Blog/ help needed

[Adz--]

Update!

Just finished the Book of Pook and that was a real eye opener for me!, i would recommend everyone to give it read it!
The Red Pill is a good read to!

I'm slowly not getting as nervous as i was before talking to random strangers now, as where i work i have to interact with customers so i'm using this to my advantage.

It's going good!, i still tend to talk fast though especially good looking women, but this will sort it self out with consistency.

I still haven't nailed that chick yet who wanted to F*ck, i haven't had the time haha! but i'm not worried or even bothered about her.

At present i think i have read all that i have needed to read to finally get off my ass and do something in regard to approaching and talking to women to get my confidence up again.
I will do that as soon as my exams are finished as that is priority at the moment.

While reading a lot on this website which has been an blessing! i had a quick thought into the past about women, now i am fairly young but either it is me being naive and clouded or women have changed.
I remember (He says) a time where women actually loyal and decent compared to the present times.
By loyal and decent i mean that they had standards, they were not as "easy" as they are now, they were not as ruthless as they are now in relationships and love.
Its like what i saw/ remember then and see now in regards to women is that they have become more.. how can i put it.. H*reish/ Sl*ggish.
It is either that or i have been deceiving myself in the past of what i saw and now my eyes have been opened up.

Hmm either that or i think about things an awful lot, hahaha

Live, laugh, Love

A day spent without happiness is a day not lived!

Adz--

 

[Adz--]

update
AFC mode and emotional vomit
Well it's 4am in the UK. For the last few hours I have been feeling alone.. I miss having that one person I could just talk to and want be with.. I feel alone.. I'm missing the company.. The love.. The affection.. The sense of being wanted.. Being appreciated..
I feel vulnerable.. Open..
Bleughhh emotional vomit..

I refuse to miss my ex.. I REFUSE TO MISS THAT TOXIC BPD WOMAN..

I miss company..

That's my emotional vomit BS all out..

Adz--

 

[GotED?]

TIREDNESS & LACK OF SLEEP is your #1 mental and emotional enemy.

When you fail to get proper rest, your NEGATIVE emotions and mental state tend to exaggerate greatly.

It is critical that you SLEEP when you start feeling depressed as a result of not taking care of yourself.

I used to take NYQUIL (night time over-the-counter for flu) to knock me out so I can sleep during post-difficult break ups.

You wake up FEELING way better after a good night's rest, and you look back on how the FVCK you could had been feeling so AFC the night before.

Be well.

Exodus

 

[Adz--]

TIREDNESS & LACK OF SLEEP is your #1 mental and emotional enemy.

When you fail to get proper rest, your NEGATIVE emotions and mental state tend to exaggerate greatly.

It is critical that you SLEEP when you start feeling depressed as a result of not taking care of yourself.

I used to take NYQUIL (night time over-the-counter for flu) to knock me out so I can sleep during post-difficult break ups.

You wake up FEELING way better after a good night's rest, and you look back on how the FVCK you could had been feeling so AFC the night before.

Be well.

Exodus

Thank you man, I'll get some of that, I think I got some night nurse knocking about I'll take that for now.
I'm usually knocked out cold much before this time aha.
It is really odd how the mind plays tricks with you over lack of sleep..

Good night all for now

Adz--

 

[Adz--]

Update woop!

This is a lengthy one, i only wanted to post about one thing and turned out to be a hell of a lot more! Haha.

Well i'v started gym again (stopped last month) and it feels great! but i'm impatient with gym aha i want to see results now. But it will be worth it to take it steady at the moment.
I had a bit of a bad day at the gym the other day, my muscles wouldn't push when i was benching they were failing but i still felt like i wanted to go harder!
But that's probably because i did biceps the day before.

