Dating a woman who has had groupsex in the past?

[maqnetik]

tell her thats nasty and that you dont do that

 

[zekko]

I believe the idea he's trying to get across is that she shouldn't HAVE to have a tendency toward chastity...if she does, she will be boring in bed anyway.

She doesn't necessarily have to have had multiple partners to have picked up some skills. As long as she is into you and adventurous, she'll probably be up for anything. And you can always teach her a thing or two.

The idea is that you should find a woman who doesn't naturally tend toward chastity, but is into you enough (and you into her) that your d!ck becomes the only one she needs to satisfy her.

She should definitely be into you. But leopards rarely change their spots. If she has a history of being a ho, then you are basically picking a ho to be your girl. Why would you do that? I don't believe much in changing women. What you see is generally what you get.

To me, the real strong couple is the one that can go out to a swinger-party, screw around all night, and STILL wants to come home to each other at the end of the night.

Well, have fun with that.
I am not sharing my home with some girl who had a bunch of other guy's
c0cks in her all night. That may meet your standards, not mine.
I know there are people who do this and are supposedly happy doing it, and I can see possible advantages to it, but it's not my cup of tea.

I've read your posts, Squirrels, you're still sowing your wild oats. You're in this for the sex. If you get to a stage where you want a LTR you may feel differently. Maybe not, but possibly.

 

[squirrels]

I've read your posts, Squirrels, you're still sowing your wild oats. You're in this for the sex. If you get to a stage where you want a LTR you may feel differently. Maybe not, but possibly.

You don't know what I "want". To be honest, I don't want ANY of it. I wish I could wash the desire for female companionship out of my system entirely. It feels like a mental condition, like something I've been CONDITIONED to want and don't have the willpower to quit.

I just don't believe in fighting human nature and human desirewith all kinds of rules and structure and shaming tactics. "Slut" is a shaming word that people use to try to coerce women into unnatural physical commitments.

I don't believe that any man can "possess" or "own" a woman, or vice-versa. I disagree with the use of marriage and pseudo-marriage (i.e. the "serious relationship" label) as a means of claiming single ownership over another's genitals.

I didn't "save myself for marriage", so if I ever want to have a good, strong marriage one day, I have to believe that someone as "dirty" as I am...and as I said, we ALL are, deep down...can and will commit, out of their OWN volition and not out of being ashamed to be called "slut", to a close emotional bond with me, regardless of her sexual past.

In your mind, is there any difference if your girlfriend 1) goes out and sleeps with another man, 2) expresses an interest in sleeping with another man, or 3) harbors secret thoughts about sleeping with another man?

In all three cases, is the infidelity not already committed? "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery, But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." (Matthew 5:27-28)

Like I said, I agree with all of you that if your girl is running around screwing other guys, then she shouldn't be "your girl" in the first place. But you can't hold her past against her...she didn't know a guy like you back then and was just doing what's in her nature. It could easily be in a woman's nature to "slut around" when she doesn't have a better option...if you come and be that "better option" for her, then maybe she COULD be with only you.

Maybe not. But what you need to do is watch her behavior NOW. You'll see if she's congruent to what she claims to be NOW or whether she is still following the behaviors she pursued then.

Men want to figure a woman out within the first couple months of meeting her and never have to think about it again, to write her off as a "known quantity". That's how relationships get stale and boring, and honestly how they get broken, because people are ALWAYS changing. Who I am now is different than who I was 7 years ago, and who 7 years before that.

You obviously don't understand what I meant by the "swinger" thing. Swinging couples don't go out ALONE and get f**ked...it's an experience they SHARE. And they still come home to one another at the end of the night.

That's what I'd consider to be "infidelity", far and above sex...if she's out doing something we could've done TOGETHER and she KNOWS I would enjoy it as much as she does, but leaves me behind. Then why am I even "with her" in the first place??

I just think some of you guys have very narrow views of what "infidelity" means, caused by a narrow focus on something many clearly don't understand, yet claim to be able to "control"...the nature of human sexuality.

If you watch how women...ALL women...behave, you'll understand a lot more. But then...you might end up like I am, trusting women about as far as you can throw them.

