man i wish i knew this girl better. i'm not sure if she's just freaking because she is losing control or because she realy wants you back. i'd say don't cave for now or else she'll always know that all she has to do is throw an emotional tantrum to get you back. feel her out when she comes back to get her stuff this weekend. don't talk about things anymore let **** simmer for now.
Can I save my LTR?
- Thread starter 49au
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cordoncordon
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Awesome, simply awesome. You did well my friend. And it is simply amazing to me how she can bring this drama into the relationship, feel upset about it, and then expect you to feel pain right along with her. The nerve of her huh? I don't know man, after reading all of that, I think you can do better, a lot better. And trust me on this, she will come crawling back very soon, of that I am sure. Now whether you take her back or not, that is up to you, but imo she has a TON of explaining to do. And you need to make her suffer and realize exactly what she did, so the thought of ever doing something like that again makes her quiver with agony.49au said:
Colossus
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49au I think you did very well here. You held your ground, weren't dragged into her guilt trips or attempts at martyrdom---you just kept your head and left it all on her, in an open an non-judgmental way. Whether it was through text or not is kind of beside the point---the message got across.
Part of being in a relationship---and being a MAN---is realizing every day that things can change on a moment's notice. The moment you think you cannot lose something is often the moment that cosmic pickup truck comes to load it up and take it away. A woman's love can be VERY strong, but they cannot divide their heart. And you cannot have a woman who has doubts about being with you, whatever they may be.
It's also one of the great paradoxes of life that the more you 'let go', the more it fosters love and loyalty in a woman. And the tighter you hold on---the more you try to 'keep' her and control the course of everything, the more likely you will push her away for good. It's like that old Zen analogy of the tree that neither holds onto the bird's feet nor shakes them from its branches. The tree simply IS, and the birds must come of their own accord.
I would not at all be surprised if this girl comes back to you. From that point it is up to you---weigh her sincerity and her humility. It seems to me like she does want you but she has gotta let go of those doubts and old feelings before that can happen. And if it does, your frame will be magnificent my friend, because she'll know you arent afraid to let go of her. :rockon:
Part of being in a relationship---and being a MAN---is realizing every day that things can change on a moment's notice. The moment you think you cannot lose something is often the moment that cosmic pickup truck comes to load it up and take it away. A woman's love can be VERY strong, but they cannot divide their heart. And you cannot have a woman who has doubts about being with you, whatever they may be.
It's also one of the great paradoxes of life that the more you 'let go', the more it fosters love and loyalty in a woman. And the tighter you hold on---the more you try to 'keep' her and control the course of everything, the more likely you will push her away for good. It's like that old Zen analogy of the tree that neither holds onto the bird's feet nor shakes them from its branches. The tree simply IS, and the birds must come of their own accord.
I would not at all be surprised if this girl comes back to you. From that point it is up to you---weigh her sincerity and her humility. It seems to me like she does want you but she has gotta let go of those doubts and old feelings before that can happen. And if it does, your frame will be magnificent my friend, because she'll know you arent afraid to let go of her. :rockon:
Wow. Just, wow.49au said:
Translation: "You're not suffering. I want you to suffer. Give me an emotional response to satisfy my perverse need of emotions."
The opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference.
You handled it well. +rep
A few questions here.
Also, if she does come crawling back, when is the right time to accept her? If it's too soon she will lose respect for his resolve. But if she's pushed away too long, she will give up.
And last, if she does try to come back, how do you know if it is not simply out of loneliness or her not being able to stomach the idea of him with another woman? If she comes back for any other reason than that she realizes she wants to be him with, it won't work.
What if she wants you back but she's too passive or hurt to say it? This is a possibility... how do you recognize it?49au said:
Also, if she does come crawling back, when is the right time to accept her? If it's too soon she will lose respect for his resolve. But if she's pushed away too long, she will give up.
And last, if she does try to come back, how do you know if it is not simply out of loneliness or her not being able to stomach the idea of him with another woman? If she comes back for any other reason than that she realizes she wants to be him with, it won't work.
She called a couple more times after the last message I posted, sent another text a while later. We'll see.
