mrgoodstuff
Master Don Juan
Her bs was likely some passive aggressiveness stuff to hit you. Maybe your good quality made her feel ****ty and In turn she wanted to bring you down.
BPD's can control their behavior…they choose not to
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mrgoodstuff
Master Don Juan
It's just who she was as a person. Nothing wrong with you except you cared and didn't accept who she is.
Die Hard
Master Don Juan
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Been dating a BPD for the last few weeks. Recognized the signs at the first date but continued anyway. Sex was out of this world and she was love-bombing me like crazy. Had a VERY great time with her those weeks. But yeah, the ugly monster she is on the inside had to rear its ugly head eventually... It did, last week, she betrayed my trust in a very important matter! Didn't really come as a shock, I've experienced the worst of the worst, many times, with many BPD's. But even though my brain tells me that it's no surprise and that it's in fact EXACTLY what I'm used to from previous BPD women, it still FEELS as a suprise because it's the exact opposite behavior of what she showed up until that moment. You know, all the love-bombing, all the sweet talk, all the hugging and caressing, all the nice behavior and all the positive vibes we had from the beginning until that moment...
Actually, I wasn't able to break things off right there on that day she fvcked me over. Next time we met after that day, she was extra-extra sweet to me and we had a very nice night, I allowed myself to fall for that. But after that night, my self-respect and common sense slowly started taking over and eventually I decided to cut myself loose from her, so I told her we're done because she fvcked me over and had lost all my trust in doing so. Of course she responded by blaming me for being so harsh to her and falsely accusing her blahblahblah. Not one word about how wrong it was what she did to me, she only spoke about how I am falsely accusing her and tried to shame me telling me I'm being mean to her because I've been mistreated by other women before her but she is not like them blahblahbah.
Again, no surprise there. They can't see or admit their own mistakes, all they do is counterattack and pretend like YOU are the bad guy. She did this over text and then blocked me so I can't respond back haha. I must admit I had the urge to call her up and yell some veeeery nasty things to her, but you know what? I won't
She's not worth it and I'm above that sh!t. A wise man won't allow himself to be dragged down to the level of a moron... Sure, it bothers me enough to feel the need to write about it on here, so I can kinda process it. But really, nothing which happened comes as a surprise to me, I am very well aware that it's no use trying to reason with her or even expect her to understand her own wrongdoings, I am also aware that I shouldn't feel frustrated about any of her behavior, you can't expect a tiger not to rip apart a helpless deer when he sees it and you can't expect a BPD to act reasonable. They're like Non-player characters in games, they're scripted to say the same few lines and display the same behavior over and over, there's nothing more to them and you shouldn't expect them to behave like a normal human being, they're not. They're infants in adult bodies, that's all.
Funny experience... I've rejected many hot and attractive BPD's this last year coz I want to be done with the BPD experience, they do more harm than good, even if you stay with them for a short while. Yet they are all I attract, they come at me all the time but "good" women don't. So while I was rejecting all the crazy bytches I was having a dry spell, coz I can't succeed at attracting better women... Been living like that for a long time now and eventually I couldn't hold back anymore, a man needs to date/fvck a woman at some point. So I decided to date this bytch and enjoy her company for a few weeks and was able to cut myself loose before I got too attached to her.
On the one hand, I'm not proud of doing this. I knew she was crazy from the start, I don't want to deal with those women anymore, I deserve better.. How weak that I went with one again... But on the other hand, I feel okay. I had extremely great sex with a pornstar body type, and yes I experienced intimacy with her. Some call it fake but I know I allowed myself to feel something real with her and she did the other way around. It's just impossible for them to allow that to go on very long, so then they go from hot to cold and onfortunately you have to do that too in order to protect yourself from her.
That's what I did, I allowed myself to feel something with her and it did me good. But now that her sweet, loving and caring behavior has changed to treacherous-evil-cvnt-behavior, I told her we're through and I've buried my own feelings too.
Kinda amazed that this is who I am and that I am able to do this... But the experience meant something to me, gave me some warmth for a few weeks, after being cold and woman-less for a long time. A little fuel to survive, I guess. Now I'll try to get back to the path of improving myself and finding a woman who has more to offer than those worthless BPD's. Sigh...
Actually, I wasn't able to break things off right there on that day she fvcked me over. Next time we met after that day, she was extra-extra sweet to me and we had a very nice night, I allowed myself to fall for that. But after that night, my self-respect and common sense slowly started taking over and eventually I decided to cut myself loose from her, so I told her we're done because she fvcked me over and had lost all my trust in doing so. Of course she responded by blaming me for being so harsh to her and falsely accusing her blahblahblah. Not one word about how wrong it was what she did to me, she only spoke about how I am falsely accusing her and tried to shame me telling me I'm being mean to her because I've been mistreated by other women before her but she is not like them blahblahbah.