 

[zekko]

I just don't believe in fighting human nature and human desirewith all kinds of rules and structure and shaming tactics. "Slut" is a shaming word that people use to try to coerce women into unnatural physical commitments.

As I said before, there are natural/instinctive reasons why women with many sexual partners are devalued by males. So I don't see it as fighting human nature at all. It's in a woman's best interest to be more selective about her partners.

I don't believe that any man can "possess" or "own" a woman, or vice-versa.

Definitely not.

I disagree with the use of marriage and pseudo-marriage (i.e. the "serious relationship" label) as a means of claiming single ownership over another's genitals.

I couldn't recommend marriage to anyone in the current culture and moral climate. If someone wants to give it a go, that's fine, as long as they know what they're getting into.

In your mind, is there any difference if your girlfriend 1) goes out and sleeps with another man, 2) expresses an interest in sleeping with another man, or 3) harbors secret thoughts about sleeping with another man?

I'm not going to argue with the author of Matthew. But the thought can occur to a woman as a temptation and then she has to decide if it's worth going through with it in reality or not.

It could easily be in a woman's nature to "slut around" when she doesn't have a better option...if you come and be that "better option" for her, then maybe she COULD be with only you.

Possibly. I'm still trying to figure out why you would pick a girl that is out slvtting around for a LTR though.

If it's a case where she is confessing something she did growing up a long time ago, looking to experiment, like I said in my first reply, I wouldn't consider that a dealbreaker necessarily.

You obviously don't understand what I meant by the "swinger" thing. Swinging couples don't go out ALONE and get f**ked...it's an experience they SHARE. And they still come home to one another at the end of the night.

I got what you meant. In any case, the result is the same. Another man's
c0ck has been in her a good part of the night. Not acceptable to me. YMMV.

A lot of times with this "swinger" thing, a couple will meet another couple, swap partners, and go to seperate bedrooms to do their thing. Is that really sharing or just rationalizing infidelity?

I just think some of you guys have very narrow views of what "infidelity" means, caused by a narrow focus on something many clearly don't understand, yet claim to be able to "control"...the nature of human sexuality.

I don't think it's necessarily in our best interests to act on our every primal urge.

If you watch how women...ALL women...behave, you'll understand a lot more. But then...you might end up like I am, trusting women about as far as you can throw them

I don't trust women at all. Some are more trustworthy than others.
With my girlfriend, I take it one day at a time. So far she has proven deserving of her position. I am well aware it could end at any time.

 

[Drum&Bass]

A woman can only get pregnant once every nine months. If you're trying to get in there and she has 20 other guys at the same time banging her, .

I don't understand...HOW is she going to have 20 guys having sex with her at the same time ?? Are you saying she is is going to have sex with 20 different people on the same night your trying to have a baby with her ?? Maybe you mean a girl that has had sex 20 times will become much harder to impregnate ??...but what if she has had 3 boyfriends each lasting 2 years and had sex with each of them thousands of times ??...

Pls explain what your talking about in that quote.

That's why men place more value on the more chaste woman. I'm not one to get hung up on a woman's sexual past. But if she's seen more c0cks than a porn star she is going to be considered low quality.

By who ?? and should she care ?? Does that detract from her ability to care about someone ?? Does that detract from her ability to problem solve ?? Will her sexual past eliminate her thoughtfulness and compassion ??

Is the concept of a 3-some that horrible and disturbing ?? People do them all the time for the experience !

Sure there will be guys that negatively criticize her, but these guys are probably insecure, boring, naive and narrow minded. Th only guys I ever see talking trash about womens sexual histories are scumbags that spend all their time trying to hook up with the same women they mock or guys that ride a high horse and talk big, as if them talking down on women makes them look appealing and immune to finding a girl who has a clean sexual slate. REALITY is...We all end up with women that have had sex with numerous guys...Deal with or go find a side of a mountain where you can go play with yourself because while there are women who HOLD out for marriage...they are FEW and FAR between and unless your very religous, you will end up with the same girl as the next guy (think about that).

he should definitely be into you. But leopards rarely change their spots. If she has a history of being a ho, then you are basically picking a ho to be your girl. Why would you do that?

