attitude on sosuave

[Unprez]

ok..been exactly a yr since joining this and i have to say that it changed my life.....and i think most ppl did benefit from joining this site not just in terms of having mroe game but just improving as a man...mroe stronger , confident, more focused in life and not girls... but i also see that alot of ppl dont use this site to grow but just to complain and 'vent'... venting is fine but make it clear ur venting and not giving some negative bitter advise....so called DJs seem to think that just cuz a girl he dated cheated on him that he should advise others of some bitter stupid advice...eg that oh if a girl ur dating has a guy friend that she is probably on his **** whenever ur not around or that oh if a girl is driving a long distance to meet u is cuz she is secreatly tryin to cheat on her man........ yes a lot of woman do not have morals but to genearalize is act of stupidity and traits of an AFC and WILL NOT HELP YOU GAME OTHER WOMAN.... and yet everyone always comments on saying face the reality if a girl doesn't pick up its cuz she is having sex with another guy cuz that what happened to meetc etc.... this is horrible AFC advice...... all i gotta say is that the senior DJs should not stop sayin so many stupid negative comments cuz it just feeds into the idea that this site is woman hater site...AND IT IS NOT...I believe that part of being a DJ is cheerful, spontanous, confident, respectfull towards everyone including woman.....yes woman do not like nice guys but there is a difference between respect and being a jerk and a concept that older men should know...yes some woman deserve to be treated like **** and cuz they like it, some don't deserve it and don't like it.... dont generalize!...... like really we all have mothers, daughters, sisters why the fk are ppl sayin that yea 'every' girl is horny and is willin to fk anyone who play the right moves.... im sorry but i do not think that every fkn woman cheats.....proper advise to anybody is prepare for the worst but hope for the best.....i'll end by sayin that it is safe to say that most men have gotten burned includin myself and i have been told taht i am miserable at times....but I try not to be at all let alone breed any bitterness towards others who post advice...........chill ppl

 

[speed dawg]

Can you not see the forest for the trees or something?

And also, if you want to be taken seriously, quit typing like a text message.

I know, I know. Again, it's rocket science.

 

[horaholic]

I definitely see your point, and I'm guilty myself. The fact of the matter is, however, that more often than not, the OP's on these threads, are being naive, and pushovers, and the girl in question, is doing shady shyt. Yes, of course people jump the gun, and say NEXT, or she's fvcking someone else, without knowing or really reading. I try to point the OP the SIGNS of infidelity, rather than say "shes cheating." You should have posted this in the general discussion. This is the Mature Man section, and there is much less of that going on in here. Of course the posters in here are USUALLY a little wiser than the general discussion, and dont need the usual advice anyway.

Besides, I think that people who have had it happen to them, can look back at the signs that they missed, and know what they're talking about. Guys who are in the situation, are usually too pvssyblind to see whats going on, and they need guys on here, with our unbiased opinion to slap them in the face. Noone know the OP, or the girl in question, so we use our own judgement, as black and white as it is. Personally, I try to put myself in both parties shoes, as it is more important, that the guy knows what HE'S doing wrong with himself. That fact that the guy is posting on here at all means A: He's willing to learn, and B: There is a problem and there is an illogical female involved, who is probably not willing or able to accept any responsibility for it.

People need to be a little less hasty, about nexting, and 'she's cheating,' but more times than not, they have a point.

 

[Mr. Me]

Besides, I think that people who have had it happen to them, can look back at the signs that they missed, and know what they're talking about.

Exactly. Wrap your brains around this: a guy goes through, let's say, three marriages and divorces. A younger guy will look at that and say, "why should I listen to you? You had three marriage fail. Instead, I'll take advice from a guy I know that's been married for 30 years to the same woman."

However, the guy who's been divorced three times may actually by now have learned somethings of value, having learned from his failures and life lessons. There's no guarantee he's learned his lessons and has pearls of wisdom to spout, but his words will either have that ring of truth or not. And the guy whose been married to one woman for thirty years may just be a submissive chump who just goes along with whatever wifey does.

