Disrespect from one of my gf's guy friends, advice needed

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

Screw Facebook. Seriously alerting your whole social circle of a g/f is probably the worst idea ever. Miss the days of just communicating through land lines and keeping a photo album. The website does more harm than good, just my two cents.

I've completely ignored my Facebook account and my life is considerably improved and happier because of it.

Waste of time. Full of narcissistic AWs and bored soccer moms.

 

[Gro0ver]

BigSmooth,

I have to disagree.

A woman who has the appropriate interest level would *never* allow her man to be publicly dis-respected that way.

A woman with the appropriate interest would delete the post. Not endorse it with verbal hearts, effectively rewarding the offending man and his comment.

It doesn't matter what her intentions were, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. What matters is that she gave an endorsing response to a guy giving her man serious disrespect.

Who here really thinks they deserve such a woman?

This is all part of the screening process. Have some self-respect, demand the right attitude and proper behavior from any woman you date, or any person in your life at all for that matter.

Life is too short and there are too many options to tolerate such behavior.

Totally agree with this, good post.

 

[CostaDeSol]

any updates OP?

Your experience with this one has been interesting

 

[Voice]

A few days later we got together again and acted as though nothing happened. We went on a date into the city and had a great time together. We then had some of the best sex we've ever had. We are actually closer now than we've ever been. The other day she brought me groceries to my apartment at grad school. I live in a bad area and don't have my car with me so she brought me food.

She's a great girlfriend. As it turns out BigSmooth was right. It wasn't even close to a big deal as some here made it out to be. The facebook comments themselves didn't have the intent behind them that many thought, and it turns out she had my back all along. I let her know why I felt disrespected, she understood I had a right to be mad and she now knows not to do something like that anymore.

Just take some advice here with a grain of salt and know that YOU are the one who can possibly make the best judgement of your own situation.

 

[Handsfull]

Act like you don't care. Act like your confidence and self esteem is so high that you feel sorry for this guy and how he has to act out just to get some attention. By showing this much confidence, you will gain the respect of your gf. But if you start acting like too much of a b*tch, your gf might actually start secretly agreeing with the guy.

Forget about the incident for now, she's made amends for what she did. You're actually lucky she deleted the comments, I've dated girls so crazy they would have left them up.

^This. Then take Dude aside and explain what you do and do not tolerate. If he repeats the infraction, you know what to do.

Ive had to deal with this before with "friends" trying to alpha me in front of my girl. Nip that **** in the bud immediately. Or dump the girl if she plays into it. some girls are not worth it.

 

[Scars]

So glad my girl doesn't have facebook..

Well, neither do I.

Just all-around less drama, period.

 

[CostaDeSol]

We then had some of the best sex we've ever had. We are actually closer now than we've ever been.

awesome man, glad you are enjoying your ltr.


I would just keep an eye out for strike two. she pulled this crap on you once, she probably will again.

also, Girls are terrific at winning your heart over by using sex. Its their greatest tool. Don't be fooled by it.

and keep spinning plates. She sure is.

 

[Faded Image]

They have had something in the past together. She ate up that you love it. Voice, you better keep your eyes open on this one. Oh, by the way, if she has an iPhone all she has to do is swipe across on the post and it will give her the option to delete it.

 

[Hustlaz Ambition]

I would instantly start spinning plates in this situation. A bum fires shots at you and she gives him props for it? She even called him a jerk(good thing). I can't make your decisions, but man you gotta be ice cold. A king doesn't respond to a nobody throwing rocks at his throne, but her consoling that **** was the point of no return. Adding more women to your life would be the best option here.

EDIT: Facebook is ok, but anybody that stays on that **** hours upon hours everyday are usually deep down, miserable fuks. The people with happy, fulfilling lives barely get on. Proven study...

 

[Voice]

speculation

Everything in this thread is speculation including your advice. You honestly don't think I would have a better grasp of the situation? Nobody knows me or my girlfriend or our personalities better than I do.