Please define what YOUR OPINION of a ho is ??

I don't believe much in changing women. What you see is generally what you get.

ok...and how does this relate to anything ?

 

[zekko]

I don't understand...HOW is she going to have 20 guys having sex with her at the same time ?? Are you saying she is is going to have sex with 20 different people on the same night your trying to have a baby with her ??

I was talking about caveman days. When I refer to natural/instinctive impulses I usually flash back to images of primitive man.

By who ?? and should she care ?? Does that detract from her ability to care about someone ??

Do you really want a girl that has seen more c0cks than a porn star? It doesn't detract from her ability to care, but it detracts from her ability to win me for a LTR. There are porn stars who are married. You are welcome to marry one. I will pass.

s the concept of a 3-some that horrible and disturbing ?? People do them all the time for the experience !

I wasn't referring to the threesome, I've already said I wouldn't necessarily consider that a dealbreaker. I was referring to women who were slvts. Slvts are okay for ONS or FBs, but I wouldn't have one for a LTR.

We all end up with women that have had sex with numerous guys...Deal with or go find a side of a mountain

Of course. I have no problem with a woman having a sexual past. But it's a matter of degree. If she is a ho than that lowers her value. Not just for me but for several posters here. See Jophil's post.

Please define what YOUR OPINION of a ho is ??

A girl who has sex with random guys on a regular basis.

ok...and how does this relate to anything ?

Did you read the thread? I was referring to Squirrels' statement that a girl who rides the c0ck carousel might be satisfied with just you if she is into you enough. I say what you see is generally what you get. If she's acting like a ho when you meet her, chances are she's a ho. You don't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

 

[Colossus]

She doesn't necessarily have to have had multiple partners to have picked up some skills. As long as she is into you and adventurous, she'll probably be up for anything. And you can always teach her a thing or two.


She should definitely be into you. But leopards rarely change their spots. If she has a history of being a ho, then you are basically picking a ho to be your girl. Why would you do that? I don't believe much in changing women. What you see is generally what you get.


Well, have fun with that.
I am not sharing my home with some girl who had a bunch of other guy's
c0cks in her all night. That may meet your standards, not mine.
I know there are people who do this and are supposedly happy doing it, and I can see possible advantages to it, but it's not my cup of tea.

I've read your posts, Squirrels, you're still sowing your wild oats. You're in this for the sex. If you get to a stage where you want a LTR you may feel differently. Maybe not, but possibly.

^ This man actually has a grip on reality.

I think the whole matrix red pill-blue pill analogy is a little dramatic. I definitely had some very wrong ideas about women when I was younger, and Ive gone through some very cynical periods where I thought the entire female sex could only bring a man misery. But that was irrational, emotionally-charged thinking.

The truth of the matter is, there ARE quality women and there are women who have no quality whatsoever. But the deceptively simple catch is-----my standard of quality is going to differ from yours. And who cares??? I dont give a fvck what kind of women another guy wants to shack up with. If swinging and group sex is your thing, knock yourself out! I'm all set.

Generally speaking, I dont want to know about a girls sexual past. But if you listen to them, the truth will eventually come through the cracks. Just the way it is---you cant know everything about somebody up front. Maybe you meet a girl you really dig, then find out later like the OP she had a train ran on her by three dudes. Then it's decision time.

 

[Stagger Lee]

I agree and pretty much agree with every point zekko is making. Slvts are not good for a relationship. Other than ONS and STR they are good for catching an STD, becoming cuckolded or some other drama. They lack ability to bond with one guy and show the propensity not to. A lot of them are hored out cold fish anyway. I've noticed that the less sex and partners a woman has the more lovey dovey they are. There are plenty of serial daters and that is as about as low as I'd want to go for a relationship.

 

[Bluntmaster]

It all goes back to the #1 rule of the game:

You CAN'T TURN A HO INTO A HOUSEWIFE.

I can't BELIEVE DrumNBass has the nerve to argue against the #1 rule of the game.

 

[Drum&Bass]

we're discussing...not arguing....its rare that I type as much as I did in this thread. That means we've all got some ideas and points to share.

