Desdinova Goes To Bootcamp (journal)

[Desdinova]

So here I am. No dates, no spinning plates. Freshly out of a 3-month STR, and before that I seperated from my wife. I'm going to do the boot camp.

When I first showed up on this site, the boot camp didn't exist. I had to motivate myself to do everything, and I learned it all quite well. I consistently had 2 or 3 women on the go at that time. Now, here I am 8 years later and I need a good jumpstart to get myself back where I was, and maybe even beyond.

Just because I used to be great, it doesn't mean that it's going to be easy for me. My weakest point was actually approaching women. I rarely had to approach them. They would usually approach me which made things easy - too easy. It's now time to change that.

Unfortunately, there are going to be some obstacles with doing the boot camp. The biggest one is my work schedule. I'm on emergency call every few weeks, but ever since we've had one person quit, it's been more like every two weeks. Even worse, I have a two-week stretch of being on emergency call, and this will happen during the weeks where I'm supposed to be going out on dates. The second obstacle is I have a child for a good half of my time. I'll be needing to juggle boot camp time around these two permanent fixtures in my life.

But here I am starting week 1 today. If any of you out there have no plates and no dates, feel free to jump in with me!

Week 1 is going to be the most difficult. It's not the eye contact, it's saying "hi" to 50 strangers. Whenever I start a conversation with a stranger, I NEVER start with the word "hi". I just jump into the conversation and eliminate the awkwardness of what to say after "hi". However, the boot camp isn't built to be easy, it's built to get results.

Other than being on emergency call, I've got the entire day to myself so I'll be off to the mall to get myself some new clothes, so the opportunity is perfect. I'll be recording my results here. Bring on week 1!

 

[CaptainJ]

Hey good to have someone else doing bootcamp, now i can have an old timer to compete with :box:

This your first time doing bootcamp? Don't worry about the Hi s, they get much easier and more natural after you've done about 3. Personally i like to say Good Morning, afternoon or gday and that always gets a positive response, especially when you say it with a confident smile.

I'm looking forward to seeing you progress

 

[Ease]

Seriously considering this bootcamp thing.

I find myself in a similiar situation after my breakup a month ago, with no plates or leads. My social life has wittled down to the core friends. I share your pain.

 

[dj_china]

keep updating! looking forward to seeing your progress

 

[CaptainJ]

Seriously considering this bootcamp thing.

I find myself in a similiar situation after my breakup a month ago, with no plates or leads. My social life has wittled down to the core friends. I share your pain.

Hah it seems everyone is in the same boat at the exact same time, do it mate, it's good fun.

 

[Desdinova]

So here's my first outing. Went to a mall and everyone won't fvcking look me in the eyes. Tried saying my 'hello' a couple of times and got promptly ignored. Seems the mall is a bit too distracting for people to take notice that this cool sexy dude is being friendly.

So I went to Wal-mart. People are much more approachable when they're doing actual shopping. My best results were people who locked eye contact first before I greeted them. They gave a friendly 'hi' back. I also got a couple of nods from others who locked eye contact with me.

So I go over to a pile of discount books. I say hello to some lady who was quite content to ignore me. Then I noticed her fly was open. I figured I was sure to get a response if I told her, but she walked away before I could embarass her.

I bumped into an ex I dated before my marriage. Face is still gorgeous as hell, but she got pretty fat. Too bad, she was an absolute knockout at one point. I greeted her and made some small talk.

I had to go get myself a new pair of jeans, so I waltzed my sexy buns into Randy River. There was a HB8 at a table and I was trying to figure out if she worked there or not. (I read a bootcamp journal where the participant actively didn't count women who worked in retail). So, I approached her and said hello. She ignored me, walked past, and went into the back of the store. Okay, this bytch was going to talk to me because I need some new pants, and it's her fvcking job to help me!

She came back and went to another table. I was fed up looking for jeans in my size so I just approached her and started conversing. "You don't got anything in size 32, do you?" She played the stupid part very well and made it her mission to find me some 32s. I found one pair and I went to try them on.

Anyway, after all this I went to pay for my new jeans. I told her how I had to virtually replace my entire wardrobe since I'd dropped 30 lbs. She asked me how I did it, I told her, she congratulated me, we conversed a bit more. No number close. That's not for another 3 weeks.

Again, I find simply saying "hello" a pain in the ass. It may show you're friendly, but it's inconvenient. I'd rather interrupt a conversation with the potential to start a new one. But then again, I didn't make the bootcamp.

10 hellos today, 40 more to go. Might get a couple more in later this eve when I go out and show off my butt in my new jeans

 

[HeyPachuco!]

Week 1, Day 1

I'll jump in?

6 Hellos and whats up's, 2 conversations out of those hello's. I even saw one of the guys get into a fight with some randomer. LOL it's been funny so far, I'm actually surprised I got Hello's and Hi's back. Didn't think people would turn there head backs to say Hi.

Spoke to a great guy about the England failure and who will possibly win the World Cup.