Plate spinning wise, i'm not spinning any plates at the moment, I'm still revising and studying for my exams and assignments.
but i was meant to f*ck some girl tonight but she completely flaked on me.. guess she's scared of some good f*cking aha, but i'm not bothered i got my work to do now :rockon:

My ex is still present in my mind but it is not as aggressive as it was a month back. It's not like i'm thinking of 24-7 and saying "noooo come back in my life!" hell no! lol as i type this a whole load of scenarios come into my head of her coming back, but that's my mind over thinking and analyzing make up fantasies which will not come true :nono:
I miss the good times i had with her but oh well Sh*t happens, clean it up and move on!

The mind is an extremely powerful tool, at times i want to beat the crap out of mine for these made up fantasies :trouble:
But i shut those down and snap back to Reality. But if used right you can go leap and bounds! those fears and hesitations you have in your mind can be shut down if you chose to!

I find that i am smiling a lot more now although it is a small smile, that is one hell of a big improvement for me! also i'm talking a lot more to the customers at work that i have to interact with and not worried about if i have said the right thing or have i got the right posture.
I have stopped worrying as much as i used to now, which is also a step in the right direction for me.

At the moment i'm off from college for 2 weeks which is a huge stress off my shoulders at the moment, it gives me chance to do my work and work on my hobbies.
Although my hobby is my working on my project car but that at the moment is at a garage for some work which i cannot do. But i am waiting for my baby (my car) to come back!

Now since i have come out depression i have found it difficult to have an happy feeling, you know that feeling inside when you feel content?
I have found that by faking a smile when i'm by myself (Even though it feels disgusting at times) helps so much and kick starts happy content thoughts within myself! That is a huge step for me.
I have found myself continuously growing and becoming better every day, some days it might be small some it might be huge, i'm no longer holding on to the past, i have come to terms what has happened throughout my life and buried the bad, acknowledge the good and not over thinking or dwelling on it anymore, i used to do this so much and i think that was one of the things that made me depressed.

I feel content and good within myself, i have worked on my self to get to this stage and i am not going to stop growing.
All of this development without any turning to alcohol or clubbing when i feel bad. In fact i haven't touched a drop sense my birthday! and to be honest it feels great to not get hammered every weekend and thinking i'm the sh*t but being insecure and feeling pathetic on the inside to the point it shows on the outside of me like pathetic AFC, nice guy fool.

But i had to go through the bad to get to the good. Everything is a lesson.
One lesson i have learnt is that Life is way to short to be sad and down, it takes way to much energy out of you, be happy it is so much more better!

upwards and on wards fellas!

Live, laugh, Love

adz--

 

[Adz--]

Feel like i have taken 2 steps back

Today i have felt like absolute Sh1t, i feel like a beta, AFC, Wimpy, pathetic little b1tch.
I miss my freaking ex.. For fvcks sake.. i hate this women and i feel like i miss her at the same time and this damn b1tch is not even in my life anymore. What the Fvck is wrong with me.. i don't understand this at all.. literately 1 minute i hate her the next i want to be with her! :cuss:

Listening to drake didn't help one bit! it probably made it worse *ANY GUY GOING THROUGH A BREAK UP DO NOT LISTEN TO DRAKE!! he will fvck with your mind*

i absolutely hate this feeling, its starting to p1ss me right off.. what the fvck is wrong with me?

on another note though i started to read 50 shades of grey.. and most of what the character does reflects parts of the DJ bible i have read.

adz--

 

[j.619]

Don't break that NC, brotha. Don't give her that power.

Side note- burn that Drake CD. Beta poison.

 

[Adz--]

Don't break that NC, brotha. Don't give her that power.

Side note- burn that Drake CD. Beta poison.

I haven't man.. God knows how long it's been NC for.
But I figured out what triggered me into this beta mode. I saw a pic of her.. That's what triggered it. She looks Fugly now, shaved the side of her hair off, trying to look like Cassie but a big fail..
Although the factor that really triggered me off about her pic was that I could see the pain, sorrow and sadness In her eyes..

But I got better things to worry about.

Lol I did more then burn it, I threw it out of my car window at 70mph haha!

