Any Cheaters On Here?

[Lexington]

Affairs have always happened but I would guess that they are more prevalent today due to several factors. First off, there is birth control, which means less consequences for women who cheat with men and the cheating men themselves. Then there is the whole sexual liberation of women thing which makes it more acceptable for women to be overtly sexual. Finally, we live in a highly sexualized world. Everywhere you look, people are selling sex.

In the 1800s it was very rare that you even saw a woman's legs. Nowadays you can walk down the street on a hot summer day and see girls wearing mid riffs and booty shorts. You can go to strip clubs. You can turn on your computer and select from millions of videos of girls getting fvcked exactly to your liking. You can't turn on the TV without seeing sexy women.

A guy's sexual appetite is just less easy to satiate these days. A long time ago, just getting pvssy -any pvssy- was enough to keep most guys satisfied. That just doesn't do it for a lot of men these days. This is especially the case after many years of having sex with the same woman.

I don't care how freaky your sex life may be with your wife. After you've banged her thousands of times, it's just not as exciting as getting it on with a new girl for the very first time. I think that's what a lot of guys get off on. There is no denying that even the most faithful guys fantasize about banging someone other than their significant other.

Now that it is easier to realize that fantasy, and because the consequences are less severe, it's only natural that more guys go ahead and cheat.

 

[backbreaker]

I can honestly say that as long as I have been exclusively dating, i have not cheated, and honestly really have not had the urge to. About a year and a half ago I was at this girl's house who was my AA buddy and we had went to the gym, and she let me use her shower and change clothes before going to big book study. so I change clothes and I'm on her couch watching HRTV waiting for her to get dressed and she comes out the shower, with nothing but at towel on, dripping wet. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have an extremely stiff hard on, and she knew what she was doing, but I brushed the thought aside, it was just bam right there in front of me. that's the closest i have come yet. I even told my GF about it I felt bad.

But when I am not exclusively dating someone, all bets are off. I would have bent her over the toilet in the bathroom lol

 

[synergy1]

not a chance, because if i am dating a chick i am into, I would never do something like that to a good person.

However, I stay single because I want to explore. I could have easily settle down with a girlfriend right now, but I am having too much fun right now. The last 4 weekends have been w/ 3 different chicks. Boom. ( really, though I need to stop. this **** seems like its Russian Roulette).

 

[Blusher]

Ha - I was just talking to my wife about this today. She brought up the oft-cited statistic that Facebook is "responsible" for 1 in 5 divorces. Presumably this silly statistic (if you can call it that) relates to cheating, and how easily one can slide down the slope online.

I told her that a person's decisions are still his/her own and social networking, email, and IM are not excuses or reasons.

Absolutely, blaming one's wrong judgement and lack of control on Facebook is just as relevant as blaming on say, global warming, short skirts or the recession. Take responsibility for your actions.

Not saying I'm perfect or above certain impulses. Personally I don't have the energy to cheat - not the sexual energy mind you, but the energy to lie and cover up. I also don't intend to disrespect my wife, who treats me like a king. So I guess you could say I have high "interest level." To me, "alpha" isn't sticking your willie in every hole that presents itself just because you can.

Another good point. I feel the same about this. I work as a make-up artists and dating coach which means I'm either around models or chatting up girls in bars when I'm at work. My gf understands the nature of my job and she knows she can trust me to be honest to her. Full disclosure is of the essence here. The moment you start wasting energy on covering up who you met when and where, you're on a slippery slope.

Also, I don't get why no-one here considers the option of frankly opening a conversation with one's partner about having an open relationship. It seems to me like a lot of guys and girls out there would be better off in a non-exclusive relationship rather than desperately trying to keep their desires in check only to cheat when an opportunity presents itself. The ensuing guilt, shame and the heartbreak should be enough to make them consider another mode of relationship.

If you know you're going to cheat, why go for an exclusive relationship?

It's like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.

 

[KarmaSutra]

It's like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.

Or Darth Vader's helmet through the eye of a needle.

Cheating is a woman's term for limiting you after becoming a domesticated mutt. Your once wild heart, and untamed sexual hunger, have now been brought inside where you're sedated and fed from her bowl, when SHE wants to feed you.

Go back to that viciously starving vagina hunter that she wants you to be. Put yourself back outside to sleep in the grass after you've banged every hole she has.

