Completely obliterated contact with ex.

[hithard]

If out of arguments sake you took her back there is a good chance it will happen again. It could take years, but you will see it coming by her change in mood or actions (just gotta trust your gut).Living a life where you are constantly second guessing what she is up too is a crappy way to live. I’d put this one to rest sounds like you have more invested then she has. Realistically she probably made the decision to split from anywhere up to a year ago.

 

[Bonhomme]

Late to this soap opera, but it's good that you cut off contact with her, even if the mental and/or hormonal disconnect is more difficult.

Rollo_T's right on the money.

The best thing you can do to effect the mental/hormonal disconnect is -- to use another Rolloism -- spin more plates.

Nothing like fresh prospects to make one notice how bad the stale ones smell.

The only way I could see any good coming out of dealing with this gal is if you could deal with her in a purely hedonistic, non-serious way. But I don't see that as a possibility, so disconnection is the only choice that makes any sense.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Hit, I think you're right. There's a certain level of respect you have for someone as long as they have personal boundaries. Once that wall is torn down you can never be looked at the same way ever again. I let down a lot of walls that should have been kept up. (Self respect wall, for one example. XD)

I can take away from this a valuable lesson: Never disrespect yourself in front of ANYONE. I did a ton of problem dumping and that's one of the reasons her IL dropped. She took me in when I had nowhere else to go for 8 months. (Again, I couldn't take care of myself. Still can't at this moment.) In ways, not only did her immaturity suck what good we had in the relationship, I was just a really weak person.

Anyway, what ThunderMaverick's ex-gf is doing is following her lower reptilian brain, which is driving her to seek the best genes possible (by screwing different guys) AND to procure for herself resources (by her confessions to TM to bind him to her and her relationship with her ex-bf right after TM). That I agree with Rollo Tomasi about. It's as natural as a guy screwing as many women as he can.

HOWEVER, we don't just have reptilian brains. We also have a higher brain (neocortex) which deals with things such as the consequences of our actions (immediate and long-range), and which has a sense of ethics and tempers our reptilian brains. Developing this part of our brains and using them is part of becoming a mature person. A mature man who is married, for example, doesn't screw around even though his reptilian brain is driven to. Similarily, a mature woman understands that using her beauty to try to procure favors and resources from men she isn't interested in is a bad idea. (e.g., If you were to ask a mature woman if you could buy her a drink and she is married, she would say no, while an immature woman would take the drink...)

Anyway, TM, what I am trying to say is that your ex doesn't sound very mature. She is stringing you along, intentionally or not. I commend you your decision to cut her out, I know it's not easy.

That info goes down smooth. Great post, 17!

The best thing you can do to effect the mental/hormonal disconnect is -- to use another Rolloism -- spin more plates.

Nothing like fresh prospects to make one notice how bad the stale ones smell.

The only way I could see any good coming out of dealing with this gal is if you could deal with her in a purely hedonistic, non-serious way. But I don't see that as a possibility, so disconnection is the only choice that makes any sense.

No. I have to disagree with everyone here about spinning plates. Since I've broken up with her I've had sex with more chicks in 6 months than I had in my entire life. It's not hard for me to spin plates, I keep stressing this. The problem is ME. Swimming in new vagina isn't going to convince me of how valuable I am. I just need to keep focused on my goals. I'm in a real rut right now and life is a difficult fight.

Well...I'm not dead yet.

 

[MacAvoy]

No. I have to disagree with everyone here about spinning plates. Since I've broken up with her I've had sex with more chicks in 6 months than I had in my entire life. It's not hard for me to spin plates, I keep stressing this. The problem is ME. Swimming in new vagina isn't going to convince me of how valuable I am. I just need to keep focused on my goals. I'm in a real rut right now and life is a difficult fight.

Well...I'm not dead yet.

This is so true, you can't fvck your way out of heartache, trust me I've tried. My solution is below

I can take away from this a valuable lesson: Never disrespect yourself in front of ANYONE. I did a ton of problem dumping and that's one of the reasons her IL dropped. She took me in when I had nowhere else to go for 8 months. (Again, I couldn't take care of myself. Still can't at this moment.) In ways, not only did her immaturity suck what good we had in the relationship, I was just a really weak person.

I never realized this before. That this was part of the equation. What you need is a paradigm shift. Think of a Paradigm Shift as a change from one way of thinking to another. It's a revolution, a transformation, a sort of metamorphosis. It just does not happen, but rather it is driven by agents of change.

