Choose or Lose

[Señor Fingers]

Looking back on my experiences in this game, I realize that the most powerful shift I have made in my approach was the move from a longing for acceptance vs. the desire to find what I was looking for. I know that sounds cryptic, so allow me to elaborate.

When I first got into the science of seduction, my motives were completely different. I was a validation seeker, whose self-esteem was directly linked to how people perceived me. If I met a cute girl, my intent was to win her over with my charms. If she liked me, I felt validated and in turn liked myself. But if she blew me off, even if I played a cool front, deep down I would bang my head against the walls and live in a state of woe and dismay at how unworthy I was, until I met someone who would mend my fragile ego with their acceptance. And so the vicious cycle would continue. My self worth was like a leaf, blown mercilessly to and fro on the spastic whims of others. I had no center!

The Irony
Wanna know the most twisted part of this whole scenario? I wasn't even sure if I liked these people! Yet in a constant struggle to win their favor, I would crank out a plethora of field-tested routines, jokes and stories in an effort to get them to like me. I wasn't aware of it at the time, but all I did was sub-communicate my own neediness. Did I get laid? Of course I did. But I noticed that when I was in this frame, I was attracting women with low self esteem, and hohum personalities. Yeah I was getting ass alright, but I sure as hell was not any happier or secure in myself either! Probably because I was a little LSE with emotional issues of my own, but that's whole nother story. At the end of the day I was not getting what I wanted, because I was too busy trying to be what I thought other people expected. Now aint that a kick in the pants?

Unexpected Results
It wasn't until I started to really progress on my professional and spiritual path, that I got tired of hot chicks with mediocre personalities and made the paradigm shift. After years of granting women my approval based on how fine they looked, I felt that I, being someone who is good-looking, talented and ambitious to boot, deserved better. I didn't just tell myself this, it was an inner conviction that only a true queen would be worthy to share my love. My friends laughed at me and called me a gay monk when I would turn down easy ass. But I couldn't be pressured away from my choice, and started to search for something deeper than a big butt and a smile. The result had surprising side effects...

All of a sudden, I was the chooser and all of these hotties had to live up to my expectations. Call it qualifying, Push / Pull, or whatever you want, the point is that women can sense when you are not easily impressed, and it drives them crazy when they meet someone who doesn't worship their looks right off the bat. Most of them invest so much time and money on clothes, make-up, nails, accesories, not to mention the countless hours of prep time before they even step out the door, that it totally deflates their game when you show more interest in who they are than how they look. I don't know if this attitude showed in my body language or some other subconscious cues, but I wound up getting hit on aggressively, even fought over by girls I never thought would never give me the time of day.

The Flip Side
At the same time, you can't be completely oblivious to their sex appeal. You must show them some scrap of validation, so they know you are a sexual being who fancies them. The trick is to show tentative interest, as in you like them but aren't totally sold yet. Don't go out of your way to impress and for once give THEM the chance to sincerely win you over. In order to pull this off successfully, you have to feel 100% comfortable with yourself and approach with the unshakeable confidence that you will always get what you want from any interaction, be it a number, sex, or a learning experience. Things get so much easier once you learn to flip the game and get these women seeking your stamp of approval instead of the other way around. The big question, as always, is how??? There are many things you can do, but before I get into that, there is a major don't that should be brought to light.

Doubts are Worthless Illusions
If you ever feel insecure or unworthy around a pretty gal, then it's high time you kicked that negative sh!t to the curb, took a deep breath and realized that most of these chicks put so much effort in their appearances because they are only trying to mask their insecurities. The status you place on them is also an illusion. Though they pretend to be annoyed by it, the truth is that they thrive off the daily validation offered to them by anonymous men. I was always baffled by this behavior. They have the nerve to complain about horny guys in the street as they squeeze into skin-tight jeans and strap on their Wonder-Bras. Is it any wonder we have had so much trouble understanding them, when they rarely make any damn sense?

The Woman's Prize
For ages men have been scratching their heads, trying to figure out what it is that these crazy b!tches really want. Is it money? Power? Prestige? Well for starters, let's not get delusional here. A secluded internet nerd who acts like a chooser will not go very far. You must be attractive to attract! Sure, there are plenty of ladies who would lower their standards for a rich or powerful man with zero looks or personality. But unless you live the solid gold lifestyle and don't mind dealing with gold-diggers, it's time to focus on what women are really looking for.....EXCITEMENT!