After you've taken the Pride back, and set the b!tches in line, she'll fight tooth and claw to be the first one under you when you wake up to fvck and feed.

 

[Wilko]

For every married guy you see with the opportunity of chatting up a hottie who isn't his wife, there's a thousand more men snapping it to Bree Olsen on redtube wondering why their wives wont ƒuck like they used to when they were single, wondering why she says one thing and does another, wondering why he committed to 9 hours a day in a cube farm just to keep up what his wife tells him is expected of him.

It's this! Learning game, unplugging from the matrix has given me some great experiences. I've had nasty, despicable porno sex with some very talented girls, bedded one or two 8's but the best thing by far is that I know I will never go back to doing THAT. I've come close to losing my way but I've always managed to pull myself back from the brink of mediocrity. Nice reminder

 

[davewe]

Also, I don't get why no-one here considers the option of frankly opening a conversation with one's partner about having an open relationship. It seems to me like a lot of guys and girls out there would be better off in a non-exclusive relationship rather than desperately trying to keep their desires in check only to cheat when an opportunity presents itself. The ensuing guilt, shame and the heartbreak should be enough to make them consider another mode of relationship.

If you know you're going to cheat, why go for an exclusive relationship?

It's like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.

Absolutely! There actually are women (lots of them) out there who would be happy to hear the truth, rather than the fantasy that you will never sniff around another *****.

Now i would give a pass to the young guy who genuinely gets married believing he will only sleep with his wife, but a mature man, and a mature man on this kind of forum should know better. It's true chump behavior to lie to the woman when you know in your heart of hearts that sooner or later...

This is truly being unlocked from the Matrix. Of course, I met with Johnny Soporno in January, so my eyes have been opened!

 

[mrRuckus]

Maybe many guys wouldn't be forced to cheat on their wives if they could reasonably split from them without financial ruin.

 

[Franky Four Fingers]

Maybe many guys wouldn't be forced to cheat on their wives if they could reasonably split from them without financial ruin.

Amen to that.

 

[backbreaker]

You know how i said i haven't been tempted lol... well that **** changed today. I see alot of bad women living in LA but I had a meeting with a client that was reered to me... this **** had to be a final exam before I get married, but the woman stepped right out of a magizine. Just unreal beatuiful, about 5'11/6'0, just perfect, mixed, she is a model who I did her friends clothing website and she wants her own. Not the smartest cookie in the jar but she didn't need to be. And she was cool too, she wasn't stuck up.


I meet all my clients at starbucks, and after I go the deposit from her (i am not even advertising my services right now, this was just a reference, and I am taking it on just to make sure it gets done right becuase I like the person that refereed her to me, who isn't bad looking her self either), she told me "I normally don't do this but, you want to go grab a real drink".. and i'll be lying if I said I didn't think about it, but I just couldn't do it. I told her point blank, i'll be honest, i'm very attracted to you, and while it will probably be harmless, I don't want to temp myself (She saw the ring on my finger), then she said "well, you have my number if you change your mind".

just ****ing sitting there. this **** isn't fair. I went home and ****ed the living **** out of my fiancee just to get it out my system lol. I mean I get hit on, and I will manage, it's not that big of a deal in the long run, but that was the first time, I caught myself saying "well damn man no one is going to know lol" but this isn't the new testament, i'm not going to get down on myself for wanting to **** the **** out of hot woman. When making a commitment, sometimes sacrifices have to be made. And I know in the long run I would be miserable if I cheated, i would **** up a perfect relationship.

 

[grayclif]

You know how i said i haven't been tempted lol... well that **** changed today. I see alot of bad women living in LA but I had a meeting with a client that was reered to me... this **** had to be a final exam before I get married, but the woman stepped right out of a magizine. Just unreal beatuiful, about 5'11/6'0, just perfect, mixed, she is a model who I did her friends clothing website and she wants her own. Not the smartest cookie in the jar but she didn't need to be. And she was cool too, she wasn't stuck up.


