Be a risktaker - Take action TODAY

[Love_Hustla]

Risk can be defined as, 'The possibility of suffering harm or loss; danger.' By pure definition, risk seems like something better avoided.

A man can certainly lead a comfortable life by avoiding risks in life. Look around, these men are everywhere. They are perhaps the hardest working, most honest men on the planet. These men are generally sincere, polite and cautious by nature. They try to please everyone and work tirelessly to ‘become the best man they can be.’ Through their life style, these men effectively avoid all embarrassing or uncomfortable situations. Sounds great right? You wouldn’t be able to tell looking at them, but these very same men maintain masturbation streaks that Cal Ripken Jr. would be envious of. These men constantly improve themselves, falsely hoping that one day they will become worthy of the beautiful women around them. With that mindset gentlemen, you are doomed to fail.

Director, Fred Wilcox, once said, ‘Progress always involves risks. You can't steal second base and keep your foot on first.’ Great rewards come with great risks. To get what you want, you are eventually going to have to overcome your fears, and put yourself out in the open. Everyday, opportunities arise for you. Similarly, everyday more doors are slammed in your face as you fail to take action because you're not 'ready' or 'prepared' to take the risk.

The reason I write this isn’t because of the ‘AFC’ posts I see all over the boards that the older members groan about. No, it isn’t these ‘AFCs’ that I’m worried about. The ones who I’m worried about are the members who are respected around here. The ones who preach self-improvement. Make your voice better, get in better shape, improve your posture etc. These men are WORSHIPPED for this thinking. (ex. Pooks 'Skinny Guy') Well I’m pleased to present you with the long-overdue truth gentlemen:

SELF IMPROVEMENT IS THE COWARDS WAY OF AVOIDING RISK!!!

Do you understand yet? The self-improvement guys are the biggest ‘AFCs’ of all! Arming yourself with bulging muscles, stylish clothing, a cool haircut, the best cologne or the most proven tactics will NOT change your success with women. Self-improvement IS masturbation. (For the record, not a fan of the movie, the quote however is ingenious) You will NEVER be satisfied with the results you achieve through self-improvement. Any and ALL improvements in success with women ‘due to your improved style’ are strictly a form of ‘PLACEBO EFFECT’ on your confidence to take risks. Think about it, I will bet a large sum of money that noone on this board has EVER got laid without risking getting burned, embarassed, whatever. Hell, I'll put up my house!

YOUR MUSCLES WILL NOT GET HER TO APPROACH..
YOUR VOICE WILL NOT GET HER TO LIKE YOU.
YOUR HAIRCUT WILL NOT GET HER TO KISS YOU.
YOUR (Insert self-improvement myth here) WILL NOT GET HER IN YOUR BED.

Improving your look to a ‘10’ does not substitute approaching that HB. Building up your ego is setting you up for failure. YOU are going to have to take the risks eventually. Why spend weeks, months, or even years learning the DJ Bible, getting big, getting rich (you get the idea) when you can simply go out and take the same risks you will be taking in a year NOW. I can guarantee you that you will be waiting a life time. START TODAY! Go out and take a risk, you won’t be disappointed. Ask that girl out. Don’t wait, cause if you’re going to hesitate; she’s mine.

 

[Interceptor]

I believe Self Improvement IS Progress.

I believe that if I want to become a better public speaker, I have to learn how to do that, and/or improve my skills in that area.
If I want to improve my interactions with women, meaning, there are certain goals/experiences that I wish to complete when interacting with women, then I will work on those skills and progress, and Improve them to get the desired result.
If I have a certain physical goal, say dropping body fat levels, or increase muscle mass, separation/definition then to me, it's Progress, and to me, it's and improvement as well.

Plenty of people are not 100% satisfied with certain aspects of their life, be it Physical, Emotional, Psychological, Spiritual, and Financially.
If one wants change, or wants improvement in an area, and succeeds in doing so, then THAT IS "Progress".