Every girl, from her first romantic fantasies, dreams of a mysterious adventurer who will jump-start her mundane world and make her feel more intensely than ever before. This emotional instinct is something very alien to our logical minds. All we want is a sweet piece of ass that will bring us a sandwich afterwards, and we are totally at a loss when we see a beautiful woman (who could have anyone she wanted) ends up with a major assh0le who mistreats or beats her. The truth is that, jerk or not, he is fulfilling a deep emotional need...to be punished, hurt, anything to make her FEEL because emotion is the way in which a woman establishes her reality.

Let's face it fellas, ladies love drama, and if you are not a great author of your own life, then you will fail to intrigue them! It is sad that some men choose to exploit these emotional weaknesses with pain and intimidation, because it's a huge waste of energy and everyone loses in the end. If you really want a woman to fantasize about you for the rest of her natural life, then you must touch that emotional g-spot with excitement, inspiration and compassion.

 

[Señor Fingers]

Excitement
When you live life to its fullest, there is no need to perform for the sake of winning favor. People will be drawn to you naturally because you possess that certain something they find attractive but can't quite figure out. Banish worry and doubt from your thought patterns because they never help and always hold you back. Be imaginative in everything you do and open your eyes to see all of the great, funny and interesting things that make life worth living. Behind the most boring everyday rituals, there are simple pleasures to be enjoyed and great stories waiting to be told...if you can't see this then what you need is a change of perspective. If possible, try to get some traveling under your belt. Nothing will give you a greater sense of perspective and appreciation for your world than alien rituals, cultures, and environments. Traveling has helped me in so many aspects of my life, that I get restless if I stay in one place for too long, and can't figure out how people can settle for the throbbing monotony around them. Each day is on opportunity for adventure, so even if it means going to a different part of town, get out of the tired old cycles that are weighing you down and get some fresh energy in your life.

Another facet of excitement is spontaneity and decisiveness. In a sense you must learn to sweep yourself off your own feet before you can do it for her. The world rarely sticks to your plans anyway, so you are better off rolling with the punches and yes, even enjoying the unexpected twists in the road. There is a Spanish expression that I love so much, it has become my motto...

"Nunca te acostarás sin saber una cosa más"

It means "Never go to sleep at night without knowing something new". Apply this to your own life and it will naturally extend to your romantic approach. Women absolutely adore a man who will grab their hand and say, "Tonight we are going someplace special and you are going to LOVE it!" Anticipation, wonder and surprise are your allies in this game, so take her places she has never been before and teach her something, because people never forget their first time. Your goal is to have them thinking, " Who IS this man?" Remember that the moment they stop wondering about you is when the boredom sets in and that pretty much means Game Over.

Inspiration
Be aware of your potential and believe in your ability to fulfill it. This is the best gift you can give yourself. It is also a wonderful thing to share with a woman who you also feel has greatness within her. The bottom line is that we all want to feel like we matter... that our lives have some kind of meaning. This is why dreams are the most powerful part of my screening process. I love to ask what they envisioned for the future as a child, the type of future they are anticipating today, etc. What a girl wants out of life will tell you more about her than anything else. This helps me weed out the boring ones who are more concerned with "American Idol" than their own lives.

Once I find out what she dreams of, I do one of two things. If she is on the right path, I express my sincere admiration because it is rare to find people who live life on their own terms, and I have great interest in anyone who does this. More often than not, unfortunately, I encounter a woman who has given up on her life in a sense. In this case, I do my best to reinforce the fact that she is totally capable of realizing her potential by showing her that, despite the people who called me crazy along the way, I have worked hard to fulfill my own destiny. You would be surprised how few people actually encourage these things nowadays. It's not a seduction ploy either. I really believe that we all have so much to offer, yet so few of us have the balls to defy convention until someone believes in us. I have ex-girlfriends who I haven't seen in years, but they are still head over heels in love with me because I made them see all they had to offer the world and how stunningly beautiful they were beneath the surface. And aint that all anyone really wants... to feel worthy, desired and powerful?