It seems we or I was discussing something very different than what everyone else was talking about.

You guys are talking about meeting a girl who is KNOWN to be promiscuous right now (Present tense) and I was talking about the OP's post about his happy relationship with a girl who had a 3-some in the past.

its funny...but that whole saying about turning ho's into houswives is a bit out of context. Most girls, as in 99% of all in the women I've met in my life had stages when they hooked up with LOTS of guys and then later lost that desire to sleep around. Its like they got it out of their system and they see the value in a committed relationship.

Don't get me wrong if a girl is a single adult YOU CAN'T EXPECT HER TO NOT HAVE SEX until Mr. Perfect comes along but Im assuming you guys are talking in EXTREMES which is kind of silly...but then again...thats why I asked what is your opinion of a ho ?? or what is ANYONES opinion of ho ?? How many guys does a single girl have to sleep with before she is considered a ho ??

Single women will have sex with different men just as single guys will have sex with different women.

Me personally, I've known girls who sleep around only to find a boyfriend and completely change their ways. I have never been cheated on so any of the girls I've been with might have been recently reformed promiscuous women. I find it rare that a promiscuous woman will cheat in a relationship. I do see cheating VERY often ! but it happens to guys that are cool around other guys compete chumps around their girlfriends. That is the only time I have seen any girl..Ho or Not cheat in a relationship.

Soooo...If your a guy thats cool around other guys but you don't know how to keep women happy...be prepared to get cheated on by hors, Dumped by good girls (or cheated on before you get dumped) and worst case scenario if things progress to marriage be prepared to get half of your money taken in court.

It all comes down to YOU the guy in the relationship period

In all honesty I could care less what a girls current reputation is. If she becomes my FB and I start to like her i'll hang on to her and just go with the flow.

Other than ONS and STR they are good for catching an STD

lets not get into the whole std thing again. If your a person that is truly STD free consider yourself in the top 5% of sexually active adults in this country / on this planet that will eventually catch something if you continue having sex with different women. (statistic fabricated)

 

[Strelok]

What is so hard? it's a territory matter.

It's not a matter of insecurity,it's just we don't want to be the dog that pissed on a tree after all the others or even worse after an entire herd.

Would you like more a new home because otherwise you would be afraid to sleep inside it not as much good as the others before you?
Of course not,it's just that anybody who came before you took something and left something else,maybe he took away some cutlery and left the carpet dirty,and now it's up to you to deal with those problems.
Now you can't cook because there are is not cutlery and you have to wash the carpet instead of relaxing on it.ù

The more attention she got and the more she expect to be satisfied,the more a$$holes mistreated her and the more you will have to work in order to get what others got by doing nothing,any single d1ck she got left a baggage behind.

The more people,the more things missing and the more problems.

 

[DanelMadr]

Jesus said to forgive. He even probably dated former village stripper Mary Magdalene. So yes I do believe one should forgive and be forgiven.

Having said that. Mary Magdalene wasn't boasting about fvcking three guys at once. She was truly sorry and she wanted to change...she asked for forgiveness and second chance.

From OPs post I get his girl is not exactly sorry. Even if she was sorry she shouldn't burden her lover with her sins.
I think when a girl tells you something shocking like this she is either pulling a shyt test stunt or you are a travelling prophet and she truly wants to get rid of the burden of the past.

In the manner this information was secured (game of who did craziest) thing suggests she is a stupid ho and tries to look cool...being a slvt is cool in some circles, I guess.

One last note....religion, morals etc. have their racional core....STD, unwanted pregnancy, emotional pain (as you can see) and much more. Just because condoms and pills exist does not mean we can start to behave like animals. Even in jungle you can't fvck what you want...alpha males would kick your azz. And they reject any female who stinks of semen not of their own. Why? Because it is the healthy way for survival...some rules have to exist.

 

[AlmostThere]

Just an update on the situation:

I ended up breaking things off with this girl.

One reason was of course the subject of this thread. I just could not take her seriously after she told me about the group sex stuff. It played on my mind a lot. I never told her that this was one of the reasons I broke things off though.


The other reason was that she gave me weird vibes from day one. She was always so fricking happy. Almost to the point of being fake. Well, just a few days before I split up with her, she told me that she was bipolar and had tried to take her own life a few times in the past.