You made a nice effort.
But you're off base and kind of stuck in some semantics issues.
Also, as you know from your well meaning, but not thoroughly well thought out post, NOTHING is Black and White.

Good try though.


A for Effort.

 

[speakeasy]

I don't agree with the OP at all. First off, what's wrong with self-improvement for one's OWN sake. Why does everything done to improve oneself have to be for the end of getting respect from women? If you have an obvious flaw, why not fix it? It's all about improving the ODDS. This sh*t is all a numbers game. The fewer things you have working against you, the better your odds at winning the game. Also, outside of gaming women, these same things will probably help in other ways like advancing in your career or leading people in some way.

 

[Interceptor]

I don't agree with the OP at all. First off, what's wrong with self-improvement for one's OWN sake. Why does everything done to improve oneself have to be for the end of getting respect from women? If you have an obvious flaw, why not fix it? It's all about improving the ODDS. This sh*t is all a numbers game. The fewer things you have working against you, the better your odds at winning the game.

 

[Love_Hustla]

Admittedly, my post needs some editing/revising as it was fairly rushed.

The basic principal behind my post, is that to solve your problems you must take a direct approach. To use a simplistic (poor) metaphor, the 'jumping in the deep-end' approach works a hell of a lot more efficiently that the 'dip one toe at a time' approach that I see abundant in these forums.

Especially in the field of attracting women. I see the entire bulking up, buying new clothes, changing your voice, just for women purely detrimental. You put blood, sweat and tears into becoming a perfect man (ha), all for OTHER PEOPLE. As you continue down the path of self-improvement, making yourself a perceived 'better man,' more flaws become apparent. It becomes an IMPOSSIBLE feat to improve yourself to a level that you will be able to get any lady. And that level my friends, is just that; IMPOSSIBLE.

Seducing women is something that you will learn by getting out into the field and taking chances. Making some exterior changes over a long period of time will not turn you into a confident, lady killer, but an insecure, fragile being whose reality rests on what others think.

 

[Interceptor]

Ok, LH. I get you now.
Your main point is that Self Improvement must be for the Self, not for others for there to be REAL PROGRESS.
Because if it's done with the purpose to satisfy others purely out of incompetence or lack of confidence in one's self, then there is an illusory, and false progress. It's not real. What you're doing is akin to a placing band aid to gaping head wound.
Self Improvement for the benefit of Self is a correct aspiration.
I believe it is our duty to ourselves and others to be the best people we can be.
The added bonus, which is the core principle of the life of a Don Juan which many here aspire to, is that many women will be attracted to your new , and improved self.

The core issues MUST be dealt with first.
If not, then you can't expect lasting happiness. Only temporary gratifications.

 

[FutureSpartan]

Admittedly, my post needs some editing/revising as it was fairly rushed.

The basic principal behind my post, is that to solve your problems you must take a direct approach. To use a simplistic (poor) metaphor, the 'jumping in the deep-end' approach works a hell of a lot more efficiently that the 'dip one toe at a time' approach that I see abundant in these forums.

Especially in the field of attracting women. I see the entire bulking up, buying new clothes, changing your voice, just for women purely detrimental. You put blood, sweat and tears into becoming a perfect man (ha), all for OTHER PEOPLE. As you continue down the path of self-improvement, making yourself a perceived 'better man,' more flaws become apparent. It becomes an IMPOSSIBLE feat to improve yourself to a level that you will be able to get any lady. And that level my friends, is just that; IMPOSSIBLE.

Seducing women is something that you will learn by getting out into the field and taking chances. Making some exterior changes over a long period of time will not turn you into a confident, lady killer, but an insecure, fragile being whose reality rests on what others think.

I agree. You guys should observe your surroundings. Most hot women are dating guys that have less ambition, looks, or status than you. Those guys have something called BALLS and CONFIDENCE and they are not afraid to go after what they want.

