Blog/ help needed
- Thread starter Adz--
- Start date
Thoughts and updates
I've been thinking lately and I have noticed my frame is not as strong as it once was. I'm going to take some time out and read the bible again before college starts so at least I have a strong frame.
I also need to start gym again. I haven't touched the gym in 3 weeks.
Also, I need to get back to doing my hobbies, I haven't really kept up with my hobbies, I've always noticed that I would rather chase women, now there are no plates I'm not going to sit around and be a bum all day and complain to myself I don't have any plates.
I'd rather work on myself and learn, improve and see where I went wrong.
Adz--
I've been thinking lately and I have noticed my frame is not as strong as it once was. I'm going to take some time out and read the bible again before college starts so at least I have a strong frame.
I also need to start gym again. I haven't touched the gym in 3 weeks.
Also, I need to get back to doing my hobbies, I haven't really kept up with my hobbies, I've always noticed that I would rather chase women, now there are no plates I'm not going to sit around and be a bum all day and complain to myself I don't have any plates.
I'd rather work on myself and learn, improve and see where I went wrong.
Adz--
TheSlasher
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Dude, I think I got your strategy here. The stuff you are calling as losing plates -- the stuff which also have the same capability to make a male lose his self-esteem and feel miserable for himself, which affects his inner game, and make his every move become AFC -- you notice them and did the steps of expressing yourself in this manner in order to keep the effects of having no women away from your inner game. Do you see my point?
I understand all of your point till the last part- "in order to keep the effects of having no women away from your inner game"TheSlasher said:
The rest of it makes complete sense now, they way you have linked it and how they all have similar effects.
I'm assuming the opposite has the same effects? 'Go gym again'-- 'Feel good'-- 'act good'-- 'game good'?
Adz--
TheSlasher
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I haven't really field-tested the side-effects of going to gym when it comes to gaming. In fact, I remove women from my mind whenever I work my body out. This is because there's some sort of inner voice telling me it's pathetic to work you body out, or work your ass off, in order to impress women. I like the look of my body as a result of working out, but more than that, what I love even more is the feeling of surpassing hardships. It's the feeling of pushing your body to its limits that is both extremely difficult but at the same time, something that your fulfills you as well.Adz-- said:
But yeah, thanks for the, 'Go gym again'-- 'Feel good'-- 'act good'-- 'game good'? setup. Because of it, I came up with a framework that is more applicable, I believe to my lifestyle, and perhaps to yours, too:
1. Set goals for the week (with a goal given for each day or timeframe) involving health, studies, and monetary goal (modify as fit)
2. See if there is a noticeable difference in inner well-being (whether weekly goals are achieved or not).
3. Approach girls in vicinity using applicable game (cold approach, natural/social game, or other methods, depending on what you like to test) to see if the effects of succeeding or failing on weekly goals extends to gaming.
I'll post my updates both here and on my Inner Game Improvement log (here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=219097). Maybe you would also like to participate. Thanks.
I'm the same when it comes to gym. I don't do it for the women. I do it to stay healthy along with the results that I get and want. I love the feeling when my body is saying no but I push and say one more.TheSlasher said:
In my experience I have noticed some women noticing the difference in my body appearance as in more looks from women, but I didn't follow up on them.
Another thing I have notified is that I am not as tired or as worn out as easily when I have been gyming, also another thing I noticed is that I feel a lot more better as in, brighter, happier, relaxed and not as tensed.
I'm only assuming that this is portrayed through my body language and how I interact with women and others.
You're welcome man, that frame work does sound good and it does sound like something that is applicable in my lifestyle, thank you!.
With college fresh at a new college I'll defiantly give it a go, shall I post In your blog?
Thanks
Adz--
TheSlasher
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Yeah, post on my log. It's exaclty what I'm looking for. To develop an Inner Game Improvement technique by having as much information not only from myself but from as many guys as well.Adz-- said:
Thanks.
Blog
Things have taken a turn for the worst for me at the moment, I feel like I'm heading towards depression again..
I have a lot on my mind at the moment and a lot of stress and worry. Which is the last thing I need before I start college again which is in a few days. Mentally I'm not coping.. It's also being shown in my behaviour as well as in my reactions to situations.
I'm not 100% at the moment. I'm going to the doctors tomorrow to get a councilor again..
The last thing I want is a bad relapse into the state I was once in..
Adz--
Things have taken a turn for the worst for me at the moment, I feel like I'm heading towards depression again..
I have a lot on my mind at the moment and a lot of stress and worry. Which is the last thing I need before I start college again which is in a few days. Mentally I'm not coping.. It's also being shown in my behaviour as well as in my reactions to situations.
I'm not 100% at the moment. I'm going to the doctors tomorrow to get a councilor again..
The last thing I want is a bad relapse into the state I was once in..
Adz--
TheSlasher
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****, man. Hope you can get it over. I can tell you're a good man, so you deserve to get this over with.
If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.
Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.
This will quickly drive all women away from you.
And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.
Thanks man I appreciate that a lot.TheSlasher said:
the last few days/ the next few days
But it's gotten worse. I had a panic attack the same night I posted.. I haven't got a councilor yet, I'm trying to seek support from a few family members and some friends first.
