Blog/ help needed

[Adz--]

So i got dumped from a long term relationship which had a messy ending. I'v been reading the Dj bible and the no contact rule, to firstly work on my self and understand my self first while trying to get my ex out of mind.. which is proving difficult at times and i have been slipping up.
The reason why i'm posting all this is up to help better my self and hopefully reflect from it, also who knows it could help someone else in a similar situation or something. The main aim is to work on myself.

I'm a newbie i make mistakes it's the only way i learn, so take it easy on me guys. If i don't fall when i'm trying how will i know where i went wrong.
I'd really appreciate some help from the DJ's, the things you all do is amazing..

I'm not going to lie, of course i'v made big mistakes through that relationship.

Little background info on myself:
Well I'm from the UK, had ups and down with relationships. At one point i thought i was shi*t haha (until i saw this forum a few years back!).

I had a lot of relationships where i couldn't give a damn about the girl and just used them for a lay, until some personal issues happened and i didn't take a second look to many girls and became a AFC.

i had the works happened to me, cheated on, lied, blah blah. Then i just went for getting layed from any girl (yeah i was desperate), also during this time i started to blame women for them treating me like crap (another mistake).

The situation (Long story)
I then had in my mind that ill'l just have one night stands, and it so happened to be at the same time where my friend was having her birthday in Birmingham and her friend from London was going to be there (my ex). So when day the birthday girl texts me drunk while with her friend, so respond, flirt with them both, banter, etc.
Then only the London girl is interested. Long story short, it was meant to be a 1 night stand but i fell for her.. then i asked her out and we went out for a year and 4 months.
During the first 6-8 months of the relationship was great, until she started becoming distant, so i went through her phone and it turned out she was cheating on me with one of her ex's.
I brought it up with her, long story short i took her back.
Fast forward a few months shes going to uni, but before that she goes on holiday with her friend, she wrote a dairy of trip for me and crap, we face-timed while she was there too. But when she got back home she became different and it wasn't the same she became distant again.
she went uni and always put her friends before me and i would allow it. until i got fed up and stopped putting effort then she sorted it out but then it would slip back again. (It was just a cycle that kept on happening).

So then i get bored get some girl to send me a naked snap chat that got backed up to my icloud and my girl found it. she kicked me out with a while lot of abuse. I tried to fix things between me and her but she "is happy being single" i tried talking to her Aunty (she regards her as her mother) and her friends but low and behold she calls me up saying to leave her alone.

So i have but i'm finding it hard not to think of her, i have my good days where it doesn't effect me and others where it is so bad i have to see her twitter. All i want is her out of my mind. i cant sleep because shes in my dreams!. its so screwed up.

Things that have happened since break up
-within the first few days i banged some chick.
-Got another chicks number from another friend, that i hope to bang.
-approached a few girls, asking them what they would rate me out of 10. To get used to talking to random girls again.
- been out clubbing and started approaching a few girls, but nothing came from it.
-Banged that chick again.

Things that i'v learned
-women will say things to make you believe them.
-never let your self be completely open and vulnerable to women.
-never get too comfortable.
-never try and go out of your way to try and help a person who does not appreciate what you are doing.
- If she cheats once dump her sorry ass.
-Don't get attached.
-There are people out there who will appreciate you the way you are.
-Be one with your self and enjoy the things you do.

So yeah, this is my story.. my start on a better path..

adz--

 

[GotED?]

Good post, ADZ - welcome to the Addams Family online forum.

Life is what it is, and it looks like you had some scars of the heart already from the battlefield of dating. This is good, as nobody can perfect the mastery of an art in form without having suffering humility and defeat through an extended process of training and learning.

The fact is - as long as you are a GOOD LEARNER (some people never learn in life), and can adapt and modify your behavior after being with a woman and taking that forward, you can only become a BETTER man over time.

I have a feeling you are in a very young age group (18-25yrs old). This is unfortunate as you are going to be in a Russian Roulette of immature (emotionally and mentally) girls for a while until you hit your late 20's/early 30's.

The thing is, do not let poorly developed women/girls take your whole world away if they dissappoint you. They should never have been your whole world in the first place - that is just low self-esteem. However, if you DO find a really GOOD woman/girl that offers to see you with her heart wide open and allow you into her life without any facade, then at all cost try to embrace that opportunity to be the best man you can be.

