Awful Breakup

[Desdinova]

I broke up with my GF this morning. Didn't go very well. She was pretty pissed off when she left no matter how much I tried to smooth it over.

I tried telling her that in order for us to make it, we needed to have similar ideas for our futures. When I told her that I didn't want to live with someone at this point in my life, she fvcking lost it.

She asked "Well, what have we been doing all this time.
I responded with "Enjoying each other's company".
Then she said "That's not why 30-something year olds get together!"

She was pissed at this point. She went through the house, gathering her 5hit, and left, driving like a fvcking madman.

That woman really did care about me, but we have absolutely nothing in common for our futures. She was willing to adapt to my needs, but she was also going to be clearly resentful toward me for it.

I know I made the right decision, but I still feel kinda 5hitty for it.

 

[Tazman]

I know I made the right decision, but I still feel kinda 5hitty for it.

Her reaction was intended to make you feel sh-tty, you shouldn't though. You didn't do her wrong in anyway. She wasn't putting forth enough effort to hold your interest even after you tried helping her. It's perfectly fine to have standards, but if you don't uphold them what's the point? I say good job.

 

[macagent]

Strength bruv!

Sounds like she was looking forward to the M word - "That's not why 30 yr olds get together..." and is disappointed that she'll need to start looking again to find someone before she ages too much more. She'll be fine, and you obviously are fine. Stay strong when she comes back to whittle away at your resolve.

 

[Desdinova]

It's gonna be tough keeping my mind off it today. I guess that's part of being the ultimate catch; you end up breaking lots of hearts. Every woman I've broken up with post-marriage has been pretty devastated.

But I do have a date with the hot 21 year old lined up for this evening. Hopefully, that'll help me progress

 

[macagent]

...But I do have a date with the hot 21 year old lined up for this evening. Hopefully, that'll help me progress

Yeah boy!!! You have fun with that :-D

 

[wait_out]

To be honest des acrimonious breakups have turned me off relationships somewhat... I am on good terms with every girl I've had a fling or ONS with, but don't even talk with the girls I was more involved with (despite the fact I liked them quite a bit). Hopefully it does not get too deeply under your skin and stay there.

I feel like it gets harder to commit as you go through more of these. Once burned twice shy I suppose? Either way this thread holds a lot of interest for me...

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Desdinova,



Ultimately, we're all responsible for just OUR actions alone. When relationships end, each person has a choice in how they will behave as a result of it. Once the emotional shock waves of any given situation subsides, there's always fallout for both people (...assuming that each person has made a certain amount of investment in it).

Having said that, it would be wise for us to look at things through goggles of OBJECTIVITY whenever we go through things like this. I would make the "unsolicited" recommendation to you to take a moment to think back and see if there's anything you would have or "could have" done differently in this whole situation---------if you had the chance to do it all over again.

And I'm not just talking about the breakup, but throughout the meetup and hookup stages as well. I believe there's much Intel to be gained by hindsight that can sometimes escape our perception while we're currently still "going through" that relationship firefight scenario.

Also, whenever you do have time to reflect on all of this, I know that whatever observations that you decide to share would be of great benefit to MANY of the guys who frequent this site.


Much RESPECT...and a BRIGHTER future to you.



V.U.

 

[Zarky]

I guess I'm a little unclear... why didn't you keep banging her and start banging other women too?

 

[Yo'Mama]

F*ck her and her agenda. She clearly just saw the time you spent together as a means to an end, i.e marriage.

 

[Desdinova]

I guess I'm a little unclear... why didn't you keep banging her and start banging other women too?

I actually have respect for her. We were in a LTR together, and I didn't want to disrespect her by doing that. However, I did take the 21 year old out once while we were together.

Also, whenever you do have time to reflect on all of this, I know that whatever observations that you decide to share would be of great benefit to MANY of the guys who frequent this site.

I'm actually in the middle of writing a post about my last 10 years of being on here. I'll be writing about some of the core beliefs I've developed during that time.

The date tonight was decent, but she could tell I was a bit off. Regardless, we had fun. I ended up taking her to a place I occasionally perform at, and lo and behold there was a mutual friend of mine and the girl I just broke up with. I didn't stay, and I know that word will spread that I had this hot young thing on my arm. I didn't want to stick the knife deeper, but I guess that 5hit can't be avoided sometimes.

The girl I took out is good looking, in shape, great to touch, and she kisses better. She apparently dumped her last bf to be with me. She's got a bit of immaturity in her, but I pretty much expected that from her age. I don't think she's better than the girl I broke up with, just different. But different can be good.

I'm out of town on business over the next week. I'll be getting a bit of time to just unwind while I'm out there. I think I need it.

