Are children worth it? Do you regret having kids??

[Pandora]

I'm 49. I regret not having them. Won't now though. Too late.

This is honest. Btw it is not too late. My father had my sister at 45 yrs old.

 

[SW15]

Yeh bro i agree. The divorce is inevitable. It is selfish to subject a child to a divorce that you know is going to happen.

I would say for at least the last 15-20 years, there have been good and comprehensive statistics around probability of divorce. Statistics surrounding effects of divorce upon children have been good for at least 30 years.

@Pandora -- Both you and I are in our late 30s. When our parents were planning to have children in the first half of the 1980s, the statistics around both divorce probability and effects of divorce were more limited and less accessible. In the USA, the increases in divorces started in the early 1970s, so it was a reasonably new thing by the early 1980s. I think by the early 1980s, people knew that divorce was common outcome. My parents did eventually divorce.

Couples don't even need to marry when they have a baby. Non-marital partners that have a baby together are usually not together when their first baby turns 18.

It is difficult to justify having children as a man when you know the more likely outcome is that you and the mother won't be together when the first child turns 18.

It seems like in today's America all the wrong people have kids. While the sane people dont.

That's true.

I'm 49. I regret not having them. Won't now though. Too late.

I'm late 30s. It's not likely that I'll have them at this point. I have always been ambivalent about having them due to a traumatic childhood, but even if I hadn't have had that traumatic childhood, circumstances as an adult made it not feasible to have a kid.

I graduated from an MBA program in the 2007-08 school year. Think back to 2008. Imagine 2008 and trying to look for a new job. It was BAD. Graduating into the late 2000s/early 2010s recession/recessionary conditions set my career back a long way. I had to take some steep discounts in order to get employed. While I had an MBA, my salaries in the early years after getting an MBA were well below the expected levels for MBAs. Sorting out that mess took most of the 2010s.

I managed to get vagina and some extended relationships with vagina. During the 2010s, I wasn't in a place in my career or in certain relationships to have children. Those were probably the best years for me to have a kid if I were going to have one.

Now, my income/net worth isn't high enough to attract a woman below 33-35. In recent years, I've been having sex with women of limited fertility. I've still been using condoms. Women 33-39 can still get pregnant. The women I can attract are younger than I am, but not by much and still childless. Both are good things but these childless 30 something women have their own baggage. Probably not good choices for motherhood. Additionally, the breakup probability is still high as mentioned earlier.

This is honest. Btw it is not too late. My father had my sister at 45 yrs old.

Most men in their 40s are vagina beggars who settle for women close to their own ages who have essentially zero fertility. Lots of guys in their 40s are getting with single moms.

 

[Gamisch]

This is haunting. What is especially interesting is what you say about hypergamy kicking in even harder. Wow....hey thanks for being honest about the regret thing. Btw how expensive are children?

Very expensive. Its actually hard to put in in numbers, but I think it's safe to say it's a infinite amount of money. Dudes really underestimate how much it cost. Ofcourse you just gotta do it with whatever money you have, but when you have a child, its never enough .

 

[RBK]

Would you have another one?

No, I do not want more children.

 

[Fruitbat]

Best decision I made but I had mine quite late.

As you approach middle age you have to make the choice. Do I risk all with marriage and kids or take the safe option.

contrary to the prevailing logic, it takes courage to do this.

it’s also the evolution of manhood beyond mere hedonistic pleasures to founding and establishing an empire.

I don’t expect other men to follow this, and everyone knows what’s right for them. This is just how I saw it.

I would always feel like I failed if I didn’t establish a family.

Back in 2016 I was contemplating suicide as I had nothing to live for. I’m very glad I worked hard to build a family as once your little star is here, you know you’ll keep going for them no matter what. I’d kind of feel my life was a dead end and insignificant without children.

 

[Barrister]

I have a daughter and she is the most important thing in my life.

My ex-wife is beyond worthless and while I consider my marriage/blue pill days a waste as far as potential, my daughter is the best thing to come out of that and I wouldn't give her up for anything. Yes, your life will change after you have even just one child. It will affect some of your long-term LTR prospects as well. But at the end of the day, I want to leave what I built to someone. I would much rather that be my own rather than some distant relative. There is also something very personally rewarding being able to raise a child and make mold them into a strong person of integrity.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I know the politically correct answer is to say " i dont regret my kids". Are there any parents that regret having children? With as many crappy parents that exist I would imagine that quite a few regret their kids. I would hate to have kids with the modern woman and then realize I should have just been an anti natalist. The only reason I interact with the modern woman is because one day I may want a child.

I see it in modern women throwing their kids in child prisons called day care. All about the mcmansion. All about the lifestyle.

If you want kids, you got to be abroad or be willing to go scorched earth. As in, she attempts to divorce rape, you have a 2nd passport, and you ghost. Dudes need to be cut throat.