Again, no surprise there. They can't see or admit their own mistakes, all they do is counterattack and pretend like YOU are the bad guy. She did this over text and then blocked me so I can't respond back haha. I must admit I had the urge to call her up and yell some veeeery nasty things to her, but you know what? I won't
She's not worth it and I'm above that sh!t. A wise man won't allow himself to be dragged down to the level of a moron... Sure, it bothers me enough to feel the need to write about it on here, so I can kinda process it. But really, nothing which happened comes as a surprise to me, I am very well aware that it's no use trying to reason with her or even expect her to understand her own wrongdoings, I am also aware that I shouldn't feel frustrated about any of her behavior, you can't expect a tiger not to rip apart a helpless deer when he sees it and you can't expect a BPD to act reasonable. They're like Non-player characters in games, they're scripted to say the same few lines and display the same behavior over and over, there's nothing more to them and you shouldn't expect them to behave like a normal human being, they're not. They're infants in adult bodies, that's all.
Funny experience... I've rejected many hot and attractive BPD's this last year coz I want to be done with the BPD experience, they do more harm than good, even if you stay with them for a short while. Yet they are all I attract, they come at me all the time but "good" women don't. So while I was rejecting all the crazy bytches I was having a dry spell, coz I can't succeed at attracting better women... Been living like that for a long time now and eventually I couldn't hold back anymore, a man needs to date/fvck a woman at some point. So I decided to date this bytch and enjoy her company for a few weeks and was able to cut myself loose before I got too attached to her.
On the one hand, I'm not proud of doing this. I knew she was crazy from the start, I don't want to deal with those women anymore, I deserve better.. How weak that I went with one again... But on the other hand, I feel okay. I had extremely great sex with a pornstar body type, and yes I experienced intimacy with her. Some call it fake but I know I allowed myself to feel something real with her and she did the other way around. It's just impossible for them to allow that to go on very long, so then they go from hot to cold and onfortunately you have to do that too in order to protect yourself from her.
That's what I did, I allowed myself to feel something with her and it did me good. But now that her sweet, loving and caring behavior has changed to treacherous-evil-cvnt-behavior, I told her we're through and I've buried my own feelings too.
Kinda amazed that this is who I am and that I am able to do this... But the experience meant something to me, gave me some warmth for a few weeks, after being cold and woman-less for a long time. A little fuel to survive, I guess. Now I'll try to get back to the path of improving myself and finding a woman who has more to offer than those worthless BPD's. Sigh...
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Yep sounds familiar. Always asking for more time yet giving none.
I went to every thanksgiving and xmas and easter to my exs for 3 years , she came to my moms once.
The one asking for me never gave more.
mrgoodstuff
Master Don Juan
Do you think you can "Ignite" a NICER woman so that she becomes hot and crazy just for you? D1ckmatize her? Get her all into you?Been dating a BPD for the last few weeks. Recognized the signs at the first date but continued anyway. Sex was out of this world and she was love-bombing me like crazy. Had a VERY great time with her those weeks. But yeah, the ugly monster she is on the inside had to rear its ugly head eventually... It did, last week, she betrayed my trust in a very important matter! Didn't really come as a shock, I've experienced the worst of the worst, many times, with many BPD's. But even though my brain tells me that it's no surprise and that it's in fact EXACTLY what I'm used to from previous BPD women, it still FEELS as a suprise because it's the exact opposite behavior of what she showed up until that moment. You know, all the love-bombing, all the sweet talk, all the hugging and caressing, all the nice behavior and all the positive vibes we had from the beginning until that moment...
Actually, I wasn't able to break things off right there on that day she fvcked me over. Next time we met after that day, she was extra-extra sweet to me and we had a very nice night, I allowed myself to fall for that. But after that night, my self-respect and common sense slowly started taking over and eventually I decided to cut myself loose from her, so I told her we're done because she fvcked me over and had lost all my trust in doing so. Of course she responded by blaming me for being so harsh to her and falsely accusing her blahblahblah. Not one word about how wrong it was what she did to me, only how I am falsely accusing her, how I'm being mean to her because I've been mistreated by other women before her but she is not like them blahblahbah.
Again, no surprise there. They can't see or admit their own mistakes, all they do is counterattack and pretend like YOU are the bad guy. She did this over text and then blocked me so I can't respond back haha. I must admit I had the urge to call her up and say some veeeery nasty things to her, but you know what? I won't
She's not worth it and I'm above that sh!t. The lion does not concern himself with the opinion of a sheep... Sure, it bothers me enough to feel the need to write about it on here, so I can kinda process it. But really, nothing which happened comes as a surprise to me, I am very well aware that it's no use to try to reason with her or even expect her to understand her own wrongdoings, I am also aware that I shouldn't feel frustrated about any of her behavior, you can't expect a tiger not to rip apart a helpless deer when he sees it and you can't expect a BPD to act reasonable. They're like Non-player characters in games, they're scripted to say the same few lines and display the same behavior over and over, there's nothing more to them and you shouldn't expect them to behave like a normal human being, they're not. They're infans in adult bodies, that's all.
