BPD ex.... 3 months out - need some advice

[TonyBaloney]

Also, I had a look thru my business listings on google, when you tap my name in, my `linkedin` profile is variously duplicated (i never use it - was curious to see who had been looking me up) and if any of you know linkedin, there is a box that people who view you "have also looked at" section. Dont knw if its pure paranoia (this is a year later from the cvnt going) but someone (i suspect her) looked at this dudes profile (bad boy street hustling looking dude) and also at a company name that is also familiar to us both......... She is so twisted with her games, it wouldny suprise me, unless someone can offer a better explanation?

 

[ScottMustaine]

So is my girlfriend BPD ?

Some things I hate in relationship.


1) She thinks she's entitled to be treated like a princess. Because culture says that and I'm not a gentleman.

2) She thinks she's the greatest at everything she's doing.

3) She from time to time, starts saying how we are great couple ( after me dumping her), how we can do amazing things together.

4) She keeps pointing out how she's such amazing model.

5) She keeps pointing out that any girl before, and after her is/will be a ***** below her.

6) She's afraid of being left alone.

7) She's afraid of doing things alone. Example, singing in front of people. But has epic tongue when it comes to critizing others.

8) She shows her emotions to her best friend (guy) and female friends. Except to me. She started being all cudly and girly when she wanted to get back into relationship.

9) She goes to school trips and sleeps in rooms with her male friends. Saying how she likes male company more than female, and how other females are cruel.

10) She's in contact with her ex boyfriend. Explaining me how he's a great guy but has terrible life story.

11) She's still having classes with her ex boyfriend, who's also, a private language tutor.

12) When I made ultimatum, that either her tutor will go away, or I will either go away from relationship, or cheat around. I was called , manipulative, controlling, jealous, and that I will probably be agressive to her later in life.

13) I was called on for not being a supportive ( I told her there are better people than her in her job and that she should work harder and push her limits).

14) Called a maniac, paranoid person for asking her why did she go with those guys in same room without my permission. Told her that she can't do such things. Nor flirt around while she's with me. I told her I want high quallity woman, not a coquette.

15) She has episodes of crying, and hysteria. Her mother told me she was threatening to kill herself once. Her mother is a psychiatrist. And a mental case as well.

16) She has mood swings from time to time. But everyone does, right ?



So IS THIS BPD ?

 

[Handsfull]

Also, I had a look thru my business listings on google, when you tap my name in, my `linkedin` profile is variously duplicated (i never use it - was curious to see who had been looking me up) and if any of you know linkedin, there is a box that people who view you "have also looked at" section. Dont knw if its pure paranoia (this is a year later from the cvnt going) but someone (i suspect her) looked at this dudes profile (bad boy street hustling looking dude) and also at a company name that is also familiar to us both......... She is so twisted with her games, it wouldny suprise me, unless someone can offer a better explanation?

Same thing with me. I deleted ALL social media but Linkedin... I had forgotten about. Come to find out she had looked at my page within the last 90 days. We broke up over a year ago. Theres nothing on the page but a ****ty little photo of me. Oh, and viewers of my page had also been viewing her current sucker. Sh!t's crazy. i'm sure she would say she's just "checking in".

The fvcked up thing is, I expected she may have done this. I went on linked in to see if she had. Saw her photo, and wanted to contact her, but didnt.

 

[Pirlo21]

So is my girlfriend BPD ?

Some things I hate in relationship.


1) She thinks she's entitled to be treated like a princess. Because culture says that and I'm not a gentleman.

2) She thinks she's the greatest at everything she's doing.

3) She from time to time, starts saying how we are great couple ( after me dumping her), how we can do amazing things together.

4) She keeps pointing out how she's such amazing model.

5) She keeps pointing out that any girl before, and after her is/will be a ***** below her.

6) She's afraid of being left alone.

7) She's afraid of doing things alone. Example, singing in front of people. But has epic tongue when it comes to critizing others.