Compassion
I can't stress this enough, but learn to be a good listener! The worst thing you can do is feign interest or simply "uh-huh" someone to death. People appreciate insight from an outsider's perspective and deep down we are all looking for someone who gives a damn about our problems. This is not to say that you should be the emotional tampon. The instant a girl starts to complain about her life, job, friends, etc. I remind her that she always has the choice to change any of these things and sometimes we can't embrace a better future if we are holding onto a crappy past just cause it's comfortable. At first I sympathize with them and show I am on their side, until I can see how they make themselves suffer needlessly, at which point I get them to laugh at how silly they are being.

Transmuting worry and doubt into laughter is one of the most powerful things you can do for a woman. I know it sounds crazy, but females have this innate necessity to make themselves crazy and then be pacified by you in order to experience a wide range of emotions. Though it drives me nuts sometimes, I have to admit, the sex is quite enjoyable after such episodes because there is so much more that the two of you are expressing. This might seem annoying at times, but I actually find it adorable how they overcomplicate their lives and are desperate for someone to come along and make things simple for them. On an instinctual level, they want you to shake them up emotionally, which is why you want to reduce their stress to peace and vanquish boredom with excitement. It should be noted that some women, no matter how hot or great they seem, might not be compatible with you on this energetic level. Two uptight and paranoid people will drive each other crazy and two laidback folks will probably get bored very quickly. Nature dictates that we experience an abundance of energy when two extremes collide and find balance. As my mom always said, "There is someone for everyone"

Conclusion
The most important step you can take to getting what you want out of life is actually deciding what that something is. Seduction is not so much about being a one-man circus to get a piece of ass, as it is about seducing the universe into materializing your desires. This applies to your career, your physical being, and your sexuality. Even if it seems stupid, write down your vision of an ideal job, body and mate. Make a list of the things that you want to change and the possible methods of doing so. One of the biggest turn-offs for a woman is a wishy-washy man, and you would do your self a great service to eliminate the words "I don't know" from your vocabulary. It is better to err on the side of daring, rather than caution, because this is the only way to change your life for the better.

I suppose you could try to fake these attitudes I have outlined with nothing more than a few daily self-affirmations, but personal experience has taught me that only when you truly see yourself as a winner, will you feel legitimized to score a "10". And your actions, not your words, will determine how you see yourself. The old saying rings true my friends, beggars really can't be choosers. The beauty of it all is that until the day we die, we always have the choice to be either one.

All the Best,

FINGZ

 

[simon]

Great post, Fingers, and written in a very different style to most of your previous works.
This is the post that I've been trying to find for the past few weeks, to finally get my ideas straightened out. A good companion to Jariel's recent Tip.

Thank you.

 

[[look]aRhino]

Amazing tip Fingz.

I don't know what to say now. I could validate what you said (although I'm sure you wouldn't care ).

I could ask a question, yet there really is no question to ask. You're talking about people believing in themselves, seeking out the best for themselves and knowing they're worth it.

This has nothing and yet everything to do with seduction. Its about living a powerful, independant, compelling life, and having girls be irresistably drawn to it. This is about the rest of your life and being happy with who you are and what you want.

You preach that anything is within reach if you desire it enough. I truly believe that and am happy you do it, because it is a refreshing change from all the people who advise, don't worry, you're good enough. No need to change.

One thing though, you're talking about TRULY believing you deserve a 10. I know that for myself, i needed the validation I got from the game in order to bring my confidence levels up and to change myself into someone who is internally validated.

Excellent post Fingz.

Rhino

PS. I'll be in europe taking a course in July, and in August I have a chance to bum around and visit places. I have two questions:
1. What do you recommend I visit?
2. How is the game different in europe?

 

[h a r d a s s]

Of all your posts I've read, i like this one the most. You've always seem to have an answer for every situation-- stand this way, talk this way, do X then Y for optimal results... etc. To tell you the truth I always had a feeling that this came from a feeling of insecurity. But now that is over and you know exactly who you are and that you don't need anyone else's approval. You've changed a lot, and have come a very long way already, but now you truly have nothing to hold you back. I'm happy for ya.