Today I had to go into college to enrole on my course, it was struggle i have anxiety issues again..
Tomorrow is the first day that I get to meet my new classmates too..
Hopefully I will feel better tommorow..
Adz--
Last few days
Over the last few days I'v started to feel better and a lot less stressed.
I had my first day at college where I found out which class mates I have. I found out that I'm the 2nd oldest, the class is mainly filled with 17year olds.
But I'm not there to mess around too much aha.
Iv been thinking over the last few days about my past relationships, and the amount of red flags, gut feelings or just situations that I went through and now I look back and think why did I stay.
I might make a separate thread on what they were so others can be aware.
Adz--
Over the last few days I'v started to feel better and a lot less stressed.
I had my first day at college where I found out which class mates I have. I found out that I'm the 2nd oldest, the class is mainly filled with 17year olds.
But I'm not there to mess around too much aha.
Iv been thinking over the last few days about my past relationships, and the amount of red flags, gut feelings or just situations that I went through and now I look back and think why did I stay.
I might make a separate thread on what they were so others can be aware.
Adz--
Update!
So I've started college this week properly this week! Had the first couple of lessons. There's a couple of girls who iv built up a rapport with but nothing that I want to pursue as one is 26 and got a kid and the other 17. There's been some interesting conversations with these two.
I can't recall the whole conversation, but with the 26yr old there's some kino and lots of sexual innuendos haha, also she was talking about healthy eating and some other fluff, then out of the blue she said "I like your body build" this shocked a bit at first as I haven't been to the gym in a while.
Today with the 26yr old more kino and more sexual innuendos.
Then again with a body compliment "you're like a fat persons body in a skinny/ good build body".
The 17yr old I haven't really kinoed much but a few sexual Inuendos. But I'll start a bit of kino just for practise.
Today though there was one cute HB6/7 in my class I haven't seen before, I couldn't advance on this as I was late to the class but I'm going to advance on this!
On a whole though iv been starting conversations with everyone I meet, mostly girls, this gives me a chance to work on my anxiety and conversation openers.
In the classroom itself no one has identified traits of an "alpha male" but it's interesting to observe their behaviours. In the class iv made an effort to start conversations with everyone at least twice.
That's it for now
Adz--
So I've started college this week properly this week! Had the first couple of lessons. There's a couple of girls who iv built up a rapport with but nothing that I want to pursue as one is 26 and got a kid and the other 17. There's been some interesting conversations with these two.
I can't recall the whole conversation, but with the 26yr old there's some kino and lots of sexual innuendos haha, also she was talking about healthy eating and some other fluff, then out of the blue she said "I like your body build" this shocked a bit at first as I haven't been to the gym in a while.
Today with the 26yr old more kino and more sexual innuendos.
Then again with a body compliment "you're like a fat persons body in a skinny/ good build body".
The 17yr old I haven't really kinoed much but a few sexual Inuendos. But I'll start a bit of kino just for practise.
Today though there was one cute HB6/7 in my class I haven't seen before, I couldn't advance on this as I was late to the class but I'm going to advance on this!
On a whole though iv been starting conversations with everyone I meet, mostly girls, this gives me a chance to work on my anxiety and conversation openers.
In the classroom itself no one has identified traits of an "alpha male" but it's interesting to observe their behaviours. In the class iv made an effort to start conversations with everyone at least twice.
That's it for now
Adz--
Help needed!!/ think i f*cked up
One of my very old ex-gf still keeps in contact with me.
(Little background information)
We dated for a month but myself being young and her living quite far it ended within a month. We never saw each other within that month.
It ended it cos no effort was being made and tbh i don't think she took it seriously.
(What happened)
She sent me a message saying that she would be in my city for a few days because her best friend is studying in my city. So we organize to go out on a Saturday. So it's me, my ex, her best friend, and one guy who's camp (Acts gay, but is not gay)
(Now the day before i was at a house party where i got fully drunk, so bare in mind I'm still feeling like crap lol.)
We meet up and we walk through some very crowded bars and she grabs on to my hand.. (at this point i was like huh? okay)
So we drink, all go the dance floor and she dances next to me or in front of me..
We then go to another club/ bar and we drink, dance, then i kissed closed multiple times.
Now this is where it starts to get F*uked up
I then go to the bathroom and i said il'l be right back. As I come out of the bathroom i get a text from her saying "we are sitting down over here", at the same time i was texting someone else.
I make my way over to where they are, i spotted all of them, but when i looked at my old ex-gf she looked like my most recent..
This happened twice.. i then start noticing that her mannerisms, reactions and a few other things are the same as my recent ex.
Getting closer to the end of the night, i just said to her let's get of here early, and go back to your friends university flat and they can meet us up after. She seriously was in two minds and very confused. (At this point i should have gotten the keys of her best friend and said we gonna go back early, and just taken her by the arm).
So we all go back to her friends place. i just jump on the bed, every leaves the room except for my ex, she comes and cuddles up next to me..
At this point i knew i wasn't going to get a f*ck close.