Adz--

 

[Gman90]

I just read your first post and it seems like that relationship was dead long before it ended. It sounds like your ex stayed with you that long just so you can mess up and she could have something justify her cheating/ low quality behavior.

Your happy moments may be clouding your judgment. Look at her for what she really was and move on.

 

[Adz--]

I just read your first post and it seems like that relationship was dead long before it ended. It sounds like your ex stayed with you that long just so you can mess up and she could have something justify her cheating/ low quality behavior.

Your happy moments may be clouding your judgment. Look at her for what she really was and move on.

Yeah it was pretty much dead at a certain stage, but I'm not gonna recollect those thoughts at the moment as I have better things to think about.

True about those happy thoughts but did you read the rest of my posts because I state why my thoughts were clouded.

Thank you for your input though. You are right though, at the end of th day I do need to move on.

Adz--

 

[Adz--]

update
Yesterday I went to see one of my friends she's a HB:6. She has boyfriend too so nothing would come out of this!
So as soon as I saw her I kino'ed her, she poured us some drinks, I used some light negs, made her laugh, then stole her phone! And she was doing anything to get it back!
So I put it down my boxers! Yeah I went there.. And then so did she! "Trying to look for her phone while she coped a feel!
But nothing came out of it.

After that she had the phone and I was light neggin whilst snatching her phone off her. And I ended up kissing her, but I fvcked it up and she pulled back.

After this I had a family get together to go to so I got up out of there, she said she's come with me to the gate, she was saying "adz-- there's a lot I don't know about you, you need to tell me more" I just responded with that's a mystery your gonna have to find out.
She then grabs my arm and locks it with hers, and try's to use a best friend line on me to get me into the friend zone, It was like "adz-- you cars so much about me and You always give me good advice"
I think I got out of this one by saying I'm like that with everyone.

Any who we get into my car, she said my kissing is **** (it was to be fair) so replied in a C+F way, we got to the gate she gives me a hug and we almost kissed, I should have though, she gave me big fat kiss on the cheek. I said I don't want no grandma kiss! So she kissed me and at the last minute I turned and she stopped, (should kissed her) then she kissed my cheek and that was the end I it..

I can see where a few of my mistakes were, I should have pushed for more. Her body language was completely open, she was constantly speaking in ********! Whilst kino'ing her!
My AFC mind was saying listen to what she's saying but my DJ mind said see how he acts.

P.s I coped a cheeky boob feel with her haha.

I still have much to learn, although I didn't get laid or anything like that I learned a lot, I might have failed in some areas but more learning is needed!

Adz--

 

[Adz--]

Dairy/ journey/ journal

update

I'm now on my cardio week for gym, I'm doing the insanity work out! I'm loving it. Next week is weight lifting. I'm starting to see change on my body and that is enough to keep me going. Also my older cousin is getting married and both of us want "beach bodies" for his stag party in Portugal!

This last week that has gone by I have completed a lot of overdue assignments, however I still have work to do.

Iv had the last few days off from my assignments and iv been helping my family out, one day I did 17 hours or driving all together and over 600 miles. That was a long ass day lol, iv had some time out yo relax too which was much needed.

is this normal?
Some days I am in my element and well I wouldn't say become a DJ but come close to it, like I feel content, have a smile, feel strong and confident talk to everyone I see, think rationally and clearly and the day is amazing.

But on other days it's the complete opposite it's like going from an extravert to an complete introvert and worse, I won't talk to many people, won't have a smile on my face, don't feel strong or confident, have clouded judgement and I won't think rationally.

It's like two different ends of the scale and there is no middle ground. Along with this again my stupid ex is in my mind, it's been over 2 months now or so, I'm not keeping track of how long and she is in my mind.
It is extremely frustrating. Some days I cope with it and I am able to deal with it and others I find it extremely difficult, when I do find it difficult I find that I feel vulnerable, and my mind set becomes of an AFC. I have also caught my self thinking about breaking NC when it is really bad.