Funny experience... I've rejected many hot and attractive BPD's this last year coz I want to be done with the BPD experience, they do more harm than good, even if you stay with them for a short while. Yet they are all I attract, they come at me all the time but "good" women don't. So while I was rejecting all the crazy bytches I was having a dry spell, coz I can't succeed at attracting better women... Been living like that for a long time now and eventually I couldn't hold back anymore, a man needs to date/fvck a woman at some point. So I decided to date this bytch and enjoy her company for a few weeks and was able to cut myself loose before I got oo attached to her.
On the one hand, I'm not proud of doing this. I knew she was crazy from the start, I don't want to deal with those women anymmore, I deserve better, how weak that I went with one again. But on the other hand, I feel okay. I had extreme good sex with a pornstar body type, and yes I experienced intimacy with her. Some call it fake but I know I allowed myself to feel something real with her and she did the other way around. It's just impossible for them to allow that to go on very long, so then they go from hot to cold and onfortunately you have to do that too in order to protect yourself from her.
That's what I did, I allowed myself to feel something with her and it did me good. Now that her sweet, loving and caring behavior has changed to treacherous-evil-cvnt-behavior, I told her we're through and I've buried my own feelings too.
Kinda amzed that this is who I am and I am able to do this. But the experience meant something to me, gave me some warmth for a few weeks, after being cold and woman-less for a long time. A little fuel to survive, I guess. Now I'll try to get back to the path of improving myself and finding a woman who has more to offer than those worthless BPD's. Sigh...
Yeah they will look better when it's good d1ck in em, and a good man in their life in the same man.
Good write up.Been dating a BPD for the last few weeks. Recognized the signs at the first date but continued anyway. Sex was out of this world and she was love-bombing me like crazy. Had a VERY great time with her those weeks. But yeah, the ugly monster she is on the inside had to rear its ugly head eventually... It did, last week, she betrayed my trust in a very important matter! Didn't really come as a shock, I've experienced the worst of the worst, many times, with many BPD's. But even though my brain tells me that it's no surprise and that it's in fact EXACTLY what I'm used to from previous BPD women, it still FEELS as a suprise because it's the exact opposite behavior of what she showed up until that moment. You know, all the love-bombing, all the sweet talk, all the hugging and caressing, all the nice behavior and all the positive vibes we had from the beginning until that moment...
Actually, I wasn't able to break things off right there on that day she fvcked me over. Next time we met after that day, she was extra-extra sweet to me and we had a very nice night, I allowed myself to fall for that. But after that night, my self-respect and common sense slowly started taking over and eventually I decided to cut myself loose from her, so I told her we're done because she fvcked me over and had lost all my trust in doing so. Of course she responded by blaming me for being so harsh to her and falsely accusing her blahblahblah. Not one word about how wrong it was what she did to me, she only spoke about how I am falsely accusing her and tried to shame me telling me I'm being mean to her because I've been mistreated by other women before her but she is not like them blahblahbah.
Again, no surprise there. They can't see or admit their own mistakes, all they do is counterattack and pretend like YOU are the bad guy. She did this over text and then blocked me so I can't respond back haha. I must admit I had the urge to call her up and yell some veeeery nasty things to her, but you know what? I won't
She's not worth it and I'm above that sh!t. A wise man won't allow himself to be dragged down to the level of a moron... Sure, it bothers me enough to feel the need to write about it on here, so I can kinda process it. But really, nothing which happened comes as a surprise to me, I am very well aware that it's no use trying to reason with her or even expect her to understand her own wrongdoings, I am also aware that I shouldn't feel frustrated about any of her behavior, you can't expect a tiger not to rip apart a helpless deer when he sees it and you can't expect a BPD to act reasonable. They're like Non-player characters in games, they're scripted to say the same few lines and display the same behavior over and over, there's nothing more to them and you shouldn't expect them to behave like a normal human being, they're not. They're infants in adult bodies, that's all.
Funny experience... I've rejected many hot and attractive BPD's this last year coz I want to be done with the BPD experience, they do more harm than good, even if you stay with them for a short while. Yet they are all I attract, they come at me all the time but "good" women don't. So while I was rejecting all the crazy bytches I was having a dry spell, coz I can't succeed at attracting better women... Been living like that for a long time now and eventually I couldn't hold back anymore, a man needs to date/fvck a woman at some point. So I decided to date this bytch and enjoy her company for a few weeks and was able to cut myself loose before I got too attached to her.