This is a RARE encounter indeed - love is actually VERY HARD to find in life. Our television shows, movies, books, have romanticized the idea that LOVE comes around the corner only if you step outside your home. It isn't so - real deep connections on all levels (intellectually/education, emotional, spiritual, mental, physical) with another person of the opposite sex is only a very few times in a life long experience. So do not become a jaded-fooked up individual (as a lot are on here) who hates woman for the rest of their lives.

Women are beautiful to behold, but you must carefully master the technique in doing so - much like approaching an unknown dog on the street. You don't exactly go up to a strange dog and attempt to own it and pet it and hug it, it just might take your fingers off. It takes trust for a dog to attach to you, this is just a very simplisitic method of going the LTR way if that is what you seek (per your post it appears so).

So be strong, what you pointed out are laying down the laws of a true DJ and keep taking what you feel is right for you on this Addams' Family online forum here.

Be well.

Exodus

 

[Adz--]

Good post, ADZ - welcome to the Addams Family online forum.

Life is what it is, and it looks like you had some scars of the heart already from the battlefield of dating. This is good, as nobody can perfect the mastery of an art in form without having suffering humility and defeat through an extended process of training and learning.

The fact is - as long as you are a GOOD LEARNER (some people never learn in life), and can adapt and modify your behavior after being with a woman and taking that forward, you can only become a BETTER man over time.

I have a feeling you are in a very young age group (18-25yrs old). This is unfortunate as you are going to be in a Russian Roulette of immature (emotionally and mentally) girls for a while until you hit your late 20's/early 30's.

The thing is, do not let poorly developed women/girls take your whole world away if they dissappoint you. They should never have been your whole world in the first place - that is just low self-esteem. However, if you DO find a really GOOD woman/girl that offers to see you with her heart wide open and allow you into her life without any facade, then at all cost try to embrace that opportunity to be the best man you can be.

This is a RARE encounter indeed - love is actually VERY HARD to find in life. Our television shows, movies, books, have romanticized the idea that LOVE comes around the corner only if you step outside your home. It isn't so - real deep connections on all levels (intellectually/education, emotional, spiritual, mental, physical) with another person of the opposite sex is only a very few times in a life long experience. So do not become a jaded-fooked up individual (as a lot are on here) who hates woman for the rest of their lives.

Women are beautiful to behold, but you must carefully master the technique in doing so - much like approaching an unknown dog on the street. You don't exactly go up to a strange dog and attempt to own it and pet it and hug it, it just might take your fingers off. It takes trust for a dog to attach to you, this is just a very simplisitic method of going the LTR way if that is what you seek (per your post it appears so).

So be strong, what you pointed out are laying down the laws of a true DJ and keep taking what you feel is right for you on this Addams' Family online forum here.

Be well.

Exodus

Thanks for the welcome GotED.

Yeah it is!, yeah i had a few of them too! but it is all a learning curve, exactly!

Yeah i'm in that age group. That's the thing i have found but there aren't as many as i thought they were.

That's the mistake i made i made her my world, at first i didn't but after she persisted after a long time i slowly without knowing gave in.. But to find a good woman for a LTR is tricky i have found as most i have met or came across have not sparked any interest or deep level connection.

I know what you mean love is hard to find, most people use "i love you" like its toilet paper.
No i don't hate women but at this current time i don't see them as equal as i did.

I understand what you are saying, but what i have learnt is that no matter how much trust is built with the dog it will always run away when it sees "Food", i was considering another LTR but i need to work on my self first to allow my self to be the best that i can be and to be happy with myself before anyone else. I think i wont have any more LTR for a while now.

Thank you Exodus

 

[Adz--]

Day 2 of the DJ bible
So last night before i wrote the post my ex sends me a snap chat, I'm thinking wtf? so i open it and it' one of her friends saying " Ex is making me food :* :* :* ". I just laughed and closed it and thought i'm not going to reply.
Fast forward a few hours and i get another snap chat of her!, Now i'm just thinking, you know what my name is on snap chat so you obviously sent it on purpose and even when you are drunk you know all my details and **** so why bother?
Anyway i haven't opened it yet because:
A) if it is somthing seriously messed up i want to make sure that i am okay with it and don't have a relapse in hitting rock bottom again and that my friends can support me through it.

B) To play her at her own game, because i know she stalks my instagram, twitter and snapchat.

also this girl still has my money, any suggestions on what or how to get that back?