But I have to literally argue with my mind and my feelings and say it is not the right thing to do and that some other dude is balls deep in her pvssy..
Although it pains me to bare these types of thoughts I feel like that's the only option..

This is extremely frustrating.. And to be honest painful. I fvcking hate it.
It's confusing the crap out of me at the same time. I'll be thinking I don't want her back but I miss her :crazy:

Is this normal? Is there anything I can do? Am I going crazy?

Adz--

 

[TheSlasher]

is this normal?
Some days I am in my element and well I wouldn't say become a DJ but come close to it, like I feel content, have a smile, feel strong and confident talk to everyone I see, think rationally and clearly and the day is amazing.

But on other days it's the complete opposite it's like going from an extravert to an complete introvert and worse, I won't talk to many people, won't have a smile on my face, don't feel strong or confident, have clouded judgement and I won't think rationally.

It's like two different ends of the scale and there is no middle ground. Along with this again my stupid ex is in my mind, it's been over 2 months now or so, I'm not keeping track of how long and she is in my mind.
It is extremely frustrating. Some days I cope with it and I am able to deal with it and others I find it extremely difficult, when I do find it difficult I find that I feel vulnerable, and my mind set becomes of an AFC. I have also caught my self thinking about breaking NC when it is really bad.

But I have to literally argue with my mind and my feelings and say it is not the right thing to do and that some other dude is balls deep in her pvssy..
Although it pains me to bare these types of thoughts I feel like that's the only option..

This is extremely frustrating.. And to be honest painful. I fvcking hate it.
It's confusing the crap out of me at the same time. I'll be thinking I don't want her back but I miss her :crazy:

Is this normal? Is there anything I can do? Am I going crazy?

Adz--

As someone close to your age, I also go through a situation similar to yours. It has been a while since it happened, but I'll just tell you about it and my observations so we can compare notes:

Those terrible feelings try to get in my system, for example, when a girl I like doesn't reply to me. That's the feeling of being lonely, I guess. I remember you posting about it earlier in this thread. I don't go acting beta on this, like texting a little more. All do is just one text. However, the persistence of bad emotions are still there.

Now, there are still instances where the girl doesn't reply when I text, but I don't feel just as bad about it anymore. I think the difference lies here with the effect of some of my previous successes. I have had a strong kino and number close with an HB4, took her places and got sexual with her. I texted her but got no reply. Then, I went for a roadwork and saw a girl. I made out with her in less than 10 minutes. She is an HB2. Please take note that my rating is never accurate because I make a "rating allowance" by keeping HB7 to HB10 empty. This is because I have noticed that this rating scale adjusts after gaining more experience with women. But ultimately, I think it's a certain realization of dedicating my energies and emotions to my Life's Task that really did it for me (similar to your commitment to studying and your entire existence, for me, it is also studying for the board exams and improving my health, writing a novel, and finally, going to Law school). I have read something about committing to a system instead of to the goal itself will make for a more focused way of life, but I am yet to read that one.

 

[Adz--]

As someone close to your age, I also go through a situation similar to yours. It has been a while since it happened, but I'll just tell you about it and my observations so we can compare notes:

Those terrible feelings try to get in my system, for example, when a girl I like doesn't reply to me. That's the feeling of being lonely, I guess. I remember you posting about it earlier in this thread. I don't go acting beta on this, like texting a little more. All do is just one text. However, the persistence of bad emotions are still there.

Now, there are still instances where the girl doesn't reply when I text, but I don't feel just as bad about it anymore. I think the difference lies here with the effect of some of my previous successes. I have had a strong kino and number close with an HB4, took her places and got sexual with her. I texted her but got no reply. Then, I went for a roadwork and saw a girl. I made out with her in less than 10 minutes. She is an HB2. Please take note that my rating is never accurate because I make a "rating allowance" by keeping HB7 to HB10 empty. This is because I have noticed that this rating scale adjusts after gaining more experience with women. But ultimately, I think it's a certain realization of dedicating my energies and emotions to my Life's Task that really did it for me (similar to your commitment to studying and your entire existence, for me, it is also studying for the board exams and improving my health, writing a novel, and finally, going to Law school). I have read something about committing to a system instead of to the goal itself will make for a more focused way of life, but I am yet to read that one.