8) She shows her emotions to her best friend (guy) and female friends. Except to me. She started being all cudly and girly when she wanted to get back into relationship.

9) She goes to school trips and sleeps in rooms with her male friends. Saying how she likes male company more than female, and how other females are cruel.

10) She's in contact with her ex boyfriend. Explaining me how he's a great guy but has terrible life story.

11) She's still having classes with her ex boyfriend, who's also, a private language tutor.

12) When I made ultimatum, that either her tutor will go away, or I will either go away from relationship, or cheat around. I was called , manipulative, controlling, jealous, and that I will probably be agressive to her later in life.

13) I was called on for not being a supportive ( I told her there are better people than her in her job and that she should work harder and push her limits).

14) Called a maniac, paranoid person for asking her why did she go with those guys in same room without my permission. Told her that she can't do such things. Nor flirt around while she's with me. I told her I want high quallity woman, not a coquette.

15) She has episodes of crying, and hysteria. Her mother told me she was threatening to kill herself once. Her mother is a psychiatrist. And a mental case as well.

16) She has mood swings from time to time. But everyone does, right ?



So IS THIS BPD ?

It's hard to say from this.

Personally I don't think so but she sounds like an overall just terrible person and girlfriend who thinks shes entitled to do what she wants and has you in the palm of her hand.

Why are you still with her?

 

[HeMan]

i totally agree with what everyone has written about there experiences with these type of women..

i ended a relationship with my fiance a year ago after she followed me to work and trashed my office after i accused her of lying and calling of the engagement.. she later claimed after begging for forgiveness that she did what she did because she believed by attacking me at work our relationship can not continue.. she wanted to push me away before i ended it.. how crazy is that?? of course when i told her to get some counselling she claimed she went only a few times and the pyschologist said shes fine.. she even argued it was me who had the anger issues!

Becareful too once the relationship is over they will want to hurt u.. my ex slept with my one of my so called close friends.. she kept sending me all his emaisl to her hoping to get back in my good books i guess.. after that i cut all contact for good with both of them and never looked back

it took me FOREVER to get over this relationship.. she was amazing in so many ways.. never met such a funny and cool girl in my life.. my gut just kept screaming at me throughout the relationship though as she did many things that really worried me moving forward with her..

best ways to move over these girls is to go out and meet as many girls as possible.. you will eventually meet someone who is as stable as you... you will then realise how good it is to be with someone who just enjoys life and does not try to control you

all the best

 

[Skalioppe]

So is my girlfriend BPD ?

Some things I hate in relationship.


1) She thinks she's entitled to be treated like a princess. Because culture says that and I'm not a gentleman.

2) She thinks she's the greatest at everything she's doing.

3) She from time to time, starts saying how we are great couple ( after me dumping her), how we can do amazing things together.

4) She keeps pointing out how she's such amazing model.

5) She keeps pointing out that any girl before, and after her is/will be a ***** below her.

6) She's afraid of being left alone.

7) She's afraid of doing things alone. Example, singing in front of people. But has epic tongue when it comes to critizing others.

8) She shows her emotions to her best friend (guy) and female friends. Except to me. She started being all cudly and girly when she wanted to get back into relationship.

9) She goes to school trips and sleeps in rooms with her male friends. Saying how she likes male company more than female, and how other females are cruel.

10) She's in contact with her ex boyfriend. Explaining me how he's a great guy but has terrible life story.

11) She's still having classes with her ex boyfriend, who's also, a private language tutor.

12) When I made ultimatum, that either her tutor will go away, or I will either go away from relationship, or cheat around. I was called , manipulative, controlling, jealous, and that I will probably be agressive to her later in life.

13) I was called on for not being a supportive ( I told her there are better people than her in her job and that she should work harder and push her limits).

14) Called a maniac, paranoid person for asking her why did she go with those guys in same room without my permission. Told her that she can't do such things. Nor flirt around while she's with me. I told her I want high quallity woman, not a coquette.

15) She has episodes of crying, and hysteria. Her mother told me she was threatening to kill herself once. Her mother is a psychiatrist. And a mental case as well.