You need to be the agent of change. The reason why your in love with this girl is because you see her as saving you during this time and you are grateful. However she is human and could only handle so much, so now its left strictly up to you. You need to focus on yourself, you actually need 2 aspects to your paradigm shift.

A paradigm shift is basically a WHOLESALE change in your perspective. First and foremost, you have to stop thinking that your in a rut and that life is a difficult fight. I'm not saying that it isn't, however what I'm saying is you need to change your attitude.

You need to get back to your old mentality where you had a better handle on life. You need to realize that, THAT IS REALLY YOUR LIFE. You just went through a phase and are still going through a rough patch but YOU will overcome it. Your outlook and perspective has so much effect on your life, people don't understand this. Our mind is our most powerful weapon, you need to ulitize it to work FOR you not against you like it is right now.

The second part that you need to change is your thought that this broad saved you and now you owe her your gratitude. People come and GO from our lives for a reason, some are there to help, some are there to get help. However you need to accept the fact that she brought you joy & comfort during a rough patch and now its time to take CHARGE and get your life back.

She CANNOT be a part of that, its your life. This is something that you have to do on your own. Only you can make the choice and make it happen. We will all be here to support you but its up to you.

So whats it going to be?

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

No. I have to disagree with everyone here about spinning plates. Since I've broken up with her I've had sex with more chicks in 6 months than I had in my entire life.

Considering the amount of time you've been wrapped up with this one, even if this was one girl it'd be more.

The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Preferably 3 or 4 someone elses.

All you lack is a proper distraction. If you had ANY other viable options you'd have never started this thread.

 

[tick37]

The way I see it, it's not so much the girl, but the man. You gave her the upper hand, and she didn't see enough value in you. So, hasta la vista, baby!

 

[Interceptor]

Actually, if TM is avoiding deep underlying issues, and not being fully present and focused, how will he improve and deal with these issues by being even more distracted with other women?
Meaning, if he's in avoidance mode, in that , he lacks the emotional tools and strength to fully face his issues head on, how will he do so by just being in some (usually) mindless, empty fling with some woman he cannot pay attention to and doesn't really care about?
If you are so 'into your head" preocuppied with issues and doubts, how can you be present in the relationship?

In addition, if you are in the head space where you NEED other people to 'fix' YOUR Problem, how is this making you more independent, strong, and masculine?


The way I see it , it doesn't matter if he's with one or one hundred different women, if he's not addressing his issues, it's all for naught.
Simply cut and run, and cut and run, and cut and run...
This is how he actually builds momentum for the Infinity Gauntlet.
So my opinion is not that TM NEEDS more abundance, it is the opposite IMO.
He needs to look deep inside and face his fears and inner demons.

What is he not facing?
What is he not addressing?


I think spin more plates is great for guys whom have dealt with specific issues. And use plate spinning in a mature manner and from a place of strength, not dependence, avoidance, etc...
So IMO if he WERE to address his issues with each and every woman, then I can see something useful coming out of it, if not, then I dont see it helping much for just the sake of spinning more plates...

 

[tick37]

Actually, if TM is avoiding deep underlying issues, and not being fully present and focused, how will he improve and deal with these issues by being even more distracted with other women?
Meaning, if he's in avoidance mode, in that , he lacks the emotional tools and strength to fully face his issues head on, how will he do so by just being in some (usually) mindless, empty fling with some woman he cannot pay attention to and doesn't really care about?
If you are so 'into your head" preocuppied with issues and doubts, how can you be present in the relationship?

In addition, if you are in the head space where you NEED other people to 'fix' YOUR Problem, how is this making you more independent, strong, and masculine?


The way I see it , it doesn't matter if he's with one or one hundred different women, if he's not addressing his issues, it's all for naught.
Simply cut and run, and cut and run, and cut and run...
This is how he actually builds momentum for the Infinity Gauntlet.
So my opinion is not that TM NEEDS more abundance, it is the opposite IMO.
He needs to look deep inside and face his fears and inner demons.

What is he not facing?
What is he not addressing?


I think spin more plates is great for guys whom have dealt with specific issues. And use plate spinning in a mature manner and from a place of strength, not dependence, avoidance, etc...
So IMO if he WERE to address his issues with each and every woman, then I can see something useful coming out of it, if not, then I dont see it helping much for just the sake of spinning more plates...