On the one hand, I'm not proud of doing this. I knew she was crazy from the start, I don't want to deal with those women anymore, I deserve better.. How weak that I went with one again... But on the other hand, I feel okay. I had extremely great sex with a pornstar body type, and yes I experienced intimacy with her. Some call it fake but I know I allowed myself to feel something real with her and she did the other way around. It's just impossible for them to allow that to go on very long, so then they go from hot to cold and onfortunately you have to do that too in order to protect yourself from her.
That's what I did, I allowed myself to feel something with her and it did me good. But now that her sweet, loving and caring behavior has changed to treacherous-evil-cvnt-behavior, I told her we're through and I've buried my own feelings too.
Kinda amazed that this is who I am and that I am able to do this... But the experience meant something to me, gave me some warmth for a few weeks, after being cold and woman-less for a long time. A little fuel to survive, I guess. Now I'll try to get back to the path of improving myself and finding a woman who has more to offer than those worthless BPD's. Sigh...
Good for you for being able to identify these red flags.
I tend to attract these women as well snd i have no idea why. The 3 i have had all asked me out first or approached me. Maybe that is one red flag.
I'm with you, I'd do anything just to find a decent woman.
Yep lots of that for sure.
I build people up to feel and be better.
Not the opposite.
You are right i know she carried shame for a few things in her past.
mrgoodstuff
Master Don Juan
She knew how to hurt you because you cared...
noBSgames
Senior Don Juan
I should of known mine kissed with within the first 15 min of meeting
There's a hundred flags we overlook because they can be trivial.
However after a year in the big flags should never be overlooked.
Die Hard
Master Don Juan
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I can only speak for myself as to why I attract them... My mom was BPD, I had a very disturbed relationship with her as a child and of course this caused problems in forming a healthy attachment to her. All of this leaves traces inside of you... It affects your personality traits, your mannerisms etc. The BPD's spot all those signs, they don't consciously look for them but they subconsciously spot them. They're not even aware of this, they just think "Hmm, that's an attractive guy".
Think of it in the same manner as a guy feeling attracted to a woman with big tits or wide hips. Actually, we like those things because that's the way nature has programmed us. Those wide hips and big tits signal that a woman has good potential for giving birth to children and feeding children etc. But we don't consciously think about those things! We just look at her and think "Hmm, she's attractive, I want her".
This example is about physical traits but in the case of the BPD's feeling attracted to me, it's about personality traits or emotional traits. And this example describes people being attracted to certain characteristics as a result of how they are biologically "programmed" by mother nature (NATURE), while the BPD's are attracted to me as a result of how they are "programmed"by their upbringing and their childhood experiences (NURTURE).
But the principle is the same, the attraction happens subconsciously without the subject even being aware about WHY they feel attracted to the other person. As for the nature stuff, we've been taught those things in school or whatever, it's kind of common knowledge that certain physical traits attract us because they signal good potential for raising children etc. So when we think about it, we realize WHY we are attracted to those things. But this whole dysfunctional childhood stuff and how it affects us is not common knowledge, it isn't taught to us at school or something and unless you've been doing some study about this stuff (like some of us guys on here), you're clueless about why certain types of people always attract you...
Most BPD's are clueless about why they feel attracted to me too, they just know they find me attractive, it's the way they've been "programmed" but they don't know the inner mechanics of this "programming".
Here's the terrible thing for me though... As I explained, I'm attractive to BPD's based on my character traits, mannerisms etc. which are a part of me as a result of my upbringing (and which BPD's are programmed to find attractive as a result of THEIR upbringing), it's not based on my physcial traits which I got from mother nature, like the color of my hair, the form of my nose or the amount of symmetry in my face.
BUT... My dysfunctional upbringing has left traces in my face as well! Just like you can tell from somebody's face when they've lived through a lot of pain or hardship, or how you sometimes can see a lot of "wisdom" or "life experience" in a very young person's face. Just like that, you can tell from someone's face when they've had a dysfunctional relationship with their parents as a child. People who've had a dysfunctional upbringing tend to recognize this in other people's faces. The BPD's recognize it in my face as well... but this is also SUBCONSCIOUSLY, just like the example I gave earlier. They don't realize this themselves, they just feel attracted to my face without knowing that this is a result of them being "programmed" to spot signs in my face which signal a disturbed relationship with my mother and all that...
In a way, it's like I'm cursed and can't escape my unlucky background. Behavior can be adapted, I can work on my personality traits and mannerisms, try to remove or at least WEAKEN all the effects that my childhood has had on my personality and my mannerisms. But I'm not sure I can remove it from my FACE, lol. Makes me depressed, man...
You might think I'm talking bullsh!t, but it's really like this. It happens on Tinder too... I have no profile information, just pictures, so my matches like me purely based on my pictures. And 90% of my matches turn out to be cluster B chicks...