Thanks

Adz--

 

[Adz--]

Day 2 (again)
Just spent about 3 hour reading the DJ bible.. and all i can say is i am amazed. i can reflect from all my past experiences and the most recent one and see where i went wrong and what my flaws were..
as i was reading the bible something was on TV then these bunch of guys were being all feminine and being a nice guy.. and it hit me.. no back bone, no focus, no ambition, no hobbies.. so far i'm half way through chapter 2.
Just by reading up till here i feel like it all make sense. Like a weight being relived.

on another note i opened that snap chat i got earlier, and i was not bothered one bit at all. i didn't feel my heart sink or anything like that before.
When i saw her picture this time it was a picture of herself which said "Party at *Best freinds Name*" with a fake grin. The first thing i thought was ah okay that's nice.

I feel much better today too in myself after reading the bible..

 

[Adz--]

Day 3
So today i okay, i feel a bit worse then yesterday, but i'm trying to keep myself busy. That girl i banged is getting all worked up because i ignored her in my class by accident, lol i'll talk to her tomorrow or something.
been missing parts of my ex.. its difficult but i will get through it, tomorrow is my birthday so it's all good!.
Aim of today: keep my self busy.
Just to note that its been 3 and a half weeks since i broke up with her. I broke NC last week to see where i stood in the relationship..

adz--

 

[Adz--]

Block her snapchat

Done thank you.. i wanted to play her at her own game though

 

[Adz--]

Day4/5

Day 4: day 4 was okay but I've still got a lot of motivation issues at the moment.
My college work I'm behind on.. I can do it. I have In front of me and I don't even feel like doing it.. But I'm going to try and do a bit..
A couple of my friends invited me out and there was meant to be some hb7's there but they bailed, but oh well lol

Day 5: So today is my birthday.. It was great at the start of the day! Got a birthday ******* and some birthday sex so I can complain lol.
It's just now that I'm missing her.. Ffs I just want this woman out of my head.. She's not in my life and she's driving me nuts.. Even on my birthday..
Well that's so far so we shall see what happens tomorrow..

Adz--

 

[n00bPimp]

Happy birthday man.

2 weeks ago I broke up with a long term gf. The first week is the toughest, second week you stop missing her as much, 3rd you're back to normal. So dotn sweat it and dont try reaching out for her because it will make it worse for you.

 

[Adz--]

Week 3 day 6 of being single

Happy birthday man.

2 weeks ago I broke up with a long term gf. The first week is the toughest, second week you stop missing her as much, 3rd you're back to normal. So dotn sweat it and dont try reaching out for her because it will make it worse for you.

Thanks dude, it's been 3 weeks since we broke up man, she called me last week..

Day 6:
Today was a good day, spoke to some girls In college just to get my confidence up again. The day was really good so far until now, on my Instagram a mutual friend uploaded a screen shot of a txt msg up between my ex.. My heart sank.. I feel like breaking NC.. And she still hasn't paid my money back.. I feels frustrated and down before now just anger and frustration..

Adz--

 

[Adz--]

Day 11

Everything is good at the moment,I'v deleted her instagram, twitter, facebook, e-mails and phone number over the weekend and i'm picking my self up again, eating and sleeping properly again, also started working out again too. Hopefully get back into my hobbies too now!
My birthday went well spent it on the town getting drunk with close ones haha.
yeah everything is going good at the moment. But i do have this really bad itch to look at her instagram and twitter but i don't want to give in and have that sh*tty feeling come back to haunt me.

We shall see what happens tomorrow as tomorrow is a new day, a new day is a new start, a new start is a new opportunity!

adz--

 

[Adz--]

Day 22
I haven't posted in a while, i'v been so busy trying to focus on my studying and gym!. Things are better now, but i have a lot of work to catch up on now since i did nothing and got drunk every Saturday for 1 month, (that's not the answer to the problem guys. it caused so much **** for me now).

I can say for certain that i don't think about my ex as much now, i still have my day's where i think of her that i am battening.
Each day that goes by i want her back less.. there are days where i really do miss her and some times where i'm like F*CK THAT B*TCH.
Also i'm trying to keep strong and not go onto her instagram and twitter

I find that my mind is always going through old memories that we had together which i am trying to put to rest.
On the other hand though i'v been nailing some chick for a month is just a lay.
I'v been getting matches on tinder but most of the girls either don't reply or when asked for their numbers they either lose interest or flake so i next them.

But now i have put the girls to one side and focus on my work now.
Also reading the bible has helped a lot, it really has helped open my eyes again, i really recommend all newbies to read it, it is really a god send.
Is there any threads that explain what all the terms are like, AFC= Average frustrated chump, HB= Hot babe, BPD and the rest?