I don't get those feelings of loneliness when another girl doesn't reply to my messages or flakes on me, in the aspect of another plate, if they don't reply to me I'm not bothered about it.

Ahh okay, see when I kino'ed a woman and used neg hits she was all over me she was a HB6 and had a boyfriend (the full story is in my thread)
Then the next day she went NC/ reserved responses and that didn't bother me either.

I find that the HB7-HB10's are not as hard as I previously thought, as I have found in the past that most if not all have so many insecurities, if you treat them like little girls which they are and don't think "oh my gosh this HB8 won't talk to me or find me funny" I have found that it will set you up for failure, if you just think of them as a HB5 then you will be more relaxed and more successful.
What I found in the past to help get over the anxiety of talking to HB7+ was to find something that doesn't look good with them (if that makes sense)
By doing that I found that i found that I would just view them as a regular woman.


The only aspect that does bothers me is my ex which I find extremely distracting and frustrating at times. I just want to have it all erased from my mind.

Adz--

 

[TheSlasher]

I don't get those feelings of loneliness when another girl doesn't reply to my messages or flakes on me, in the aspect of another plate, if they don't reply to me I'm not bothered about it.

Ahh okay, see when I kino'ed a woman and used neg hits she was all over me she was a HB6 and had a boyfriend (the full story is in my thread)
Then the next day she went NC/ reserved responses and that didn't bother me either.

I find that the HB7-HB10's are not as hard as I previously thought, as I have found in the past that most if not all have so many insecurities, if you treat them like little girls which they are and don't think "oh my gosh this HB8 won't talk to me or find me funny" I have found that it will set you up for failure, if you just think of them as a HB5 then you will be more relaxed and more successful.
What I found in the past to help get over the anxiety of talking to HB7+ was to find something that doesn't look good with them (if that makes sense)
By doing that I found that i found that I would just view them as a regular woman.


The only aspect that does bothers me is my ex which I find extremely distracting and frustrating at times. I just want to have it all erased from my mind.

Adz--

Well, I've had a relationship that really messed me up for a week or two. Seriously, man, it screwed me in the head real herd. All I did was get some new plates and hings got better from there. I remember a certain advice that if you really couldn't get over an ex, try getting a new oneitis. Not a plate, but a oneitis. It's apparently a last resort thing. Try to give it a shot and let me know how it goes.

 

[Adz--]

Well, I've had a relationship that really messed me up for a week or two. Seriously, man, it screwed me in the head real herd. All I did was get some new plates and hings got better from there. I remember a certain advice that if you really couldn't get over an ex, try getting a new oneitis. Not a plate, but a oneitis. It's apparently a last resort thing. Try to give it a shot and let me know how it goes.

Back in my AFC/Jerk day's, i had oneitis without realizing that i had fallen for her, long story short we both ended it mutually but then i missed her and it took me near enough 2 years to get over her.. (In that time frame there was a lot of personal issues that occurred in my life)

To try and get over her during that 2 years i dated/ fvcked anything that moved.. (not a proud moment in some aspects but we have all been there) i jumped from woman to woman to woman (In true Jerk fashion, i got hurt in this time by a few women and appreciated by some, broke a lot of girls hearts and fixed some)
In the end i did forget about her when i acquired that mentality but as soon as i did 2/3 months later i went out with my current ex.(Which wasn't meant to become a relationship which we both agreed upon)
Like a fool i said to myself "if it goes good i'll stay fvcking her and if it doesn't then i'll go back to fvucking anything that moves"

Now it doesn't seems like have done a full circle and i am back to where i started in a way. Personally speaking i don't want another oneitis, at the moment i don't think i will be able to bear it again (Yes i am scared of getting my heart crushed again, call it AFC or what you will, but i am not willing to let another woman have my heart for a long time)
The fact that i have recovered from my depression as well, i feel as i'm not ready to let another woman into my life again.. However i don't mind spinning plates and as Jerkish as it sounds not getting attached to them.

adz--

 

[Adz--]

Questions and advice needed

Yesterday while I was working out I used her for motivation and I found my self pushing much harder then I usually do, has anyone got an answer of why this occurred?

