Disrespect from one of my gf's guy friends, advice needed

[In2theGame]

If that happened to me.. i would be heated. He disrespected you... Ok. HOWEVER, your girlfriend laughs it off like you aint Sh*t? in my world, thats red flag. Would your girl be mad if another girl talked sh*t about her and you laughed it off and said <3 love ya to add to it? Just reverse the role..

 

[BigSmooth]

It's sad to see how many guys are saying they would react in a way that would be deemed overly emotional.


WOMEN are supposed to be the emotional creatures, not men. Men are supposed to be logical. So men...hear me out. Think with a clear mind, not with an enraged dvck filled with an overdose of testosterone.


To me, during the path to becoming a true Don Juan, men are tested with a situation where they can continue to act like a savaged warrior (which in a lot of cases this IS the right way to act...I am an endorser of following manly instincts), or they can take the NEXT STEP by proceeding in a different, more keen way. Instead of raging, use your mind to understand how people work, how situations work, and how people and situations work in certain times.

This isn't a suggestion for over-analyzing...in fact it is the exact opposite.

I am not dogging on anyone's posts in this thread, they all have merit. I understand where y'all are coming from, because I've personally been through this exact situation before. And if you consider to follow my posts, more good things will come than bad things.




Back when I was in high school and life actually revolved around what was said and who said it on a social networking site, stuff like this could blow to massive proportions escalating to huge drama scenes.

One time, a loser f@ggot did say this to my girlfriend at the time, and guess what? I was FURIOUS! Not only did I demand my girlfriend to respond with a more appropriate, more respectful statement, I wanted to fvcking KILL THAT GUY! I WANTED TO RUN HIM OVER AND PUT HIM IN A BOX!

That's hormones for ya. And guess what? All this overreaction for what? That was her first "slip up", but things after that were never the same after my initial overreaction to something so small. She later broke up with me for some bogus reason (but I knew it was because of my insecurities and my huge b0ner for demanding respect), and later on dated some random guy. No, she didn't end up dating that loser guy.


What I am trying to say is, there's a way to handle this without blowing everything out of proportion AND without acting like an AFC ch0de.




Voice, if you are the man who you think you are, there is no reason for you to have anything to worry about.

The hotter girlfriend you get...the more comments you'll get like this. And reacting like this every time is going to get you nowhere.


For example, if a true Don Juan was in your situation, he would be HUMORED when reading that guy's comment and not even think twice about it. Then after reading his girlfriend's comment, he would be appreciative of having a girl that is mature enough not to start a flame war on Facebook. And then later on in the night they will have great sex, life will move on....and that loser beta will continue to watch interracial BBW threesomes with a midget.


~BSmooth

 

[sinnerman]

I'd say you should have sarcastically replied to that douche with something which would be very offensive.

I think your girl's reaction to that comment was WRONG and cannot be justified in any way. Anything other then deleting that comment / unfriending that douche is a red flag.

If you want to take this one step further then have few of your friends (gals and guys) make really insulting comments abt her on the same pic..and you laugh your ass off at each of those comments. and then go NC atleast for a week.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Facebook is a giant source of this kind of BS. What was that useless statistic I heard? One out of three divorce papers has the work Facebook on it? That should speak volumes right there. Voice, I had practically the exact same thing happen to me dude. I ask my girl how she would like it if one of my female friends disrespected her and I did nothing to correct the issue. I told her she should have been the first one to correct her friend. I already wanted to take her off my fbook because I already had several of my ex's there and it was starting to get a little messy. I unfriended her, and told her she did not deserve to have me listed as a friend. We did stay together after that for quite some time, so that in itself did not cause us to separate, and she learned to respect me. She never did anything even remotely similar after that day.

 

[gspshields2]

Find another HB and let her know that you did

 

[betheman]

Remember, respect is EVERYTHING.

You did not over-react at all. In fact, you under-reacted.

He disrespected you publicly, and she affirmed it. That is total absolute blatant spit-in-your-face disrespect.

Personally I would demand that she lose his FB connection to him, and his phone number if she has it.

Her even remaining in contact with him is continued disrespect. If she refuses to accept that, ask her what she would think if one of your friends posted on a pic of her saying she looked like a piece of $hit.

If she refused to drop the friend, I would drop her. Respect is everything, words are wind and actions are everything. If she wants to diffuse the situation, have her drop the @sshat.