If you want to be the pinnacle of men, then do it because it makes you happy, not because it will help you get laid.

 

[Analytic]

You're very short sighted if you think self-improvement is only for woman. Did you think Einstein and Jefferson did all they do for woman? maybe you should phrase your post better because ironically you're just as bad as the guys that made threads about "improving" without a clear message this thread is also "mental masturbation" as you put it.

I do agree with being a risk taker though, I've been around this forum for a long time and it's only recently I've realize this.

 

[jackofasses]

Actually this is kind of something i was talking to a friend about last night, and something i was listening to in form of an audio book this morning as well.

Dealing with fear.

I seek self improvement because i know that i have problems that stop me from reaching my full potential. But when it comes down to it, it is all based on fear.

I am an angry person because I hurt.. I suffer constantly because of it and when you honestly look back at it most of it is fear that has led to that in one form or another.

When i was young, i was constantly picked on and teased for being overweight, that's something that has always stuck with me. Especially when it happens throughout most of your life. In school i was the biggest loser..even though some of my friends were quite popular. I did have alot of friends but we always seemed like the odd crowd or whatever. And it stayed that way as i grew up.

i wasn't the guy hitting all the house parties.. having sex at 15 or any of that. In fact i never even dated or kissed a girl until i was 17 which has greatly shaped my opinions on how everyone else should be (like my ex girlfriend whom i got mad at due to her sexual background and stuff she did when she was younger). I am not the guy to run around chasing sex or chasing women.. it's really just not the way i work. If it happens fine, if not.. who cares.

Anyway so alot of what i do now comes down to fear.. fear about how people will perceive me.. fear of offending people.. of getting hurt.. of losing my job.. of being cheated on.. I actually feel nervous on a bus full of people because i'm wondering how people perceive me.

This.. is obviously a huge ball and chain.. because it is true.. only by risking it all can new heights truly be achieved. Everything great that has happened in this world has happened because someone was brave enough to take a risk and go against the grain. Somebody put aside their fears of what others might think and just did it.

Self improvement isn't masturbation.. not if it is for you. What is the point of making all the moves, taking all the risks if you yourself are not READY to deal with the opportunities? You may THINK you are.. just like i thought for years that women were the problem. Only after having a huge argument with my ex (the night we broke up) and she slapped me in the face verbally telling me EXACTLY what i was being, did I truly wake up. And when I woke up and realized what I had done, rather than take the steps to correct it, i was struck by fear. The fear that I may suddenly not really be worthy of this girl, or not ready to have her. I expressed that to her and so she broke up with me... We tried to remain friends.. she said she wanted to see if I could change and if I could control that aspect of me that maybe she would try again because I was worth it. Instead, i continued to **** up.. the fear of losing her, of not being able to overcome my anger and jealousy.. and in the process have managed to push her into someone elses arms. Someone who she turned to to get her mind off of me and the heartbreak and who is now probably reaping the benefits which in turn just hurts me more and makes me fearful that she'll never come back. My fear of that has led to things getting even worse. I tried holding on so much that she's now threatening to take me to court for harrasment.

When you look at it, it was all caused by fear... This is why most DJ'S say you should never be afraid to walk away. Not to make the girl FEEL unimportant but just so that YOU don't constantly fret and worry about what you'll do if you lose her. You will love her, you will want her, you will fear losing that girl, but to let that fear consume you and eat at you will eventually lead to that relationships self destruction. If you learn to deal with it, to put it aside, to not worry. I'm pretty sure it won't fail. Don't be cold to her, or make her feel like you DON'T love her or want to be with her.. but don't FEAR losing her.

So, it's more a matter of learning to overcome your fear (not just in the approach to and with women, but in life over all) that you will be succesful. The only problem is pavlov's dog. This is why, when you are a kid.. there are no problems, you are fearless, you don't care much what people think, because you haven't been programmed to yet.