So we start talking fluff and other BS.
Then everyone comes back into the room. I go into the kitchen as her best friend has made me some tea.
I go in and my ex comes along, talk some more fluff.
Then i'm standing up looking out of the window with my back towards her she then comes behind me and stands on the sofa and puts her arms around me..
We then go into the other room then i call for a taxi, before i go outside to wait for my cab i say my good byes to every one, but my ex says she will wait outside with me till my taxi comes..
Taxi comes, i hug her and say bye she kisses me on the cheek, i kiss close her.
The next day i can't get her out of my head.. i keep on telling myself it's not love it's infatuation.
I think I'm developing ONEits for her...
But on another note her bestfriend messaged me looking for no strings attached sex..
I'v texted my ex just general talk, nothing too deep and not often. I don't think shes interested tbh, late replies from messages.
What on earth is going on with my mind? what happened that night? Why did she do what she did?
adz--
One of my very old ex-gf still keeps in contact with me.
(Little background information)
We dated for a month but myself being young and her living quite far it ended within a month. We never saw each other within that month.
It ended it cos no effort was being made and tbh i don't think she took it seriously.
(What happened)
She sent me a message saying that she would be in my city for a few days because her best friend is studying in my city. So we organize to go out on a Saturday. So it's me, my ex, her best friend, and one guy who's camp (Acts gay, but is not gay)
(Now the day before i was at a house party where i got fully drunk, so bare in mind I'm still feeling like crap lol.)
We meet up and we walk through some very crowded bars and she grabs on to my hand.. (at this point i was like huh? okay)
So we drink, all go the dance floor and she dances next to me or in front of me..
We then go to another club/ bar and we drink, dance, then i kissed closed multiple times.
Now this is where it starts to get F*uked up
I then go to the bathroom and i said il'l be right back. As I come out of the bathroom i get a text from her saying "we are sitting down over here", at the same time i was texting someone else.
I make my way over to where they are, i spotted all of them, but when i looked at my old ex-gf she looked like my most recent..
This happened twice.. i then start noticing that her mannerisms, reactions and a few other things are the same as my recent ex.
Getting closer to the end of the night, i just said to her let's get of here early, and go back to your friends university flat and they can meet us up after. She seriously was in two minds and very confused. (At this point i should have gotten the keys of her best friend and said we gonna go back early, and just taken her by the arm).
So we all go back to her friends place. i just jump on the bed, every leaves the room except for my ex, she comes and cuddles up next to me..
At this point i knew i wasn't going to get a f*ck close.
So we start talking fluff and other BS.
Then everyone comes back into the room. I go into the kitchen as her best friend has made me some tea.
I go in and my ex comes along, talk some more fluff.
Then i'm standing up looking out of the window with my back towards her she then comes behind me and stands on the sofa and puts her arms around me..
We then go into the other room then i call for a taxi, before i go outside to wait for my cab i say my good byes to every one, but my ex says she will wait outside with me till my taxi comes..
Taxi comes, i hug her and say bye she kisses me on the cheek, i kiss close her.
The next day i can't get her out of my head.. i keep on telling myself it's not love it's infatuation.
I think I'm developing ONEits for her...
But on another note her bestfriend messaged me looking for no strings attached sex..
I'v texted my ex just general talk, nothing too deep and not often. I don't think shes interested tbh, late replies from messages.
What on earth is going on with my mind? what happened that night? Why did she do what she did?
adz--
TheSlasher
Senior Don Juan
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The bestfriend's text might be their ploy. I can't spend time thinking about this too much, but there's my two cents.
Slasher, what you said struck a chord. I don't need to overthink this. It was only one night. If she's Intrested she will make it known, I shouldn't be wasting my time with what ifs, why this, why that.TheSlasher said:
What's happened has happened, leave it and carry on with life, don't focus on yesterday, focus on today and build a better tomorrow.
Thank you
Adz--
Updates, advice, and playing with fire
Here's an update of things that have been happening since I last posted along with some advice and some experiences.
updates
Updates!! I've started back in the gym again! I'm back in and, well I'd be lying if I said I'm loving it aha, it's not too bad, but I'm starting from scratch again! But things can only get better!
I'm still at college and working my azz off! Met a great group friends and love my course!
My hobbies are still ongoing aha, I don't allocate enough time to practice my saxophone enough though.
Been out a few times and got some great confidence boosters! I'll go over them in detail lower in this post.
playing with fire, advice and experiences
Well it was bound to happen sooner or later.
Remember in my last post I stated about how one of my old ex's best friend said something about having no strings attached s*x?
Yeah.. I've been hooking up with her a couple of days after that post..
I should have known better! She's a great person, she looks good, has a great body, we get along, have a laugh etc.. However I have decided to end the no strings attached s*x.
Why!? Are you crazy adz--?
You might ask.
No I'm not, and here is why, the first mistake I made was not having other plates spinning. She was my only plate. BIG MISTAKE! (Well in my case)
It's better to have multiple plates spinning or none at all.
Why?