16) She has mood swings from time to time. But everyone does, right ?

So IS THIS BPD ?

This sounds like Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), it's on the PD spectrum. Google it and tell me if she fits the traits....

 

[TonyBaloney]

One year down the line guys, and the freakin biatch is still on my mind.... I went to a wedding this last weekend and saw an ex (not the BPD one) who i was with for 5 years.

We are still friends, and she had told me a couple of days before on the phone she was pregnant with her new (boyf of 3 years, i split up with this one for the BPD one) this girl never did me any harm (we ended it due to incompatibilty on a few normal fronts) and by rights, i should be feeling gutted, as i really want a kid and stability. But i dont, I wish her all the very best, and want happiness for her and her new kid......


I just want a new woman, who could be a LTR and bear some children....seems like I'm locked in the circle of hell that was my ex BPD.... doesnt help that she lives around here and is thus on my mind alot.

Help guys, im one year out and really fed up with all this!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[TonyBaloney]

You're not happy with yourself and you're projecting that onto this mental crutch. If you were a billionaire with honeys left and right would you be pining over this chick? No. Realizing this helped me tremendously in healing from my own HPD experience. It was no coincidence that the times I called her out on her sh!t were the times I was spinning other plates.

Being a billionaire is not something I aspire to be, a millionare perhaps, but its not money that brings me contentment.....

Its the betrayal and acute agony ive been put through that perhaps has shattered alot of faith in the opposite sex..........

How to cure, how to cure????

 

[Skalioppe]

Being a billionaire is not something I aspire to be, a millionare perhaps, but its not money that brings me contentment.....

Its the betrayal and acute agony ive been put through that perhaps has shattered alot of faith in the opposite sex..........

How to cure, how to cure????

Sounds like you have "limerence" and she is your limerent object. That's a whole different ballgame to relationship sh1t.

Google it, read Dorothy Tennov's ground-breaking book on it. Transference is your best bet.

 

[TonyBaloney]

Sounds like you have "limerence" and she is your limerent object. That's a whole different ballgame to relationship sh1t.

Google it, read Dorothy Tennov's ground-breaking book on it. Transference is your best bet.

Gimme a quick low down please on this.

THE LAST time she ran off before this crazy disappearing act this time, i had read something about this..... but kinda forgot.....

Im not a big reader bro....

Help me out here.......

 

[Skalioppe]

Gimme a quick low down please on this.

THE LAST time she ran off before this crazy disappearing act this time, i had read something about this..... but kinda forgot.....

Im not a big reader bro....

Help me out here.......

It's quite complicated but I'll have a go.... Limerence was first studied by Psychologist Tennov : as an involuntary obsessional state of mind far beyond any normal attraction or love concept, which seems to result from a romantic attraction to another person. It's extremely debilitatingly overwhelming and intrusive, invading your thoughts constantly.

The limerent object's (L.O.) interaction or lack of with you is normally experienced as intense joy or as extreme despair, depending on whether the feelings are reciprocated.

Basically, it is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoned passion or love, even to the point of addictive-type behaviour.

Limerence can last for years, I've heard of people who have been NC for like 15 years, but still have limerence for their L.O.

Cures : Absolute disconnective NC, transference (finding someone new to transfer the emotions to) or reciprocation (where your LO finally reciprocates your feelings), cognitive counselling with pharma treatment.

 

[TonyBaloney]

Thanks buddy.

Just had a quick look on wiki, and you pretty much nailed it description wise.

Yes, i think it wasthat once upon a time; i was forgiving and had this obsession that she loved me, and i wanted her and we would be happily ever after.

That was all shattered after this last episode (bear in mind this was 3.5 years of off and on)

After now seeing the dramas that this BPD has put me through, i realize the unsavoury and damaged traits that this girl has, are hideous (and I pity her disorder)

Its just hard to be locked in a small area knowing that I could, see her at any moment, although have dodged her for the last year.