I know I wizened up a lot from my divorce. My relationship went badly and I wanted to help make sure it doesn't happen to me again. In the process, I learned a lot. I saw where I went off course. I can look at my failed relationships and say if they hadn't failed, I would be a lot less savvy today. And also, without having had the length of time to go through so many girls over the years, I probably wouldn't have sufficient data via personal experience to be able to connect the dots of female behavior. Wish I could age real slowly remaining youngish and go on to 200 to be able to keep putting into practice what I've become aware of after all these years.

 

[guru1000]

However, the guy who's been divorced three times may actually by now have learned somethings of value, having learned from his failures and life lessons.

True indeed. The wise generally have the most battle scars.

To the OP,

You might feel many of us jump the gun by creating an immediate exit strategy. What a lot of inexperienced young men miss is that many of the red flags and warning signs that rear their ugly head in the beginning will inevitably develop into the end.

It is best to to expend your energies with women who have high IL in you and appreciate your time. When you run into the reverse scenario, you are simply expending your valuable time into a rapport that is counter productive.

I for one have always been surrounded by women. But with as many women as I have been with in my 20's, I am much wiser in my 30's.

To be successful, you must KNOW where to spend your time and energy. Sometimes NEXTing is the best route a young man can take to his final destination.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

One of the surest indicators of an AFC mindset is the automatic presumption that anything remotely critical a man would say about women is equated with misogyny. All a man need do is open his mouth, in the most objective way he can muster, about anything critical of the feminine and he's instantly suspect of sour grapes. He must've been burned, or is bitter and on the verge of desperation just for even a passing mention.

What an amazingly potent social convention that is - when a man will censor himself because of it on his own. The most successful social conventions are ones in which the subject willingly sublimates his own interests, discourages questioning it, and predisposes that person to encourage the convention with others.

AFCs are crabs in a barrel. As soon as one climbs up to the top to escape, 10 more clamber over him to pull him back in.

 

[GuanYu]

I can see where you're coming from Unprez, but the fact of the matter is that in most cases when people suggest exiting it's because they can tell somethings not right.

I'll use your example of having male friends. Not sure about you, but if I'm in an LTR with a chick she shouldn't be casually hanging out with guys unless they're in a group (with other girls) or something similar. Under no conditions is it right for a woman in a relationship to do lunch with John or go have a drink with Phil. Those guys may say they're friends but we all know the real story behind that. Unless the dude is gay the majority of guys hooking up with women in some way want to have sex with her. Would you want your girlfriend hanging out with guys that want to have sex with her?

Also. from what I've read this sight is all about empowering the man. Make yourself the true force in the relationship with the balls to cut loose when the frame is compromised. Nexting a girl for obvious disrespect goes along with this. Keeping a woman around that's constantly disrespecting or damaging the frame is a losing battle.

 

[Ollie]

I can see where you're coming from Unprez, but the fact of the matter is that in most cases when people suggest exiting it's because they can tell somethings not right.

I'll use your example of having male friends. Not sure about you, but if I'm in an LTR with a chick she shouldn't be casually hanging out with guys unless they're in a group (with other girls) or something similar. Under no conditions is it right for a woman in a relationship to do lunch with John or go have a drink with Phil. Those guys may say they're friends but we all know the real story behind that. Unless the dude is gay the majority of guys hooking up with women in some way want to have sex with her. Would you want your girlfriend hanging out with guys that want to have sex with her?

Also. from what I've read this sight is all about empowering the man. Make yourself the true force in the relationship with the balls to cut loose when the frame is compromised. Nexting a girl for obvious disrespect goes along with this. Keeping a woman around that's constantly disrespecting or damaging the frame is a losing battle.

Where do you live, Iran? I totally disagree with this. I have no problem at all with a girl I'm in a relationship with having guy friends. Let me ask you this...do you ever hang out casually with girls when dating someone?

I have no problem if the guys she's out with want to have sex with her either. If I'm in a relationship with a girl I trust her, and if I can't trust her to go out for lunch with a guy friend without trying to fvck him, why would I want to be with her in the first place? I don't own the girl, she's with me because she wants to be, and if she finds someone else or loses interest I'll remind her where the door is. To me, your ideas show how insecure you are with yourself and your relationships and I think you should work on your confidence.