Second I haven't been able to get her out of my mind, but today I said to my self il'l call her up or message her to see if she wants to meet up (with the intention of fvcking her), and now my mind has become at ease and not as stressed as it was. Now I don't intend to break NC or call or message her. But why has my mind becomes eased and I feel that I am looking forward to something that I know is completely fake?

Adz--

 

[TheSlasher]

Questions and advice needed

Yesterday while I was working out I used her for motivation and I found my self pushing much harder then I usually do, has anyone got an answer of why this occurred?

Second I haven't been able to get her out of my mind, but today I said to my self il'l call her up or message her to see if she wants to meet up (with the intention of fvcking her), and now my mind has become at ease and not as stressed as it was. Now I don't intend to break NC or call or message her. But why has my mind becomes eased and I feel that I am looking forward to something that I know is completely fake?

Adz--

I'm working out too, but I don't really go to the gym. Most of the stuff I do are for conditioning my body for boxing. Now, I can't remember a time when I was motivated to push harder because of a girl, not even on those times when I have plates. I do it for the sake of being healthy, but actually, it's beyond that. It's like an instinctual drive to become stronger.

But I remember a time, when there was a girl that I really liked, she rejected me, and as embarassing to admit as it is, she is the one who started me on my journey to learn how to game and get me started on some of the things that I am commited to do now. The problem with that though is that just a few months after, it all felt wrong. I feel deep inside me that I don't want to be going on my journey so that I could eventually capture her attention. I want to do it for a different reason. I want to achieve what they call, "The Autotelic Personality." Then, a few months more, my favorite author Robert Greene announced that in just a few months, he will be releasing his book "Mastery." I waited for it so eagerly that I visited his blog and twitter almost everyday for an announcement that it's finally out. And even before I learned of it's release, I saw a damn copy on the mall! Damn, you can only imagine how it felt when the first time I saw it. I can't believe my eyes, dude. So after confirming that it really was the real thing, I took that copy for myself! That is how I learned about our Life's Task -- a drive that links us instinctively to certain activities, like decoding puzzles, developing and implementing strategies, or inventing some new ****. This Life's Task, which is unique to each of us, is so deeply resonating in our core that a lot of us couldn't explain it with words. But it's there; you know it because when you're doing it, it feels right and you are laser-point focused and engaged. The drive to Mastery, and moreover, the commitment to the activity that makes Mastery its consequence, and of experiencing the focus and engagement, and forcing your way through the drudgery and the pain and hardships that come, is what drives me now.

Now, I wouldn't go about my own life here because this thread is more about you than mine. I'm just sharing about my experience here because like I said, so we can compare notes.

Anyway, the point of what I said is you're perhaps feeling that way because you probably haven't found yet what you want to do with your life. Also, another possibility that I can see why you feel so positive about contacting your ex is because you've just worked out. See, when we exercise, our body releases dopamine, which can activate our brain's pleasure circuits (or something like that). I experienced that too when I was crazy over that girl I mentioned in one of my previous posts (that girl is different from the one that got me started on the game). Either way, I still recommend reading Mastery since I am inclined to think that it'll help you a lot. If you already have done that before what you talked about in this post, then let's talk some more about it later.

 

[Adz--]

I'm working out too, but I don't really go to the gym. Most of the stuff I do are for conditioning my body for boxing. Now, I can't remember a time when I was motivated to push harder because of a girl, not even on those times when I have plates. I do it for the sake of being healthy, but actually, it's beyond that. It's like an instinctual drive to become stronger.