 

[Desdinova]

Week 1 Day 3 (27 Hellos)

Almost quit the bootcamp yesterday. My boss was being a grade A a55hole and I was ready to quit my job. Then my dad showed me the purpose of unions, so I'll be firing some 5hit back in my boss's direction.

Didn't go out last night, but I took the day off and just got back from packing in a whopping 17 hellos. Not really any interesting ones this time around. I'm also discovering that there aren't many good looking women out and about at the beginning of the week.

Tomorrow night I'll be at the Iron Maiden concert looking to hello more people, except I'll probably be using "Hey".

 

[rushing dude 123]

Well done on knocking all that rust off your armour lol. I hope you are able to get back on your feet and stand even more ground than you use too. The bootcamp is hard as you want to make it. I know your pushed for time, but the whole purpose of this is to mix girls with everything else, so you could do 50 hellos in less than a minute if you want too....get on a double decker bus haha.

Have some fun at your concert and keep it up, i look forward to seeing how your doing in 4 weeks time.

 

[Desdinova]

Week 1 Day 5

Sittin' at 42 hellos. Will probably bang off the rest tomorrow night. Today's a holiday, so I went where everyone goes to watch the fireworks. Lots of people, fewer responses than in the grocery store.

 

[Desdinova]

Week 1 Day 7

Banged off my last 8 hellos. It's a real bytch being an early bird. The stores are pretty empty before noon around here. I did some grocery shopping and was pissed that I still had 3 left to go. I paid for my 5hit and banged off the last 3 in the parking lot while I tried to figure out where the hell I parked the truck, LOL!

Starting week 2 tomorrow. Bring it on!

 

[T From CA]

Good stuff, keep it up.

 

[Desdinova]

Week 2 day 1

Today was working against me big time. My ex needed me to take our boy today, so I headed out to initiate convos with him in tow.

Now, I used to be good at this stuff years ago. After years of not maintaining convos, I've become quite rusty. Approaching and initiating contact with a stranger was easy. Maintaining the convo was the problem. I couldn't think of how to move things forward.

I initiated contact with 5 people. I tried talking to this damn good looking walmart hottie. "Are those all batteries you're putting away?" She responded in the positive, and I was stuck.

In another store, I noticed a woman covered in butterfly tattoos. So I approached her. "Wow, you certainly like butterflies!"

She responded with "oh." Oh? WTF kind of answer is 'oh'?

on the plus side, I chatted with a guy in a thrift store for about 3 mins showing him how something worked. In the record section, I got into a convo with some dude about the crappy selection of records and how the cover artists were on drugs.

So, two convos today

 

[Desdinova]

Week 2 Day 2

I may end up botching this week. I have very little approach anxiety. In fact, approaching without saying "hello" is the bloody easiest thing for me to do. The problem I'm having is keeping the conversation going for more than 2 mins.

I approached at least 10 people on this outing. I fvcked up one approach with a girl looking at socks. I was ready to walk up to her and say "if I were you, I'd choose the pink ones" but it just didn't come out. Bloody hell.

I said to the lady sweeping the floor "A clean floor is a happy floor!" Got a smile, but nothing more came from that.

Two women buying a huge pile of crap while I was in line to pay for a drink. She let me go ahead of her. "Well, I have one drink, you have many." I asked if they were having a party with all the garbage food in the cart (pizza, Pepsi, crackers, paper towels) but they were taking advantage of some store promotion. Convo lasted around 30-45 seconds at most.

My biggest screwup was a lady buying fluorescent-striped luggage. Probably a HB7. I commented "I wonder if those things glow in the dark?"

She responded, "Well, I won't have any problem finding them in the airport"

Me: "Well, you won't unless everybody shops at Walmart"

Her: "Yes, that's very true!"

Me: "Usually the way to go is to buy the cheap stuff so it won't matter if it gets beat up in transit"

Her: "That's my goal!"

And I just let it die. The best thing I could have done is asked her where she was going, where she likes to go, where she's been, etc.

On the plus side, I was getting FANTASTIC eye contact and smiles while I was passing people. I was in a pretty good mood, and I think people were sensing it. I may screw up this week and have to do it again, but I desperately need to re-sharpen my convo skills. I used to be good at this stuff. Years of being locked away with a toddler and a non-existant wife hasn't had a positive effect on my interpersonal skills.

I've also pulled out my old copy of Double Your Dating and started giving it a good read. ****y/funny is where I really used to shine, so I figured I'd do a bit of reading before I headed out. I've got some female friends, one of which I'm meeting up with tomorrow, and I wanna try using that stuff on her for practice. That's what I did way back when - practice on my female friends. Time to do it again.

 

[Desdinova]

Week 2 Day 4

Okay, it's official. I'm a lousy conversationalist. Again, somewhere around 10 approaches, convos lasting 30 seconds or less. I'm bombing on week 2, although carting around my 3 year old actually made things a bit more interesting!

I'm going to re-do week 2, but I need to remedy the problem I'm having. I'm going to do what all the PUAs do: use openers, maybe some props, and get interesting convos going. However, I am NOT going to pull a bunch of openers off mASF or any other PUA source. I'm going to create my own. I'd rather keep things original and fun rather than use someone else's work.

