUSE???

does no one else see the issue here? what would be MORE DISTURBING is if she HAD LET HIM come over and hang out with her and her kids. he just met the women, why would she be comfortable with him spending time with her family?

in my opinion, this is what the deal breaker was----- shes not going to, nor should you want her to bring any joe schmoe over her house.

you should know this if you plan on dating divorcee single moms

3. you continued to call and counter offer. where is your value?? she said "no", you leave it at that, why push and push the issue. you should have better things to do with your time. and if you dont, find some

4 you made it a point to tell her you are going to the movies anyway?? in your mind, and im sure others on the forum they may feel it was a good thing to go ahead with your plans, WHICH IT WAS..

but why do you need to inform her of your plans?? some may think its weird to go to the movies solo.

i personally will withold my judgement on this, however, making sure you SHARE THIS with her seems as if you were making a concscous effort to let her know you could have cared less if she went or not, which believe me, SHE DID NOT GET THAT IMPRESSION


Take it as a learning experience. shes not interested in you, then f*ck her! but you have to take some responsiblity in WHY this happened. she could have handled things different, but if you fool yourself into the fact that you didnt justify her actions in her own mind, then you are kidding yourself.

 

[Mr. Me]

Consider...

this MAY have been the case, but for us to ONLY elude to this as the reason is not benefiting the OP

It wasn't the ONLY thing I mentioned.

But if his appearance happens to be a factor in killing interest, then it sure becomes more than his least concern and something to give attention to.

yeah there are those rare occasions, but most of the time its because there was tons of "chemistry" and thats why the convo lasted so long, which apparently we know there IS NO CHEMISTRY.

Which is exactly why I deduced that it was in his appearance most probably that such "chemistry" was lacking, because it was upon physically meeting him that the tide turned and whatever phone chemistry they had - poof - everything was gone.

does no one else see the issue here? what would be MORE DISTURBING is if she HAD LET HIM come over and hang out with her and her kids. he just met the women, why would she be comfortable with him spending time with her family?

You are absolutely correct about that, no two ways about it, hands down. HOWEVER, that really wasn't an issue, as she was simply USING that as the excuse to turn him down. It wouldn't have happened. And he really shouldn't have asked about going to her house for the reasons you mention. But she had ALREADY decided not to see him again by when she called to cancel the date. Actually, even before that.

There's no way that had he handled it differently after the cancellation that it would've gone in his favor, no matter what he would've done.

 

[ketostix]

Permission to speak frankly, sir. LoneRanger, women can feign high interest, nothing really counts until they meet you face-to-face. My take on your whole sitch is that, regardless of giving her over-exposure of yourself via phone calls about every day before you met, she was still desirous to meet you, which makes me suspect that her interest was more about her need to find someone to take her out rather then in you, specifically.

Apparently, when she did finally meet you, you didn't turn out to be her cup of tea. Her later offer to see the movie seems to have been gratuitous, her just being agreeable, she didn't really mean it. That's why we go by a woman's actions rather then her words.

When a woman says "no chemistry", that usually means she wasn't turned on by your physical appearance.

But I have to say that calling her as much as you did trying to resurrect a date out of the ashes only signals desperation. And calling to ask "if it's over"? is just weak. It's better for your quality of life as a man, to see the evident signs and judge for yourself that it's going nowhere, and choose to shake the dust of your boots and be the one who moves on. You'll feel better about things because you'll feel more in control of these circumstances.

I know it's cold and somewhat barren and that the good looking women are sparse in Saginaw. Try Petoskey!

And inferring that you were now going to delete her from your computer... you're venting at her. If you wish to delete her, just delete her. To tell her so is more about you trying to smack her ego, serve her a return blow for the smack she gave you, to make you feel better. The thing is, all that does is make you come off like you're bitter, angry and showing it, and that only reinforces her notion that she made the right decision in not seeing you again. The fact is, deleting her is something she couldn't care less about, since she doesn't care to see you anymore, so it doesn't affect her. If anything, it probably gives her laugh with her girlfriends.

This also stands out to me:



I know you may think that this was just her being thoughtful, but to me, it signals her wish to not feel obligated to you. Not a good sign. Women are good at crafting things that outwardly we may decode as interest and thoughtfulness, but it's not, it's actually contrived to be self-serving.

What you saw as high interest, her "taking the lead most of the time we were together", is not a sign of high interest. The man has to always take the lead. Defaulting to the woman's lead has the woman take on the masculine role, which they will because of the default, but unless they're control freaks, they'll resent having to do so. I know you may think you're being gallant by deferring to her, but again, this is one of those areas where the woman actually feels uncomfortable by having to make the choices.

Try this:

Not so much calling next time and keep any calls purposeful and short.
Don't talk much about yourself or serious life subjects, just keep it fun and laughs for now.
No dates for the very next day. Make them for a few days away. Space yourself.
See the mannequins in male clothing store windows and models in catalogs? Dress and groom like them. Make sure you're spotless and smell good. Trim your nasal and ear hairs. Get a decent haircut (Just saying...)
If the gal turns down a date, don't offer her alternatives. Get more phone numbers in the meantime.
You make the plans and stick to them.
Never let them see you sweat.

I also thought that "no chemistry" means no physical attraction. That's the bottom line, when it came to where it really matters, in-person attraction, it wasn't there. I assume she saw your pics before meeting you and found you attractive enough, but I believe attraction is dependent a lot on non-verbal appearances. I basically agree with every thing Mr. Me said in his analysis.

My guess is that you got c0ckblocked by remote control

This I think does happen a lot, but I don't know if it was the main a factor in this case.

 

[decades]

dinner and a movie? what single mother has time for that? And how long have you known her? And you were going to treat right? This is not the 60s any more. You have to adjust dating realities to the situation. It looks like you saw her the night before? You didn't give her a chance to miss you. You didn't make her think what might you be up to, like does he have other women he is dating? You didn't create attraction.

 

[decades]

You beat me to the punch. It's over. I was just going to post about it here.

When I got done eating my dinner I called her up and her cell was cutting on and off so she said she'd call back.

That was about 3 hours ago.

I have been thinking of ringing her up to ask if it were over.

Perhaps that would be a bad idea.

[edit: Moments after typing this post I called and asked her honestly if we were finished and she said yes. There was "no chemistry" between us, she said.

Oh well, I am glad it is over. time to move on. At least I got an answer tonight and not three to four days from now.]

never call a woman and ask if it's over!

 

[decades]

I don't think that is going to happen. I told her politely that it was nice meeting her and suggested that she was being deleted from my PC.

this is something you do after divorcing some tyrant after 7 long tired years of marriage! Sure delete her stuff off your computer but certainly don't tell her you are!

ps: you aren't saying if this is the "hot" chick you talked over 2 hours with on the phone. If you honestly want help here, please be forthcoming.

 

[decades]

Now I know why there are so many single moms out there who are alone. No one wants to go out with a woman who can't leave the house because of the kids.

ummm YOU did. Believe me; there are gobs of men out there who will accept the crumbs an unavailable woman offers.

 

[Demodulate]

ummm YOU did. Believe me; there are gobs of men out there who will accept the crumbs an unavailable woman offers.

not only did he want to go OUT with her... he wanted to go to her house...

can you say CREEPY...