Don't be the PG rated Voice, be the R rated Voice.

pretty much this ^^^^
Im not 22 anymore but even now, if this was me, that comment and the friend better get deleted pretty quick or she gets deleted. its simple to delete an offensive comment or a picture on fb and even a friend. she reinforced his comment making you look even more sh!t.
put the boot on the other foot, one of your female friends comments about her huge ar$e on fb??? how would that swim? no it wouldnt would it?

my comment to him would have been along the lines of..."well I guess you being someone who surfs gay p0rn all day, I kind of grateful Im not your type c0cksucker"

 

[AAAgent]

Here's where I need advice. I'm trying to send a message here to my gf that I'm not going to take disrespect from her or anyone else. I don't know whether I should just take her word for it and start talking to her again or let her worry for a little longer. Also I feel like I still need to get back at her clown-ass friend. I have this HUGE urge right now to egg the **** out of his house and/or car. I want to send a message to him not to fvck with me.

Voice, i don't think your over reacting about your girlfriend (& don't fight the guy). How she responded to a person that clearly disrespected you was wrong. If she allows something like this to happen, imagine how she will react when guys hit on her in public with you standing next to her. I wouldn't break-up with her but i'd definitely make it clear you won't accept this and if she has a problem with that, you may need to look over your situation/relationship again.

I wouldn't voice your feelings of this situation with words. My friend used to react to something a girl did wrong by making her feel like crap. rejecting her advances, giving her less time and attention, etc. She kept asking what was wrong but he just said he was busy. She would try to guilt trip him by saying she was going out and he still said he was busy (he had his mutual friends keep close watch on her actions to other men). The ones that tried to flirt around, he dropped her immediately after, for the ones that learned better, he slowly rewarded them with more time and attention. The girl was never told what she did wrong and she never asked about it again but the next time an incident came-up where someone said something bad about my boy to try and AMOG him, she told the guy to fvck off.

Actions speak louder than words he would say. He also said that women respond better to actions than actual words which is true.

There's a difference in being the bigger man and standing your ground as a man when you need to. Not confronting the guy is being the bigger man, and letting your woman know she's out of line is standing your ground.

People will hate on you behind your back, sometimes they may be man enough to say it to your face (you can handle those on the spot how you see fit), but all you can really control is yourself. You can't control your girls actions or how she chooses to handle situations, but what you can control is the company you keep. This is a red flag.

 

[gspshields2]

pretty much this ^^^^
Im not 22 anymore but even now, if this was me, that comment and the friend better get deleted pretty quick or she gets deleted. its simple to delete an offensive comment or a picture on fb and even a friend. she reinforced his comment making you look even more sh!t.
put the boot on the other foot, one of your female friends comments about her huge ar$e on fb??? how would that swim? no it wouldnt would it?

my comment to him would have been along the lines of..."well I guess you being someone who surfs gay p0rn all day, I kind of grateful Im not your type c0cksucker"

Post a picture of her on FB and get a female friend to comment how ugly she is and leave the picture and comments up. Lets see if shes ok with it.

Double standards right?

 

[CostaDeSol]

I wouldn't voice your feelings of this situation with words. My friend used to react to something a girl did wrong by making her feel like crap. rejecting her advances, giving her less time and attention, etc. She kept asking what was wrong but he just said he was busy.

...This is a red flag.

yep. You don't have to say anything. BUT, a line has been crossed.

The way i see it is this:
online guy flirts with your girl by amoging you. She flirts back, being fully open to his ****y/funny approaches to her.

What she should have done was deleted his comment and ignored him.

As I stated earlier, I believe situations like this will happen again with your gf. She seems to be very open to the approaches of other guys. and if she's pretty, she will get hit on a lot.

 

[SeymourCake]

B*tches ain't loyal at all these days. You were disrespected here not only by the person who made the comment, but also by your girlfriend for she loves him WITH a heart symbol.

Leave her and move on to better things in life.

 

[CostaDeSol]

My gut feeling is she has a past "history" with online comment man.

I'm not necessarily saying she's a cheater, but they almost talk like couple that hooked up in the past (before your relationship), but the sexual tension is still there. Comment man did this out of jealousy.

But I agree with Danger that girls generally don't tolerate someone disrespecting thier bf. That part is troubling.

yeah, this too

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Is it just me or does this whole situation just sound like kid stuff?

It's only disrespect when you acknowledge it. Otherwise, it's just some jealous hater trying to show your gf how "alpha" he is by making fun of your picture. And of course, no one thinks he's alpha because what he's doing is the opposite of alpha.

