Practically the same as mine. The loyal thing confuses me. My therapist reckons some can use the relationship itself to fill a hole and not need to cheat. I remain open minded but healthily sceptical.
BPD's can control their behavior…they choose not to
- Thread starter Pandora
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Ya the last thing i am is blind and trusting ti a fault, i know girls are horrible. .
But i believe if she was cheating i would have known.
I also made it known if she did that to me she would pay for it.
MrAddiction
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Do not make the mistake to think that would stop her in any way. I also made that clear from the beginning too. She met someone behind my back - she refused cheating, but that was not important for me. So I made her move out. And guess what: she was surpised that I stuck to my words. She could not believe I really made her move out. She got back to being nice and thought everything would be alright back again.
As said before: the Moment you are not willing to give her what she wants, she looks elsewhere.
Absolutely true if they don't get what they want they look elsewhere. They are too selfish to see they aren't getting what they want not because of men but because they aren't giving us or the relationship what is needed.
Couple reasons.
1. She tried to Hoover me back and to go on planned trip w her and her kid. Having incoming messages w me for days would be ww3. Plus if she snuck around she would never try to get back w me let alone an immediate trip
2. Her ex has called cps on her for NOTHING over the years, takes her to court and is constant trouble. She knows she may need me down the road one day if i ever got called into court, i told her i am an honest person but dont ever betray me because if u do i wont be there for u of u need me down the road.
3. I was very close to her family and treated her kid very very well. I helped her a lot. She owes me a lot.
4. She knows if she cheated on me there's the possibility i would smash her guy.
I never would as i dont need the court trouble but shes watched me box at gym for 4 years.
The fear is there.
Having said that she is a girl and a dumb one at that so who knows.
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noBSgames
Senior Don Juan
I bet you when she saw you were serious she instantly switched to nice mode right? That crap is funny and crazy at the same time my ex went from denying things to saying sorry then calling me babe... wtf the more you read... and because she snooped on my phone one night while sleep she saw I was on a bpd website asking questions so every time she can she's always like blah blah since you think I have a mental health disorder oh she LOVES bringing that up whenever she can. What she would do is log into my phone check what sites I posted on and only screen shot the stuff I said and send it to herself and turn around and use it against me later on.. for example I was on this wedding bee site saying how I felt she was pressing me to marry her they were all in agreement that she sounds immature.. don't do it etc.. nope she made sure she did not screen shot that only the stuff I said.
What happens, IN HER MIND, is that she comes to see you as WORTHLESS simply because she hasn't had to INVEST anything in you in order to get you or to keep you.
You were an interesting diversion while she had nothing else to do. But now that someone a little more valuable has come along, someone who expects her to treat him very well, she'll have no problem at all dropping you or demoting you to lowly "friendship" status.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
noBSgames
Senior Don Juan
Well I blocked her on Snapchat I had sent her a message yesterday she had 10 hours to respond after opening and on my way to work at 1:30 am she responds that "You have some growing up to do" I'm like is this girl kidding me??? She's telling me when she's talking about herself..
Unfortunately we have a lot of ties to cut and that's going to be a process in itself.
Oh and the message I sent her 10 hours ago was I left work and I'm home now..
Unfortunately we have a lot of ties to cut and that's going to be a process in itself.
Oh and the message I sent her 10 hours ago was I left work and I'm home now..
No contact is our best weapon. Second is finding somebody better.
I'm already working on the second part. I have a hot co-worker showing high interest. We have arranged to go to the gym together next week. What's even better is, it's one of the women my ex was jealous about. I apparently clicked her FB profile one too many times and liked a few of her updates that triggered her. If this pans out, it's going to hit her like a ton of bricks. It would validate what she feared in our relationship
I'm already working on the second part. I have a hot co-worker showing high interest. We have arranged to go to the gym together next week. What's even better is, it's one of the women my ex was jealous about. I apparently clicked her FB profile one too many times and liked a few of her updates that triggered her. If this pans out, it's going to hit her like a ton of bricks. It would validate what she feared in our relationship
This thread and various others is helping me get over the ex a lot I think. I now just think of her as an empty machine, incapable of any reciprocal authentic love or empathy. However I hate lying or misleading myself and wonder sometimes if its just an excuse to help me lessen the pain. Was she just a normal woman who was a bit more hormonal than others. Anyone else worry about this?
No. She is capable of love just not sustaining it. Her love was conditional of what she could get from me. Her lack of appreciation was a big relationship killer for me. I know I made the right call but it wasn't an easy one. I still have bad days where I wished I had handled the relationship differently. Most days I'm fine. It's not my job to save, maintain or balance another persons mood and anxiety. Capt-save-a-ho is dead.
