BPD ex.... 3 months out - need some advice

[jaygreenb]

One last question, I have been out with probably 10 girls since then. Slept with a few, dated a few for a while and still am now. None of them have really done much for me at all, probably because of my ex. My sex drive is low, which is totally unlike me. Do you suggest I keep dating and plugging away? Or take some time off until I am over her completely. It was a good distraction for a while

 

[Findog]

One last question, I have been out with probably 10 girls since then. Slept with a few, dated a few for a while and still am now. None of them have really done much for me at all, probably because of my ex. My sex drive is low, which is totally unlike me. Do you suggest I keep dating and plugging away? Or take some time off until I am over her completely. It was a good distraction for a while

In my opinion, dating in the aftermath didn't really do any thing for me either way. I mean, it was nice to have somebody to do stuff with and to get laid, but it didn't take away my pain. It wasn't a magic elixir. I'm not saying you shouldn't date. Perhaps you'll come across somebody who you really enjoy being with and it develops into something, but expecting dating to be a cure for what you're feeling is not likely. I think it takes some combination of time, NC and really working on yourself, whether it be immersing yourself in a hobby along with going to counseling or joining a 12-step group, to really make a difference. Once that happens, you'll be okay.

I'm almost two years out from mine. I'm doing a lot better and pretty much feel normal again, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have some scars and issues from it, or that it no longer bothers me at all. Life comes back, and you can go on to live a good life after being seriously involved with a Cluster B, but you're never quite the same person afterwards, in both good and bad ways. I think you become a much stronger and wiser person, but in some ways there's a jadedness and cynicism that wasn't there before.

 

[PeakIV]

bang on with the jadedness and cynicism Findog.
I also find that I don't know if I can trust anyone anymore.

someone wrote this...
"She lied, cheated, abused, and betrayed me, so I couldn't be with her. I can't be with her, I know better than to give it yet another try.
It's been years since I've seen her, and plenty of other women have come & gone, but I still think of her every day, and will probably do so until the day I die. I've just accepted it as a burden that I have to live with, like an amputee, something is just missing."

pretty scary stuff I know and these relationships affect people in different ways, some more, some less

I know I have deep scars from mine.
never in 35 years of relationships LTR and short term have I ever come across this...
I also know I will never be the same again with another woman, pretty scary to think I will always be on the look out wether the next one is out to trick me or is playing games or even if I can believe a word they are saying!

I am picking faults in every woman I meet as if I think every woman is out to con me and every gesture they are making is fake.

When you know someone you met faked the whole relationship from start to finish you don't know what to believe anymore.

Its as if I can't trust my own perception, so to be safe I walk away....

pretty crap really, maybe in time this will fade, been 8 months hard NC.

 

[Findog]

bang on with the jadedness and cynicism Findog.
I also find that I don't know if I can trust anyone anymore.

someone wrote this...
"She lied, cheated, abused, and betrayed me, so I couldn't be with her. I can't be with her, I know better than to give it yet another try.
It's been years since I've seen her, and plenty of other women have come & gone, but I still think of her every day, and will probably do so until the day I die. I've just accepted it as a burden that I have to live with, like an amputee, something is just missing."

pretty scary stuff I know and these relationships affect people in different ways, some more, some less

I know I have deep scars from mine.
never in 35 years of relationships LTR and short term have I ever come across this...
I also know I will never be the same again with another woman, pretty scary to think I will always be on the look out wether the next one is out to trick me or is playing games or even if I can believe a word they are saying!

I am picking faults in every woman I meet as if I think every woman is out to con me and every gesture they are making is fake.

When you know someone you met faked the whole relationship from start to finish you don't know what to believe anymore.

Its as if I can't trust my own perception, so to be safe I walk away....

pretty crap really, maybe in time this will fade, been 8 months hard NC.