But I remember a time, when there was a girl that I really liked, she rejected me, and as embarassing to admit as it is, she is the one who started me on my journey to learn how to game and get me started on some of the things that I am commited to do now. The problem with that though is that just a few months after, it all felt wrong. I feel deep inside me that I don't want to be going on my journey so that I could eventually capture her attention. I want to do it for a different reason. I want to achieve what they call, "The Autotelic Personality." Then, a few months more, my favorite author Robert Greene announced that in just a few months, he will be releasing his book "Mastery." I waited for it so eagerly that I visited his blog and twitter almost everyday for an announcement that it's finally out. And even before I learned of it's release, I saw a damn copy on the mall! Damn, you can only imagine how it felt when the first time I saw it. I can't believe my eyes, dude. So after confirming that it really was the real thing, I took that copy for myself! That is how I learned about our Life's Task -- a drive that links us instinctively to certain activities, like decoding puzzles, developing and implementing strategies, or inventing some new ****. This Life's Task, which is unique to each of us, is so deeply resonating in our core that a lot of us couldn't explain it with words. But it's there; you know it because when you're doing it, it feels right and you are laser-point focused and engaged. The drive to Mastery, and moreover, the commitment to the activity that makes Mastery its consequence, and of experiencing the focus and engagement, and forcing your way through the drudgery and the pain and hardships that come, is what drives me now.

Now, I wouldn't go about my own life here because this thread is more about you than mine. I'm just sharing about my experience here because like I said, so we can compare notes.

Anyway, the point of what I said is you're perhaps feeling that way because you probably haven't found yet what you want to do with your life. Also, another possibility that I can see why you feel so positive about contacting your ex is because you've just worked out. See, when we exercise, our body releases dopamine, which can activate our brain's pleasure circuits (or something like that). I experienced that too when I was crazy over that girl I mentioned in one of my previous posts (that girl is different from the one that got me started on the game). Either way, I still recommend reading Mastery since I am inclined to think that it'll help you a lot. If you already have done that before what you talked about in this post, then let's talk some more about it later.

I'v been working out for about 2 months now and i have never used her as motivation and i push myself quite hard, but this time when i used her as motivation i pushed even harder for some reason, the reason i tried this was to see if there was any difference and there was. But i work out for the sake of myself to get back to a active lifestyle and not being lazy and to fit back into clothes again, also to get back into shape not for her.

One of the best books i have read so far is the Book of Pook which i found was more based on helping your self and achieving the best you possibly can in life such as working out to be healthy, work hard, creating a positive mindset where you are continuously striving for the best along with material about women. But this was my understanding of it.
I'll have to give the Mastery a read. At the moment i have started reading The rational male by Rolo Tomassi.

That could be one of the possible explanations of why i am feeling like that, but also similar to you my ex was the reason why i came here in the first place but now it is more for my self.
I will definitely give the Mastery a read.
thank you and we will do.

adz--

 

[Adz--]

update/ venting

The last few days have been a roller coaster for me. From Saturday to Wednesday this was the most happiest, content, positive I have felt in years..
It feels like it went by so quick.. I had no plates was on break from college and only had assignments, work, revision and a wedding to go to and no care in the world, no worries.

Now I'm back at college all I that I feel is worry, stress, needyness, anxiety and a bunch of other BS. Which feels like it's lasting forever. I don't feel at peace anymore, I don't feel like I'm full of joy,happiness an care free.
It's extremely draining both physically, mentally and spiritually.

I feel that I want parts of my ex back.. I hate this feeling it is extremely demotivating.. But I guess this is one of the turns in life. I can't dwell on why this or why that. only the way I can deal with my predicament so I can move forward with my life.

On another note I bought some new clothes That made me feel great and I looked great in them. However this only lasted so long.

Once having inner peace and then losing it feels like a life long battle. which I won but it feels like it lasted seconds and now I feel that I am at battle again within myself to win again..

Onwards and upwards is the only way.

Adz--