Any feelings I had for her just disappeared at that point. There was just too much baggage to deal with. I also started to get the feeling that she wasn't 100% trustworthy.

Oh well, back to the drawing board. I'm not going to get tied down to a girl with that much baggage.

 

[AlmostThere]

Also, to address the ongoing conversation in this thread:

There seems to be two differing viewpoints.

A) All women have skeletons in their closet and you should embrace women who are sexually promiscuous.

B) Sexually promiscuous women are sluts and you should hold out for a more "pure" woman

I know that most women have done some nasty stuff in their time. And I could care less what she did with a guy one-on-one. But something about a girl getting gangbanged just turns me off. I mean it turns me on to watch it in porn, but to think that the woman you're with had 3 ****s at the same time is a bit of a turn off.

I believe the majority of women have NOT had this type of groupsex. And yes, of course they could lie to you about it. It's hard to tell what the truth is.

Most of my relationships have been with women who have had a handful of male partners in their lives and haven't engaged in this type of groupsex behavior. That is the kind of woman I prefer. Something about dating the town bike just doesn't do it for me.

I had my fun with her while it lasted, but the next woman I date is going to be back to my old type.

 

[jophil28]

A good point made is that none of us will ever know for sure if our woman was a closet wh0re. .

Indeed, we may not, BUT if she openly admits to wh0ring around then we have a choice to make.

In my experience ,women rarely 'reform' themselves inspite of what D&B likes to believe. The reasons are to be found in their almost universal need to think of themselves as helpless victims..( "He made me do it ")
Victimhood disowns and rejects personal accountability, so no change or growth takes place and instead is often replaced with compulsive repetition of the behavior in question which frequently becomes deeply entrenched over time.

Consider this -would you go into a business partnership with a self-promoted
"reformed" alcoholic, or would you favor someone who has satisfied you that they never had a compulsive need to abuse alcohol.

 

[AlmostThere]

The reasons are to be found in their almost universal need to think of themselves as helpless victims..( "He made me do it ")
Victimhood disowns and rejects personal accountability, so no change or growth takes place and instead is often replaced with compulsive repetition of the behavior in question which frequently becomes deeply entrenched over time.

Oh yeah and this reminds me of another reason I broke things off with her. She started to seem very manipulative. She was like some kind of expert on making people feel sorry for her. Being somewhat aware of these kinds of female-tricks I say through some of it and I started to see a very ugly person underneath her nice smile.

She was always playing up the victim card.

 

[jophil28]

Oh yeah and this reminds me of another reason I broke things off with her. She started to seem very manipulative. She was like some kind of expert on making people feel sorry for her. Being somewhat aware of these kinds of female-tricks I say through some of it and I started to see a very ugly person underneath her nice smile.

She was always playing up the victim card.

You might like to research the lit. on " BPD Waif ".

These women are uber feminine, delicate and demure in their presentation - real "china doll " types. But underneath they are manipulative deceptive monsters.

 

[Drum&Bass]

Drum,

Why the hate man?

No hate...Im perceiving things differently than most of you. Im pretty lax when it comes to sex and Im just getting a sense that some of you guys are quick to negatively judge a woman when it comes to sex. Everyones entitled to their opinion but I made a post awhile ago about guys who talk sh1t and when I hear guys passing judgement it gets under my skin. In the real world i wouldn't care how any man chose to live his life and make his decisions but in the online DJ forum world I can discuss it...and yea sometimes things can get heated (a sign of a good thread) and I know Im not going to change anyones minds ! but i like flexing some logic and opinion to make a point and I like reading other peoples counter logic, its all educational entertainment to me.

I am guessing (and not saying this in a shaming manner, because we all want something different) that you are with a "reformed slut"?