You know what's funny is that people who have been through this experience say things that I have thought and felt. A lot of what you write in your post rings true to me. I have the same feeling when I go to Al-Anon meetings and hear people say things that have been on my own mind.

I think a poster upthread said something about how breakups left him saddened and upset, but not devastated or traumatized. All of my other breakups went like that, but not this one. It messes with your reality - you feel like you can't trust yourself and your instincts to protect you.

I don't know that they "fake" things - for what it's worth I think they are sincere for the most part at the time they say what they do, but it's truth with a limited shelf life. But yeah, based on the way they brutally discard people, their cruelty and their lack of empathy, it makes you question whether they ever cared about you at all. They end serious, committed relationships the way you or I would end things with somebody we went out on 2 or 3 dates with.

 

[TonyBaloney]

But yeah, based on the way they brutally discard people, their cruelty and their lack of empathy, it makes you question whether they ever cared about you at all. They end serious, committed relationships the way you or I would end things with somebody we went out on 2 or 3 dates with.

This is the one thing i find so hard to get around with my NPD ex. The strange old cruel calculating disdain she had for me was hard enough, but after 3.5 years of on off bull****, my ex just disappeared.

Do you guys get her haunting your dreams? I do.......

 

[Findog]

This is the one thing i find so hard to get around with my NPD ex. The strange old cruel calculating disdain she had for me was hard enough, but after 3.5 years of on off bull****, my ex just disappeared.

Do you guys get her haunting your dreams? I do.......

I almost never dreamed about her the first year and a half after she cut me out, maybe 5-6 times total. Which was a good thing, because the first six months she was constantly on my mind, first thing when I woke up, last thing when I went to sleep. It was a needle that threaded through every part of my consciousness. Sleep was a break from thinking about her.

The last 3-5 months it seems like I dream about her every other week. Sometimes it's just images, other times I can recall in great detail what happens in the dream.

 

[SoSuave666]

This is some sad-sap sh!t guys, it really is. Trust me, I've been there before with BPD ex. Time heals, and you will surely forget about her as long as you MEET SOMEONE NEW. Or, in my case, a couple of new people. Who cares if she cared about you during the relationship. It's over. Be glad that she cut you out of her life so that you can move on.

It wasn't enough for my ex to break up with me. After I went NC on her, she came back to hang out with me. She proceeded to fvck my brains out, tell me how much she cared, then go NC on ME. It's all about control for these women. You're never allowed to have the last word or set the frame for leaving. Whether they cared about you or not in the past is irrelevant. Seeing them as psychotic disordered human beings is how you should think of it. You'll never understand them, so don't even try.

The more you talk about them, the more you'll think about them. You'll dream about them and long for them. It's not worth it. Remain detached from those memories until you meet someone who takes your mind off of them. When you go a while without thinking about them, THEN you will be able to look back on the relationship and realize what a waste it was and how funny you acted during that time. You won't have hatred or disdain for her anymore, just pure indifference.

 

[Findog]

The more you talk about them, the more you'll think about them. You'll dream about them and long for them. It's not worth it. Remain detached from those memories until you meet someone who takes your mind off of them. When you go a while without thinking about them, THEN you will be able to look back on the relationship and realize what a waste it was and how funny you acted during that time. You won't have hatred or disdain for her anymore, just pure indifference.

This is the key. Stop visiting the BPD sites, stop talking about it with your friends and family, and at some point make it a point to try and start dating again. Don't worry about whether or not it leads to something, the main point is "Am I having fun spending time with this chick?" I'm about 85% healed from mine, there are still some issues with it, but I'm absolutely in a much better place than I was a year ago, and I imagine a year from now it'll be even better. It really just takes time (a lot of it), NC and figuring out exactly what you want to do with your life now that she's gone and attaining progress towards it.

 

[Zarky]

I find this stuff utterly fascinating.

I think I'm dating a chick who might be lightly Borderline. She's ultra clingy and then when I'm away or don't want to hang out she freaks out and sends crazy texts and tells me I should break up with her. And then a day later she's fine and telling me she's in love with me, etc.