Because of feelings (yes I said it, FEELINGS)
This plate started to get attached, she didn't directly say it, but it was easily seen and felt. She started to tell me things about herself that I know she wouldn't tell anyone else.
I mean extreme personal things.
Also she started to say things like "you're beautiful, I could kiss you all day, etc you get the picture right?
At one point we were talking, she said something along the lines of "I want you all to myself"
STOP (in my case red flag)
I said "well you're going to have to share me"
This didn't set to well with her. And she said "well if you're fvcking anyone else then you have to stop fvcking me" (not in those exact words but along the lines)
Sure no problem I thought, but I didn't say much about it and changed the subject, although I told her at the start I don't want a relationship it stated feeling like one.
Slowly bits of drama and BS is getting thrown about between my old ex and her. Get this my old ex is getting jealous of me and her friend just hanging out (shown via social networking)
And decides retaliate by going out everyday and posting it upon social networking sites.
On top of that my old ex says to her friend that she misses me and wants me but yet she's with another guy! Wtf?
I should have hit the eject button here.. But didn't
So fast forward another few days, after fvcking the plate I have to leave, she turns around and says "you shouldn't just leave after we have had s*x, it's like you're done and then you're gone"
(Also quick detail to add, after fvcking all she does is cuddle and that fluff!, Red flag in my case)
Now all throughout this, there's elements in my mind of my most recent ex that springs to mind and all the warning signs that I missed, now if that isn't a big enough warning sign I don't know what is.
In addition to this we went out a couple of weeks back, me her, her friend, her cousin and one of my friends, long story short, we all walk out of a bar drunk, I see two cuties and I get talking.
Turns out while I was talking to them this plate says to my friend that she's jealous that I'm talking to them and starts trying get me jealous by touching my friend. But me being wasted I didn't even noticed and carried on talking to these cuties, got their snapchats and got denied a kiss close ( worth a try)
Long story short, don't fck one of your ex's best friend, there is a great deal of BS that comes along with it.
Also if you are going to spin plates have a minimum of two plates at all times or don't spin any at all (also mentioned in the DJ bible)
Go with your gut instincts, your gut will never steer you wrong!
If certain situations bring up scenarios of old ex's, hit that ejecto seato cuz! You don't a repeat of that BS.
On another note I went out for one of my friends house parties in another city, but we ended up going out (only 4 of us guys)
1 was gay and we lost him half way though the night, the other two were okay, but still had some AFC mentalities.
However i did end with a number close and all the snapchat adds of a group of girls, along with pics. ( might not be anything of use but it is a confidence booster)
What I learnt from that night is just talk to everyone like you are new in town, the worst they can say is go away.
So that's the how I played with fire and almost got burnt ( I probably will end up getting burnt)
Along with some advice and some of my experiences.
Live, laugh, love
Adz--
Here's an update of things that have been happening since I last posted along with some advice and some experiences.
updates
Updates!! I've started back in the gym again! I'm back in and, well I'd be lying if I said I'm loving it aha, it's not too bad, but I'm starting from scratch again! But things can only get better!
I'm still at college and working my azz off! Met a great group friends and love my course!
My hobbies are still ongoing aha, I don't allocate enough time to practice my saxophone enough though.
Been out a few times and got some great confidence boosters! I'll go over them in detail lower in this post.
playing with fire, advice and experiences
Well it was bound to happen sooner or later.
Remember in my last post I stated about how one of my old ex's best friend said something about having no strings attached s*x?
Yeah.. I've been hooking up with her a couple of days after that post..
I should have known better! She's a great person, she looks good, has a great body, we get along, have a laugh etc.. However I have decided to end the no strings attached s*x.
Why!? Are you crazy adz--?
You might ask.
No I'm not, and here is why, the first mistake I made was not having other plates spinning. She was my only plate. BIG MISTAKE! (Well in my case)
It's better to have multiple plates spinning or none at all.
Why?
Because of feelings (yes I said it, FEELINGS)
This plate started to get attached, she didn't directly say it, but it was easily seen and felt. She started to tell me things about herself that I know she wouldn't tell anyone else.
I mean extreme personal things.
Also she started to say things like "you're beautiful, I could kiss you all day, etc you get the picture right?
At one point we were talking, she said something along the lines of "I want you all to myself"
STOP (in my case red flag)
I said "well you're going to have to share me"
This didn't set to well with her. And she said "well if you're fvcking anyone else then you have to stop fvcking me" (not in those exact words but along the lines)
Sure no problem I thought, but I didn't say much about it and changed the subject, although I told her at the start I don't want a relationship it stated feeling like one.
Slowly bits of drama and BS is getting thrown about between my old ex and her. Get this my old ex is getting jealous of me and her friend just hanging out (shown via social networking)
And decides retaliate by going out everyday and posting it upon social networking sites.
On top of that my old ex says to her friend that she misses me and wants me but yet she's with another guy! Wtf?
I should have hit the eject button here.. But didn't
So fast forward another few days, after fvcking the plate I have to leave, she turns around and says "you shouldn't just leave after we have had s*x, it's like you're done and then you're gone"
(Also quick detail to add, after fvcking all she does is cuddle and that fluff!, Red flag in my case)
Now all throughout this, there's elements in my mind of my most recent ex that springs to mind and all the warning signs that I missed, now if that isn't a big enough warning sign I don't know what is.
