And after everything I've accomplished over the years I'm still unhappy

[8YearLurker]

I really wanted to post something after having a deep conversation with my friend about this very problem of mine...

I've worked hard and went to school 8 years longer than most people to get this degree, this high paying job. I even went into an incredibly lucrative field because...well one I love it, and two it pays like no other, and three, I only have to work a few days a week if I really want to.

I work out 5 times a week, I'm into bodybuilding and looking great. I take care of myself like Patrick Bateman from American Psycho.

I have a couple amazing friends and I'm close with my family. No problems there.

I have a sick wardrobe, I basically went into Bloomingdales and bought everything that looked good on me.

I have about 2 really pretty and another two really fckin hot girls I'm sleeping with on a regular basis. The sex is actually incredible.

My job is a position of power and I help people too. You can't really get much better than this. It took a lot to get here, really it was grueling but I got it.

I am unhappy. And I think if I saw 10 psychiatrists none of them would be able to help me. But I really believe YOU GUYS CAN HELP ME.

Here is what I believe the problem is. I don't approach any women. I get all these girls off the internet because its just so easy. But something is still wrong. I should be happy I'm getting girls, hot ones too. But I never went through the right steps to get them. I cheated.

I do not approach anymore. I feel like that was part of my youth. And my job is high status and it would just be wrong of me to do things like that.

There was a hot girl sitting by me when I was at the store and I did absolutely nothing... I went home extremely depressed.

She should be coming up to me right? I've got everything going for me right now! She should be lucky to even be near me!

I think in the end, all this stuff about self improvement really means nothing...

There must be some evolutionary pathway embedded in the male brain that automatically makes one feel depressed if they don't approach a girl.



Maybe back in the day for thousands of years, the only way to spread your seed was to approach. So therefore if you don't approach you're automatically making your brain depressed.

Am I out of my mind???????


In fact, if I pass 2 pretty girls and don't approach I feel almost TWICE as depressed.

Am I out of my mind?????

 

[SamMalone]

Why are you relying on interactions with girls to make you happy?

 

[8YearLurker]

you have to know something I believed has been my pb too, is that
perfectionnism is a common traits of depressive people....

I don't know if this concern you but maybe you' re pushing yourself too much or too hard toward yourself.

Getting girls on internet just a way like another, it is all it is, even if it is easy , then what ? it is not because it is hard that it makes you more deserving.....

does that help ?

Yes actually it does. Thank you. I think I just need to chill out.

 

[Colossus]

Sounds to me like you need to prove something to yourself. You feel like this is one area of your life you haven't mastered and owns you mentally, so you translate these perceived failures into depressive thoughts with a pseudo-scientific explanation.

I say either approach some girls until you are satisfied with yourself, or stop letting this affect your self-esteem so much. I'm guessing you are an ultra type-A person so it's natural you may let small perceived failures rock your boat.

The catch is I think if you did approach some beautiful girl and failed, you would take it wayyyy too personally and hyper-analyze it to death. Not insulting you, just the impression I got from your post.

So something to consider. You may be blowing this way out of proportion.

 

[8YearLurker]

Sounds to me like you need to prove something to yourself. You feel like this is one area of your life you haven't mastered and owns you mentally, so you translate these perceived failures into depressive thoughts with a pseudo-scientific explanation.

I say either approach some girls until you are satisfied with yourself, or stop letting this affect your self-esteem so much. I'm guessing you are an ultra type-A person so it's natural you may let small perceived failures rock your boat.

The catch is I think if you did approach some beautiful girl and failed, you would take it wayyyy too personally and hyper-analyze it to death. Not insulting you, just the impression I got from your post.

So something to consider. You may be blowing this way out of proportion.

I think I definitely need to get back into approaching. Man, in my early 20's I approached all the time. It was such a rush.

No one approaches anymore. Even my guy friends don't do it. Why doesn't anyone approach anymore? I never see it.

Ever fail at something twice? I did, and it was completely devastating. It was so devastating I couldn't even move or get out of bed. This happens to my father a lot too.

 

[st_99]

Maybe I'm way out of line here but I get this feeling that approaching is waaay over rated. Especially as you pass your
teens early 20's.

I'm starting to think most great relationships are created from interactions that happen by chance. Weather it be a friend of a friend, a work situation, a chic that helped on you at the counter, you get the idea..