So, the rest of my failed week will be spent on creating some original 5hit to use. I've got a couple of ideas already swimming in my head.

 

[T From CA]

Okay, it's official. I'm a lousy conversationalist. Again, somewhere around 10 approaches, convos lasting 30 seconds or less. I'm bombing on week 2, although carting around my 3 year old actually made things a bit more interesting!

I'm going to re-do week 2, but I need to remedy the problem I'm having. I'm going to do what all the PUAs do: use openers, maybe some props, and get interesting convos going. However, I am NOT going to pull a bunch of openers off mASF or any other PUA source. I'm going to create my own. I'd rather keep things original and fun rather than use someone else's work.

So, the rest of my failed week will be spent on creating some original 5hit to use. I've got a couple of ideas already swimming in my head.

Keep it up man, at least you're out there trying. I'm going to start mine in a couple of weeks, and I already know I'm going to have the same problems you are. I can make eye contact and say hello easily to anybody so that's not my issue. My issue is starting up and carrying a conversation for 2-3 minutes. I have a habit of running out of steam within the first minute.
Keep your head up and stay with it. You learn through trial and error.

 

[weekender]

Okay, it's official. I'm a lousy conversationalist. Again, somewhere around 10 approaches, convos lasting 30 seconds or less. I'm bombing on week 2, although carting around my 3 year old actually made things a bit more interesting!

I'm going to re-do week 2, but I need to remedy the problem I'm having. I'm going to do what all the PUAs do: use openers, maybe some props, and get interesting convos going. However, I am NOT going to pull a bunch of openers off mASF or any other PUA source. I'm going to create my own. I'd rather keep things original and fun rather than use someone else's work.

So, the rest of my failed week will be spent on creating some original 5hit to use. I've got a couple of ideas already swimming in my head.

If I may give a suggestion, I think you could speed up the process of ****y/funny conversations if you visualized it. When you wake up in the morning visualize it, before falling asleep visualize the perfect ****y/funny conversation with the hottest women you can imagine. Helped me be more relaxed, get a conversation going with teasing, negs, etc. on hot women.

Peace.

 

[CaptainJ]

You've got the exact opposite problem from me. I'm a really good conversationalist, it's just that I lack the balls to open people all the time, so the few appraoches I do, I get really big conversatons out of.

My advice to you is to really focus on their conversation like it's an interview and it's your job to keep them talking. Get an awkward silence on an interview and it's bad for the tv show. I just listen intently to everything they say and pick up on all the details, so with the woman buying the glowing sh1t, I would have asked her where she was taking a plane to, holiday etc.

People give a hell of a lot away about themselves without much probing, you just need to pick up on it, that's what being a good listener is about. I also think a good trick is that when the conversation dies up, you simply ask them something like "so where you going on holiday this summer?" "WHat you doing today?" and just ask them aboiut their life, job hobbies etc. People just answer you naturally like it's a normal conversation, not remembering you're a stranger.

I bombed on week 2 as well, because of sudden depression and being unwilling to actively seek conversations. But now i've got a greater will to complete week 2, so keep at it! You'll push through.

 

[Desdinova]

So for the rest of the week, I haven't been just sitting on my ass eating pop tarts. I cracked open my copy of "How To Win Friends & Influence People" that I picked up for 35 cents about a month ago. So far, it's been insightful.

People's favorite subjects are themselves. So that's what I gotta do - make them talk about themselves. I've got the approach down, I just gotta make it go somewhere. Week 2 revisited starts tomorrow!

 

[rushing dude 123]

To be honest forget all these lines and stuff, at the end of the day you will learn a lot more naturally creating conversations. To do this all you have to do is be curious. I know when you go places you ask yourself questions, you reach a bus stop "i wonder how long ago the last bus went past" then you have a conversation and try to transition it.

RD: hey, i am kind of running late i was just curious when the last (insert bus here) bus came past.
HB: o actually i have been here for 20 mins waiting for the same bus lol.
RD: Wow thats good, i mean for me at least
HB: lol
RD: wait are you going to stevens birthday party as well? lol
HB: HAHA No i am going to work
RD: Ah i see and what work do you do?
HB: teacher
RD: (looks at watch) lol i aint that bad, i think your much later than me
HB: lol actually.....

see, an average stranger conversation lead into a deep friendly conversation just from being curious. Another example could be, lets say your going to a dance class and waiting outside with everyone something like "have you even been to this class before (reply).....can you dance(reply)..... well you look like your a good dancer or maybe you may do some sports or aerobics or something(reply)" So doing new things and just asking people what your curious about will get you conversations.

I remember i was getting changed for swimming and i was able to get 5 2 min+ conversations, by asking just stupid questions like "what time does swimming close", "how fast do you have to be to swim in fast lane". So just ask something friendly you want to know about and then use your skill to transition it into something else. It's a hard thing to learn and re-learn, but be dedicated and keep going and you will get it.