You're a king. And a king can't respond to every peasant who says something negative about him.

My gut feeling is she has a past "history" with online comment man.

I'm not necessarily saying she's a cheater, but they almost talk like couple that hooked up in the past (before your relationship), but the sexual tension is still there. Comment man did this out of jealousy.

But I agree with Danger that girls generally don't tolerate someone disrespecting thier bf. That part is troubling.

Actually, I think the opposite.

Maybe it's just because this guy and his comments remind me of my loud, obnoxious, loser college friend. A guy who probably read too much SoSuave and thought that being a "jerk" would get him laid. So he'd throw around insults all night. Make fun of a girl's clothes. Make fun of a guy's shirt. Make fun of someone's name/race/accent. All very loudly.

And while the girls would be like "Hee hee...Mark! You're too much. I can't believe you said that", none of these girls would actually bang him. Because he had no game except for "HEY, I'M A VERY LOUD 'JERK'!!" "CAN'T YOU SEE HOW ALPHA I AM?!?" "ONLY SOMEONE ALPHA COULD SAY THESE TYPES OF THINGS." If you gotta scream and shout and jump around like a monkey to get attention, then the chances are, you're not getting very much attention.

Or the short version of this - The guy just sounds like her loud, wannabe alpha platonic friend. If he ever got any sex from this girl, he wouldn't need to be trying to hard with the tough guy act.

 

[SeymourCake]

Is it just me or does this whole situation just sound like kid stuff?

It's only disrespect when you acknowledge it. Otherwise, it's just some jealous hater trying to show your gf how "alpha" he is by making fun of your picture. And of course, no one thinks he's alpha because what he's doing is the opposite of alpha.

You're a king. And a king can't respond to every peasant who says something negative about him.

I agree with not being phased for what the commentator said on the facebook, but you missed out the part where a King wouldn't let his Queen tell that peasant "omg you're a jerk, but I love you".

I'm actually concerned with the way his girlfriend responded to his disrespectful comments by reinforcing his comment. On top of that, she told him that she loves him.

 

[AAAgent]

Is it just me or does this whole situation just sound like kid stuff?

It's only disrespect when you acknowledge it. Otherwise, it's just some jealous hater trying to show your gf how "alpha" he is by making fun of your picture. And of course, no one thinks he's alpha because what he's doing is the opposite of alpha.

You're a king. And a king can't respond to every peasant who says something negative about him.

We're not telling him to respond to the peasant (the friend), we're telling him to respond to his woman. Would a King let his Queen disrespect him.....not a king that has balls.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

I agree with not being phased for what the commentator said on the facebook, but you missed out the part where a King wouldn't let his Queen tell that peasant "omg you're a jerk, but I love you".

I'm actually concerned with the way his girlfriend responded to his disrespectful comments by reinforcing his comment. On top of that, she told him that she loves him.

Bare in mind that I'm not emotionally invested in this situation. But for the sake of conversation, what did you expect her to say?

If this guy were someone who had a history of talking about the OP, then yeah I'd be heated about it. But sometimes it's just a friend talking sh!t to a friend. Nobody's gonna fight their friend over a stupid Facebook joke, right?

Let's say it happens to you.

You list yourself in a relationship on Facebook, and one of your female friends sees the pic of you and your girl. Then she writes "Skank!" on your wall. It's obviously a joke. She doesnt know your girl. Doesn't care about your girl one way or the other. What's your reaction to this? If it's me, I'm thinking "Brush it off. I don't need any extra drama in my life. Especially when it's unnecessary."

And again, dont take this as me arguing with you - because I truly dont care. I'm just curious if I'm missing something.

 

[SeymourCake]

Bare in mind that I'm not emotionally invested in this situation. But for the sake of conversation, what did you expect her to say?

I would expect her to respond by...
A) Putting him in his place by telling him not to talk about her boyfriend like that.
B) Ignoring what he said, deleting his comment and then blocking him on facebook.
C) A and B

Let's say it happens to you.

You list yourself in a relationship on Facebook, and one of your female friends sees the pic of you and your girl. Then she writes "Skank!" on your wall. It's obviously a joke. She doesnt know your girl. Doesn't care about your girl one way or the other. What's your reaction to this? If it's me, I'm thinking "Brush it off. I don't need any extra drama in my life. Especially when it's unnecessary."