Yup, reevaluate what you're doing in these relationships that's causing women to lose interest.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

I have to disagree with Rollo and agree with Interceptor.

I'm also just..distracted with scratching to survive right now. In a couple of months my housing situation expires and I might be homeless.

Oh.. stupid thing on my part. I neglected to show up in court and pay some tickets and now they're gong to suspend my license on the 16th of March. I need my car to live in pretty soon. If they take away my car then I'm screwed. Screwing women isn't my first priority. That's easier to get than a place of my own. WOMEN AREN'T THE PROBLEM. I don't have a problem with getting ass. Getting my life together is another issue.


I'm just a tab bit worried at the moment.

 

[Interceptor]

TM, you sound like for some reason you are irresponsible.

Do you procrastinate often?
Do you avoid most problems?

Do you feel like you have value, or do you feel not good enough to care about?

Are you just a guy that wouldl rather walk away from a problem rather than face it and deal with it?

Do you have goals in life? A Mission statement?

You are aware that men can be their strongest and most powerful masculine self when they have Direction In LIFE.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

god..


I just got my car towed. No joke. About an hour ago.


I have no idea what I'm going to do now.

 

[tick37]

Get your life straight and forget about women for now!

 

[Bonhomme]

Damn it, I was going to say "park your car in your back yard and take proactive action to sort things out," but it's too late.

Sheeit, man, I'm fresh out of advice at this point, not knowing what options there are for you income-wise, given your skills, history, and location.

 

[hithard]

The one thing I hate about hard times is that when the first problem hits the second, third, etc just keep coming non stop. The only thing you should be thinking of doing in this moment is working you ass of to deal with them and never give in. Mistakes are something you learn from and after you get through all this everything else will seem easy. The crushing weight of problems can suck but keep working your way through them. But whatever you do don’t neglect them or things have a habit of multiplying by 10

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Some things work out.

I'll probably have a car within the next month. (it's good to have friends with certain resources. LAWL)

I was really bummed out when my car got towed, but I'm fine now. ^_^
Things are going pretty smooth.

 

[feelingloved]

This sounds like my story. except I was more AFC than that. I made the mistake of stopping reading the forums and reading the "Fall in love, Stay in love" book by Harley. The book is useful in explaining how affairs happen. But it made me more AFC.

 

[Nelford]

If she was in Love with you then why not be with you? Move on my friend and forget about her. She seems to be playing games and needs that attention from you.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

So, this thread leads us to the ultimate question; Does no contact really work?

 

[Luthor Rex]

Oh, me being in love with a woman who wants to f*ck other guys isn't the punchline.


Her saying she's IN LOVE WITH ME is the joke! What rational sane person can understand this:

"I'm in love with you, but I can't be in a relationship. I know how I get when I'm in relationships. I never promised you anything and I said "maybe". I would like to be friends, yet I'm still strongly attracted to you. If we had sex I would want to be with you again. I would want to be in a relationship with you again and you know I'm bad at it. Who knows what the future holds for us? I try to control myself around you..ALSO there's a guy I want to fu*ck who lives in Texas. Yeah."


What do I look like?

I find it difficult to believe that, at some level, she doesn't know what she's doing.

So in answer to you question.... apparently you look like an idiot in her eyes.

:crazy:

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Yeah...


Until I get wasted again.



I told her the last time we talked:

"If I drunk dial you don't bother picking up"

"You know I'm not going to do that" she said.


So now I can't even drunk dial her because I know she would want to still talk to me. It would be easier if I knew she didn't want to have anything to do with me. But she does.

However she wants to have a relationship on HER terms and on HER time. Doing that for even a week left me confused and frustrated. I didn't tell her that, I told her I wasn't going to play second fiddle to anyone and if she wanted to be with me she would.


"But I'm confused and I love you, and, but...time...need it...want to have sex with someone else...I'm in love with you....!"

Ya ya ya ya yaaaa!!!!!!

I don't think it's insanity talking, but immaturity. Again, what self respecting guy would put up with that.

I learned if it truly isn't mutual then it's not worth fighting for. It hasn't even been more than two months and I'm still curious as hell about her. No, I haven't contacted her or visited her myspace or facebook or called or spoken to anyone she knew...etcetera...etcetera........






..........etcetera.