I don't know if that would be considered Borderline.
I just keep her at arm's length and ignore her when she's being weird.

I'd really like to meet a chick who has BPD; with all the women I've dated over the years you'd think I would have run into one.

 

[Findog]

I find this stuff utterly fascinating.

I think I'm dating a chick who might be lightly Borderline. She's ultra clingy and then when I'm away or don't want to hang out she freaks out and sends crazy texts and tells me I should break up with her. And then a day later she's fine and telling me she's in love with me, etc.

I don't know if that would be considered Borderline.
I just keep her at arm's length and ignore her when she's being weird.

I'd really like to meet a chick who has BPD; with all the women I've dated over the years you'd think I would have run into one.

I think full-blown BPDs are somewhat rare. There are 9 criteria according to the DSM IV and you have to meet at least 5 to be diagnosed that way. But I think that there are a lot more women that probably have some BPD traits and are on the spectrum. Some are low-functioning (the cutters, obvious drug and alcohol problems) whereas others are high-functioning and excel in many areas of their lives but suck at relationships and intimacy. At the end of the day they are human beings too and they are not one size fits all. Some rage and engage you in endless manipulation and push/pull cycles, others are the silent waif type that rage inwardly. I think the waifs are the more frightening because on the surface they seem so sweet and normal. It's an attachment/intimacy disorder and that can manifest itself in many different ways. At root I think they all suffer from low self-esteem, a lack of a true identity or self, and a stunning lack of empathy. It really has to be experienced to be believed.

You probably have at some point run into a BPD but didn't know it. When they do the dumping they tend to cruelly cut the guy out completely and will suddenly abandon the relationship when things otherwise seem to be going well. When they are the ones that get dumped they will go into crazy stalker Fatal Attraction mode. You may have encountered one but their BPD issues didn't get triggered or deployed.

It's fine to sleep with one or keep them around as a casual fling or FWB, but under no circumstances get into a relationship with one or develop feelings. Usually the guys who do have white knight/captain save a ho rescuing/fixing compulsions (guilty as charged and working on this).

 

[Findog]

Sharon Stone's character in Casino is a textbook example of a Borderline, if you need a frame of reference.

 

[PeakIV]

I don't know that they "fake" things - for what it's worth I think they are sincere for the most part at the time they say what they do, but it's truth with a limited shelf life.

I am only taking it from all I have read and this below is probably the best writing on the subject that I have ever read. In fact it was a sort of closure in as much as I never again searched google for BPD threads after reading this it said it all and gave me a slap in the face I needed to get on with my life and to stop feeding it anymore energy.Hope it helps

hard hitting, no messing about, saying it like it is and really hit home also a little scary but worth the read.....


Typical Cluster B stuff: Controlling, abusive, irrational, erratic. It's all about attention. She needs to be the center of attention and does not give a **** about anyone else. She will say or do whatever she feels like, which means whatever gets her attention.

She does not like you, never did like you. You were just a source of "supply." Nothing more. Sources are people who provide admiration, attention, adulation, love, drama, and can be manipulated and controlled. It gives the Cluster B a sense of power and worth. It is their way. It is their only way.



Everything else is an illusion. She conned you. Of course, as you are well aware, there were huge red flags waving savagely in front of your face and loud sirens screaming in your ears. But you did not see, nor did you hear. You were smitten.

You thought you were special. She "liked" you. Well. We've all been there, so don't feel bad about being a target, and don't feel special. We've all been there. They use us, then discard us when they are done with us.



They do come back, I hope you know that, to suck you dry if they can, so be prepared for it. You should run away, have no contact whatsoever with her, and learn as much as you can about these human parasites, vampires, and predators.