So the real question is.. how does one go about conquering their fear in life?

I believe that THAT is what truly holds most of us back in life.

 

[ChrizZ]

YOUR MUSCLES WILL NOT GET HER TO APPROACH..
YOUR VOICE WILL NOT GET HER TO LIKE YOU.
YOUR HAIRCUT WILL NOT GET HER TO KISS YOU.
YOUR (Insert self-improvement myth here) WILL NOT GET HER IN YOUR BED.

Improving your look to a ‘10’ does not substitute approaching that HB. Building up your ego is setting you up for failure. YOU are going to have to take the risks eventually. Why spend weeks, months, or even years learning the DJ Bible, getting big, getting rich (you get the idea) when you can simply go out and take the same risks you will be taking in a year NOW. I can guarantee you that you will be waiting a life time. START TODAY! Go out and take a risk, you won’t be disappointed. Ask that girl out. Don’t wait, cause if you’re going to hesitate; she’s mine.

What a bunch of bullsh!t!
We all know our haircut will get her to kiss us!

 

[NickBe]

The original poster has no idea what he is talking about. It does not work that way at all, don't get me wrong I understand the concept of gaining confidence by forcing yourself to do things but it is a flawed concept. For example lets use fighting, if you are afraid of fighting but you force yourself to fight sure you might lose your fear of fighting but at what price? You could get killed along the way, a well placed blow to the jaw could very well snap your neck.

Now seduction won't get you killed physically but emotionally. I do not imagine getting emotionally beat up by every woman you approach will aid you in your journey to become a DJ. Most of the posts here are from guys that do just what you suggest they go out on a limb and approach women. Then the woman flakes and they come here crying about how they never succeed. You cant go into battle without weapons and in the battle of seduction, looks, cloths, cologne are your weapons.

By the way what is it with people misquoting Fight Club and taking the quote out of context? The entire quote is "self-improvement is masturbation, self-destruction is the answer". You take half the quote and use it to sell your argument. The idea of that film is to bring everything back down to zero because as Tyler says "It's only after we lose everything that we're free to do anything". Self-destruction is the key the idea he is putting forwards is that we must destroy ourselves so we can be reborn and once we are we can do anything we want.

"In the world I see - you are stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center. You'll wear leather clothes that will last you the rest of your life. You'll climb the wrist-thick kudzu vines that wrap the Sears Tower. And when you look down, you'll see tiny figures pounding corn, laying strips of venison on the empty car pool lane of some abandoned superhighway."

He wants the Earth to be reborn instead of endlessly trying to improve itself. That is his argument the writer of the original book it is not your argument.

I use to get laid when I was poor, thing, had messy hair and lived with my parents. Now I am rich, toned, cut my hair regularly and surprise surprise I get laid more.

I agree that self improvement is a fruitless endeavor much like masturbation but in todays world everybody is trying to self improve. If you do not follow the trend you will become an outcast and the outcast never gets laid.

P.S. I hate people that take Fight Club quotes out of context.

 

[Seismos]

Actually this is kind of something i was talking to a friend about last night, and something i was listening to in form of an audio book this morning as well.

Dealing with fear.

I seek self improvement because i know that i have problems that stop me from reaching my full potential. But when it comes down to it, it is all based on fear.

I am an angry person because I hurt.. I suffer constantly because of it and when you honestly look back at it most of it is fear that has led to that in one form or another.

When i was young, i was constantly picked on and teased for being overweight, that's something that has always stuck with me. Especially when it happens throughout most of your life. In school i was the biggest loser..even though some of my friends were quite popular. I did have alot of friends but we always seemed like the odd crowd or whatever. And it stayed that way as i grew up.

i wasn't the guy hitting all the house parties.. having sex at 15 or any of that. In fact i never even dated or kissed a girl until i was 17 which has greatly shaped my opinions on how everyone else should be (like my ex girlfriend whom i got mad at due to her sexual background and stuff she did when she was younger). I am not the guy to run around chasing sex or chasing women.. it's really just not the way i work. If it happens fine, if not.. who cares.

