I didn't get the job. They liked me, but of the seven candidates for the two spots, I was the one who didn't have any administrative experience on my resume. Well, I do have admin experience, but my friend, who is a recruiter, told me my sales resume, which I had taken the admin work off of for brevity's sake, would be more appropriate. Now I want to ring his neck.
No biggie. I'll just do the job I've been studying for recently. It isn't as steady and secure, but it will pay much more.
OK, I am falling for the Energy Ball.
I went to therapy last night. I mentioned her to my therapist, and she pretty much freaked. And that freaked me out.
Then, when the Energy Ball called last night (she calls me every night), I was clearly different than usual. She is sensitive and totally noticed it. When she brought up that I sounded different, I tried to avoid it. But when she brought it up again, I had to do some serious backpedaling. Eventually, I was able to convince her that I was "relaxed" and that's why I sounded different.
Today, I had lunch, which we had been planning since the weekend, with her. I thought I would be able to take my therapist's advice and be frank with her. But I wasn't able to do it.
My therapist told me to tell her that I really appreciated our friendship and everything, but that she is leaving soon and I will be here without her. So I need some space.
But this was only the second time I've ever seen this woman. So I felt odd laying down the serious talk. Instead, I was just kind of quiet, and I tried to get her to talk. But there were some awkward moments. The friend that introduced us has a "blind date" for me to go on. I'm about as interested in a "blind date" as you all are, but I asked the Energy Ball what she thought if I had a blind date. I figured if I talked about how I was going to go on a date, she would see I'm not thinking about her as a mate(which I am kind of).
Well, she first answered me by saying "Something...Something... And Trim, you are very handsome. And I feel like I have known you for so long. I felt it the first time I saw you....." WTF does that mean?!! Then, she eventually got to asking me if I thought it was ok for me to go out with girls. She didn't really say "go for it" or "no, you shouldn't."
Her speech was way too vague. I don't know if it's because she is Russian, or if she's speaking ********, but I'm confused. There were no IOIs, signs that she really thought I should go on the date, or signs of upset. I feel like I've got nothing to go on. What is up with this woman?
What's best for me is to keep my distance. But it's especially hard for me when she sends me a message like this one yesterday: "Sorry I didn't text you earlier this morning. I've been on the run all day, but I've been thinking about you. So I was very glad to get your message...."
She also brought up:
-how she'd had two emotional affairs and thought they were beautiful
-how she remembered faces, especially eyes, then she just stared right into mine (I couldn't take it and looked away after a few seconds)
Do I need to defend how I'm feeling here? It certainly seems like she has given me some signals. But is it me? Am I being needy? Am I getting attached too easily, and seeking out these IOIs?
To that I ask this: Do you think Sunshine is thinking about me? How long has it been since someone has cared about me like this? Sunshine probably wasn't like that for who knows how many years.
I don't need any more drama in my life. And this is adding more to it. The Energy Ball is a great woman, but I'm not going to make any moves. I realize I have only known her for six days, but it's been almost constant communication. And she is leaving in two weeks, which just might end up seeming like an eternity.
I'm going to go out with some people from work tomorrow. We are heading downtown. That will be a good time. This'll be the first time I've gone out with other people with me since the breakup. I'll get the chance to sarge and actually have friends I really have to go back to when I do a false time constraint.
So my weekend is booked up now. Club tomorrow. Party at Energy Ball's Saturday(might be weird). First date with Thoreau on Sunday. Not too bad.