 

[guru1000]

I have no problem if the guys she's out with want to have sex with her either. If I'm in a relationship with a girl I trust her, and if I can't trust her to go out for lunch with a guy friend without trying to fvck him, why would I want to be with her in the first place? I don't own the girl, she's with me because she wants to be, and if she finds someone else or loses interest I'll remind her where the door is. To me, your ideas show how insecure you are with yourself and your relationships and I think you should work on your confidence.

Let us know how this exclusive relationship of yours works out.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

One of the surest indicators of an AFC mindset is the automatic presumption that anything remotely critical a man would say about women is equated with misogyny.

I'd argue that one of the surest indicators of an AFC mindset is actually having a need to discuss anything remotely critical about a woman. She either fits your criteria, and you're happy, or she doesn't and you move on. Don't blame women if you don't know what your criteria are, nor have the strategies to fullfill you criteria.

What an amazingly potent social convention that is - when a man will censor himself because of it on his own. The most successful social conventions are ones in which the subject willingly sublimates his own interests, discourages questioning it, and predisposes that person to encourage the convention with others.

That's how all memes are spread. Mind viruses. Most thoughts in your mind are not yours, they were put there by others, and you accepted them.
And they spread not becasue of truth but because of their effecacy in reproduction.

AFCs are crabs in a barrel. As soon as one climbs up to the top to escape, 10 more clamber over him to pull him back in.

I'd argue that most people, like AFC's are really followers. They are not really trying to pull the poor fukker back into the barrel, they just want to follow the leader wherever the leader is going, but unfortunately he cannot bear the weight of his buddies hanging on like Klingons around Uranus.

 

[slaog]

Where do you live, Iran? I totally disagree with this. I have no problem at all with a girl I'm in a relationship with having guy friends. Let me ask you this...do you ever hang out casually with girls when dating someone?

I have no problem if the guys she's out with want to have sex with her either. If I'm in a relationship with a girl I trust her, and if I can't trust her to go out for lunch with a guy friend without trying to fvck him, why would I want to be with her in the first place? I don't own the girl, she's with me because she wants to be, and if she finds someone else or loses interest I'll remind her where the door is. To me, your ideas show how insecure you are with yourself and your relationships and I think you should work on your confidence.

I trust my girlfriend too but lets be realistic here. Why would you be OK with men trying to have sex with her? The real question is why would she want to meet them in the first place if she knows they're after her. It isn't for friendship. If a woman was sensible she'd avoid men who wants to have sex with her because it would make her feel uncomfortable.

Let me ask you this...do you ever hang out casually with girls when dating someone?

If you knew she was trying to have sex with you, would you be totally 100% honest with yourself and pretend it's OK and nothing will definetly not happen? Thats presuming you liked the girl. If it was an ugly girl who wanted sex it would make you feel really uncomfortable and you'd want to avoid her.


There was a similar thread early dealing with this issue.

 

[slaog]

News flash: Your girlfriend, if she is remotely attractive, will encounter and interact with men who want to have sex with her every hour of every day of her life. You will not control that by regulating her lunches and ****tails.

But she doesn't have to hang out and go to dinners with them.

 

[guru1000]

but I don't think that completely banning public get-togethers with her male friends will make you look very secure or confident.

Here is a classical mistake.

There is a difference between APPEARING secure and BEING secure.

I can argue that any SECURE man would not have exclusive relations with a woman with male friends. An AW is of no interest to him. A woman who needs the attention of other men in addition to you is not Quality material. We can say that any man who chooses to be with a girl that requires male friend attention is insecure and scarce in options. After all if he had many options, he would not invest himself into lower quality.

Fact of the matter is a secure or confident man will only play a relationship by his rules. If those rules should include his exclusive woman having male friends, he SHOULD reevaluate his standards.

 

[STR8UP]

First off, don't listen to this "If your g/f so much as talks to another guy while she's dating you, DUMP HER" crap.

If I started seriously dating a chick and she told me that I could no longer speak with any of the other women I know I would tell her to get lost, so why should it be any different if she has male friends? The hypocrisy around here kills me sometimes....

Part of what keeps a relationship together is MAINTAINING YOUR INDIVIDUAL IDENTITIES. Suddenly breaking your routines by shunning friends of the opposite sex, "staying in" every weekend, and all that other stuff that happens when people get into relationships is the beginning of the end.