All Cluster Bs are addicted to attention, admiration, sex, lust, being wanted, desired, romance, etc., known as narcissistic supply, or just supply. They are erratic and have no emotional consistency and no impulse control. They are emotional hemophiliacs. So, at any moment they can feel totally infatuated with someone, but the feeling is fake in the sense that it exists in order to get supply.



Getting married is one way to get supply. Taking a partner as far as possible is part of the drama. But infatuations shift, emotions change, and newness is required in order to get supply. They DO want commitment, but it is inconsistent. They want commitment from one person, then they meet someone else who gives better, newer supply.

Also, they have no impulse control, so will act without thinking simply to get supply right away. They are never sick of jumping from one person to another, just as a drug addict is never sick of getting drugs.

It is how they get supply. What they get sick of is being in a relationship that is steady. That is death to them. They need change, drama, new trends, excitement, and constant attention. It must be very tiring to be constantly looking for something new.




People with cluster B personality disorder use humans as objects. They easily move from one to another just as we get a new couch. They commonly have someone in waiting; cheating and lying are reflexes for them. They are pathological liars.

Yes, you were used. It was "fake" in the sense that a small child "loves" a bicycle until a new one comes along, then the bike is discarded. You were a bike. That's the way it is with them. Get used to it, or get out.

No contact is the best. You're right, it's serious business to mess with someone's heart and emotions. But Cluster B's don't care. Do you care about the feelings of the objects around you? Cluster B's know you have feelings, they just don't care. They use your feelings to get what they want: attention, adoration, sex, being wanted, etc. Then you are discarded when someone else can provide better supply.



Just remember this: Cluster B's are children, manipulators who cannot regulate their emotions, they cannot relate normally, they use people as objects to satisfy their need for attention, dependency, sex, romance, and obsession.

They are fakes, psychopaths, you cannot believe what they say or do because it is just role-playing to get people to respond, no one person can satisfy them, they have to play their game with many people, usually more than one at a time, they are 10 years old emotionally, they are mentally ill, they have no conscience, cannot view another person as a human being, we are just objects that supply their needs of attention, they want us to need them, they are cruel and unpredictable.



Their words are just words. They are used to get the attention, dependency, love, affection, etc. that she needs. They are manipulations. They are not true feelings; I don't think she can feel anything but immature excitement, physical pleasures, and depression.

Love or affection as normal people know it are things she cannot feel, so she desperately needs to get them from others whom she then identifies with. She gets her identity by preying on others. She manipulates them into a love dependency, an obsession with her, then identifies with that to get the love she needed during childhood but did not get.

Then when done, she moves on to the next victim, and we are left hanging, confused, shocked, damaged! They are not capable of mature love, they are like children who need attention and affection, so they get it however they can.



It doesn't really matter to them who they get it from, in fact, one person cannot satisfy their needs, so they will continually jump from one relationship to another, often overlapping, and will dive into intimacy right away in order to get the love and obsession they want and need from others.

They have little or no conscience about what they do, it is part of their nature and they consider it normal. They do not empathize with others, and therefore have little insight into how hurtful their behaviors are. These people are so cruel and hurtful. It is wrong to think of them as normal. When we remember the good times, we must also remember that they were fake.

They were role playing for us to get their needs met. They need a daddy, carer, to be wanted, an obsession for them. They get their self esteem by being desired .



They mirror us in order to get that. It is a fix, it is their drug, to use people. Manipulation and control, domination and dependency are what they want and need.

 

[Zarky]

I think my need to feel in control of myself and of the relationship would largely prevent me from even having a second date with these chicks, though that's just a guess. Once I feel like the woman is trying to control things through manipulation I eject immediately.

I think I would have a natural repulsion to this type. But, I'd still like to meet one.

My buddy got involved with one who was also a meth user. Very pretty girl, now a total hag, spent some time in jail for burglary and domestic violence. Took him years to get over it and she still tries to initiate contact. Most recently she was on the run from the law and invited herself over to his apartment. They had unprotected sex and the next day my buddy got a call from her boyfriend telling him to get himself tested because she likely had an STD.