Something that you 2 were forced to deal or interact with each other because of the circumstance at hand.


Now you still have to know how to game a girl but cold approaching is lame imo. Unless its a bar, thats what bars are for.

 

[8YearLurker]

Maybe I'm way out of line here but I get this feeling that approaching is waaay over rated. Especially as you pass your
teens early 20's.

You are completely out of line!!!!!

HAHA jk jk. But I still consider those "interactions" you speak of as approaching. Because the man always has to take the initiative so I still consider that an approach.

I'm also a firm believer in using indicators of interest.

I never really meant that you have to just randomly cold approach anyone and their mothers.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Put an age on your profile 8YEAR.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

There must be some evolutionary pathway embedded in the male brain that automatically makes one feel depressed if they don't approach a girl.





Am I out of my mind???????


In fact, if I pass 2 pretty girls and don't approach I feel almost TWICE as depressed.

Am I out of my mind?????

You are completely normal. I see what's happening. Most men are really only happiest when they are pursuing a worthy goal. You have achieved a lot, so you may have lost the "eye of the tiger" so to speak.

When you see two hot girls, you mind flashes to all the good sex you are already getting, so for those two hot girls you maybe think success is only if you approach and get sex with them

You need to create some small, easy to achieve goals with girls you cold approach. Don't compare those girls to the girls you get easily off the internet or whatever.

Think of cold approaches as a completely different ballgame. A completely different sport.

One cold approach that results in getting a girls name is equal to a three way off the internet, or something.

You've got time, money, etc, throw yourself into a weekend bootcamp as if you were a beginner AFC. forget what everbody says about "nobody approahces blah blah."

chooses achievable, attainable, worthy goals, and take consistent action to achieve them.

forget all conventional wisdom everybody (both here and in the real world) thinks they know about cold approaching. This is man's biggest fear, and therefore the root of the biggest self deception.

I don't cold approach because...
You shouldn't cold approach because..

anything that comes after the because.. is bullshyt. Pure and simple.


You have achieved great success, and you need new goals to chase. Decide to do whatever it takes, for however many years, to become the master of the cold approach. To get girls as easily off the street as you do off the Internet.

Even Alexander wept when he had no more lands to conquer.

Find more lands, and conquer them.

 

[8YearLurker]

forget all conventional wisdom everybody (both here and in the real world) thinks they know about cold approaching. This is man's biggest fear, and therefore the root of the biggest self deception.

This is the REAL issue. Approaching women truly is man's biggest fear... ESPECIALLY during the day.

I really want to perfect the art of day game taiyuu.

Daytime at 'Barnes and Noble' has the finest quality girls ever. Hot and educated!

I just want to be able to pick my favorite girl I see at a bookstore and just MAKE HER MINE! That would make me REAL HAPPY.

Even Alexander wept when he had no more lands to conquer.

Find more lands, and conquer them.

Fckin Golden!

 

[Desdinova]

I think everyone has their strengths and weaknesses when it comes to game. I personally suck at getting dates off the net, I hardly ever approach, but women are inclined to approach me. I worked on creating that natural aura that women love. Once the initial contact is accomplished, I work her into being more attracted.

Honestly, I don't think your unhappiness stems from an inability to approach. I find myself unhappy when I'm bored, so I have lots of hobbies. If it boiled down to women vs my hobbies, the women would be gone, no question about it.

 

[Poonani Maker]

I think, that, learning ******** would be extremely beneficial to you, Sir. The more translations I read, the Easier it is to know when to cut off the woman, and this cutting off could come right from the first encounter or "approach." When a woman says, "I have to check my schedule" after you ask about going out, she's not interested. That's ******** for letting you down easy. At that point, you drop her. It's all about saving you time, because time is money, or, pvssy, in this case.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I really want to perfect the art of day game.

...

I just want to be able to pick my favorite girl I see at a bookstore and just MAKE HER MINE! That would make me REAL HAPPY.

There you have it. A clear, objectively defined goal. Treat it like any other goal, break it down into manageable steps, and get busy.

 

[squirrels]

What's the goal of the "approach"?

Do you want to talk to these women because you feel like you ought to be Captain Don Juan, King of the Internet Forums, with all your awesome field reports?

Or do you want to talk to them because you honestly want to connect with them as people and as sexual creatures?