So yeah, I attract the crazy bytches based on my personality traits, my mannerisms and even through my goddamn FACE. I've learned to recognize crazy bytches very easily, it's become second nature after meeting so many haha. So that problem is out of the way, I can recognize them and therefor reject them as they try to seduce me. Like I said in my earlier post, I've been rejecting them for a long time now, many of them hit on me when I'm at parties, when I'm on Tinder or wherever the fvck else I meet women.
But they are all I attract! When I go after other women, I get rejected by those haha. Perhaps because they TOO subconsciosuly recognize my disturbed upbringing and are "programmed" to find guys like me UNattractive... I try to work on myself, but I guess I am who I am and simply can't attract "normal"or "good" women. So where does that leave me? I stay away from the crazy bytches and I can't attract normal women, so that leaves me with NO women at all! Been living like that for over half a year and eventually couldn't take it anymore, so I started dating that bytch I just broke up with... She's trash, fortunately I cut myself loose before getting too attached. But even now it affects me haha. Broke up yesterday and as I woke up today I felt a bit sad and miserable about it, even felt it in my stomach, that feeling like you have when you're in a rollercoaster. That's a physical withdrawal symptom, like a drug addict has when you keep his heroin from him... But whatever, that's almost a familiar feeling, been there done that, just need to sit out the ride, it'll pass.
I'm not sure what to do about all of this. I've been thinking about going into intensive therapy, perhaps it would have a healing effect on the results of my upbringing and some significant change would happen inside of me... Perhaps that change would then be visible in my behavior and even in my face, so I would finally be "normal" and able to attract "normal" women.
Yeah, it is. All the BPD's I've been with came onto me and actively made themselves available to get picked up by me, so to speak.
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Die Hard
Master Don Juan
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Another insight I want to write down after the events of the last few weeks:
I had the best, most fulfilling, out-of-this-world sex with this woman. Actually, it's always like that with BPD's, as most of you know, and I've had sex with many BPD's. But even when taking that into acount, this last one may have been the best I ever had. I fvcked her around 10 times in one day at some point, crazy...
Anyway, it feels great but at the same time hollow and unimportant. When I first saw her body I realized she looked just like my favorite pornstars and it felt like hevaen undresing her and sliding it in. But after several dates and loooooooots of sex, it didn't feel that special anymore. You get used to it fast... Just like you were in heaven the first time you secretly watched a porn movie as a young kid but now you just watch porn through the internet coz you got nothing better to do while you wait on the pizza you just put into the oven to be ready to eat...
Sex is overrated. At least this is my experience, I don't know how it is for other guys... I'm not even spinning plates, can't imagine I had to go to ohter chicks on the days I wasn't with this BPD chick. Go over, do something like go grocery shopping together, make dinner together, watch tv together, have some foreplay and then you get it on and fvck her brains out. Rinse and repeat... With several women???
I dunno, it brings me nothing. Sure, at that moment it's all you wanna do, you just wanna stick your **** inside of them lol. But when you look at it from a distance, it brings you nothing, just like jerking off.
Many guys on here brag about spinning plates all the time and bedding the hottest women left and right. But honestly, what kind of hollow, insignificant existence is that? I had some women flirting with me last week and I looked at them and thought: "Meh, I could have conversation with you, get your number, go for a date, have patience coz you're not gonna give it up the first date, then push on through the second or third date and finally stick my d!ck inside that pvssy, fvck your brains out and then lie there on the bed next to you.... and at that moment I will feel exactly the same as I feel when I finished jerking off to porn. Hollow, empty, unfulfilled, just tired actually. NOW WHAT? Is what I ask myself when I lie there on the bed... Some pillow talk, some hugging, maybe a shower together to get all the sweat off lol. Then what? WTF do women have to offer anyway? No, I'm no gonna talk to you and try to get your number. I'm going home instead, I'm tired and wanna watch Game of Thrones, leave me alone lol"
I got this girl on Tinder, she looks attractive and wants to meet up this week. Good idea, it will help me forget about the bytch I just broke up with. But honestly, I ask myself what I'm doing it for. Women are nothing special and the experience of interacting with them isn't anything special either. What's the fvcking goal anyway? I know I want to eventually find a decent girl who I can connect with and have a fulfilling relationship with. But what's that like anyway? Go on vacation together, go to family visits together, live together, do the dishes together, arrange your lives together... I'm not sure if that would make me happy or feel very rewarding at all. I guess the honeymoon phase when you just met her is as good as it gets, it all becomes more boring and tedious after that, it seems...
Well, I just had that honeymoon phase and it wasn't a normal one, it was with a BPD which is much more intense... And it still left me feeling empty and unfulfilled very quickly... Let alone settling with a decent girl who can't give you those drug-like highs that BPD's give you.
Truth is, I feel unfulfilled about life in general, no matter what I achieve in my job, finances, sports and other stuff. I always feel empty on the inside and am under the impression that women, sex, love etc. are the things that fulfill me the most or bring the most joy to my life. But even that turns out to be boring and unfulfilling fast.