I meet all my clients at starbucks, and after I go the deposit from her (i am not even advertising my services right now, this was just a reference, and I am taking it on just to make sure it gets done right becuase I like the person that refereed her to me, who isn't bad looking her self either), she told me "I normally don't do this but, you want to go grab a real drink".. and i'll be lying if I said I didn't think about it, but I just couldn't do it. I told her point blank, i'll be honest, i'm very attracted to you, and while it will probably be harmless, I don't want to temp myself (She saw the ring on my finger), then she said "well, you have my number if you change your mind".

just ****ing sitting there. this **** isn't fair. I went home and ****ed the living **** out of my fiancee just to get it out my system lol. I mean I get hit on, and I will manage, it's not that big of a deal in the long run, but that was the first time, I caught myself saying "well damn man no one is going to know lol" but this isn't the new testament, i'm not going to get down on myself for wanting to **** the **** out of hot woman. When making a commitment, sometimes sacrifices have to be made. And I know in the long run I would be miserable if I cheated, i would **** up a perfect relationship.

At least now she knows for sure she's gonna have to pay full price for your services.

 

[zekko]

I caught myself saying "well damn man no one is going to know lol"

So, Backbreaker. Did you pass up this temptation because you have convictions and principles?
Or is it because your fiance has cut off your balls and handed them to you on a platter, as some would have us believe?

 

[backbreaker]

Because I love my finacee and the few mintues of pleasure are not worth it to me. It's not like she isn't doing what she is supposed to do and as long as she is doing what she is supposed to do I will reward her by staying faithful.

 

[jafyk]

Law 20: Do Not Commit to Anyone
It is the fool who always rushes to take sides. Do not commit to any side or cause but yourself. By maintaining your independence, you become the master of others— playing people against one another, making them pursue you.

Does this mean your marriage is a sham Rollo? Please explain my friend, lol.

 

[zekko]

Does this mean your marriage is a sham Rollo? Please explain my friend, lol.

That sounds like the type of question I would ask him, lol.

Rollo's advice confused me for a long time because he was a happily married guy telling you to go do all this stuff like spinning plates and such. It all sounded very much like "Do as I say, not as I do", if you know what I mean. What I finally figured out is that most of Rollo's advice is aimed at the beginner type AFC who first walks into the forum. To have a successful marriage later in life, for example, a young guy is better off getting the experience and abundance mentality of spinning plates early on.

In this case however, I think that even in marriage, you still have to remain commited mainly to yourself. You always have to hold that little bit of yourself back, because no one is going to take care of you but you. If your wife should turn on you (which is common these days), you need to be able to take care of yourself. This shifting of gears is a lot easier if you maintain that independence all along. It's like they say, we all die alone.

I will never fully trust a woman, therefore I am never dependent on her, I am never at her mercy. That's how you have to live, I think. Curiously, this seems to make my relationships run smoother. I live everyday with my live in girlfriend as if it could be the last, I know and accept that it could end at any time. I keep myself in a protected position, even though I am still very giving to her.

The only exception to not commiting to anyone might be when it comes to having children. I don't know much about that though, since I don't have kids myself. But I can see that to be able to take care of your child, you have to take care of yourself first so that you are in a position of strength for yourself and your child.


In this case though

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Good advice Zekko. I need to learn how to apply this in my life.

 

[azanon]

Lately I've been acutely aware that I am surrounded by guys who cheat on their wives (and a lot of women who willingly sleep with them, including some married women). I'm kind of curious as to what the mindsets of these guys are. I've done a few indiscreet things in the past, but I've generally been pretty faithful to the women I've been committed to. These guys seem to make a lifestyle out of screwing around.

...................

But generally I wonder what is driving the behavior of these guys? Are they simply driven by sexual impulses and don't think about it any deeper than that? Can they just not control themselves? Do they constantly crave the excitement of new and different things/women? Do they feel no sense of loyalty to their women?

I"ll take a stab at this and try to provide a few insights:

Some people, not all, get really hung up on vows, promises, as if to suggest they exist on some spiritual plane. I actually think this practice is potentially harmful because if, or when, someone breaks a vow, which sometimes are quite grandiose, then they proceed to punish themselves for months, and years to come, essentially because they are human, and they expecting perfection of themselves.

Another viewpoint lies with the grand importance of distinguishing true love and commitment from just sex. We men should be well aware that sex has nothing to do with love. It is our instinct and we can do it without even knowing the woman's name. Thus, it should essentially have no bearing on true, loving, genuine commitments that you have with other people including, but not limited to, one's spouse.