I met her a couple of times and she seemed absolutely normal to me, except the time I was hanging out with them and they somehow got into a fight that started when I was in the bathroom. I immediately told them I was leaving and she apologized and I got in my car and left. I refused to hang out with them after that, though now that they're not together he and I are friends again.

He is a bit of a white knight though. They moved in together and she somehow stole $20,000 from him and he just sort of wrote it off. She had two kids he was helping raise as if they were his own. Now they're in foster homes.

I won't be at all surprised if she winds up dead some day.

 

[PlayerUntilDeath]

There is a lot of great posts in this thread. My mother is like this and after so many years of dealing with this it is a huge reason why I will never live with a woman and I will never get married to get stuck in a marriage (like one of my friends currently is tied up in with 2 kids, the same cell phone plan, a joint bank account, and a crazy wife) and then have to go through a divorce. With many of these women it is not about the attention/love/affection/or even s*x, because they are incapable of these on a genuine level. It is about the power that she feels, and all the selfishness/controlling/domineering/material things/anger and yelling/and status is all about her feeling more powerful. Much of this sociopathic striving for more power is probably rooted in her insecurities and feelings of powerlessness in childhood with her parents. With my own mother who would be viewed as a HB9, when I was in High School I nevered dated girls because as crazy as it may sound my mother was a c*ck-blocker to other guys including me and she would always physically get between me and other girls and every time I would check-out another girl my mother would with extreme disapproval stare at me and distract me from continuing to look at the girls and say things like "What are you looking at?" and from my childhood I was not even aware that this subconsciously created a limiting belief (from religious conditioning and from my crazy mother) that "I was not allowed to even look at other girls and I was especially not allowed to date - let alone do anything sexual with girls at all." Not to sound arrogant, but I had much social-proof that I was an Alpha jock, but I still did not date girls then (one of my biggest regrets to this day) and eventhough I looked and had the strength of a super-stud some people thought I was g*y, and I did not know what my "sticking-points/mental blocks" were then (churches saying incorrectly that "s*x was only for marriage" and my crazy mother making me believe I could not look at or touch women at all and schools saying to get good grades for their approval and in reality grades don't mean sh*t), so I say this to further explain how these crazy women can mess-up men and to show others that there is a way out to be free. For a while I thought my mother was just a choleric personality type. Then, I finally learned more about game/seduction to the point I'm now at a high level, and as nuts as it sounds the area this field most influenced my life is in dealing with my mother (and some people like metaphors so it's like I became a Jedi or bending the Matrix) and then I was finally aware of my situation after all those years. Since then any time my mother would go crazy and yell in abusive anger I would 97% of the time be unreactive and calmly just leave. With my mother I now limit being around her to around 3 times a month and keep any "conversations (being a socio-path she's not able to have genuine conversations without getting extremely abusively angry)" about mostly light topics and keep it brief. It took me yeras of my own research to learn that religion is wrong about "pre-marital s*x" and that I do NOT agree with that and "Yes, I can have s*x." Then, not being around my mother when I'm around girls I can now allow myself to look at/talk to/and touch girls because as a man this is right for me and it is natural and what I should do being a man . No other person controls me/has power over me/or tells me what to do (especially if THEY are crazy). I became internally even more aware and stronger/more powerful than any sh*t from my mother, and I'm talking about on a level that many people wouldn't comprehend as my mother has a bf who is in a VERY powerful/high-status job and she even tries to control him to get his power (that's how crazy she is), and this has helped me see that it's NOT just me as she tries to control all men/people and this is a big mental illness, so I freed myself by never letting her have the power to control me. I still see her around 24 times a year briefly, but I always "own the frame of the interaction" and I keep it mostly light and sometimes while doing other things I want to do while I'm visiting the area. After so many years of dealing with a HB9 range mother who is crazy (in a way it is similar to the training of a professional athlete where they learn to deal with any situation on the field when it's game time) I can now talk to and seduce 9's/10's, but it's almost like I figure they are going to be crazy and she has to show me that she's not a head-case (so that automatically makes even "Hot Babes" have to attempt to qualify themselves to me). However, I can sense within about 1 minute if a chick is mentally ill type crazy and unless she is DTF then I say to crazy women almost immediately "Nice meeting you, goodbye" and I walk away as I would not ever be in a " dating relationship" with a woman who is crazy. Many guys who are around a "Hot Babe" would be all over her begging her to "go out" with him. If a "Hot Babe" who is crazy continues to try to be around me after I walked away, then I'm not unreactive and I do the other 3% and powerfully say "Get the F*ck away from me."