Perhaps I'm just in a negative mindset because I spent the last few weeks in a BPD vortex and just stepped out of it. Get back to life's normal routine and I'll probably feel more uplifting. Yet I can't help but contemplate these things, coz I know when I get back to normal I will just do the same things again, pursue this pursue that, pursue more women and then what? Where will it lead me and what will it bring me? Sometimes I think everything you want out of life is just a fvcking carrot like you're holding in front of a horse to make him walk. Big goals this, big dreams that, once you achieve them you feel fulfilled for a short moment and then you think NOW WHAT?
Reminds me of that scene in Scarface. People think it's a badass movie coz of the action and violence and the main character being such a gangster. But it actually goes deeper than that and has a story to tell. The dude has such ambitions, such willpower, such determination to be succesful. He literally wants the world and eveything in it lol. And he goes for it, doesn't let anything stop him, he works himself up from nothing, from having nothing and being a bum. Through hard work he takes over from his boss, he gets the girl he wanted from the beginning, he makes lots of money, buys all the material things he wants, nothing can stop him he is reaching for the skies and gets it all.
But then what? It all leaves him unfulfilling and he just wants more and more and eventually reaches too high and fvcks it up, gets himself killed... (like the Greek myth about Icarus wanting to reach higher in the sky and losing his wings coz he gets too close to the sun, then he crashes down).
Anyway, this is the scene where it becomes apparent, at 1:35
He realizes it himself. He's got it all but it doesn't mean sh!t anyway...
Meh, I'm being a contemplative motherfvcker here. I'm going to the gym now even though I didn't sleep well. Gotta keep moving...
I had the best, most fulfilling, out-of-this-world sex with this woman. Actually, it's always like that with BPD's, as most of you know, and I've had sex with many BPD's. But even when taking that into acount, this last one may have been the best I ever had. I fvcked her around 10 times in one day at some point, crazy...
Anyway, it feels great but at the same time hollow and unimportant. When I first saw her body I realized she looked just like my favorite pornstars and it felt like hevaen undresing her and sliding it in. But after several dates and loooooooots of sex, it didn't feel that special anymore. You get used to it fast... Just like you were in heaven the first time you secretly watched a porn movie as a young kid but now you just watch porn through the internet coz you got nothing better to do while you wait on the pizza you just put into the oven to be ready to eat...
Sex is overrated. At least this is my experience, I don't know how it is for other guys... I'm not even spinning plates, can't imagine I had to go to ohter chicks on the days I wasn't with this BPD chick. Go over, do something like go grocery shopping together, make dinner together, watch tv together, have some foreplay and then you get it on and fvck her brains out. Rinse and repeat... With several women???
I dunno, it brings me nothing. Sure, at that moment it's all you wanna do, you just wanna stick your **** inside of them lol. But when you look at it from a distance, it brings you nothing, just like jerking off.
Many guys on here brag about spinning plates all the time and bedding the hottest women left and right. But honestly, what kind of hollow, insignificant existence is that? I had some women flirting with me last week and I looked at them and thought: "Meh, I could have conversation with you, get your number, go for a date, have patience coz you're not gonna give it up the first date, then push on through the second or third date and finally stick my d!ck inside that pvssy, fvck your brains out and then lie there on the bed next to you.... and at that moment I will feel exactly the same as I feel when I finished jerking off to porn. Hollow, empty, unfulfilled, just tired actually. NOW WHAT? Is what I ask myself when I lie there on the bed... Some pillow talk, some hugging, maybe a shower together to get all the sweat off lol. Then what? WTF do women have to offer anyway? No, I'm no gonna talk to you and try to get your number. I'm going home instead, I'm tired and wanna watch Game of Thrones, leave me alone lol"
I got this girl on Tinder, she looks attractive and wants to meet up this week. Good idea, it will help me forget about the bytch I just broke up with. But honestly, I ask myself what I'm doing it for. Women are nothing special and the experience of interacting with them isn't anything special either. What's the fvcking goal anyway? I know I want to eventually find a decent girl who I can connect with and have a fulfilling relationship with. But what's that like anyway? Go on vacation together, go to family visits together, live together, do the dishes together, arrange your lives together... I'm not sure if that would make me happy or feel very rewarding at all. I guess the honeymoon phase when you just met her is as good as it gets, it all becomes more boring and tedious after that, it seems...
Well, I just had that honeymoon phase and it wasn't a normal one, it was with a BPD which is much more intense... And it still left me feeling empty and unfulfilled very quickly... Let alone settling with a decent girl who can't give you those drug-like highs that BPD's give you.
Truth is, I feel unfulfilled about life in general, no matter what I achieve in my job, finances, sports and other stuff. I always feel empty on the inside and am under the impression that women, sex, love etc. are the things that fulfill me the most or bring the most joy to my life. But even that turns out to be boring and unfulfilling fast.
