Another Sexless LTR - How to stay?

[bat soup]

G'day!
I recently dropped a red, and it hit bloody hard.

I have been in an LTR with a bird for 4+ years.
For years I have, like a good little AFC, accepted her rejections for sex and her reasoning as fair and that her needs (though frustrating) came before mine, even being a good little worker slave, built her a new kitchen and got a "thanks."
Late last year I proposed. Not sure if I subconsciously thought that she was not-intimate because I wasn't showing enough commitment, or for some other silly reason.

Dropped a giant rock on her dainty hand, well more than I could afford.
I got a "yes" and a pash and that was it. But I was still blue pilled, so I didn't put up a fight.

But after a few months it was unbearable.
With few other options and the social conditioning of "talking will make it better" I reverted to overtly communicating my dissatisfaction with her lack of interest/attraction/sex.
I have never, in any relationship, had to beg for it. But I did, and felt so gross that It turned me off.
This was my lowest point and I went looking for answers and found the manosphere.

I read "laws of attraction" and a colleague put me on to "the rational male" which were my red pill.

I am an undergrad, still with 2yrs to complete.
I have a good job/employer but I also can't work much due to studies. The more I work, the less study I get done. and the sooner I graduate, the sooner I can make BANK.

Right now I am ENTIRELY living in her frame. She currently earns a lot, has her house with equity and is the provider in our relationship. It wasn't always the case, when we met I was in the early stages of my career working full time and completely independent.

She is 33 (im 30) and wants kids, and we agreed that if kids were on the table for us that my degree would happen now or never, and better for the kids for it to happen. So we agreed that she would work and I would live rent free with her to get my degree asap so her eggs don't shrivel up.

Then the sex stopped like someone flipped a switch. She was never highly sexual, but when we lived apart I was at least getting it a few times a month. Which even back then I was dissatisfied with but our vastly different schedules were mostly to blame.

How do I get out of her frame, and get her into mine, is it salvageable?
Or am I better off splitting now, while she still has a chance to have kids with someone else/on her own? << This is a big issue for me. I don't want to **** her over. She is still very important to me.
We might as well be housemates. Actually I have had housemates that I ****ed more.
I would rather stay, and fix it. We have literally no other issues than her lack of attraction for me at present.

TLDR:
She is the breadwinner - I am in her frame
I'm nearing my peak SMV - she is on her way down
She is not ****ing - I want the sexytime

Thanks for making it through that novel!

Why not drop her off at a petrol station and then just drive away?

 

[Epimanes]

My new rule since my ex of 25yrs left me (lived on scraps sexually for the last 7 yrs pf our marriage).... new rule is.. women are to make my dyck hard not my life.... if my current gf starts making my life harder than my dyck..m she's gone.... simple as that.

Kids will NOT make this better.... do not fall into this trap.

You will need to increase your value so she feels she will lose you before you ever have kids.. otherwise she will lose respect for you.... likely already has... and can continue to use you for an emotional tampon then one day flush you when she finds a man that won't put up with her ****....

If there is any contempt ... its basicly over at that point and your kicking a dead horse... good luck coming back from that. It will likely only be a matter of time.

Get your **** together...

Epi

 

[ubercat]

I couldn't do it. I ve dated starfish and that never lasted long. And even starfish are at least Mickey D's as opposed to a famine. It's not the lack of V it's the blatant disrespect

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I couldn't do it. I ve dated starfish and that never lasted long. And even starfish are at least Mickey D's as opposed to a famine. It's not the lack of V it's the blatant disrespect

True! A starfish that wants to do it is much better than being trapped in a "withholding" situation.

 

[manfrombelow]

My new rule is.. women are to make my dyck hard not my life

Man, this should be framed in golden frame and put on the front page of SS.

"Women are to make my d!ck hard, not my life."

@OP:

So by somehow updating your level, your woman started to give you sex again. Well, in the mean time, congratulations. You have just learn all female nature the hard way. Their so-called "love" is always, no exception, conditional.

 

[BedSwerver]

Whew, I feel for ya dude. Assuming you haven't already had this issue taken care of. I would put your energy into an exit strategy and don't be surprised when she notices your change in not being all into her (and tries to fire it back up; you must resist going back into the cave!). My philosophy is typically like a light switch (which I'll admit gets me into trouble) BUT the most important one in this thread is YOU. You need to do what is best for you and what is best for making you the best man you can be. You'd be more satisfied getting your education and having a stable of 6's for every night than wasting away in that. I'm not just shooting from the hip here either, I do have real life experience with the whole long term education plan and kids and picket fences and football friday nights...I've totally seen your movie before.

Go missed on this approach and fly to your alternate airport.

 

[Epimanes]

Man, this should be framed in golden frame and put on the front page of SS.

"Women are to make my d!ck hard, not my life."

@OP:

So by somehow updating your level, your woman started to give you sex again. Well, in the mean time, congratulations. You have just learn all female nature the hard way. Their so-called "love" is always, no exception, conditional.

No... my wife left me almost 3yrs ago.. I have the kids now (17son and 23daughter).. I found a new woman who wants sex more than I do... its working perfectly. I even told her that rule.... and she agrees. I knew her 25yrs ago too.... she was my ex wife's friend back in highschool

 

[manfrombelow]

OP, while everything is working well for you AT THE MOMENT, never forget this is the same individual female who can treat you like dog sh!t at any given time if you mess up once again. So if I were you, I'd sleep with one eye open, and perhaps start looking for other candidates to replace the broad.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

How do I get out of her frame, and get her into mine, is it salvageable?