I think the part of the standard marriage vow that includes exclusiveness what well-meant, but was not entirely realistic. I think it's a great goal to strive for and probably minimizes risks (of many types) when one adheres to it, but I don't think one should think the world has come to an end if this particular part of the vow were broken on occasion.

So OP, if I may ask, why is this such a big deal to you? In other words, why do you give the act of sex so much power by making it out to be so much more than it really is? Also, please realize that infidelity has two general classes: physical and emotional. I believe the latter type of infidelity is what you should be more concerned about because that type goes beyond simply the physical.

One last point. Marriage can be quite beneficial for both parties even if there is infidelity. Benefits include optimizing child rearing, financial benefits, time management benefits, family extension, and so many others.

Life starts to get REALLY fun when you believe there are no big deals in life. Consider quit taking yourself and others so seriously.

 

[azanon]

The funny thing is most of these guys I'm seeing who regularly cheat are not "alpha" at all. They are in no position of command, they just scrape by financially, they don't have high status, they're not even in very good shape (guess they're not "hitting the gym"). What they are is horndogs. And that is their real secret, I think. They are so horny for fresh meat they do whatever they have to do to make something happen.

If this is the stereotype, keep it alive zekko. Spread the word!

Kidding aside, if being a "horndog" is correlated with any physical attribute, it would be with fitness and vitality. I think the reason why is so obvious it goes without saying, but if it doesn't, just let me know and I'll pm you as to not bore the others with the obvious.

 

[zekko]

I think the part of the standard marriage vow that includes exclusiveness what well-meant, but was not entirely realistic. I think it's a great goal to strive for and probably minimizes risks (of many types) when one adheres to it, but I don't think one should think the world has come to an end if this particular part of the vow were broken on occasion.

For what it's worth, I'm not really talking about guys who cheat "on occasion", but guys who make a lifestyle out of it. But that's not really relevant.

For me, it's quid pro quo. If I have a wife I do not want other c0cks in her, that would decrease her value to me. It's as simple as that. That is not a situation I am going to tolerate. If you wouldn't mind your wife having other c0cks in her, you are welcome to enjoy that. For me, if I expect fidelity from my woman, it's only fair to give it in return. That's simple respect and consideration.

You might say there should be a double standard, that men should be able to cheat but not women (because men need multiple sexual encounters more than women do). But women cheat as much as men, so I'm not sure that argument really holds water. Obviously there is something driving the women to cheat also.

Also, there are a lot of guys who are able to stay faithful, so I don't think it's right to say that it is unrealistic. I will agree that for certain guys, it is unrealistic. But if they need the multiple partners that badly, maybe they shouldn't get married. Maybe there's a desire on their part to have their cake and eat it too.

As you point out, there are risks to sex with multiple partners. Condoms are not 100% effective. If your woman cheats on you, you could end up a cuckold, or with an STD. That does not appeal to me, does it appeal to you?

Kidding aside, if being a "horndog" is correlated with any physical attribute, it would be with fitness and vitality.

I suppose having a reputation as a horndog may suggest some state of health and virility. Nevertheless, a lot of these guys are simply not in the best of shape. They may have some paunch, for instance. Think of a middle aged Jack Nicholson.

 

[backbreaker]

I have an interesting question


say you are married. and you start cheating. or she starts cheating. doesnt' matter./ but you are attracted to her still and she is still attracted to you and you have a kid and she does a good job of raising the kid and you guys are doing well fincnailly together, basically the only strain on the relationship is the need for outside **** or poon.

would you ever entertain the thought of having a discreet, just keep it out of my face and still give me what i need type relationship?


back to my son, as silly as it sounds, he kinda motivates me. I want to be a good role model and daddy. I want him to have a positive man in his lie to say you know what I want to be just like him when I grow up. When he was born, i have always been a serious guy but he really made me say to myself okay it's time to get serious about your goals, beucase they are just not for you anymore.

Actually about a month ago, she was kinda tipsy but she brought up the fact she wouldn't mind another kid. Not sure how I feel about that. I have always been a one is enough guy, but i wouldn't mind a daughter. But, there has not been a daughter born on my dad's side of my family in over a century (seriously, pretty neat stat), we just dont' have daughters lol.we will see. If we do it won't be for probably another 4 years or so, my dad had my brother when I was 7 and that was perfect timing as I could entertain myself by that age.