Completely obliterated contact with ex.

[ThunderMaverick]

It was just something I needed to go through. Women do NOT understand men AT ALL.

If you've all been keeping up with me you'll know the situation:

Girl breaks up with me. Girl gets with another guy. Girl still thinks about me. We get in touch again. She tells me she still has feelings for me but doesn't want a relationship. She says "maybe in the future with you". Which is nice. I'm banging other girls while she decides what to do.

At least she's honest enough to tell me she's thinking about going to Texas to bang a guy she's been friends with for 6 years in a couple of months. I say that's nice, but I won't be around because of that. She ask me why? I say I can't have sex with you but you want a guy you've known online for 6 years? She says if she has sex with me things will get complicated. She says she would fall in love with me all over again. I kind of try to probe into this more and she says there's no feeling attached and no chance of a relationship between them. Which is fine. She can do whatever she wants I'll have to respect it.


However, how many guys would put up with this? She didn't quite understand that for a MAN, being something a girl "might" want and playing second fiddle to someone that she "does" want doesn't sit well. What self respecting guy would WAIT for a woman he's in love with to enjoy being single (banging whoever she wants because she's CURIOUS).


She wants to still be friends and MAYBE have something in the future. She says "I'm sorry I'm not what you want me to be, but I can't be in a relationship right now. I'm bad at it." Which is also fine. If she needs to work on herself then that's what she has to do.


I am still in love with this girl and I tell her because I'm in love with her, I wouldn't deal with that. She then tells me "I'm in LOVE with you too!!"

Totally didn't expect that. I ask her how she could be in love with me, NOT want me, and want to bang some guy a thousand or so miles away? Guess what she said:

"I don't know." I tell her she's not in love with me if that's the case and she defended her point strongly. Apparently I didn't get it.

I told her I usually just walk away from deals like this without explanation, but for her I made an exception. I told her there are no second chances with me and this is it. I told her you can't come back because all of a sudden you just have a change of heart. She sounded sad and said ok, but I don't think she got it.


I meant it. What I went through last year was nothing short of devastating. I could never be that guy again. I had nothing but absolute contempt for myself after the break up. I ended up hating her f**king guts for what happened. What guy is able to put up with that? These words "I'm in love with you, but I want to f*ck someone else because I'm bad at relationships." It seems in a way that's also saying something about NOT wanting to be in a relationship with me. Which is fine, but for Godssake's don't tell me you're in love with me and then not want to be with me! Falling in love with me all over again? Feeling obligated to call me? If you feel that way then I don't want to be with you anyways.

This is an emotional rant, yes. I'm very serious about this though. There's no second chances if this is the way she's going to go. I'm actually kinda relieved. All this time I wondered if there was going to be a second chance and it kind of made my head hurt. I know moving on will be a lot smoother now. I'm at peace knowing that.




It is what it is.

 

[romangod]

You should be relieved. This girl is playing you like a fiddle and you're telling her how much you love her. Not a good move if you value your sanity. The sooner you move on, the better.

You say you made an exception for her. Live and learn.

It might be time to work on yourself before subjugating yourself to more torture with women. They'll eat you alive.

Please, don't take my comments to heart. Good luck.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

I shouldn't I take your comments to heart? They're heart-felt.

I actually do value my sanity, that's why I'm not going to be speaking to her anymore. I will miss her mom a lot. I had to take her off my myspace. lol At this point I don't care about burning bridges. This is vital that I do this I think. The conversation ended in a civil fashion so that's good.

 

[joekerr31]

your in love with a woman who wants to f*ck other guys.

dude, that's f*cked up.

moving on is 100% the right thing to do.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Oh, me being in love with a woman who wants to f*ck other guys isn't the punchline.


Her saying she's IN LOVE WITH ME is the joke! What rational sane person can understand this:

"I'm in love with you, but I can't be in a relationship. I know how I get when I'm in relationships. I never promised you anything and I said "maybe". I would like to be friends, yet I'm still strongly attracted to you. If we had sex I would want to be with you again. I would want to be in a relationship with you again and you know I'm bad at it. Who knows what the future holds for us? I try to control myself around you..ALSO there's a guy I want to fu*ck who lives in Texas. Yeah."


What do I look like?

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Hey Jokerr, I see it says you're online right now.

Can you join me in the chat?

I could use someone to talk to right now if you have the time.

http://www.chatzy.com/122298398237

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I,...She tells me she still has feelings for me but doesn't want a relationship. She says "maybe in the future with you".