In addition to this we went out a couple of weeks back, me her, her friend, her cousin and one of my friends, long story short, we all walk out of a bar drunk, I see two cuties and I get talking.
Turns out while I was talking to them this plate says to my friend that she's jealous that I'm talking to them and starts trying get me jealous by touching my friend. But me being wasted I didn't even noticed and carried on talking to these cuties, got their snapchats and got denied a kiss close ( worth a try)
Long story short, don't fck one of your ex's best friend, there is a great deal of BS that comes along with it.
Also if you are going to spin plates have a minimum of two plates at all times or don't spin any at all (also mentioned in the DJ bible)
Go with your gut instincts, your gut will never steer you wrong!
If certain situations bring up scenarios of old ex's, hit that ejecto seato cuz! You don't a repeat of that BS.
On another note I went out for one of my friends house parties in another city, but we ended up going out (only 4 of us guys)
1 was gay and we lost him half way though the night, the other two were okay, but still had some AFC mentalities.
However i did end with a number close and all the snapchat adds of a group of girls, along with pics. ( might not be anything of use but it is a confidence booster)
What I learnt from that night is just talk to everyone like you are new in town, the worst they can say is go away.
So that's the how I played with fire and almost got burnt ( I probably will end up getting burnt)
Along with some advice and some of my experiences.
Live, laugh, love
Adz--
Its been a long time
Talk about a thread resurrection.
Well. Things have been up and down for myself over the last few months. I've been relapsing into depression again, along with all the other crap that comes along with it, I.e. Bad thoughts, death, no use, panic attacks, anxiety, not wanting to go out or do anything etc.
Also I have been drinking myself to sleep the last few nights because these thoughts are preventing me from sleeping.
I don't get time to do any of my hobbies anymore nor do I have the time to consistently go to the gym. Furthermore I'm having financial issues which don't help along with the fact that some of my family have fallen sick.
I've started counciling again to help, however I also have one plate that has been helping me over the past few months, which I am not used to. Also her interest levels are still high for me.
Throughout these past months I started to analyse and think back to past experiences or situations in my childhood. This struck a chord, and I realised that all these experiences and situations play an significant role of why my behaviours and outlook on life are the way they are.
What made me post on SS was that I saved a link on my phone on a thread that I didn't get enough time to read. After reading it It made me think that we have the ability to change our moods to either bring them up or take them down. After I realised this it struck a chord, that I haven't been doing this to myself, I haven't had a positive outlook towards myself or have I challenged myself.
That's all for now, my mind is still a jungle atm, hopefully I'll be updating a lot more.
Adz--
Talk about a thread resurrection.
Well. Things have been up and down for myself over the last few months. I've been relapsing into depression again, along with all the other crap that comes along with it, I.e. Bad thoughts, death, no use, panic attacks, anxiety, not wanting to go out or do anything etc.
Also I have been drinking myself to sleep the last few nights because these thoughts are preventing me from sleeping.
I don't get time to do any of my hobbies anymore nor do I have the time to consistently go to the gym. Furthermore I'm having financial issues which don't help along with the fact that some of my family have fallen sick.
I've started counciling again to help, however I also have one plate that has been helping me over the past few months, which I am not used to. Also her interest levels are still high for me.
Throughout these past months I started to analyse and think back to past experiences or situations in my childhood. This struck a chord, and I realised that all these experiences and situations play an significant role of why my behaviours and outlook on life are the way they are.
What made me post on SS was that I saved a link on my phone on a thread that I didn't get enough time to read. After reading it It made me think that we have the ability to change our moods to either bring them up or take them down. After I realised this it struck a chord, that I haven't been doing this to myself, I haven't had a positive outlook towards myself or have I challenged myself.
That's all for now, my mind is still a jungle atm, hopefully I'll be updating a lot more.
Adz--
Last edited:
Blog/ Hello again Dj's. Thread resurrection, help needed.
Its been a long time. A lot has happened since i was last on here!
However its not all good news.
But Good news! i did get close to achieving the body i wanted in gym!
Now the bad news. I recently broke up from an exclusive LTR. We were dating for 8 months but we started doing things probably a year or more. Everything was great, she was great, beautiful, smart, not like typical women, similar background to me, funny, almost the whole package. We met each others parents and sh*t too. We used to make each other happy and be there for each other but not in a needy way if that makes sense, and just have a laugh with each other.
But from the 3rd/4th month in relationship i started to lose my frame. All those mental issues in the past were coming back, i wasn't as sociable as i was, i started to stop going out as much, i wasn't happy as much, my parents started to take advantage of my kind heartedness, family members started to be weird. I started to crumble and lost my frame.
My girl at the time tried to do her best to make my realise and become happy again but i was too stubborn to realise what i was doing/ saying/ behaving/ reacting and i got worse and worse.
I stopped going gym as well. In the end we both started to make each other very unhappy, we both mutually agreed to break up. She wanted to remain as friends as she didn't want me out of her life completely.