I might get a throater from modern women but I don't date them. you want to pursue trad girls. East Asia, south America, eastern Europe etc. George max. Don't **** up with western women. Even then you can't bring them back here or else they get westernized.

I'm more then a decade + in pickup. Wouldn't ever marry especially in the UK or anywhere in the western world. She has to be ride or die else she belongs to the streets. Treat as such. Modern women are catch & release.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I wanted to have kids...on holidays and special events I often regret not having them.

when I’m enjoying one of my many hobbies while my friends are working at a sweltering concession stand... for their kids travel team I’m happy I didn’t have them.

2022 I don’t think I would want to bring a child into this madness... I don’t even know how many genders we currently have...

I only see ltr for the purpose of kids and lineage. I think it works on other parts of the world. At our age now, weddings and reunions of any kind are wackkkk. Everyone is plugged in. Some found legit ride or die. Others are following the beaten path.

I think lineage is a worthy pursuit if a man can execute precisely.

 

[lost_blackbird]

Most men in their 40s are vagina beggars who settle for women close to their own ages who have essentially zero fertility. Lots of guys in their 40s are getting with single moms.

They are welcome to them, as I'm just not interested. I'm certainly no vagina beggar, they can keep their
blown out, road kill looking vaginas. Ugh. I have other things in my life that bring me excitement and joy.
I just ordered a brand new 1000cc Yamaha. Now that's something I'm actually excited about the prospect
of throwing my leg over and it will thrill me consistently until it either kills me or I get bored and want
something faster. Ironically I get a lot of eye fcking when I'm on a motorcycle with all the black leather
gear on and black tinted helmet, even though they can't see my face at all. Disgusting shameless creatures
the lot of them.

 

[Machine10033]

Most men in their 40s are vagina beggars who settle for women close to their own ages who have essentially zero fertility. Lots of guys in their 40s are getting with single moms.

I am 41 and I see this all around me. Guys that can’t wait to give up their goals and freedom to become a slave to vagina and kids that have no genetic ties to them.

 

[Murk]

Back in 2016 I was contemplating suicide as I had nothing to live for. I’m very glad I worked hard to build a family as once your little star is here, you know you’ll keep going for them no matter what. I’d kind of feel my life was a dead end and insignificant without children.

This is exactly how I feel right now minus the suicide, I'm broody for a kid/s of my own and to give me a reason to keep building my business. I don't have much motivation to do it just for myself anymore.

 

[Blacksheep]

I know the politically correct answer is to say " i dont regret my kids". Are there any parents that regret having children? With as many crappy parents that exist I would imagine that quite a few regret their kids. I would hate to have kids with the modern woman and then realize I should have just been an anti natalist. The only reason I interact with the modern woman is because one day I may want a child.

My biggest regret on that was being involved with a stupid woman that's trying in all means fck with my financial and psychological life. She is showing her worse part as a person on a judicial process while she is saying a lot of lies about me without any concern and creating a bunch of bll****s to try to put me as the bad one.

She is also a feminist, so you can imagine her kind of personality.

Also, have my parents that were extremely abusive since my childhood and now use my son as tool to try to attack me or show to society how "great parents" they are.

In that context, I really regret of having a child. Not only for what I'm experiencing but also in the environment my son is growing up.

People usually say you should do something, you should position yourself as a father. But its very difficult when you are dealing with perverse narcissistic parents (my parents) and a mother that is as evil as my parents. Also, I'm not completely healed from years of constant abuse. So I don't have much strength and power to do anything. I just stay away and I'm trying to recover myself first before trying to do anything.

Maybe in the future when he is older I could get close to him. But I don't create much expectation into that.

I would love to have a child with a good wife, and in my case I would raise my son far away my parents, considering that this wife would understand that situation and support that decision. Otherwise I wouldn't think about it.

But after all that, I don't plan to have children anymore. I also don't know if I'm going to find a good partner in the path this world is going on lately.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I know the politically correct answer is to say " i dont regret my kids". Are there any parents that regret having children? With as many crappy parents that exist I would imagine that quite a few regret their kids. I would hate to have kids with the modern woman and then realize I should have just been an anti natalist. The only reason I interact with the modern woman is because one day I may want a child.

Never regretted my kids even for a second. That's how many of us dads feel.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

My biggest regret on that was being involved with a stupid woman that's trying in all means fck with my financial and psychological life. She is showing her worse part as a person on a judicial process while she is saying a lot of lies about me without any concern and creating a bunch of bll****s to try to put me as the bad one.

She is also a feminist, so you can imagine her kind of personality.

Also, have my parents that were extremely abusive since my childhood and now use my son as tool to try to attack me or show to society how "great parents" they are.

In that context, I really regret of having a child. Not only for what I'm experiencing but also in the environment my son is growing up.