Tell me about the lack of appreciation! But I think most women in general are like that as opposed to just BPDs.
I can relate to all of that
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Cluster B are very selfish, lack empathy, do not appreciate anyone or anything as they can only see what they are getting and not getting. Nothing and no one else matters.
My ex complained we werent further along and then distanced the relationship from every day love and closeness to once a week at that to punish me.
I have my own home
Have a great savings and stocks.
Have no debt besides my home and car.
Ready to buy land and a home i was waiting on her to get her **** tog but she blamed me.
Was at her parents for every Holliday
Was at every sports and school event for her kid
When in fact she had 100$ to her name.
Did not cook.
Did not spend any time w my family.
Lived w her parents the last 6 years.
Had NO money to offer towards the land and home she wanted, yet blames me
Spent no time improving herself or us.
Complained i dont do enough whwn she did NOTHING. Skipped holidays w my family for years.
She offered nothing but complaints yet bitched at me
My ex complained we werent further along and then distanced the relationship from every day love and closeness to once a week at that to punish me.
I have my own home
Have a great savings and stocks.
Have no debt besides my home and car.
Ready to buy land and a home i was waiting on her to get her **** tog but she blamed me.
Was at her parents for every Holliday
Was at every sports and school event for her kid
When in fact she had 100$ to her name.
Did not cook.
Did not spend any time w my family.
Lived w her parents the last 6 years.
Had NO money to offer towards the land and home she wanted, yet blames me
Spent no time improving herself or us.
Complained i dont do enough whwn she did NOTHING. Skipped holidays w my family for years.
She offered nothing but complaints yet bitched at me
Sounds like she was low functioning. That relationship was doomed the moment you entered it.
I read these articles and they really resonated with me
http://shrink4men.com/2012/03/08/cr...-why-she-wont-be-different-with-the-next-guy/
https://shrink4men.wordpress.com/2009/01/23/when-love-hurts-the-emotionally-abused-man/
I could tick off 7 of the 10 signs of emotional abuse. Something as a man I was unaware would be considered abuse.
Yep i told her this is absolutely verbal and emotional abuse.
I wish mine was low functioning. She's between mild and medium perfectly able to keep the facade long enough to keep you in the relationship. Things happen gradually over the course of a long period. it sounds stupid but I envy you guys with the volatile ones. It would have been so much easier to cut that cord.
Yes, the higher functioning ones are much harder to spot early on, and put you in a mental state where you think they are a normal woman. That is until the sh|t hits the fan enough times after you're in too deep…
Some are verbal, some get physical on you, some are both, but they're all emotional abuse.
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I'm w ya she held it off for about 18 months despite a few odd episodes.
The last 8 months were hell.
Flip outs raging and screaming at me breaking things off every few weeks over the littlest things.
Things would be fine, I'd miss her call while working call her back within a few mins and instead of a nice "hi" i would get the ****tiest " ugh yeah" just mean, just crappy and degrading, made me feel like **** all the time for nothing.
Every thing was a big deal and dramatic in her life, yet id i did one little thing i would get crucified and called nothing but a problem and always causing problems. Unreal.
I have dated prob 20 girls str and ltr combined and this is the ONLY girl i have ever met who when she did something wrong to me or the relationship would be mad and mistreat me for brining it up.
I would literally get punished instead of a sorry or acknowledgement.
This was unreal.
Bipolar. One half normal and nice the other SATAN. so mean and cruel. Unreal the way she would talk to me and things she would say.
Just unreal
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That's what i ran into.
Everyone says why didnt u leave and it makes sense. If anyone would talk to me like that id turn and walk away forever but these npd wait till u are deep in love w them and u have a bond for a future.
Its torture and sufferring.
Yes, it's the cluster b's main operating template, but the personal damage done to the man will vary.
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MrAddiction
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Definierten right! It was the sweetest phase since she moved in. Did mit change my mind regarding her having to move. I knew another try would probably end up terrible but I gave it a try with seperated appartments, because her being Sweet again and the Little doubt in the back of my Head that you described in another posting above.
....
It ended terrible. And eventhough I was expacting this outcome it did not make things easier for me emotional. But due to the knowledge I could Stick to my decisions. I will not Imagine how Bad things may go down if one is absolutely unknowing what might be wrong with their girls.
She was absolutely devastated when she realized that the I am not going to come back After this second try and she is not able to lure ne back in.