I would respond by deleting the comment and then send her a message not to write senseless sh*t on my profile and tell her not to judge people she doesn't know. The thing about jokes is, people may say jokes aren't meant to be taken serious, but you also have to realize jokes have truth in them to a certain degree. If she does it again, then I would block her on facebook.

 

[Voice]

I agree with not being phased for what the commentator said on the facebook, but you missed out the part where a King wouldn't let his Queen tell that peasant "omg you're a jerk, but I love you".

I'm actually concerned with the way his girlfriend responded to his disrespectful comments by reinforcing his comment. On top of that, she told him that she loves him.

Yeah like I said before, it was HER response that made me mad. I can care less what dbag said, I could handle that easily.

IDK if this is true but she told me she tried to delete his comment from her phone before anyone saw but she wasn't able do it from her phone. So she said she thought her comment was the best way to 'lighten the mood' and diffuse the situation. She said she didn't want to start something of facebook where her family could see. Who knows if that is BS or not. She eventually did delete it.

I really don't want to over analyze this. I might just have to take her word for it and see if any of this type of behavior happens again in the future. This is strike one for her.

Also I still kind of want to egg this kids house.

 

[SeymourCake]

Yeah like I said before, it was HER response that made me mad. I can care less what dbag said, I could handle that easily.

IDK if this is true but she told me she tried to delete his comment from her phone before anyone saw but she wasn't able do it from her phone. So she said she thought her comment was the best way to 'lighten the mood' and diffuse the situation. She said she didn't want to start something of facebook where her family could see. Who knows if that is BS or not. She eventually did delete it.

I really don't want to over analyze this. I might just have to take her word for it and see if any of this type of behavior happens again in the future. This is strike one for her.

Also I still kind of want to egg this kids house.

Don't egg the kids house. Don't even acknowledge this person as if he doesn't exist. He's a nobody.

As far as your girl goes, I would keep an eye on her. She could say anything, but remember actions speak louder than words. Judge her by her actions, not what she tells you.

 

[EastWind]

Personally, the fact that she uses Facebook in general and in that way alone would be grounds enough for me to terminate the relationship. Never let your friends upload pictures of you on Facebook, and, in general, just don't use that stuff.

That exchange would have been slightly different with all of you sitting at a table, but still.

I'm having a tough time deciding - without being in your situation - whether that exchange can be considered banter between two good friends. But there's a difference between a subtle comment to stir the ire of a friend and a blatant insult to which she responds with "love ya".

My advice is to dump her, stop using Facebook and find a girl who doesn't use Facebook (albeit for the right reasons). You'll have a much better time because her social circle won't be a troop of immature self-centered idiots, and neither will yours.

 

[Voice]

Personally, the fact that she uses Facebook in general and in that way alone would be grounds enough for me to terminate the relationship. Never let your friends upload pictures of you on Facebook, and, in general, just don't use that stuff.

That exchange would have been slightly different with all of you sitting at a table, but still.

I'm having a tough time deciding - without being in your situation - whether that exchange can be considered banter between two good friends. But there's a difference between a subtle comment to stir the ire of a friend and a blatant insult to which she responds with "love ya".

My advice is to dump her, stop using Facebook and find a girl who doesn't use Facebook (albeit for the right reasons). You'll have a much better time because her social circle won't be a troop of immature self-centered idiots, and neither will yours.

Lol why is everyone's advice on this forum "dump her"?

EastWind I never understood this type of thinking. Dump her because she uses facebook? Lol, come on, facebook is not the problem here. I like facebook. It's a fun way to interact and keep in touch with friends. I don't ever really update my status or really post much. I can care less about whoring myself out to the world. But come on, you know girls all girls are *****s in one way or another and they LOVE to do this. Good luck finding a girl who hasn't had menopause or isn't Amish that doesn't use facebook.

And why would I care if she posts pictures of me? Maybe she just wants to show me off?

Newsflash, EVERYONE is self-centered. ALL of my friends use facebook, and most MOST of them aren't idiots. The whole notion of "I'm too good for facebook, people who use it are self-centered idiots" is just a rationalization for people who are insecure about their social life.

I'm not going to be insecure and control my girlfriend. She can do as she pleases EXCEPT if she disrespects me. That's where the line ends.

In my opinion there are only 3 reasons to dump an LTR

1. You are no longer attracted to her
2. She constantly disrespects you
3. You are moving apart (physically or philosophically)