Too late for that and time for you to move on. She doesn't desire you which is = no sex for you.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

As for the dumping I would prefer to try repair.

It doesn't work like that. Once you lost your frame and entered hers then the battle is lost. You cannot "repair" that.
She has no respect for you and you're a weak man in her eyes and thus no desire for you. You are the beta cuck, the AFC and not the alpha chad tunderc0ck, the future beta provider for her and her kids etc. etc. and not MR. exciting that she will properly fvck all night long. If you get married she will eventually leave you for a better more exciting option. Hybergamy knows no shame. Remember that.

The only good thing here is to leave and find the next chick but this time she will enter YOUR FRAME and you will keep it like that.

 

[manfrombelow]

As for the dumping I would prefer to try repair.

Human dynamics, sadly, doesn't work this way.

By "dumping" (aka walking away) her, you are actually giving your relationship a slim chance far in the future in the case that she sees you have options, and that you are not afraid to leave her that she'll grow new attraction for you.

In the meantime, once a female disrespects and stops wanting to svck your d!ck, it's 100% time to move on. Yes you can "repair" the broken relationship by not repeating all the mistakes you made - but with new women, not with this broad.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

G'day!
I recently dropped a red, and it hit bloody hard.

I have been in an LTR with a bird for 4+ years.
For years I have, like a good little AFC, accepted her rejections for sex and her reasoning as fair and that her needs (though frustrating) came before mine, even being a good little worker slave, built her a new kitchen and got a "thanks."
Late last year I proposed. Not sure if I subconsciously thought that she was not-intimate because I wasn't showing enough commitment, or for some other silly reason.

Dropped a giant rock on her dainty hand, well more than I could afford.
I got a "yes" and a pash and that was it. But I was still blue pilled, so I didn't put up a fight.

But after a few months it was unbearable.
With few other options and the social conditioning of "talking will make it better" I reverted to overtly communicating my dissatisfaction with her lack of interest/attraction/sex.
I have never, in any relationship, had to beg for it. But I did, and felt so gross that It turned me off.
This was my lowest point and I went looking for answers and found the manosphere.

I read "laws of attraction" and a colleague put me on to "the rational male" which were my red pill.

I am an undergrad, still with 2yrs to complete.
I have a good job/employer but I also can't work much due to studies. The more I work, the less study I get done. and the sooner I graduate, the sooner I can make BANK.

Right now I am ENTIRELY living in her frame. She currently earns a lot, has her house with equity and is the provider in our relationship. It wasn't always the case, when we met I was in the early stages of my career working full time and completely independent.

She is 33 (im 30) and wants kids, and we agreed that if kids were on the table for us that my degree would happen now or never, and better for the kids for it to happen. So we agreed that she would work and I would live rent free with her to get my degree asap so her eggs don't shrivel up.

Then the sex stopped like someone flipped a switch. She was never highly sexual, but when we lived apart I was at least getting it a few times a month. Which even back then I was dissatisfied with but our vastly different schedules were mostly to blame.

How do I get out of her frame, and get her into mine, is it salvageable?
Or am I better off splitting now, while she still has a chance to have kids with someone else/on her own? << This is a big issue for me. I don't want to **** her over. She is still very important to me.
We might as well be housemates. Actually I have had housemates that I ****ed more.
I would rather stay, and fix it. We have literally no other issues than her lack of attraction for me at present.

TLDR:
She is the breadwinner - I am in her frame
I'm nearing my peak SMV - she is on her way down
She is not ****ing - I want the sexytime

Thanks for making it through that novel!

Curious about the update.

Not in the mood means #next

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

After reading Blue pill professor's subreddit - The 12 Steps Plan of dread I realised I have been doing up to step 5 already, even before red pilling. I was always fit but got a bit softer during the course of this LTR. Nothing major, just a loss of definition mostly, which I curbed after an increase in exercise.

She noticed immediately and started negging me with "you look anorexic now" on several occasions claiming I have "body dysmorphia or something like you're addicted to gains" (most certainly an exaggeration)
I also started dressing up for work, instead of wearing the company polo/jeans which she also picked up on.

There have been some **** tests where the appropriate response was "No" and I stood my ground, even after she got her peers to chime in. I flat out stood my ground. She recently asked "what happened to the nice guy I used to know"

You can be delusional as ****kk all you want. You are still in her frame. No sex. Still in LTR.

Wait wut?

Go Scorched earth. This is just leaving. Say nothing. Go. Not in the mood? Out with the guys. Seed dread.

Better yet. Get hotter and younger.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You can be delusional as ****kk all you want. You are still in her frame. No sex. Still in LTR.

Wait wut?

Go Scorched earth. This is just leaving. Say nothing. Go. Not in the mood? Out with the guys. Seed dread.

Better yet. Get hotter and younger.

When they like you you can fvck when you want to, if not then leave them to be with someone they actually like.

 

[indiff]

I couldn't do it. I ve dated starfish and that never lasted long. And even starfish are at least Mickey D's as opposed to a famine. It's not the lack of V it's the blatant disrespect

reminds me of an ex who told me out of the blue while I was watching tv, “I’m still on my period so we won’t be doing it tonight.”. While I don’t blame her for having her period but the way she said it like I was a hungry dog waiting to be fed and she’s like ‘nope, no food for you tonight’. Thinks way too highly of her *****.

Glad I’m out of that relation****.