Also i scored really low on one of the exams that i needed to get high marks on in order to go to university for a specific course. I can no longer go for that and I've missed the deadline for the medical courses at university.
Since we have broken up I've been a real big mess, my head is all over the place, i can't focus, i can't eat properly, i can't sleep properly. Nothing is going right in my head. However i have a few hours/ days where I'm semi-happy.
I've gone to the doctors to get a councilor and have been going to the appointments for 3/4 weeks now once a week. i refuse to take anti-depressants as they will only mess me up more.
I've bought myself new clothes and tried to change my look. This only made me happy for a few days.
Today was a really bad day for me, i really couldn't cope, i find that I'm hanging on to things in my head and getting distraught over the smallest things, well this was happening after the 3/4th month in the relationship.
I can't seem to make myself happy anymore, i can't seem to focus. I'm really confused and feel like I'm on auto pilot. I'm trying not to think of my ex but its really damn difficult right now. As my mind just wants to constantly think about her.
I've lost a real true gem of a woman, but theres nothing i can do about that right now, and to be honest i really need to work on myself and sort out this f*cking mind of mine. I really don't know whats happening in my head with my thoughts etc.
All of this is having a detrimental affect on my interactions, my outlook, my college work, everything. Also before the end of the year i have to find and apply to a course for university, and at the moment i have no clue on what i want to do in life, i wanted to go for the money but now i don't know, now I'm thinking i want a balance where i can get a decent wage whilst also enjoying what i do. But the kicker in this is that i don't enjoy doing anything.
I spent some time reading my old posts on this thread, i sounded like a completely different person. I want to go back to being that person. I guess the first few couple of steps could consist of the following? (suggestions are more than welcome as long as they help):
-Start making friends (as i have only 1/2 friends right now)
-Start going out with new and old friends (as i hardly ever go out and i am always in the house)
-Start going gym again (as i haven't been gym in a long time and reading my old posts has kind of motivated me)
-Start working hard at college now (as currently I'm slacking really badly)
-Start doing my hobbies (as i haven't touched my hobbies in years)
-Start forcing my self to smile (earlier in my thread it helped, so try again)
-Start doing things that take my mind off my ex.
-Start trying to eat food again
Any help is more than welcome right now.
adz--
Its been a long time. A lot has happened since i was last on here!
However its not all good news.
But Good news! i did get close to achieving the body i wanted in gym!
Now the bad news. I recently broke up from an exclusive LTR. We were dating for 8 months but we started doing things probably a year or more. Everything was great, she was great, beautiful, smart, not like typical women, similar background to me, funny, almost the whole package. We met each others parents and sh*t too. We used to make each other happy and be there for each other but not in a needy way if that makes sense, and just have a laugh with each other.
But from the 3rd/4th month in relationship i started to lose my frame. All those mental issues in the past were coming back, i wasn't as sociable as i was, i started to stop going out as much, i wasn't happy as much, my parents started to take advantage of my kind heartedness, family members started to be weird. I started to crumble and lost my frame.
My girl at the time tried to do her best to make my realise and become happy again but i was too stubborn to realise what i was doing/ saying/ behaving/ reacting and i got worse and worse.
I stopped going gym as well. In the end we both started to make each other very unhappy, we both mutually agreed to break up. She wanted to remain as friends as she didn't want me out of her life completely.
Also i scored really low on one of the exams that i needed to get high marks on in order to go to university for a specific course. I can no longer go for that and I've missed the deadline for the medical courses at university.
Since we have broken up I've been a real big mess, my head is all over the place, i can't focus, i can't eat properly, i can't sleep properly. Nothing is going right in my head. However i have a few hours/ days where I'm semi-happy.
I've gone to the doctors to get a councilor and have been going to the appointments for 3/4 weeks now once a week. i refuse to take anti-depressants as they will only mess me up more.
I've bought myself new clothes and tried to change my look. This only made me happy for a few days.
Today was a really bad day for me, i really couldn't cope, i find that I'm hanging on to things in my head and getting distraught over the smallest things, well this was happening after the 3/4th month in the relationship.
I can't seem to make myself happy anymore, i can't seem to focus. I'm really confused and feel like I'm on auto pilot. I'm trying not to think of my ex but its really damn difficult right now. As my mind just wants to constantly think about her.
I've lost a real true gem of a woman, but theres nothing i can do about that right now, and to be honest i really need to work on myself and sort out this f*cking mind of mine. I really don't know whats happening in my head with my thoughts etc.
All of this is having a detrimental affect on my interactions, my outlook, my college work, everything. Also before the end of the year i have to find and apply to a course for university, and at the moment i have no clue on what i want to do in life, i wanted to go for the money but now i don't know, now I'm thinking i want a balance where i can get a decent wage whilst also enjoying what i do. But the kicker in this is that i don't enjoy doing anything.