Anyway so alot of what i do now comes down to fear.. fear about how people will perceive me.. fear of offending people.. of getting hurt.. of losing my job.. of being cheated on.. I actually feel nervous on a bus full of people because i'm wondering how people perceive me.

This.. is obviously a huge ball and chain.. because it is true.. only by risking it all can new heights truly be achieved. Everything great that has happened in this world has happened because someone was brave enough to take a risk and go against the grain. Somebody put aside their fears of what others might think and just did it.

Self improvement isn't masturbation.. not if it is for you. What is the point of making all the moves, taking all the risks if you yourself are not READY to deal with the opportunities? You may THINK you are.. just like i thought for years that women were the problem. Only after having a huge argument with my ex (the night we broke up) and she slapped me in the face verbally telling me EXACTLY what i was being, did I truly wake up. And when I woke up and realized what I had done, rather than take the steps to correct it, i was struck by fear. The fear that I may suddenly not really be worthy of this girl, or not ready to have her. I expressed that to her and so she broke up with me... We tried to remain friends.. she said she wanted to see if I could change and if I could control that aspect of me that maybe she would try again because I was worth it. Instead, i continued to **** up.. the fear of losing her, of not being able to overcome my anger and jealousy.. and in the process have managed to push her into someone elses arms. Someone who she turned to to get her mind off of me and the heartbreak and who is now probably reaping the benefits which in turn just hurts me more and makes me fearful that she'll never come back. My fear of that has led to things getting even worse. I tried holding on so much that she's now threatening to take me to court for harrasment.

When you look at it, it was all caused by fear... This is why most DJ'S say you should never be afraid to walk away. Not to make the girl FEEL unimportant but just so that YOU don't constantly fret and worry about what you'll do if you lose her. You will love her, you will want her, you will fear losing that girl, but to let that fear consume you and eat at you will eventually lead to that relationships self destruction. If you learn to deal with it, to put it aside, to not worry. I'm pretty sure it won't fail. Don't be cold to her, or make her feel like you DON'T love her or want to be with her.. but don't FEAR losing her.

So, it's more a matter of learning to overcome your fear (not just in the approach to and with women, but in life over all) that you will be succesful. The only problem is pavlov's dog. This is why, when you are a kid.. there are no problems, you are fearless, you don't care much what people think, because you haven't been programmed to yet.

So the real question is.. how does one go about conquering their fear in life?

I believe that THAT is what truly holds most of us back in life.

really like that post. after all i have to say... f*ck fear! though its always there you have do deal with it. no easy way out.

 

[LeComteDeMonteCristo]

Verbosity is not attractive. I hate it when people take several paragraphs to say something that could really be said in one sentence.

 

[jackofasses]

Verbosity is not attractive. I hate it when people take several paragraphs to say something that could really be said in one sentence.

Good thing i don`t want you attracted to me then.

But yeah. fear is always there.. so how do we go about beating it?

 

[GloriouslyInsane]

I think there's a big misconception going here about the original post,i believe what the op was trying to say is that alot of people here instead of approaching and using "self-improvement" to up their chances they try to maximize their looks/profile in order for the chicks to "flock" them thus they're not doing anything cause the #1 improvement and/or acquired characteristic one needs to succeed is having BALLS OF STEEL(confidence).

It's like trying to roll a six with a die,you modify it and modify it and have sixes on all sides but if you don't throw it you get nothing.

 

[Love_Hustla]

A lot of conflicting opinions here, gentlemen. This is in large part due to my inability to express my thoughts clearly. Well here's a small attempt to get others to see this self-improvement stuff as I do.

The way we perceive self-improvement in short, is fvcked.

Take for example a regular on the H&F forum. He's stumbled across this site trying to attract a girl and has got the idea that muscles will get him laid. He believes he's not good enough for her, not yet.