The limerent feelings have gone; I just dont want to expose myself to this person, or show any feelings of anger, and want to get over this traumatic episode, realizing through this BPD thread what a horrid state i got myself in.........

 

[ScottMustaine]

It's hard to say from this.

Personally I don't think so but she sounds like an overall just terrible person and girlfriend who thinks shes entitled to do what she wants and has you in the palm of her hand.

Why are you still with her?

I can only stay at her house up late. I'm in major conflict now, she may even break up with me since I posed an ultimatum. Recently many girls started shoving <3 and other flirty **** on my facebook wall, which made her go NC.


I can't bring girls at my house. My grandmother 'wants no bordel, nor *****es. ' in place she lives. I'm still a ****ing virgin because many times she would break the moment calling me on phone to go back home. If I don't answer, global paranoia strikes, mom and her. Pain in the ass.

 

[TonyBaloney]

Guys,

I am in need of a saint, witchdoctor, priest or anything, anything to help save my sanity.

If any of you have been reading my posts of late, you may have noticed a general concern and anger level/paranoia level/freaked out level concerning my ex NPD.

I am acutely aware that I seem like a drama queen, but somehow, this ***** has got so under my skin, still after a year and a half, that I feel like a broken man, broken and unable to be fixed.

Well, to confirm my strange feelings, where I parked to do my work today, guess whos car was parked in the bay in front....... yeah you guessed it........ It kinda bothered me, but i kept myself together.

Then just as we are leaving out of the corner of my eye, I see her mother drive past....... ok fine i think, an irritation but no biggy, then i start texting and as i look up from my phone there she is walking up to her car in all of her tarted up glory........ i am anxious inside but keep concentrated on my text message....... i see that shes all flustred (this is the first time we have seen each other face to face in EXACTLY 11 MONTHS TO THE DAY. (i did spot her from afar once)

I just cant believe that I have these feelings of anger over the betrayal, and just wanting to avoid her, and just hating seeing her after all this time......

PLEASE ALL OF YOU GUYS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HELP ME SEE THE LIGHT!!!!!!!!!!

 

[PeakIV]

Tony, PM me with your email address and I will send you a pdf file that I knocked up over the last year.

Read it all the way through and then tell me you don't feel any different.

 

[Findog]

Tony, PM me with your email address and I will send you a pdf file that I knocked up over the last year.

Read it all the way through and then tell me you don't feel any different.

PeakIV, can you PM that same PDF file? Thanks.

 

[PeakIV]

done Findog, anyone else want a copy, let me know....

 

[DonnyJuanny]

I would also like a copy please.

 

[PeakIV]

donnyJuanny, I need your e-mail address, PM me...

 

[TonyBaloney]

PAIR PLUSROYAL FLUSH

In case you hadnt noticed, the following now applies............unless you yourself are now numbed to others emotional needs via your experience

Guys,

I am in need of a saint, witchdoctor, priest or anything, anything to help save my sanity.

If any of you have been reading my posts of late, you may have noticed a general concern and anger level/paranoia level/freaked out level concerning my ex NPD.

I am acutely aware that I seem like a drama queen, but somehow, this ***** has got so under my skin, still after a year and a half, that I feel like a broken man, broken and unable to be fixed.

Well, to confirm my strange feelings, where I parked to do my work today, guess whos car was parked in the bay in front....... yeah you guessed it........ It kinda bothered me, but i kept myself together.

Then just as we are leaving out of the corner of my eye, I see her mother drive past....... ok fine i think, an irritation but no biggy, then i start texting and as i look up from my phone there she is walking up to her car in all of her tarted up glory........ i am anxious inside but keep concentrated on my text message....... i see that shes all flustred (this is the first time we have seen each other face to face in EXACTLY 11 MONTHS TO THE DAY. (i did spot her from afar once)

I just cant believe that I have these feelings of anger over the betrayal, and just wanting to avoid her, and just hating seeing her after all this time......

PLEASE ALL OF YOU GUYS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HELP ME SEE THE LIGHT!!!!!!!!!!