 

[Señor Fingers]

Glad to be of service, gentlemen. I wish someone would have smacked me upside the head with this a long time ago. But I probably wouldnt have listened anyway. I guess sometimes you have to fall off a little to really know your own boundaries and how to transcend them. In the end, regrets are a waste of time, anyway.

Originally posted by [look]aRhino
I'll be in europe taking a course in July, and in August I have a chance to bum around and visit places. I have two questions:
1. What do you recommend I visit?
2. How is the game different in europe?

I don't have too much of Europe under my belt just yet. Spent very brief time in France, Germany, Holland. More extended visits have been to places like England, Spain, Portugal and Italy. If you really want to visit a country where the people welcome you with open arms and the girls are especially hot and affectionate, I would have to recommend anywhere in Italy, Portugal or Spain. The cultural difference is palpable and you will find it difficult to assimilate into your old culture once you get used to all the hugs, kisses and proximity these hot, decidedly latin cultures.

Game here is a lot more direct as well, and the women here strike me as much more mature and balanced than Americans. Spain is the only place I have had a girl stop me in the middle of a conversation and say "Hey, enough of this talk, you wanna come to my place and make love?" C&F responses are useless in these scenarios. Most girls don't need much gaming at all, as long as you are laidback, fun to be around and somewhat attractive. Of course there is the language barrier, so I suggest you take a nice 2 week course or something to get some basic convo skills down. It also doesn't hurt to know how to give killer massages, because anyone can appreciate that! In England and Holland I find that the women are pretty direct as well, and it is more common to make out with total strangers there...but there is an overall coldness in the culture I find un-nerving since I am cuddly kind of guy.

Each place has its strong suits, but there is a reason I always end up in Spain. The people are mad chill, the food is delicious and the women are gorgeous and have big hearts. The only other place that has touched me like this is Italy...incredible place that is.

In any case, if you are ever in north-western Spain, feel free to give me a shout and see for yourself!

 

[affliction]

Excellent post, Fingz.

 

[h2o]

great great great post. :rockon:

 

[BrotherAP]

Ahh, fingz, I feel like we're old friends just from reading your many writings. I think that's where your greatest power of seduction lies. You have unique insight about you that enables you to reach out and touch something deeper in a person through your words. You don't have to put an exciting front on for women, because you lead an exciting life on your own initiative. You don't hesitate to try something new, and you risk it all to achieve your dreams. You somehow find your own way out of all of society's traps that prevent so many people from living.

For me, the big revelation after reading your stuff was a realization that there is a different between "good" and "great". I can't speak for others, but since my earliest memories I was raised to believe that I would be great. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten my desire to be great, because I was always looking for validation. I only ascribed to myself the positive qualities that others would openly praise me for. I was great unless the general consensus told me so. Similarly, I wasn't a ladies man - because nobody told me that I was. It didn't occur to me that I could be whaever I wanted to, and that it shouldn't matter if I was a ladies man or not in other eyes. Instead of living up to my own expectations, I was living down to other people's prejudices. I was holding myself back, and only because I put too much stock into what I was told.

It was after reading what you wrote that I realized all of this. I walked away from reading "Weapons of Mass Destruction" not thinking that, all of a sudden, I was a Don Juan, ready to seduce the ladies. To be honest, I've had better than average success with girls, but I never found that quite fulfilling, as I was lacking in other parts of my life. It wasn't the seduction tips that kept me reading. It was the inspirational tips. The underlying theme that I am great, I always have been, and it's my job to ignore the constant background hum that's dying to convince me that I'm not. Even though I was aware of the negative messages purveyed by advertising, I had never fully decrypted them and fell victim to some of the more destructive ones nonetheless.

I thought that only the Abercrombie & Fitch models got the perfect 10's. I would look at a girl who was a dead-on look alike for Alicia Silverstone, and think to myself that only a miracle could get me in the arms of a girl that beautiful. I would meet a man who had travelled the world, met famous people all over, climbed Mt. Everest, and remind myself not to dream too hard - because that's the stuff that only extraordinary people accomplish, and I'm, well, just ordinary. Right?