 

[backbreaker]

paragraphs how do they work

 

[InnerHappiness]

paragraphs how do they work

I thought it was a script error

 

[Findog]

I think my need to feel in control of myself and of the relationship would largely prevent me from even having a second date with these chicks, though that's just a guess. Once I feel like the woman is trying to control things through manipulation I eject immediately.

I think I would have a natural repulsion to this type. But, I'd still like to meet one.

.

You won't know immediately that you're dealing with BPD. Things begin with them much the same way they do with other chicks. The low-functioning ones you would probably be able to spot a mile away because they can't hide their dysfunction. It's the higher-functioning ones that are scary: they hold down jobs, they have a social circle of friends, they have hobbies and interests. They seem very normal at first on the surface.

Maybe the only clue that you might have is that things almost are a little too good to be true in the beginning. Every relationship has a honeymoon period. With them the honeymoon is better than anything you've ever had with anybody else because they are so adept at mirroring and being what you want them to be...but the flipside is that the ending is worse than anything you've ever had or will have with anybody else if they are the ones that do the dumping suddenly and abruptly...either that or they will do something so bad or sabotage the relationship in such a way that it forces you to end things and not continue. That's what makes it so addicting and hard to let go of: you know you'll probably never again have that kind of "high" with another person. It's seductive and intoxicating. Sometimes I think the best way to think of them is as an addiction. That and it's hard to explain, but the endings usually don't "make sense." It's a setup for a painful obsession in the aftermath that you have to fight to let go of.

It's one thing to sleep with them, as these girls are only good for a pump and dump....but trust me when I tell you that you do not want to get seriously involved with or catch feelings for one.

 

[5string]

Some of the best advice I have ever seen on this forum. Kudos fellas! Wow!

 

[TonyBaloney]