Is that how the girl in the bookstore is different from your Internet conquests? Is it that the girls you meet online and are sexing are just notches in your bedpost to somehow prove you're "seuxally worthy" to the girls who REALLY get your pee-pee tingling?

Tell me something...do you truly and honestly believe that once you can do that, once you can approach random women on the street, that you'll have "found your happiness"?

You're where you are, man...and nowhere else. Don't make more of it than that.

So many guys on here think that once they "arrive" at this mythical level called "Don Juan", they'll be able to just work some linguistic/kinesthetic magic on any woman that crosses their path and have them in bed by nightfall. It doesn't work that way.

It's HARD out there. Women have certain environments where it's socially acceptable for them to turn their sexuality on and certain places/times when they're supposed to shut it OFF at ALL costs. I'm not saying it's impossible to get through to them, but the days of the "PUA" or "player" being able to outclass all men by simply "being direct" are OVER. Women are WISE to the PUA universe. Ever since Mystery's TV shows and Neil Strauss publishing "The Game", women are wise to "game" being run on them everywhere.

Even the Internet helped show women that men are all porn-crazed, sex-starved bastages. And even though women want it JUST as bad (and they do), a lifetime of conditioning WHERE and WHEN to get it can't be wiped away with some ****y-funny line and some kino.

I don't know why you expect those women to know sh*t about your bankroll, or your awesome friends, or your "position of power". But I know why you WANT them to...because you think it'll somehow offset the fact that you're just another creepy guy like the rest of us who saw a pretty girl and committed the primal male sin of having DESIRE.

Like the rest of us, you feel so GUILTY about having feelings for women outside of the prescribed social channels that you'll build an empire and become a God among men, just to EARN the right to have that "indiscretion". You're hoping that all the wealth, the power, the philanthropy, the charm, the friends, will earn you "the right" before society's eyes to engage a woman outside of the normal channels, at a time and place of YOUR choosing instead of hers.

But it doesn't, does it?

You're Time Magazine's "Man of the Year" and when you see that pretty girl, you're still just a creepy old guy and she's still the innocent little flower and you still want to defile her. All the perfumes of Arabia won't wash away that one vile desire for debauchery, will it?

You'll never be forgiven for being human.

31 years of social programming, man...31 years of scripted success. Following the part of a king in a Shakespearian play, hoping that if you play your part perfectly, eventually you'll earn the right to ad-lib a couple of lines.

You won't. The world will never give you that right. No matter how much you give to this world, it knows that you're still human. It knows that you have a power within yourself that it doesn't trust you to use in the best interests of all humanity.

So it's spent 31 years shaming you into feeling unworthy to wield it, all the while dangling it in front of you as if one day, if you play your part to perfection, it'll let you get a bite of that carrot, it'll give you permission to say hello to that pretty lady that you dream of. But it won't.

All the money and the power and the prestige, and the only life that you don't have any control over is your own. Perfection has its price, doesn't it?

Go to NetFlix or wherever the f*ck people rent movies from these days. Watch Fight Club.

Then watch it again.

Hell, maybe I need to do that myself.

 

[8YearLurker]

^lol dude you sound like you're from another planet.

I'm not sure about this creepy old man theory lol.

Women WANT to be seduced by a guy like me. This is exactly why I'm unhappy. Because I just sit there and don't fulfill my role even when given all the signs to move in.

 

[squirrels]

^lol dude you sound like you're from another planet.

I'm not sure about this creepy old man theory lol.

Women WANT to be seduced by a guy like me. This is exactly why I'm unhappy. Because I just sit there and don't fulfill my role even when given all the signs to move in.

Why not?

If you want it and she wants it, then why aren't you doing anything?

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/creepy.png

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

8 yr lurker, the tone of your thread is all about getting laid, and trying to bag as many women as possible.

Is that what is going to make you happy?

It's cool for a year or two, I've done it; a lot of people on here have done it. But there is more to life than that.

Sounds to me like you are living your life for women. It should be the other way around.

Go get a life.

 

[jophil28]

^lol dude you sound like you're from another planet.

I'm not sure about this creepy old man theory lol.

Women WANT to be seduced by a guy like me. This is exactly why I'm unhappy. Because I just sit there and don't fulfill my role even when given all the signs to move in.

Hey Lurker, if you don't want Squirrels reply, I'll have it. It is a firey monster.

