My understanding of the word empathy is to feel for another because you can put yourself in their position. The problem is sometimes we are not in the position to “relate“. Women and men go through different life experiences and the levels vary. What I have experienced from women is that they only have empathy for other women or their own children. If men go through a struggle, they generally don’t seem to care. If the situation is something like one parent seeing another parent struggle, then there is a mutual relatable experience. To blankly say men lack empathy is foolish. Maybe from the female perspective, but men show empathy to other men and society as a whole.
My thought is women seem more selfish and apathetic because in the past they needed to worry about their long term security. If their man was struggling or showing weakness, he was a threat to the future success of her offspring. Plenty examples like, “the man cold”. A guy can’t get a cold and feel miserable? How about a woman dumping a man if he losses his job. They needed men to not fail because their lives depended on it. Now that dependence is not as strong as women have gotten more self sufficient. As a result, they seem to care even less now. In general, I think women have a genetic predisposition to despise weak men so they are not going to offer much empathy.
When you can walk in another’s shoes you can relate that is a good point. The most ardent critic is happy, almost compelled, to reach out to you if you share a common bond, which due to human nature is typically over a hardship.
Example, my ex wife made me a pariah and persona non grata in her friend group which by some word of mouth, coupled with simply being a single dad and how those images work in a bedroom community (never mind that I filed). Then, some idiot leaves part of his gun out on the kitchen table and the kid brings it out of his bag the next day at lunch. Nothing was imminently done to secure the area or lay the hammer down on the kid or family.
I chastise the superintend of the school on email and force them to address the issue which was coincidental the next day at the board of ed, so it’s added to the agenda and they have a cop come down. The board speaks and then I get up there. I very firmly but empathetically laid it on their feet to know and understand that it was simply gods grace that we didn’t have a room full of dead children. It’s on YouTube the following morning.
supposedly I’m this awful guy, and yet multiple of these moms are poking out of the woodwork to come tell me that it brought tears to their eyes for weeks. That wasn’t the point but it goes to illuminate that people who hate you will bond over a common threat.
that’s empathy. And empathy builds trust and relationships.