She wants to still be friends and MAYBE have something in the future. She says "I'm sorry I'm not what you want me to be, but I can't be in a relationship right now. I'm bad at it." Which is also fine. If she needs to work on herself then that's what she has to do.

Disabuse yourself of the idea that she's "working on herself" at this stage - she's not, she's simply 'cheating' on the future you proactively. You represent security to her, and security for her future. Kind of like a defacto insurance policy. She's well involved with the process of having her cake (i.e. "I'm not ready for a relationship now") and eating it too (i.e. "maybe we can have something in the future"). You are involved in her schedule of mating - you'll make a good, loyal, dependable, provider-dad "in the future", but in the now, while her sexual marketability is at a high, she wants ƒuck the good genes guys unhindered by accountability or remorse. Thus, you're relegated to the bench for the moment while she enjoys herself.

That may sound like I'm being critical of her, I'm not. I'm sure a good portion of guys here will call her "low quality", but not me. She's simply doing what any woman will do in the same conditions and the same stage of life - she's exploring her options. I think the more relevant question is whether you'll allow yourself to cooperate in her schedule and her framing, or if you'll have the fortitude to really disconnect from this and explore your own options as you should be. Are you going to wait around and be what she expects and thinks she's entitled to when she hits the age when her sexual marketability is in decline and she's suddenly ready for a relationship with you? Are you going to be patiently available for her when she "suddenly" realizes you were the right guy all along after she's had a child or two by another guy while she was "working on herself" when she WAS a sexual commodity? Or will you move on to bettering yourself and enjoying the rewards that come from focusing on your career, your passions, your ambitions and goals? Are you going to be her proactive cuckold until she "comes around" or will you build yourself into someone that many women will compete to be with?

 

[KontrollerX]

Yeah everything she said really translated to "I love the emotional intimacy you give me thundermaverick and I don't want to lose that even though I slide other men's c0cks up my pooper from time to time".

Good move cutting this cancer out of your life dude and very brave.

It had to hurt like hell but trust me it was the right decision.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Wow. Spent a few hours with Rollo, Joekerr, MacAvoy, Lovely Lady and Penkitten (and someone named "WTF" lol) You all are amazing!! Thank you!

I just deleted everything that was in my computer regarding my ex. I took her off mysapce and facebook. Like the weight of the world off my chest.

Wow. I'm really doing it.

 

[joekerr31]

Wow. Spent a few hours with Rollo, Joekerr, MacAvoy, Lovely Lady and Penkitten (and someone named "WTF" lol) You all are amazing!! Thank you!

I just deleted everything that was in my computer regarding my ex. I took her off mysapce and facebook. Like the weight of the world off my chest.

Wow. I'm really doing it.

honestly, if i had to pick one thing that is most defining in a mature man, it would be the ability to move on with life.

this is what the older guys have learned to do. after years of trying to untangle the past, untangle the ball of yarn if you will, they eventually learned that sometimes when something is a mess it just can't be fixed and you have to just let it go and move on.

 

[Mr. Me]

Her saying she's IN LOVE WITH ME is the joke! What rational sane person can understand this

Exactly. It's not rational, and the reason it isn't, is because it's nonsense, and you can't make sense out of nonsense. The fact of the matter is that it's nonsense because it's a smokescreen. She wants to have her options and keep you at bay. Whatever her reasons foe doing so, we don't know, we're not her shrink. All we can deduce is the bottom line. Which is what you've deduced. That's why we look at a woman's actions and not her words.

In fact, a simple rule: when the message is mixed, it's because she's not very interested.

And as proof of that, well, there's everything from telling you about other guys (a woman who loves you wouldn't think about other guys) to wanting to travel to Texas to be with a man (which is more effort than what she's willing to do with you).

I ask her how she could be in love with me, NOT want me, and want to bang some guy a thousand or so miles away? Guess what she said:

"I don't know."

She does know. Her answer really is, "Oops. Damn. Busted! What can I say to throw him off? Oh I know! I can say that I'm confused, I can say..."

I just deleted everything

Way to go! I'm very proud of you.

 

[mzilla2]

Good on ya. You can't live in the past.

 

[penkitten]

honestly, if i had to pick one thing that is most defining in a mature man, it would be the ability to move on with life.

this is what the older guys have learned to do. after years of trying to untangle the past, untangle the ball of yarn if you will, they eventually learned that sometimes when something is a mess it just can't be fixed and you have to just let it go and move on.

ball of yarn... more like christmas lights...
you try to take them outta the box and fight and struggle with untangling each and every one, then you plug them in and they still don't work. you try to check if a bulb broke, and not only are some broken and blown, but there is now a short in the cord from pulling and yanking on them so hard.
you are determined to fix what you have, but out of frustration you finally throw them down and jump up and down on them. you finally clean up the mess, put your jacket on and go out to look for a new set.