 

[zekko]

I'm actually in the middle of writing a post about my last 10 years of being on here. I'll be writing about some of the core beliefs I've developed during that time.

That sounds interesting, I'm looking forward to reading it.

I ended up taking her to a place I occasionally perform at, and lo and behold there was a mutual friend of mine and the girl I just broke up with. I didn't stay, and I know that word will spread that I had this hot young thing on my arm. I didn't want to stick the knife deeper, but I guess that 5hit can't be avoided sometimes.

Lol, I had been wondering what your now ex girlfriend would think about you dating a 21 year old. Now maybe she already knows. Maybe this will even give her more of a sense of closure - "He's really moved on, I can't compete with that, It's really over", that sort of thing.

I guess that's part of being the ultimate catch; you end up breaking lots of hearts. Every woman I've broken up with post-marriage has been pretty devastated.

What makes you the ultimate catch? I mean I know that's the DJ mindset. I'm just wondering how you rationalize this in your mind.

 

[Desdinova]

Lol, I had been wondering what your now ex girlfriend would think about you dating a 21 year old. Now maybe she already knows. Maybe this will even give her more of a sense of closure - "He's really moved on, I can't compete with that, It's really over", that sort of thing.

Saw this posted on Facebook today:

As you all may or may not know, I am newly single. Don't worry about it, it was clearly not meant to be. However, since I am feeling rather bummed, I thought I would throw myself a party this Friday and cheer myself up. Come one, come all and help me celebrate my new life!
If I've missed anyone, please don't be offended and come out and play!! XOXXXX!

I guess 'meant to be' was for me to pay off her huge debt, move her into my house, get married, get my vasectomy reversed, have kids, and let her sit around getting fatter while I did everything around my house. Sounds like paradise to me

What makes you the ultimate catch? I mean I know that's the DJ mindset. I'm just wondering how you rationalize this in your mind.

I own my house, no debt, I have a good job, I'm fit, I'm charming, I'm good in bed, and many women are attracted to me. All that 5hit didn't just get dropped onto me, I've had to work for it.

 

[Zunder]

She asked "Well, what have we been doing all this time.
I responded with "Enjoying each other's company".


Classic attempt to shame you for "wasting her time" - and excellent response from you.

 

[Boilermaker]

Excellent handling of the situation. A big inspiration to my generation, as well.

As the departed master would say:

Women would rather go into heart surgery with no anesthesia, than having their pvssy rejected.

 

[zekko]

As you all may or may not know, I am newly single. Don't worry about it, it was clearly not meant to be. However, since I am feeling rather bummed, I thought I would throw myself a party this Friday and cheer myself up.

Seems like kind of an odd response to getting dumped - throw a party?
I guess this is why girls tend to get over breakups easier - they tend to have more extensive social/support groups than men, who are more independent. Sounds like she's gathering her support crew for strength.

I own my house, no debt, I have a good job, I'm fit, I'm charming, I'm good in bed, and many women are attracted to me. All that 5hit didn't just get dropped onto me, I've had to work for it.

Good answer. I hereby dub thee a catch.


I look forward to reading about your future adventures.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I don't suppose she mentioned celebrating her new gym membership sign up?

 

[Desdinova]

I don't suppose she mentioned celebrating her new gym membership sign up?

Not a chance. She'll go back to being the bar broad I've known her to be for the last 4 years. I think it's funny she actually dated me, given the fact that I made out with two of her friends.

 

[Bible_Belt]

She'll go back to being the bar broad I've known her to be for the last 4 years.

Don't be surprised if she actually does lose some weight, especially if she's single for a while. It's due to being single, would never have happened had you not dumped her, and is a phenomena that will quickly reverse itself after she begins her next relationship.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Des --

I wish the best to you man, I read your past threads and it sounds like you did make the right decision and even though it sucks for her it would suck for her even worse if you led her on towards what she (falsely) thought she would receive. You've been down that route of what she wants, and you are not ready for that again, and given the pain you've experienced, I completely understand. Props to you for letting her go before going out and playing the field behind her back, props to her for doing what was probably very damn hard for you to do. Things will move forwards and you'll have other exciting things in your life -- she will move on too.

Stay up man. These situations are not always easy or simple. But sounds like you are making the right decisions and again, any thing else would have been an injustice to both of you.

 

[zekko]

On a side note, sounds like you didn't get hurt too much in the divorce settlement, which is good.

I was wondering if she was going to start working out also. It seems like that would be the response a guy would have, to try to improve and fix something. The weight seems like the natural place to start, especially since it came up in the relationship.

Or maybe she'll be satisfied with trying to make herself feel better with a party. Kind of liking having a bubble bath or something. I'm not sure what the standard response to rejection is for women.