People usually say you should do something, you should position yourself as a father. But its very difficult when you are dealing with perverse narcissistic parents (my parents) and a mother that is as evil as my parents. Also, I'm not completely healed from years of constant abuse. So I don't have much strength and power to do anything. I just stay away and I'm trying to recover myself first before trying to do anything.

Maybe in the future when he is older I could get close to him. But I don't create much expectation into that.

I would love to have a child with a good wife, and in my case I would raise my son far away my parents, considering that this wife would understand that situation and support that decision. Otherwise I wouldn't think about it.

But after all that, I don't plan to have children anymore. I also don't know if I'm going to find a good partner in the path this world is going on lately.

Yeah bro! How have you been doing? I remember about your parents and then you started to flourish when you moved to another region!

I also know how the narcissistic ex can use all sorts of tools and social aspects to attack your life.

I remember you are in Brasil, does the "good wife" scenerio still exist there?

Also it will be interesting for someone like yourself to produce a progress story. I remember some of the stories, but i'm curious how each thing you have done for yourself has bettered your life.

 

[Blacksheep]

Yeah bro! How have you been doing? I remember about your parents and then you started to flourish when you moved to another region!

I also know how the narcissistic ex can use all sorts of tools and social aspects to attack your life.

Hey bro!

I'm doing well in general. Those years since I left that situation has been a great learning experience. Not easy at all, but it's like I was born again and I need to relearn and rebuild everything I thought I was and the truths I was used to believe.

I lost a considerable amount of weight. And slowly getting healthy again. It's so good to see my clothes getting loose on my body again. haha

When we cut the root of our toxicity, it seems we start to detoxify other aspects of our lives.

They still want to bring me down, now it's on a financial aspect with alimony... With the hope that this can hoover me back to depend on them. But I'm holding on tight and strong.

Still struggle with energy levels, although it's slowly getting better.

I have to say, that was the most difficult decision of my life, and yet it was the best decision I could ever take. I was the frog that managed to jump out of the pot before it got too hot. Still burned, but not dead.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Hey bro!

I'm doing well in general. Those years since I left that situation has been a great learning experience. Not easy at all, but it's like I was born again and I need to relearn and rebuild everything I thought I was and the truths I was used to believe.

I lost a considerable amount of weight. And slowly getting healthy again. It's so good to see my clothes getting loose on my body again. haha

When we cut the root of our toxicity, it seems we start to detoxify other aspects of our lives.

They still want to bring me down, now it's on a financial aspect with alimony... With the hope that this can hoover me back to depend on them. But I'm holding on tight and strong.

Still struggle with energy levels, although it's slowly getting better.

I have to say, that was the most difficult decision of my life, and yet it was the best decision I could ever take. I was the frog that managed to jump out of the pot before it got too hot. Still burned, but not dead.

Damn, so they are able to communicate with you yet again? I'm sure you were feeling great when you had radio silence for all that time for cutting them off and removing the communication. I'd find a way to legally make it that they cannot communicate with you. I mean you can get letters from the system, but THATS IT.

I don't know if you have a new love life, but that really helps put things in perspective. You can laugh at their shenanigans.

 

[Blacksheep]

Damn, so they are able to communicate with you yet again? I'm sure you were feeling great when you had radio silence for all that time for cutting them off and removing the communication. I'd find a way to legally make it that they cannot communicate with you. I mean you can get letters from the system, but THATS IT.

I don't know if you have a new love life, but that really helps put things in perspective. You can laugh at their shenanigans.

Not directly. They are kinda creating some lies with that ex, and they are using it on that at court to try to harm me. But, I have facts on my side, so I exposed some lies with that. And based on what I read in that court case so far, most of the stuff has words very similar to what I could expect from my parents.

I hope justice can be made on that... Cause if the judge decides that I have to pay a huge amount of money on alimony, this can literally knock me down financially.

About love life, I had some experiences lately but it doesn't work. As I'm realizing in psychoanalysis it seems we are used to looking for what is familiar to us... So I was in a pattern of being attracted to partners that were similar to my parents... Leading to an unhealthy relationship.

Based on that, I'm trying to fix those issues and learning how to identify a good partner, if I find someone in the future.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Best thing ever

 

[Epimanes]

My kids are the best thing to come out of my failed marriage after 25yrs together.... they are great ... and will be functional and contributing members of society. .. my marriage may have failed. But my kids turned out fantastic.

 

[s74rk]

This is a great thread, lots of thoughtful comments from men on both perspectives.

I have a fairly unique situation, not even sure it counts - I've been a sperm donor. Two kids out there, no obligations or contact on my end. I've just always had this urge to reproduce, and it wasn't happening in any relationships I had in my 20s. So as a man I adapted to the other extreme of playboy + sperm donor. Kind of satisfies all my needs, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit something was missing in my life. Part of me still yearns for that more traditional and stable setup, but the odds of that happening in the West are very low. Best case scenario is maybe getting a modest and young woman, and then moving us to a more patriarchal environment.