 

[Last Man Standing]

TM, if you are in love with a hor of her mindset then you have serious psychological issues -- you are obviously defining your love to her physical sensuality, and not basing it on the intangibles to where love is housed!!

This creature is not lovable - why can't you see this!!

 

[Mr. Me]

ball of yarn... more like christmas lights...
you try to take them outta the box and fight and struggle with untangling each and every one, then you plug them in and they still don't work. you try to check if a bulb broke, and not only are some broken and blown, but there is now a short in the cord from pulling and yanking on them so hard. you are determined to fix what you have, but out of frustration you finally throw them down and jump up and down on them. you finally clean up the mess, put your jacket on and go out to look for a new set.

You may be onto a good analogy there. I'm thinking about the guy who stays in a bad relationship with a nagging wife - that would be like the guy who keeps the christmas lights up all year 'round - and gets his bulbs busted.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

TM, if you are in love with a hor of her mindset then you have serious psychological issues -- you are obviously defining your love to her physical sensuality, and not basing it on the intangibles to where love is housed!!

This creature is not lovable - why can't you see this!!

HELL yes. :yes:

 

[jophil28]

That may sound like I'm being critical of her, I'm not. I'm sure a good portion of guys here will call her "low quality", but not me. She's simply doing what any woman will do in the same conditions and the same stage of life - she's exploring her options.

She deserves to be criticised, if not by you, then I will happily step up and do it.
" Exploring her options " -indeed , is that what we call behaving like a slvt nowadays ? "Exploring" on her back in the shabbiest and most manipulative way.
This woman is not a decent valuable woman . She is not seeking "security" she is seeking gratification and she hopes that she can get it with whomever she chooses while you stand on the sidelines and wait for her to complete her " fun run" .
If RT won't say it, I will,This is a Low Quality woman.

Thunder Mav, she is not a suitable candidate for consideration. Not a contender. She does want her cake and eat it too, AT YOUR EXPENSE .
You need to flick this female like a two day old BandAid.

 

[guru1000]

Girl breaks up with me. Girl gets with another guy. Girl still thinks about me. We get in touch again. She tells me she still has feelings for me but doesn't want a relationship. She says "maybe in the future with you".
.

No need to write furthur after this point.

What self-respecting MAN would act this way?

You lack certain important qualities such as integrity and self respect.

I remember addressing this issue with you a while back and you argued endlessly.

You are the epitome of AFC. We should mark this post as a benchmark of what not to do.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

She deserves to be criticised, if not by you, then I will happily step up and do it.
" Exploring her options " -indeed , is that what we call behaving like a slvt nowadays ? "Exploring" on her back in the shabbiest and most manipulative way.
This woman is not a decent valuable woman . She is not seeking "security" she is seeking gratification and she hopes that she can get it with whomever she chooses while you stand on the sidelines and wait for her to complete her " fun run" .
If RT won't say it, I will,This is a Low Quality woman.

Thunder Mav, she is not a suitable candidate for consideration. Not a contender. She does want her cake and eat it too, AT YOUR EXPENSE .
You need to flick this female like a two day old BandAid.

Once again...HELL yes. :yes:

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

She deserves to be criticised,..
If RT won't say it, I will,This is a Low Quality woman.

Does she? Or is she simply doing what any 23 y.o. girl is going to do (or will want to do) anyway? Can you really expect a child like this to have any greater aspirations and would want her to in the long term? If you hold a juicy, raw, t-bone steak out in front of a Doberman, what's the dog going to do? He's gonna eat. And if he can't get to that steak for some reason he's still going to want to eat that steak. You're not going to convince that dog to turn vegetarian and even if you could temporarily, that dog's still thinking and desiring the steak. This girl is only doing what a sexy, attractive, semi-adolescent girl wants to do. To expect her (or even her archetype) to be a "high quality", loyal devoted quasi-wife is simply idiocy.

Even if you could somehow convince or condition her into behaving as such you're still fighting the Desire Dynamic. The deeper question is why would you try to? It's like caging a circus lion - bring her out to do a few tricks then put her back in the cage, but all the while you know she wants, she desires to run free on the plains and hunt. She's not behaving for you out of desire, of her own volition, but because she's been conditioned to do so.

The bigger fool is the guy who thinks she really does want to play the wife-role for him. The bigger fool is the guy who expects her to - particularly when she's still, blatantly stuck using an adolescent social skill set.