Thanks

Adz--

 

[Adz--]

Day 23
So today I was in my class and I was sitting next a HB7, she has a boyfriend I'm not gonna go there. My aim was just to get her snapchat add and work on getting snapchats, numbers etc. it went like this

Me: hey have you got snapchat?
Her: yeahh
Me: what's your add?
Her: Stop beggin it
Me: kind of shocked.. Err ***** please.
(At this point the **** of the class who tries to be alpha male starts laughing his eyes out)
Me: awhh **** shall I get you a tissue it's not that emotional

After a few seconds i turned back to my laptop and carried on with my work, the girl then opens her snapchat and gives me her add!!

The fact that she said "stop beggin it" and caught me off guard a little but I remembered the DJ bible and smiled it off, also with that **** laughing at me only made me stronger to brush it off because if I didn't ask I wouldn't have got it.

On a side note I have put the ****head in his place many times, also when the class went on a trip and there was a HB6 and HB7 that he tried to get with his AFC ways but failed. Me and my mate both practised on them, I used a lot of negs (I think that's what it's called), banter, flirting and bits of kino( not effective types though), which helped a lot. And it made that prick jealous haha.

Adz--

 

[Adz--]

Day24/25
So yesterday I indulged in my hobby and it felt great. I didn't even think of her once! I spent about 4 hours on my hobby. This is a must for anyone! Indulge in the things that you love! (Except for women) it is really de-stressing! And takes your mind of her!

Here's where it gets interesting though while I was doing my hobbies I left my phone alone, so once I was done I was checking through my notifications and nothing special then all off a sudden I get an Instagram notification that somone followed me, I recognized the name and thought That this can't be right, then I got another follower notification.. It was my ex's flat mates!
I just burst out laughing while on the toilet at this point.

Can anyone shed any light why they would want to follow me on instagram?

N.b: I didn't even bother checking their profiles out

Day 25
I only got a few hours sleep last night and as a result my mind has been kinda fried and I keep on missing my ex.
But then I realised I wasn't missing her I was missing the feeling that I had while I was with her.

On another note while at college today I was talking to one of my friends who is basically a DJ.
I was asking him about some advice and In a nutshell he said start focusing in myself, forget about girls for a month. Delete tinder and skout and just do you for a month, just focus on studies and bettering yourself.
And why are you going for all these ugly girls for? Because there a quick lay and they are slags? Before you even get with a girl you need to think is it worth it? What is she going benefit me with?
Then I replied with what about just to bang them?
He replied saying: yeah that too, how badly do you want/need the lay with those ugly girls?
I know you have got stanaderds, there's plenty of fish in the sea so hook a shark instead of catching these clown fishes..

All of his advice was essentially everything I had read on the DJ bible...
The DJ bible and my friend is right.. I need to start focusing on my self and forget about all these girls right now.
It's easy to get advice its what you do with it what counts.

Adz--

 

[Adz--]

changes/reflection/realisation

Well my ex has followed me on twitter again. Why? I don't even care now tbh. But since I am on the subject of her. I was catching up with an old mutual friend (the same one in the above post) of both of ours.
We were discussin our relationships and our life. Then twitter and the ex came up, my freind said that one of my ex's tweets said "I want to talk to you but I'm too stubborn to do it"
First off in my opnion that is attention seeking BS ( thank you from
Those who provided me with advise on this forum)
Secondly if she wanted to she or her friends could easily contact me so therefore she is still full of Bs.
I dont have time for toxic Bpd women in my life.

The mutual friend no longer associates her self with my ex and his deleted everything to do with her.

I have better things to spend my time on, I have better things to achieve with my life.

I'll no longer be counting the days on my progression as personally success, positive reflection and achievement cannot be measured in how many days till you aquire it as it sets a negative mind set for example "it's been X amount of days since.." This will only result in my self focusing on the bad instead of focusing of achieving.

I've also found within myself my feelings/ thoughts are expressed subconsciously no matter how hard I try to suppress them if they are negative.
I have still yet to learn the control of my emotions and feelings.
I find this a challenge that I have yet to over come. But in due courseI will accomplish it.

On another note I have found in my personal experience that most situations that occur in life are results of actions/ thought processes that I have either subconsciously or consciously thought of or done.

In my personal opnion which maybe state on this forum many of times, is that the path of becoming a Don Juan is not easy me difficult, it is the mind set of how you go about it. Becoming a Don Juan in my opnion is not solely focused on women for myself it is achieveing a sense of accomplishment, success, happiness, being at peace with ones inner self in order to keep on striving for te best for myself.