I've had 4 girlfriends in my life, 2 of which from europe had group sex and 2 from America who only had sex with guys they were in relationships with. All of them are great people that have helped me to grow as a person and I feel like i love all of them. It all depends where im at and what im surrounded by. GA is somewhat conservative so a majority of the women I meet are "good girls." When I lived in NJ there was a variety of good and bad girls to choose from and I honestly enjoyed my time alot more with the attractive "bad girl" or The HOT little slvt. I dont plan on marrying so my brain can't even fathom what you marriage minded guys are thinking when it comes to finding the right woman even though every single girl i've been in a relationship with would be what everyone considers marriage material. however thats a road i wont be traveling.

also..

I pick a girl based on her looks period. That is my only criteria for picking women. If she happens to have a cool personality we'll end up hanging out for awhile maybe even date. I don't have the same issues other guys have on the forum when it comes to women. Im use to having my way with girls and having them adore me. Im also smart enough to appreciate the cerebral and emotional qualities about them once i get to know them beyond the initial attraction phase.

In my experience ,women rarely 'reform' themselves inspite of what D&B likes to believe. The reasons are to be found in their almost universal need to think of themselves as helpless victims..( "He made me do it ")

This kind of victim stuff doesn't happen with me because I call women out on it the moment it happens. Like I said I've seen this stuff happen with my friends and other people ALL the time. I observe how they behave around their women and often times I'll think to myself, this guy is NOT behaving in a way that would make this girl proud to have him OR..this guy isn't creating an attractive masculine vibe that would make women want him. These are all really awesome guys that are cool and upkeep their image around other guys but when they are around their women they completely change. I can't give specific examples because we'd all have to be around each other for me to point out some of their social shortcomings.

 

[squirrels]

Also, to address the ongoing conversation in this thread:

There seems to be two differing viewpoints.

A) All women have skeletons in their closet and you should embrace women who are sexually promiscuous.

B) Sexually promiscuous women are sluts and you should hold out for a more "pure" woman

I know that most women have done some nasty stuff in their time. And I could care less what she did with a guy one-on-one. But something about a girl getting gangbanged just turns me off. I mean it turns me on to watch it in porn, but to think that the woman you're with had 3 ****s at the same time is a bit of a turn off.

I believe the majority of women have NOT had this type of groupsex. And yes, of course they could lie to you about it. It's hard to tell what the truth is.

Most of my relationships have been with women who have had a handful of male partners in their lives and haven't engaged in this type of groupsex behavior. That is the kind of woman I prefer. Something about dating the town bike just doesn't do it for me.

I had my fun with her while it lasted, but the next woman I date is going to be back to my old type.

The POINT is that you have to evaluate the woman's personality and determine WHY she does those kinds of things.

It IS true that many times sexual adventurousness comes with some form of neurosis. But a man who keeps his eyes open can tell the difference between a girl who does something "dirty" because she likes it and a girl who does something "dirty" because she's crazy. In this case, we have the latter.

I would not say that a single girl being sexually adventurous is necessarily a "red flag" in and of itself. But "groupsex" can be a sign of attention-wh0ring.

If that's the case, it will present in other ways as well. And you should be able to identify it WAY before you get into a "committed relationship" with this girl. You HAD to have gotten SOME vibe that something was not quite right long before you heard about the whole "groupsex" thing.

This is the real tragedy of dating in modern society...men are shamed by society into putting up with so much crap from a woman that they REFUSE to acknowledge all of the downside of a "bad relationship" until it affects the sexual element. If this girl had never talked about "groupsex", she could have told this guy she was bipolar and he STILL would've been like, "She's a nice girl...we can work it out...it's not so bad". Sure, it's always "not so bad" until another d!ck is involved.

Why do we not demand more of a woman than just commitment to a single d!ck-n-balls?

 

[Franky Four Fingers]

@ Franky
SOOOOO basically your in a LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP with a woman who you WISH had "SLUT" tendancies...yet at the beginning of your post you say


weak sauce !!!

Keep living the delusional life style kids.

Your right that particular post wasn't obviously well written. When I wrote "if your not looking for an LTR this woman would be gold" I was responding to the previous posters point and agreeing with it.

It should have been written - if you are either in a LTR or not this woman would be gold.

I stand corrected.

My only problem is the context of my post (not weakness) but I wasn't trying to write a thesis just a quick reply.

The problem with you is anyone who has to go condescending with your last "kids" line, which is shot at more than one poster, has some sense of weakness.