I spent some time reading my old posts on this thread, i sounded like a completely different person. I want to go back to being that person. I guess the first few couple of steps could consist of the following? (suggestions are more than welcome as long as they help):
-Start making friends (as i have only 1/2 friends right now)
-Start going out with new and old friends (as i hardly ever go out and i am always in the house)
-Start going gym again (as i haven't been gym in a long time and reading my old posts has kind of motivated me)
-Start working hard at college now (as currently I'm slacking really badly)
-Start doing my hobbies (as i haven't touched my hobbies in years)
-Start forcing my self to smile (earlier in my thread it helped, so try again)
-Start doing things that take my mind off my ex.
-Start trying to eat food again
Any help is more than welcome right now.
adz--
Blog/ Hello again SoSuave
Now where do i start, It's been a very long time since i last posted on this. A lot of things have happened since my last post above.
First the good news, I found a course in university that i wanted to do and applied for it, got some interviews and what not but i didn't get accepted into any universities.
I have now applied for a 1year course in a near by city where travel 4 days out of 5 for 1 and half hours each way by car. But so far its good, new city, new course, new people, and its taking me into the career that i want go in. I'll also be trying to find some work experience in my chosen field to boost my chances of getting into university when i apply again.
I've also started to get back into gym again and I've quit smoking cigs for a few months now, unless I'm going on a night out.
My projects are slowly getting work done to them and one of them is about half way done too.
Now the other stuff.
Carrying on from the post above, i ended up sorting my self out and was at a really good place in my life and i felt that i was moving forward again and started to feel positive, spiritual etc.
I also got back together with my ex (the girl mentioned in the previous post) after 3/4 months.
However we have now broken up again.
(Short version at the bottom)
So how did it all happen? LONG VERSION
What happened?
What did i do? (mistakes i made)
Well i got back together with her and i found out she was going through a life threatening illness again (cancerous), (it came back after the first time it was treated but was a chance of it coming back).
So it came back, and she got treatment for it (chemo), and i was supporting her through out it all. At this point too, her "friends" turned out to be two faced liars and sh*t stirrers, so she cut them out and one guy friend was responsible for aiding our break up the first time.
Again i was there supporting her through this and decided to spend more time with her as she had no friends. But everything is fine between us we laughing, f*cking etc etc.
Now fast forward to her birthday (a week before mine), my grandfather was in hospital a week before her bday but he was recovering, i said to her if he doesn't recover I'm not coming full stop.
He recovered so i went, all the friends that she had invited didn't show up or bailed last minute except for 2 of them.
She's obviously upset over that, we got to the place she had booked us into, but it turned out one of her friends had taken her deposit back way before she said to her that she was gonna cancel and now some random dude was in the room.
My ex couldn't get her money back and was now crying her eyes out cos her friend done her over. So i then book us into a nice hotel room near the city centre, pay for it, take her and her friend there, give her birthday gifts which i stupidly spent a lot of money on and handmade some sh*t. She loved.
Then we go out, we get into a student uni bar, chill there for a while then we all go to the smokers section and she pulls out a joint and says to her mate do you want it now? while security where right in front of us -_-, so she gets taken out, i go with her, and her friends are still chilling in the smokers section. Now she's bs'ing her way to get back in but didn't work, she put her mates joint in the fag box on purpose to hold it. (still think her mate took the piss for this)
So now the other girl calls her bf/ F*ck buddy/ old man who's got a wife and kid who's cheating on that drives taxis LOL, to pick us up and take us to a another club.
So we get there, i pay for everyone to get in, then her "friends" go after like 20 minutes, so its just me and her. So we got drunk, went back to the hotel, got food and f*cked and slept.
Now a few weeks/ month later, she still hasn't made any new friends nor is she going out anywhere, so i suggest places to go like, restaurant (which we once went to), pool, shisha/ Hookah, McDonalds, Movies, Go for a drive etc. She never suggested anywhere to go, or if she did it would be for a movie and she wouldn't set a date for it.
She also got the contraceptive implant, i took her to get it done (her choice) then her moodswings, hormones etc where all f*cked up, and she became into some miserable,horrible, depressive, short tempered woman, that gained a little bit of weight but thought it was the end of the world. It felt like i was walking on egg shells for this time period. And i still supported her though it. She still had no new friends at this point.
Then she got news that one of her old friends back in her home town got stabbed, followed by a death of a cousin/ friend, then by another death. Now i tried my best to support her as much as i could through all of this but there was only so much that i could do, i honestly didn't know what to do. Or how i could help, she still was snapping at the stupidist and smallest things. I tried taking her out more but she didn't want to go anywhere, suggest all sorts of places and she was like no, or i don't feel like it.
Then one day she had a go at me saying i don't take her out and that when i do its at the end of the day when she's been in her flat all day doing nothing.
First i shouldn't have taken this sh*t, second, i have my own things to be doing in my life like my college and that what i was doing. Third of all she didn't help her self to go out and do things.
( At this point all my free time was spent with her, all i did was college, home for a few hours then spent it with her, then came back home at the end of the day)
Now after all his giving my energy to her and being positive and supporting her I've become drained out. So I've gone into a shell, i was no longer the happy, positive, laid back, funny, confident, ****y me. I was completely drained.