Perhaps I'm just in a negative mindset because I spent the last few weeks in a BPD vortex and just stepped out of it. Get back to life's normal routine and I'll probably feel more uplifting. Yet I can't help but contemplate these things, coz I know when I get back to normal I will just do the same things again, pursue this pursue that, pursue more women and then what? Where will it lead me and what will it bring me? Sometimes I think everything you want out of life is just a fvcking carrot like you're holding in front of a horse to make him walk. Big goals this, big dreams that, once you achieve them you feel fulfilled for a short moment and then you think NOW WHAT?
Reminds me of that scene in Scarface. People think it's a badass movie coz of the action and violence and the main character being such a gangster. But it actually goes deeper than that and has a story to tell. The dude has such ambitions, such willpower, such determination to be succesful. He literally wants the world and eveything in it lol. And he goes for it, doesn't let anything stop him, he works himself up from nothing, from having nothing and being a bum. Through hard work he takes over from his boss, he gets the girl he wanted from the beginning, he makes lots of money, buys all the material things he wants, nothing can stop him he is reaching for the skies and gets it all.
But then what? It all leaves him unfulfilling and he just wants more and more and eventually reaches too high and fvcks it up, gets himself killed... (like the Greek myth about Icarus wanting to reach higher in the sky and losing his wings coz he gets too close to the sun, then he crashes down).
Anyway, this is the scene where it becomes apparent, at 1:35
He realizes it himself. He's got it all but it doesn't mean sh!t anyway...
Meh, I'm being a contemplative motherfvcker here. I'm going to the gym now even though I didn't sleep well. Gotta keep moving...
Because all these women are shallow.
If you found a truley genuine woman you would be able to grow into a deep and meaningful companionship and be fulfilled.
MrAddiction
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2016
- Messages
- 373
- Reaction score
- 222
- Age
- 45
Endresult: you lose eitherway;-(
My ex was after me she just got out of a "bad" "abusive" relationship she was moving really fast, she wanted to be in a relationship with me I fell for he sob stories I helped her out. When she was with me she was hunting down my replacement I guess I wasn't giving her what she was craving I know now I was triggering her abandonment issues. I wasn't always there like she wanted, unlike her new guy that wanted to spend every waking moment with her then she got tired of that. The relationship she has with her new guy is a toxic soup his health is declining because of her but with him having NPD he won't get rid of her like the other guys she's had in her life. Funny she wasn't ever totally happy in her relationship with her new guy she would complain to me about it, she's still with him.
I always wonder what kind of horrendous stories she told people about me, she's painted me black which is a good thing. I read BPDs put you in a box and put you on the shelf just in case they need you again. Hope that never happens my life is good without her in it.
I always wonder what kind of horrendous stories she told people about me, she's painted me black which is a good thing. I read BPDs put you in a box and put you on the shelf just in case they need you again. Hope that never happens my life is good without her in it.
MrAddiction
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2016
- Messages
- 373
- Reaction score
- 222
- Age
- 45
Yes it is - and a well known one on here.
Can not find the Thread I was thinking about. But here a Link to an interesting Thread about red Flags in general. Just a Little reminder.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/the-ultimate-red-flag-list.130918/
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Thanks.
Scrolling thro among my own red flags here is my list or ones she displayed
Ex smoker
Ex pothead- told me she smoked pot daily for 4 years
Commented a lot how pot helped her always wanted to smoke it again.
Was married at 18 and divorced at 22 because she "didnt want to be married anymore"
4 months post divorce she dated a guy and wanted to get married. Wtf
He didn't want marriage so she got pregnant anyways. - STUPID
Got pregnant on purpose out of wedlock to a guy she knew for only 4 months.
The baby daddy was 40 she was 22. GROSS
Baby daddy is a loser, last year claimed making only 12,000 dollars.
She smoked thro pregnancy- FOUND THIS OUT LATE UNACCEPTABLE.
She is terrible with money.
Been caught lying to me.
Showed little effort with my family, expected me to be there w hers 100%.
50- 50 custody,she was agreeable to it.
Told me and said all thro ltr " i dont deal well with stress"
Npd. Borderline traits. Cluster B.
Diagnosed Bipolar by 2 psychiatrists.
Believes pychs are wrong.
Lazy
Doesnt cook.
Junk food addict
Eats fast food daily. - disgusting.
Lazy mom, wanted me to be primary parent of her kid.
Rages yells screams. Over nothing.
Rages in public.
Bad teeth.
Cellulite on legs at 28 year old now 30.
Jealous. All the time constantly.
Envious to a fault
Unappreciative.
NO compassion or empathy especially when mad.
Mouthy, beyond disrespectful.
Drama queen. Everything is a big deal
Few girl friends
Few friends in general
Always having problems with people at work
Parents have low standards, allow her to underachieve.