This whole episode has been over for weeks and I haven't even thought about it until this thread popped up again. Our relationship is fine, if not better than ever. Her behavior hasn't changed. I honestly laughed at how ridiculous and biased half of this advice was. If I came back to this thread in 5 years and we were still happily together, I guarantee I would get the same advice.

For now, she's my girl. Of course I talk to other girls, even flirt here and there. But I'm not going to dump her or start dating other girls just because of this stupid facebook drama. Yeah she messed up, she knows that now. I'm in control of the relationship.

Now I'll play devil's advocate. Let's assume you are right and she is getting ready to replace me. I'm not worried. It's her loss. I like her and it would hurt, but I don't have oneitis for her. It's more like I am voluntarily loyal to her. She gets very jealous when I talk to other girls.

If her behavior changes or if she shows blatant disrespect again I'd make the right decision because I trust my own judgement. I objectively don't see it that way now.

 

[MM92]

Wow, only read the first page but that dude deserves a big punch to the mouth. Also her response totally shocked me. If that happened to me ANY of my previous girlfriends would have gone mental at the lad for disrespecting both me AND her. I really don't like the sound of her if i'm honest.

 

[Voice]

You can try to speculate based on what you see but unless you are a mind reader you cannot know it.

Thank you for clearing that up, as it is IMPOSSIBLE to know the exact motivation behind what people do. They can only speculate. This is classic actor-observer bias. If you are still going to insist that my girlfriend intends on leaving me and has already banged multiple guys, you don't think you are speculating a little? You don't think you are biased based on your own personal beliefs and experiences? Again, I know her more than anyone else here and I'm the best at interpreting her behavior.

Facts are facts, but you CLEARLY speculated off those facts. If not than why do other people interpret the events differently? Everyone is biased and that is why I wanted to pick the minds of everyone.

You are clearly just trying to defend your original position even after my results have indicated that it was wrong. I'm not saying your interpretation was bad, you may have been right 9/10.

How about an experiment? How about I revisit this page a few months from now and see where we're at?

 

[zekko]

Did she delete the comments? Did she remove the man from her life?

Yeah, and I'm wondering how she "had your back all along" when her original respoonse was:

"OMG you're such a jerk. lol love ya <3",

which is about the same as her punching him in the arm and calling him a jerk, except with a "love ya <3" added on.

 

[Voice]

Voice,

I am curious as to where the line was drawn here.

Did she delete the comments? Did she remove the man from her life?

You say you came to an understanding after talking with her. What was the understanding?

She deleted the comments. It's not possible to delete stuff from the mobile app. If you swipe to the side to delete, it looks like you deleted it but it really doesn't go away. Eventually I think she got to a computer and was able to delete it as soon as she could.

She TOLD me that she texted him in private to leave her alone and even offered to show me the text. I declined since I figured if she was willing to go far enough to show me, her defense of me had to be adequate and she had to be telling the truth. In hindsight maybe I should have accepted her offer but at the time I didn't want to seem insecure and hey I trusted her.

In a text to her I flipped the script and placed a scenario where our roles were reversed. She said she understood when I did this. Why she didn't understand before I don't know. We haven't talked about the incident since. Frankly I don't really want to and just want to put it behind me.

As to removing the man from her life. I don't know. He's her neighbor so it's probably not possible to avoid him completely. I have no way of knowing whether they text or talk unless I go into her phone. I know the password on her phone so maybe one time I'll take a look (even though I hate doing this). I didn't order her to remove him from her life, maybe I should have. I guess it's kind of a test to see where her loyalty lies cause right now I'm not 100% sure. If I see her talking or find out she's texting him then there's going to be a problem.

 

[Down Low]

Wow, only read the first page but that dude deserves a big punch to the mouth. Also her response totally shocked me. If that happened to me ANY of my previous girlfriends would have gone mental at the lad for disrespecting both me AND her. I really don't like the sound of her if i'm honest.

Fvcking A.

 

[ken chang]

I liked a lot of the advice that you got here. But I can relate. I had anger issues too most of my life and it's not easy to just ignore it. But it is the best thing to do. Don't give in to the anger. It'll just make you look bad. The anger will pass in time as long as you don't feed it with all your attention.