The things I have accomplished so far are:
Coming out of my "safe zone" shell by talking with people in order to build my confidence and people skills back up.

I have learnt that if you cannot be happy with yourself how do you expect others to be happy when they are in your negative midset?

The fact that it is perfectly normal to be by yourself. Like while I type this up I'm sitting in a cafè eating a panini by my self. I am comfortable and no longer scared of doing things alone if others don't want to.

This is probably one of the biggest achievements of them all. Learning that you do not need a woman to be happy. They are only the Iceing on the cake (I'm the words of the great Pook, if I am not mistaken)

Another sense of self accomplishment which is the biggest for myself so far is coming from a depressive state which turned out I was depressed for 3 year to coming to the stage I am at presently is a huge achievement for myself. Going from anti depresents, self harming and suicideal thoughts to having a smile on most days and feeling content with my self within a few months and deciding where I want to take my life and what I want to achieve pshyically, mentally, socially and spiritually is a massive improvement in myself.

Yes I still have my days where I feel like crap, or overthink situations, think about the smallest things and letting it affect me, thinking about the what if's where it be with a girl or any situations. But who is letting all that effect me? Myself no one else. Who is causing all the BS feelings that come with this? Me.

I have the power to change my thought processes in situations listed above, I'm still working on that challenge. It will only be as easy as I let myself allow it to be.

In order for situations or your mind set to change you must first allow yourself to take the first small step.

On another note can somone please point me in the direction of the red pill thread I want to read up on that. I have found bits and pieces but nothing solid on it.

Thank you

Adz--

 

[j.619]

On another note can somone please point me in the direction of the red pill thread I want to read up on that. I have found bits and pieces but nothing solid on it.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=1516257

Good luck man. I'm loving your updates and progress. Keep this thread updated.

 

[Adz--]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=1516257

Good luck man. I'm loving your updates and progress. Keep this thread updated.

Hey, thank you man, i will do! ah thank you for the link, i'v been searching for that for a while now!

Update

At the moment I'm not spinning any plates or talking to any new women as i am currently studying for exams and coursework. A woman ain't going to be paying my bills!
I'v dropped everything at the moment (apart from my hobbies) and i'm solely focusing on my education as this is one of essential factors in my life and i cannot afford to mess it up.

I'm still got my ex in my head, but i'm finding that it is memories or situations that we had, or of the events that happened this week earlier.
But i am filling them away as soon as i find my self thinking of them,which can be once to 25 times in an hour (guesstimate).
I have better things to focus on. MY LIFE! BETTERING MYSELF! WANTING MORE FROM MY LIFE (i have typed those in capitals becuase it is vital that i am in control of MY Life and MY mind not other people or Thoughts)

However in my opinion just because i am not focusing on women it does not mean i have also stopped on the path of becoming a DJ.
Far from it i think, becoming a DJ the way i see it is striving and achieving the best you can and then wanting to achieve higher and god damn well doing it!

On another note i am reading the book of Pook and the Red pill whenever i am taking a break or have free time on my hands. Reading and educating yourself does not entail that you are doing nothing. You are providing yourself with knowledge.

Live, Love, Learn and Laugh!

adz--

 

[Adz--]

Update2!
In the time frame of posting my last update, I got a text from a girl who asked me to f*ck her.
This girl flaked on me last week and to be honest my education is first at the moment.
I can see some of you thinking "what the f*ck is wrong with you adz--!? Go f*ck her now!"
But what iv realised is that women will come and go like the wind, just like people do in life.

The way I see it as that it's a distraction from perusing what I want out of my life right now.
If I get bored, have few time on my hands, or need to bust a nut then I might go and f*uck her but the main principle is still there at the moment she is a distraction in my life at the moment. I don't need distractions at the moment.

Possibly food for thought.

Don't leave things that you can get done today or that are important for tomorrow (modified quote from this forum)

Adz--

 

[Adz--]

Overhearing situations

I'm in my class which in 90% girls, i overhear all of them talking about these guys and their other BS gossip.
Now these girls aren't even HB 4's the highest is a 6 I that.

But they all talk about these guys that they are talking. All of the guys they are talking about are AFC's or nice guys. They ask when they are free, send them gifts and all of that!

I am shocked that guys have become like this but I must remember that I was too once like this.

It makes me laugh a bit and makes me sad too that guys do this. They can only learn from their ways and become unplugged but until then they need to learn like I did.

Adz--

 

[j.619]

I can see some of you thinking "what the f*ck is wrong with you adz--!? Go f*ck her now!"

This lol