There is a lot of great posts in this thread. My mother is like this and after so many years of dealing with this it is a huge reason why I will never live with a woman and I will never get married to get stuck in a marriage (like one of my friends currently is tied up in with 2 kids, the same cell phone plan, a joint bank account, and a crazy wife) and then have to go through a divorce. With many of these women it is not about the attention/love/affection/or even s*x, because they are incapable of these on a genuine level. It is about the power that she feels, and all the selfishness/controlling/domineering/material things/anger and yelling/and status is all about her feeling more powerful. Much of this sociopathic striving for more power is probably rooted in her insecurities and feelings of powerlessness in childhood with her parents. With my own mother who would be viewed as a HB9, when I was in High School I nevered dated girls because as crazy as it may sound my mother was a c*ck-blocker to other guys including me and she would always physically get between me and other girls and every time I would check-out another girl my mother would with extreme disapproval stare at me and distract me from continuing to look at the girls and say things like "What are you looking at?" and from my childhood I was not even aware that this subconsciously created a limiting belief (from religious conditioning and from my crazy mother) that "I was not allowed to even look at other girls and I was especially not allowed to date - let alone do anything sexual with girls at all." Not to sound arrogant, but I had much social-proof that I was an Alpha jock, but I still did not date girls then (one of my biggest regrets to this day) and eventhough I looked and had the strength of a super-stud some people thought I was g*y, and I did not know what my "sticking-points/mental blocks" were then (churches saying incorrectly that "s*x was only for marriage" and my crazy mother making me believe I could not look at or touch women at all and schools saying to get good grades for their approval and in reality grades don't mean sh*t), so I say this to further explain how these crazy women can mess-up men and to show others that there is a way out to be free. For a while I thought my mother was just a choleric personality type. Then, I finally learned more about game/seduction to the point I'm now at a high level, and as nuts as it sounds the area this field most influenced my life is in dealing with my mother (and some people like metaphors so it's like I became a Jedi or bending the Matrix) and then I was finally aware of my situation after all those years. Since then any time my mother would go crazy and yell in abusive anger I would 97% of the time be unreactive and calmly just leave. With my mother I now limit being around her to around 3 times a month and keep any "conversations (being a socio-path she's not able to have genuine conversations without getting extremely abusively angry)" about mostly light topics and keep it brief. It took me yeras of my own research to learn that religion is wrong about "pre-marital s*x" and that I do NOT agree with that and "Yes, I can have s*x." Then, not being around my mother when I'm around girls I can now allow myself to look at/talk to/and touch girls because as a man this is right for me and it is natural and what I should do being a man . No other person controls me/has power over me/or tells me what to do (especially if THEY are crazy). I became internally even more aware and stronger/more powerful than any sh*t from my mother, and I'm talking about on a level that many people wouldn't comprehend as my mother has a bf who is in a VERY powerful/high-status job and she even tries to control him to get his power (that's how crazy she is), and this has helped me see that it's NOT just me as she tries to control all men/people and this is a big mental illness, so I freed myself by never letting her have the power to control me. I still see her around 24 times a year briefly, but I always "own the frame of the interaction" and I keep it mostly light and sometimes while doing other things I want to do while I'm visiting the area. After so many years of dealing with a HB9 range mother who is crazy (in a way it is similar to the training of a professional athlete where they learn to deal with any situation on the field when it's game time) I can now talk to and seduce 9's/10's, but it's almost like I figure they are going to be crazy and she has to show me that she's not a head-case (so that automatically makes even "Hot Babes" have to attempt to qualify themselves to me). However, I can sense within about 1 minute if a chick is mentally ill type crazy and unless she is DTF then I say to crazy women almost immediately "Nice meeting you, goodbye" and I walk away as I would not ever be in a " dating relationship" with a woman who is crazy. Many guys who are around a "Hot Babe" would be all over her begging her to "go out" with him. If a "Hot Babe" who is crazy continues to try to be around me after I walked away, then I'm not unreactive and I do the other 3% and powerfully say "Get the F*ck away from me."

A very powerful post - I think that the only mechanism that I had in dealing with my npd ex, was that my own mother was so similar, i kinda knew a nut when i saw a nut.

I would like to ask some of us guys here thathave had these experiences, if the root cause of their reactions to these women stem from an insecurity that was instilled from their own mother, and meeting these women who were similar to our own mother, and wanting validation from them, could be something to do with the problem........

 

[SecondHalf]

Indeed, it was a very powerful post.
My ex wife, although was not BPD, was certainly a histrionic narcissist.
She was also an HB9 and really did a number on me. Fortunately, her issues were somewhat counter balanced by her education (PHD in English Lit).

What led me to post on this thread, is that I see a similar behavior to my son (who is 15 and a real looker). She crawls right up his butt when he starts showing interest in girl other than her. It's quite sick. When he was young, many quarrels occurred between she and I because I think she was actually trying to encourage the boy to be gay!

Thank god the boy figured her out and elected to live with me only. I can't imagine what would become of him if his mother was primary.

I'll say one thing about BPD women (small sample mind you), the first two months and sex is off the charts flattering.
Only go near them if you have other plates spinning and never let feelings develop for these creatures!

SH