8ballLurker,
Perfectionism is not about the pursuit of excellence, it is an avoidance strategy driven by FEAR.... Fear of rejection. fear of negative evaluation by others, fear of your work being criticized, fear of failure - just plain FEAR of others' opinions.
Have you ever wondered WHY you are so afraid that any failure or rejection will snap you in two ?
Time to start digging.

 

[brokenupinside]

This post sounds like BS to me..........sorry

 

[here_to_learn]

Hey guys.

1st post here but I've been into the lifestyle for a bit.

Guys any of you with more than a basic level of experience will KNOW Squirrels post is full of truth.

Mr.Lurker -what is your level of field experience mate? Everything Squirrels talks about is from this planet.

Your whole post reeks of: "I am my khakis."

Sorry bud.

"YOU ARE NOT YOU F***KING KHAKIS!!"

Watch "Fight Club" to understand what that means - it's from this song - look at the lyrics: http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/65307/

Good Luck to you and CONGRATULATIONS on achieving so much in all the other aspects of your life.

What's the goal of the "approach"?

Do you want to talk to these women because you feel like you ought to be Captain Don Juan, King of the Internet Forums, with all your awesome field reports?

Or do you want to talk to them because you honestly want to connect with them as people and as sexual creatures?

Is that how the girl in the bookstore is different from your Internet conquests? Is it that the girls you meet online and are sexing are just notches in your bedpost to somehow prove you're "seuxally worthy" to the girls who REALLY get your pee-pee tingling?

Tell me something...do you truly and honestly believe that once you can do that, once you can approach random women on the street, that you'll have "found your happiness"?

You're where you are, man...and nowhere else. Don't make more of it than that.

So many guys on here think that once they "arrive" at this mythical level called "Don Juan", they'll be able to just work some linguistic/kinesthetic magic on any woman that crosses their path and have them in bed by nightfall. It doesn't work that way.

It's HARD out there. Women have certain environments where it's socially acceptable for them to turn their sexuality on and certain places/times when they're supposed to shut it OFF at ALL costs. I'm not saying it's impossible to get through to them, but the days of the "PUA" or "player" being able to outclass all men by simply "being direct" are OVER. Women are WISE to the PUA universe. Ever since Mystery's TV shows and Neil Strauss publishing "The Game", women are wise to "game" being run on them everywhere.

Even the Internet helped show women that men are all porn-crazed, sex-starved bastages. And even though women want it JUST as bad (and they do), a lifetime of conditioning WHERE and WHEN to get it can't be wiped away with some ****y-funny line and some kino.

I don't know why you expect those women to know sh*t about your bankroll, or your awesome friends, or your "position of power". But I know why you WANT them to...because you think it'll somehow offset the fact that you're just another creepy guy like the rest of us who saw a pretty girl and committed the primal male sin of having DESIRE.

Like the rest of us, you feel so GUILTY about having feelings for women outside of the prescribed social channels that you'll build an empire and become a God among men, just to EARN the right to have that "indiscretion". You're hoping that all the wealth, the power, the philanthropy, the charm, the friends, will earn you "the right" before society's eyes to engage a woman outside of the normal channels, at a time and place of YOUR choosing instead of hers.

But it doesn't, does it?

You're Time Magazine's "Man of the Year" and when you see that pretty girl, you're still just a creepy old guy and she's still the innocent little flower and you still want to defile her. All the perfumes of Arabia won't wash away that one vile desire for debauchery, will it?

You'll never be forgiven for being human.

31 years of social programming, man...31 years of scripted success. Following the part of a king in a Shakespearian play, hoping that if you play your part perfectly, eventually you'll earn the right to ad-lib a couple of lines.

You won't. The world will never give you that right. No matter how much you give to this world, it knows that you're still human. It knows that you have a power within yourself that it doesn't trust you to use in the best interests of all humanity.

So it's spent 31 years shaming you into feeling unworthy to wield it, all the while dangling it in front of you as if one day, if you play your part to perfection, it'll let you get a bite of that carrot, it'll give you permission to say hello to that pretty lady that you dream of. But it won't.

All the money and the power and the prestige, and the only life that you don't have any control over is your own. Perfection has its price, doesn't it?

Go to NetFlix or wherever the f*ck people rent movies from these days. Watch Fight Club.

Then watch it again.

Hell, maybe I need to do that myself.