Below average parent, spoils with materials not love and guidance.
CONTROLLING. Ridiculously.
Moody, can flip at the drop of a hat.
Either loved or hated me.
Low comprehension.
Makes terrible life decisions admittedly yet wanted to control everything.
Financially irresponsible with spending and saving.
Double standards, wanted to do things i was forbid to do
Didnt even cook for her kid,fed her fast food all the time.
Gaslighted to ridiculous extents. Unreal
ALWAYS THE VICTIM noted by many diff people
Wanted more time tog only without her effort
Wanted me to sell my home for a bigger one b4 marriage. I disagreed
Nonreligious, wanted me to leave my religion to go find a new one w her.
Constant breaking things off (discards) and getting back tog immediately or acting like she didnt break things off.
Wanted to control my money.
Wanted to move in for free or barely help financially
Slept sll the time.
ALWAYS tired. Always napping.
Never happy.
Bottomless pit
Nonchristian.
No effort to spend time w my family or get to know them.
Selfish beyond reason.
Mean
Cruel.
Verbally and emotionally abusive truthfully
Disrespects boundaries.
Is a no it all that onows nothing.
Good traits.
Can be very loving - love bombing.
Loyal, usually i am skeptical but this has been found as true.
Active, would rather be active out and about hiking kayaking riding than to sit in the house.
Ambitious at work.
Can be loving mother, puts kid first.
Could be a loving gf when wanted. Or when happy, usually not often.
Always wanted to spend time tog.
This put a lot in perspective.
What a ****ing ******* half the time
This girl is a pos. I am ashamed to have kept her around a year too long.
I.am embarrassed to show this list honestly.
I need to let go.
I came from a very good family and had great parents. My dad is gone but he would expect better of me.
noBSgames
Senior Don Juan
Oh boy she contacted me and another Hoover attempt.. oh god I'm not sure where to start... let's go back last night.. she had a bunch of drinks she got a hotel room with her friend (female) which btw is the same one she's been making excuses why I can't meet her.. so she's talking and she's like I'm sure you seen I was with that guy and I told her no I didn't see it.. she was kind of taken. And was like really? So she was like yeah it was nothing but he has to go back to his country soon now here is the funny part..
She tells me we didn't have sex or anything like that so I'm like uh-huh in the most scarcastic way.. then she was like do you love me? And I laughed and I said you ask me this then you go fooling around with a guy?? I said let me ask you this did you miss me when you were with him? And danced around the question and said what does it matter? In the end she said yes but I still don't believe anything she says.. so today again she calls and she now changes her story and says yes they did have sex and he penetrated her and she goes on saying how it was wrong and it will never happen again and again asked if I loved her I told her no.. her switch flipped and so she went and said so all that time I meant nothing to you.. she kept begging me to forgive her and I was like for what?? So you can do the same **** over and over again so it makes me look like a fool and you thinking on hey I can do this now and he will always forgive me I told her I'm not going to deal with crap like that anymore.
Again she kept saying it's never going to happen again and how she was so sorry. Then she started blaming me again and mirroring I forgot the word I used but it sounded like a damn echo oh yeah I told her about how immature she is with her changing her number all because I did not agree to something she wanted me to do she was like yeah I know I always run away when things get tough and how she was trying to change.. then comes.... wait for it....
The crying bit! How come I do this to her why does it seem like I always target her.. then she was like I wish I could be like you.. heartless and not care. After I got her off the phone she sent me a message and called me twice but I did not respond or call back.
She tells me we didn't have sex or anything like that so I'm like uh-huh in the most scarcastic way.. then she was like do you love me? And I laughed and I said you ask me this then you go fooling around with a guy?? I said let me ask you this did you miss me when you were with him? And danced around the question and said what does it matter? In the end she said yes but I still don't believe anything she says.. so today again she calls and she now changes her story and says yes they did have sex and he penetrated her and she goes on saying how it was wrong and it will never happen again and again asked if I loved her I told her no.. her switch flipped and so she went and said so all that time I meant nothing to you.. she kept begging me to forgive her and I was like for what?? So you can do the same **** over and over again so it makes me look like a fool and you thinking on hey I can do this now and he will always forgive me I told her I'm not going to deal with crap like that anymore.
Again she kept saying it's never going to happen again and how she was so sorry. Then she started blaming me again and mirroring I forgot the word I used but it sounded like a damn echo oh yeah I told her about how immature she is with her changing her number all because I did not agree to something she wanted me to do she was like yeah I know I always run away when things get tough and how she was trying to change.. then comes.... wait for it....
The crying bit! How come I do this to her why does it seem like I always target her.. then she was like I wish I could be like you.. heartless and not care. After I got her off the phone she sent me a message and called me twice but I did not respond or call back.
Major Trainwreck on display…
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She offers you nothing but stress and negativity. You need to go NO contact