His insecurities drive him to the gym and have him spend thousands of dollars on memberships, personal training and supplements. He spends hundreds of hours in these places lifting heavy objects. 'I'm doing it for myself, I'm doing it for myself' he thinks. Soon after he goes out into a social situation and STILL takes no action, he finds himself back in the gym, lifting heavier objects. 'The bigger I get, the more confidence I'll have.' WRONG. As the muscles grow, so does the fragile ego. The need for the approval of others drives him back into the gym, daily. The scary part is, he will NEVER achieve the approval from others, because he's not mentally strong enough.

These guys think they are going for themselves. But think about it, and I mean really think about it. What are they doing for themselves? They are trying to achieve that image that has been programmed into them by the media. They are trying to become that man on the front of the Mens Health magazine, and they begin to feel that this appearance is the only way to get laid. Women get eating disorders; men go to the gym. Sure ones worse physically, but mentally, the damages can be very similar. Think about the psychological damages caused when these muscular men are out in society and STILL see no progress because NOTHING has truely changed. Men don't need to be pretty to get women.

'Constructive' self-improvement can only occur in the mind, nearly everything else is a waste of time and your method of avoiding risk.

**I am NOT saying don't go to the gym. Being healthy is important. But before you start giving your blood, swear and tears for the perfect body, think about it. What the hell is a perfect body? Who decided what look is the best? If you can truely say that you're going to the gym for YOURSELF and not your fragile ego, then more power to you.**

 

[Love_Hustla]

The original poster has no idea what he is talking about. It does not work that way at all, don't get me wrong I understand the concept of gaining confidence by forcing yourself to do things but it is a flawed concept. For example lets use fighting, if you are afraid of fighting but you force yourself to fight sure you might lose your fear of fighting but at what price? You could get killed along the way, a well placed blow to the jaw could very well snap your neck.

I've only got about two minutes, so this will be short and we can resume later.

Sure you might lose your fear... but at what price? Your example is extreme, but this is the thinking that is haunting these boards. Fear is what holds good men back from being great men. Fear of putting themselves out there stops men from doing great things. To be successful, you have to take a chance that other men wouldn't take. A fear of failure completely eliminates any chance of success. You must OVERCOME fear at some point.

You're clearly an intelligent man, I hope that you aren't naive enough to believe that by spending months and tons of money 'improving' your exterior that you can eliminate this fear? After all the improvements it'll still be there. However it will be AMPLIFIED because you've spent months thinking about it. The only way to beat the fear is to tackle it head on.

No more babying these men. They're all men, it's time they start acting like it.

 

[NickBe]

I have no fear and I see your point, I wanted to be rich so I went into a business that was already over saturated and slaughtered my competition till I became one of the most well known people in the industry.

You do need to tackle your problems head on but randomly approaching 100 women when you have the skills or confidence required to get them into bed is not the answer. If anything the constant rejection will ruin your self-esteem. It may work for you and for me but I guarantee you most of these guys throwing themselves into a situation they are not equipped for will do more harm than good. Not everybody can handle it.

 

[Bvbidd]

This post does not make any sense at all.

LH I bet you wear clothes right?

By your logic putting on clothes will not help with women, you can just sarge naked because putting on clothes would be self improvement and you don't need that.

So uh LH you do improve yourself, and it WILL help.

LH it kinda sounds like you've been rejected a billion times and your trying to prove to yourself that was okay. The rejections probally happend BECAUSE you skipped improving yourself.

 

[Ripper]

Why is everyone polarising the debate so much? Just like so much of life, balance is the key. There's no point telling a scrawny unkempt socially-backward noob to go up and approach the first stunning woman (i.e.being thrown in at the deep end) he sees because inevitably he'll get shot down and his confidence will take so long to recover. At the same time, there's no point hitting the gym for 3 years before you make your first approach. Balance, people.