Then something changed. It happened without my permission at first. Until I noticed, that is, and embraced it with as much excitement as I ever felt. I realized that I already have everything I need to be "great". Ordinary be damned - I want to travel the world! I want to see things that people only read about, and I want to have adventures that people will be sure I made up. I want to inspire people, because I read a lot into things. There have always been a thousand things I've wanted to do, but something was holding me back: fear. I wasn't convinced that I could actually accomplish them, and I was waiting for validation. I was always waiting for somebody else to instill the belief in myself. That way of thinking is inherently flawed - belief in yourself can only come from yourself. Unfortunately, however, being surrounded by negative validation (the ever-present "You can't") has a way of destroying that. It's a struggle to find a way to overcome that. Most people are afraid to tell themselves that they are, indeed great.

Attracting women is just one facet of life. Unfortunately, just like any part of life, many men have a tendency to place too much emphasis on seduction. Unless a person's only goal is to seduce women, that he's simply trying to cure his longseated self-esteem issues through external validation of these women. The most balanced man will place the burden of validation on himself. He knows that he will accomplish his goals in spite of what other people think about them. When he meets a girl, he's not looking to her to tell him that he's an amazing man. He already knows it. He wants to know whether or not she's an amazing woman. He attracts the most amazingly beautiful, physically and emotionally, by actually becoming the ultimate prize they seek: a man who knows that he is, no matter what other people say or do, great.

Thanks for the inspiring words. There's nothing more admirable than a man who not only knows he is great, but can make other people realize that about themselves.

 

[Señor Fingers]

Originally posted by BrotherAP
I thought that only the Abercrombie & Fitch models got the perfect 10's. I would look at a girl who was a dead-on look alike for Alicia Silverstone, and think to myself that only a miracle could get me in the arms of a girl that beautiful. I would meet a man who had travelled the world, met famous people all over, climbed Mt. Everest, and remind myself not to dream too hard - because that's the stuff that only extraordinary people accomplish, and I'm, well, just ordinary. Right?

Deep.

That right there is the heart of what holds us all back. Negative assumptions that have nothing to do with reality and everything to do with fear. This type of attitude will kill your approach before you even take the first step.

I think I owe my perseverence to my mom, who made it a point to read me "The Little Engine That Could" on a nightly basis. I always loved that book because everyone told the poor little guy that he would never make it, and he showed those doubting bastards who was boss! I think the message stayed with me my whole life and during the times when anyone doubted me...or even worse I doubted myself, the mantra would take over.."I think I can, I think I can..." until I knew I could, and I did.

Seduction was a different struggle for me. With no man in the house to show me the ropes, I was left to my own devices. Even though I was raised by women my whole life, I had no friggin clue how they operated on an instinctual level. And though my mom was a great source of inspiration for me on many levels, she always gave me crap dating advice and I ended up going the whole flowers, chocolates and cute bunnies route, which as you can guess, left me very grateful for the existence of porn.

It's amazing how you can have a problem for years and get so used to it that you tune it out. Sadly, sometimes you have to lose something valuable or get hurt in order to see yourself clearly. I think part of my reason for posting is to spare you guys from that, and possibly have you learn from my stupid mistakes.

I am happy that my erratic ramblings have not been a waste of time!

Cheers bro

 

[Don Ronny]

Not a bad post Fingers. It's a good thing I taught you everything you know.

 

[Brak86]

Senor Fingers, god damnit i want to meet you. You seem kind of like me in your interests and writing style. Not only do i admire your personality, but i really like your writing and how you can clearly articulate and translate thoughts that have been swirling around our confused and lost heads.

Also, I am going to spain in July and i cannot wait! I am going on a Spanish Language program so there will be other Americans with me, but i am staying with a Spanish family. The first thing id like to mention to you is a comment: Im really trying hard not to elevate my expectations too much because I have a tendency to raise expectations (due to my current, somewhat static and boring life as of now). But i am improving.

Also, I want to know if you have been to Cadiz. That is where im going in spain. It's supposed to be a very relaxed beach town and I'd love to hear any advice from you while im there.

 

[Slickster]

Things get so much easier once you learn to flip the game and get these women seeking your stamp of approval instead of the other way around.

Hey Fingers more thanks for a great post!

The comment above is the exact attitude that has proven very successful for me. However I have also noticed something interesting in my travels.

Having women seek your approval is a great thing. However I find that while seeking my approval some women sacrifice their own values and convictions in order to win me over. This usually surfaces somewhere down the road and leads to many problems.