I put her and all her friends into a list on FB and changed my settings so that they can't see any more of my profile than a non-friend, even though I didn't delete them. She noticed quickly and at like 6am sent me a FB message, "wow that was fast... you are just throwing me out of your life"
I'm definitely in the wtf-did-i-do phase right now, but I made the decision and I'm not going to reverse it. I don't know what to expect or how long this process could take.
Here's a picture of her, FWIW: http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/135/58394101502704654703007.jpg/ She's not a bad looking girl, and Latin is my favorite.
I put her and all her friends into a list on FB and changed my settings so that they can't see any more of my profile than a non-friend, even though I didn't delete them. She noticed quickly and at like 6am sent me a FB message, "wow that was fast... you are just throwing me out of your life"
I'm definitely in the wtf-did-i-do phase right now, but I made the decision and I'm not going to reverse it. I don't know what to expect or how long this process could take.
Here's a picture of her, FWIW: http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/135/58394101502704654703007.jpg/ She's not a bad looking girl, and Latin is my favorite.
cordoncordon
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Only thing I would caution against is to not go overboard with the perceived "punishment" on her. Meaning the FB thing and anything else. That could be seen as you just trying to get back at her and trying to get her to change her mind. At this point you need to go on with your life and act "as if" nothing is bothering you and that you are moving on with not a shred of anger in your body.
Saw the pic. First impression> yes she is a cutie no doubt. She looks like the type that is used to getting what she wants. Looks like she could be a spoiled brat and emotional as well. haha
Since I talked about my gf on this thread, here is mine. I'm a white guy btw. And yes I know this will piss some guys off haha.
http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/163/rose4h.jpg/
Saw the pic. First impression> yes she is a cutie no doubt. She looks like the type that is used to getting what she wants. Looks like she could be a spoiled brat and emotional as well. haha
Since I talked about my gf on this thread, here is mine. I'm a white guy btw. And yes I know this will piss some guys off haha.
http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/163/rose4h.jpg/
you are in the "WTF did I just do" phase?
you did the right thing brother. you NEVER want to be with someone who is not 100% sure that she wants to be with you.
remember 100%, never accept less than that for your own mental health in the future.
so are you being too harsh on someoen who doesn't want to be with you anymore? who makes you feel guilty and will NOT change her mind even though you pulled back from her???
time to move on, and forget about this one, until she knocks your door crying and begging you to have her back... so that you can make her go home and think about what she really wants.
and keep doing that.
you did the right thing brother. you NEVER want to be with someone who is not 100% sure that she wants to be with you.
remember 100%, never accept less than that for your own mental health in the future.
so are you being too harsh on someoen who doesn't want to be with you anymore? who makes you feel guilty and will NOT change her mind even though you pulled back from her???
time to move on, and forget about this one, until she knocks your door crying and begging you to have her back... so that you can make her go home and think about what she really wants.
and keep doing that.
you have done well, ok Im sure its upsetting but you get back with her and she will DUMP YOU! 99% CERTAINTY.49au said:
you have saved yourself a lot more pain, kept your dignity and self respect, all too easy to let them slip and boy does it hurt!
she wants you to hurt, she wants to be the dumper
JdelaSilviera
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"""She has broken down crying on more than one occasion when she's talked about school and how far behind she feels in her preparation for board exams. So I don't think it's BS, though as you say there is more going on here than just stress.
"""
Women are great actresses, they can cry everytime they want to. First let me tell you, that you must be confident in your own intuition, remember that nobody here knows her.
Now let me also tell you, that pretty recently a friend of mine, had an identical story to yours.... he was dating a girl who is in med school, and she also started crying how she couldn´t deal with the pressure from school and from the relationship. She broke up with my friend, and the biatch is a few months after engaged to a more handsome guy... what a fvcking slut....
He also thought she was an angel blablabla..... women aren´t all that. Be a bad boy ALWAYS, even when she seems a saint......
Really her talk, is very typical of a girl who is no longer that interested,but still wants to keep you around as an option, i could be wrong though... I´m stressed with school, you are too good for me, are stuff that women tell you all the time...when they are not into you. I would cut contact immediatly and start seeing other girls.
That´s just my opinion.
"""
Women are great actresses, they can cry everytime they want to. First let me tell you, that you must be confident in your own intuition, remember that nobody here knows her.