Fact is, it has NOTHING to do with one other man or a hundred other men. It has to do with the way your woman REACTS to other men. There is nothing wrong with her having male friends, same as there is nothing wrong with you having female friends while in a relationship. The only thing that matters is how she interacts with them.

Does she have lunch with a male coworker from time to time? Big deal.

Lunch with her ex fiancee? Time to find a new woman.

See the difference?

There's a big difference between drawing reasonable boundaries and trying to lock someone in a cage. Women are going to do what they are going to do. The only control you have over this is keeping HER attraction level for you UP.

There is no doubt in my mind that these guys who claim to draw all of these constricting boundaries with their women would be SHOCKED and APPALLED to know how much their women hide from them so they APPEAR to conform.

Oh, and to the OP....learn how to type. I didn't even bother to read your post.

 

[guru1000]

And I here I am with no history of exclusive relationships with male friends.

Is it my Control or Selection?

Funny how those with the most women issues seem to be accepting of ANY woman.

 

[GuanYu]

Where do you live, Iran?

Virginia actually.

I totally disagree with this. I have no problem at all with a girl I'm in a relationship with having guy friends. Let me ask you this...do you ever hang out casually with girls when dating someone?

Yep, I sure do but when I was in exclusive LTR I had enough respect for my woman not to do 1-on-1 dates (or "hang outs") with other women. Confident women don't put up with that just like confident men shouldn't.

I have no problem if the guys she's out with want to have sex with her either. If I'm in a relationship with a girl I trust her, and if I can't trust her to go out for lunch with a guy friend without trying to fvck him, why would I want to be with her in the first place?

If you were doing what you're suppose to be doing in an LTR she wouldn't be curious and want to go hang out with other guys period. If she does then she's definitely not long term material since she's an AW.

I don't own the girl, she's with me because she wants to be, and if she finds someone else or loses interest I'll remind her where the door is. To me, your ideas show how insecure you are with yourself and your relationships and I think you should work on your confidence.

I beg to differ, sir. This kind of mindset shows my confidence to select the right kind of woman. I don't go for just any woman and certainly don't waste my time with AW's. If she feels the need to go 1-on-1 with other guys that's a problem. I never said I had a problem with her having male friends or interactions - I don't control women. But I do expect some respect (no dates with other guys) just as she should expect from me.

There is no doubt in my mind that these guys who claim to draw all of these constricting boundaries with their women would be SHOCKED and APPALLED to know how much their women hide from them so they APPEAR to conform.

I couldn't agree more, but you mentioned it yourself. What's the difference between doing lunch with an ex fiance and some random dude that wants to get her in the sack? There has to be certain boundaries and if needed the couple should discuss those and compromise. That lowers the chance of someone screwing up because they "didn't know" or thought it "wasn't a big deal". Just like it's not cool to go to the club every weekend with the boys if you're in a serious relationship. There must be guidelines.

 

[jophil28]

A woman who needs the attention of other men in addition to you is not Quality material.

Ding !
And therefore I would add that such a woman is not someone whom a man should consider for an LTR.

 

[STR8UP]

Neither. It's obliviousness and/or ignorance to reality. A lot of proud fathers' daughters are virgins their whole lives, too.

It's a lot easier to pretend that "My girl is different" than acknowledge the fact that they are all pretty much the same.

There are times where I do wish I could step back into lala land for awhile though.

Unfortunately it's usually either hope and disappointment or realization and apathy.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Getting back the OP's original thought, I understand what your interpretation is, all I'm asking you to do is ask yourself why you'd think they were "bitter"? This is a feminine social convention that's in the same vein as shame. Any guy that has a point about the feminine, no matter how valid, can always have his argument poisoned because he's a guy and most guys are frustrated that they aren't getting laid and this is his petty way of venting. Of course, the same can be used with women, but it's never as valid because they play the role of sexual filter. We can point out bitter women, but the feminine default is to always be cast in the victim role, so even if they are bitter it's always justified.

I'm just asking you think about it, because, when men can be convinced to participate in women's social conventions half their work is done for them.

 

[guru1000]

Neither. It's obliviousness and/or ignorance to reality.

Or just maybe a different reality.

Donald Trump is a fictitious character because he is successful.

It's a lot easier to pretend that "My girl is different" than acknowledge the fact that they are all pretty much the same.

Says the guy who doesn't believe in absolutes.