All of the sudden she isn't "cool" with certain things she was earlier. She becomes a different person and the relationship is inevitably doomed.

It is very interesting how people mold themselves into what they believe will make them attractive to others.

I guess what it comes down to is this. The very notion of seduction is based on the idea that one person is trying to win the interest of someone who isn't really interested in the first place. In order to do this people inevitably sacrifice who they "are" in one way or another.

It makes you wonder if seduction is really worth it at all.

Instead of seduction wouldn't it be wise to seek those who which we feel a mutual attraction from the get-go?

Ahh what a wonderful world it would be.

 

[Señor Fingers]

Originally posted by Brak86
Also, I am going to spain in July and i cannot wait! I am going on a Spanish Language program so there will be other Americans with me, but i am staying with a Spanish family.

Great idea Brak! The best way to pick up a new language is total immersion. I learned Spanish in school , but I never really internalized it till I came here and was forced to speak it everyday.

Also, I want to know if you have been to Cadiz. That is where im going in spain. It's supposed to be a very relaxed beach town and I'd love to hear any advice from you while im there.

Never been there, but it gets raving reviews from all my friends who have. Coming from a relaxed beach town, my best advice is to play up your cultural differences. This alone will be your passport to a lot of fun and mind-opening experiences. Play the lost puppy routine and get local girls to show you around town. Also, I think it would blow their minds if you knew some Spanish slang, so here are some choice phrases:

De Puta Madre
Literally translated it means "Of Slut Mother Quality" and is considered quite vulgar in every Spanish-speaking country, except Spain where it translates to "That's the Bomb!"

Vamos de Golfos
A Golfo (male) or Golfa (fem) is a party junky. This translates to "let's go clubbing / bar-hopping!"

Me Mola Mazo
Means "I love it to death" Molar is the Castilian equivalent of gustar and is used in the same context.

Me pones fatal
You are turning me on far too much right now.

Está que te cagas!
Rough translation "It's so good, you sh!t yourself!" It can also be used as an adjective for any extreme thought. (i.e. Tengo un hambre que te cagas = I am fvcking starving!) Its pretty funny, but as you will see the Spanish have a weird obsession with the anus.

Me cago en...
There are many variations of this expression, which is meant to convey frustration..just another way of saying "fukkin hell!" Here are a few, ranging from mild to extreme frustration (the latter ones you should use only in the most casual environment as some find them offensive)
Me cago en la leche! = I sh!t in the milk
Me cago en la mar! = I sh!t in the sea
Me cago en la puta! = I sh!t on the wh0re (most commonly used)
Me cago en San Pito Pato! = I sh!t on Saint Peter, that fag!
Me cago en Dios! = I sh!t on God (use with caution!)

Estoy hecho polvo
Literal Translation: I am ground into dust
Meaning: I am beat up and tired

Estoy hasta los cojones
Literal Translation: I am up to my balls.
Meaning: I am sick and tired of this sh!t.

Que le den!
If you are having a convo with a hottie and she is upset at someone for any reason, you can put yourself squarely on her side by saying this lively expression while slapping your hand into the crook of your elbow as you bend it upwards, which means "Fukk 'em!" Or for added flare, you can also say Que le den por el culo which = "Fukk them in the ass!"

More Tips
Always carry around a pocket dictionary and don't be afraid to use it in mid-conversation. The Spanish are very supportive of people who want to learn their language (and usually impressed because most of them are too lazy to be bilingual! Offensive but true) I also encourage you to teach the girls English expressions, especially cursewords and slang they wont ever learn in school.

On a subconscious level, Spain has a superiority complex with America. They believe we are all much fatter, stupider and stressed out than they are. (Sadly, for the most part, they are right) Play that up and talk about how much you love their country, the culture, the quality of life, how you could totally live there. This will make you one of them. If you are alone with a cute girl, you can take it to the next level with...

Las Americanas son frias. Necesito mimos!
I love this one. Inevitably, many girls will ask how Spanish women compare to Americans. If they don't you can warm them up to that topic by asking what they think of American men. At some point you can drop in this expression, which translates to "American women are cold, I need snuggles!" Say this to them and spread your arms and I guarantee you will get a nice, warm hug (which can lead to other things).