Now let me also tell you, that pretty recently a friend of mine, had an identical story to yours.... he was dating a girl who is in med school, and she also started crying how she couldn´t deal with the pressure from school and from the relationship. She broke up with my friend, and the biatch is a few months after engaged to a more handsome guy... what a fvcking slut....
He also thought she was an angel blablabla..... women aren´t all that. Be a bad boy ALWAYS, even when she seems a saint......
Really her talk, is very typical of a girl who is no longer that interested,but still wants to keep you around as an option, i could be wrong though... I´m stressed with school, you are too good for me, are stuff that women tell you all the time...when they are not into you. I would cut contact immediatly and start seeing other girls.
That´s just my opinion.
Well, I am in wtf-did-i-do mode right now simply because while I think I did the right thing, it's possible this was too heavy handed and I should've just backed away quietly. Basically, this:
"I don't deserve you"
"You deserve better"
"It's nothing you did, it's me"
"I don't want to hurt you"
These are massive red flags and I've heard all of them from her this last week. I do think she wanted to keep me as an option, maybe even her primary option, but I am denying her that, so we'll see what happens.
Your girl is hot. I love Asian girls too. Briefly dated an Asian stripper with an insane body last year, she was one of the "plates" I dropped for this girl.
flnazrael said:
Yeah.JdelaSilviera said:
"I don't deserve you"
"You deserve better"
"It's nothing you did, it's me"
"I don't want to hurt you"
These are massive red flags and I've heard all of them from her this last week. I do think she wanted to keep me as an option, maybe even her primary option, but I am denying her that, so we'll see what happens.
True. I sent her a reply saying, "I'm not trying to be mean or vindictive, I just don't think it's appropriate." She texted me almost immediately after. lolcordoncordon said:
Your girl is hot. I love Asian girls too. Briefly dated an Asian stripper with an insane body last year, she was one of the "plates" I dropped for this girl.
ok 49 you need to stop shoviong all this **** down her throat. Frankly in her picture she looks like a club hopping jerry springer cast member that your never gonna find common ground with but you know her better then me. regardless stop doing petty things like dropping FB **** and dah dah dah dah dah. I told you to just let **** marinate. No reason to kick her when she is down because now you are going to give her ammunition if you go to far. BE A MAN. this does not mean turn around and grovel at her feet now. just leave it alone till this weekend like i told you. That's it man i'm signing off on this one.
Maybe I chose the wrong picture then.
She has certainly gone out clubbing with me before, but she doesn't like to do that much. She prefers spending time alone with me, offers to pay for a lot of things, including paying for my birthday in South Beach when she is living on loans. She's not the type of girl you are imagining.
Not saying this excuses this behavior, just clarifying something.
She has certainly gone out clubbing with me before, but she doesn't like to do that much. She prefers spending time alone with me, offers to pay for a lot of things, including paying for my birthday in South Beach when she is living on loans. She's not the type of girl you are imagining.
Not saying this excuses this behavior, just clarifying something.
She sent me a lot of messages while at work today, I'm kind of undecided about how to interpret them. I'm not really sure how to read this, it doesn't seem good though. As someone said, I think the real test is going to be how she acts when she comes to pick up her stuff, whenever that is.
I selected a few:
The problem I have here is trying to figure out if she's sincere or not, and what to look for. And if she is sincere and regrets this, knowing how far to push her away before I bring her back in, if that's what I decide to do.
I selected a few:
... later she mentions seeing an ultrasound of these 2 month old babies, which hers was around that time. I think doing this experience did something in her head relating to her ex and somehow tied that in with me.
last one:
Haven't responded to the last two. Guess I won't.
The problem I have here is trying to figure out if she's sincere or not, and what to look for. And if she is sincere and regrets this, knowing how far to push her away before I bring her back in, if that's what I decide to do.
CostaDeSol
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49au said:
It sounds like she wants a lot of attention and pity. I found that an "out of sight" and "no contact" policy works best for handling ex's. I would put all her stuff in a box and it leave out side the door and tell her that she has to come pick it up while your away. I don't think this is rude, its just that you need to start putting distance between yourself and her.
I would also stop communicating with her. no messaging, no phone calls. There is no point in giving her any more attention.