I then take her to get that implant removed, and after a week she's getting better slightly, On goes a few weeks or so and she's getting back in touch with old friends being more social etc. Im still drained, she still didn't suggest places to go out to so i stopped too. But everything is manageable.
We go out in another city, i meet her gay friend, and helped another friend supers her on another time. Everything is good we all had a great night and i had some great s*x with her.
Now where do i start, It's been a very long time since i last posted on this. A lot of things have happened since my last post above.
First the good news, I found a course in university that i wanted to do and applied for it, got some interviews and what not but i didn't get accepted into any universities.
I have now applied for a 1year course in a near by city where travel 4 days out of 5 for 1 and half hours each way by car. But so far its good, new city, new course, new people, and its taking me into the career that i want go in. I'll also be trying to find some work experience in my chosen field to boost my chances of getting into university when i apply again.
I've also started to get back into gym again and I've quit smoking cigs for a few months now, unless I'm going on a night out.
My projects are slowly getting work done to them and one of them is about half way done too.
Now the other stuff.
Carrying on from the post above, i ended up sorting my self out and was at a really good place in my life and i felt that i was moving forward again and started to feel positive, spiritual etc.
I also got back together with my ex (the girl mentioned in the previous post) after 3/4 months.
However we have now broken up again.
(Short version at the bottom)
So how did it all happen? LONG VERSION
What happened?
What did i do? (mistakes i made)
Well i got back together with her and i found out she was going through a life threatening illness again (cancerous), (it came back after the first time it was treated but was a chance of it coming back).
So it came back, and she got treatment for it (chemo), and i was supporting her through out it all. At this point too, her "friends" turned out to be two faced liars and sh*t stirrers, so she cut them out and one guy friend was responsible for aiding our break up the first time.
Again i was there supporting her through this and decided to spend more time with her as she had no friends. But everything is fine between us we laughing, f*cking etc etc.
Now fast forward to her birthday (a week before mine), my grandfather was in hospital a week before her bday but he was recovering, i said to her if he doesn't recover I'm not coming full stop.
He recovered so i went, all the friends that she had invited didn't show up or bailed last minute except for 2 of them.
She's obviously upset over that, we got to the place she had booked us into, but it turned out one of her friends had taken her deposit back way before she said to her that she was gonna cancel and now some random dude was in the room.
My ex couldn't get her money back and was now crying her eyes out cos her friend done her over. So i then book us into a nice hotel room near the city centre, pay for it, take her and her friend there, give her birthday gifts which i stupidly spent a lot of money on and handmade some sh*t. She loved.
Then we go out, we get into a student uni bar, chill there for a while then we all go to the smokers section and she pulls out a joint and says to her mate do you want it now? while security where right in front of us -_-, so she gets taken out, i go with her, and her friends are still chilling in the smokers section. Now she's bs'ing her way to get back in but didn't work, she put her mates joint in the fag box on purpose to hold it. (still think her mate took the piss for this)
So now the other girl calls her bf/ F*ck buddy/ old man who's got a wife and kid who's cheating on that drives taxis LOL, to pick us up and take us to a another club.
So we get there, i pay for everyone to get in, then her "friends" go after like 20 minutes, so its just me and her. So we got drunk, went back to the hotel, got food and f*cked and slept.
Now a few weeks/ month later, she still hasn't made any new friends nor is she going out anywhere, so i suggest places to go like, restaurant (which we once went to), pool, shisha/ Hookah, McDonalds, Movies, Go for a drive etc. She never suggested anywhere to go, or if she did it would be for a movie and she wouldn't set a date for it.
She also got the contraceptive implant, i took her to get it done (her choice) then her moodswings, hormones etc where all f*cked up, and she became into some miserable,horrible, depressive, short tempered woman, that gained a little bit of weight but thought it was the end of the world. It felt like i was walking on egg shells for this time period. And i still supported her though it. She still had no new friends at this point.
Then she got news that one of her old friends back in her home town got stabbed, followed by a death of a cousin/ friend, then by another death. Now i tried my best to support her as much as i could through all of this but there was only so much that i could do, i honestly didn't know what to do. Or how i could help, she still was snapping at the stupidist and smallest things. I tried taking her out more but she didn't want to go anywhere, suggest all sorts of places and she was like no, or i don't feel like it.
Then one day she had a go at me saying i don't take her out and that when i do its at the end of the day when she's been in her flat all day doing nothing.
First i shouldn't have taken this sh*t, second, i have my own things to be doing in my life like my college and that what i was doing. Third of all she didn't help her self to go out and do things.
( At this point all my free time was spent with her, all i did was college, home for a few hours then spent it with her, then came back home at the end of the day)
Now after all his giving my energy to her and being positive and supporting her I've become drained out. So I've gone into a shell, i was no longer the happy, positive, laid back, funny, confident, ****y me. I was completely drained.
I then take her to get that implant removed, and after a week she's getting better slightly, On goes a few weeks or so and she's getting back in touch with old friends being more social etc. Im still drained, she still didn't suggest places to go out to so i stopped too. But everything is manageable.
We go out in another city, i meet her gay friend, and helped another friend supers her on another time. Everything is good we all had a great night and i had some great s*x with her.