One thing that is very common here is, when you greet a girl you are very fond of, you hug them tight, turn your head and plant a hundred little kisses on their cheek. They love this!

I could go on and on, but I think this is a healthy foundation for you to get started. Have a blast on your trip and above all, remember...you are exotic!

Originally posted by Slickster
Having women seek your approval is a great thing. However I find that while seeking my approval some women sacrifice their own values and convictions in order to win me over. This usually surfaces somewhere down the road and leads to many problems.

These type of women are usually posers and you can tell off the bat, because they only talk about themselves and show little interest in your life. A major red flag!

All of the sudden she isn't "cool" with certain things she was earlier. She becomes a different person and the relationship is inevitably doomed.

Once a poser, always a poser!

I guess what it comes down to is this. The very notion of seduction is based on the idea that one person is trying to win the interest of someone who isn't really interested in the first place.

Dunno if a totally agree here. I think the point is to make them aware of the fact that they are interested, then taking that initial spark and fanning it into a great flame until their interest overrides their personal defenses. To me, seduction is kind of like safe-cracking. Everyone has a different combination, so it's all a matter of knowing the subtle clicks of the interaction which will get people to open up.

In order to do this people inevitably sacrifice who they "are" in one way or another.
It makes you wonder if seduction is really worth it at all.

What you are describing is supplication, not seduction.

Instead of seduction wouldn't it be wise to seek those who which we feel a mutual attraction from the get-go? Ahh what a wonderful world it would be.

Not for nothing, but this is how I have found my best relationships. However, even in these ideal scenarios of mutual attraction, women are far too often ruled by their fears of being branded as wh0res. That's why we must seduce, to help alleviate them of the guilt they feel for being so damned horny. It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it!

 

[Visitant]

Hail

Thanks Fingers,
I'm yet another who can relate consummately to your internal dialogues in this and your WoMS .pdf, with the exception of your big butt fixation.


Validation in a more general context still confuses me. I've been in the very scenario where I pick up a hottie for validation, while it turns out she's passive and non-vital -so I loose interest.

I have been working on internal validation -but I can't sustain it. Believing or thinking that I don't need to appease others is one thing, but ultimately I don't see how it changes how one feels about themself. Did I overlook the answer to this as being a matter of action rather than thought, or was simply believing/affirming your own validity enough for you?

 

[[look]aRhino]

Originally posted by Señor Fingers
In any case, if you are ever in north-western Spain, feel free to give me a shout and see for yourself!

Will do!

I've got a question though. I've always had an exceptionally strong inner state. My parents always told me I could do anything i wanted growing up, and I always believed it.

I know I deserve the best, I have made myself into the best so that I will get the best.

That said, sometimes rejections can hurt. My first rejection in a year and a half. The girl didn't call me back after the first date, and the wierdest part was (i'm really good at reading body language) ALL signs pointed to go.

Any special tips to get over it? I really fell for this girl (as I haven't allowed myself to do since high school) and it hit me pretty hard.


BrotherAP, amazing post! In terms of A&F models, I find they are usually surprisingly insecure, and by showing my awesome self and just being myself they all crumble and regress back to children.

You'll find as you actually become that extraordinary man through and through, that the beautiful girls will no longer be extraordinary to you.

Rhino

 

[Teen Spirit]

This gave me a boner.

 

[Oxide]

Your lazy ass doesnt know how to clean the PM box, so im gonna post it here:


Hey hey hey!

How have you been my amigo!? What is the deal, you married, engaged, divorced? havent heard anything new in awhile from your ass.

It is summer and i've been clubbing way more than i needed to.

Hey, i found $120 last night, i think it's time to go to Spain, your offer to let me sleep on the couch is still up, right?

 

[Jizamurai]

Your eratic ramblings have certaintly NOT been a waste of time. A sincere 'thanks' for sharing ur experiences and all the insight with us bro.

 

[djbr]

Amazing post!!!

Señor Fingers, do you think that all the trouble that you had trying to win a woman's attention was necessary to reach the stage where you are now?

I ask this because I'm in a similar situation... not too extreme as yours, cause I don't really need to get laid, but this thing of seeking validation...