And after everything I've accomplished over the years I'm still unhappy

[Colossus]

Maybe I'm way out of line here but I get this feeling that approaching is waaay over rated. Especially as you pass your
teens early 20's.

I'm starting to think most great relationships are created from interactions that happen by chance. Weather it be a friend of a friend, a work situation, a chic that helped on you at the counter, you get the idea..

Something that you 2 were forced to deal or interact with each other because of the circumstance at hand.


Now you still have to know how to game a girl but cold approaching is lame imo. Unless its a bar, thats what bars are for.

I'm inclined to agree. Problem is, you cant always rely on chance; sometimes you have to be proactive.

Personally, Ive never been that successful in the bar scene. I've had some hook-ups and number closes, but not with any regularity. I don't even like the bar scene and if I go it's to socialize with friends. If I was single today, I would do two things: Reopen my profile on OKC, and hit up social groups around the city weekly. There are dance classes at MIT all the time, and they are FULL of cute, single chicks. Also there are outing clubs, cooking clubs, climbing groups, you name it. You get to learn a hobby and meet girls at the same time.

 

[Da Realist]

What's your spiritual life like?

 

[backbreaker]

when you started this point, you named off a bunch of things you have.

dealing with the 6 basic fears your fear of critisism stands out like no other.

Let me ask you a few questions..

Do you honestly like what you do? when you stated why you liked it.. you stated becuase you didn't have to work alot and beucase it pays "like no other". you never said you actually were passionate about your career field.

Do you work out to get laid or do you work out beucase you are the guy that takes care of himself?

Do you dress up beucase it will get you laid or do you dress up because you are the guy that is well groomed?


I think you are unhappy, and i've been there, beucase everything you are doing is not for you but to impress some ***** who you don't even know so she can suck on your wang for a few seconds. that's a pretty pathetic existence, and I think deep down you know it.

you have no real goals, no real amitions, no "definate chief aim" in life other than to teabag as many women as possible.

For anyone that is half ass intelligent.. which you are.. that won't work.

 

[Trader]

I really wanted to post something after having a deep conversation with my friend about this very problem of mine...

I've worked hard and went to school 8 years longer than most people to get this degree, this high paying job. I even went into an incredibly lucrative field because...well one I love it, and two it pays like no other, and three, I only have to work a few days a week if I really want to.

I work out 5 times a week, I'm into bodybuilding and looking great. I take care of myself like Patrick Bateman from American Psycho.

I have a couple amazing friends and I'm close with my family. No problems there.

I have a sick wardrobe, I basically went into Bloomingdales and bought everything that looked good on me.

I have about 2 really pretty and another two really fckin hot girls I'm sleeping with on a regular basis. The sex is actually incredible.

My job is a position of power and I help people too. You can't really get much better than this. It took a lot to get here, really it was grueling but I got it.

I am unhappy. And I think if I saw 10 psychiatrists none of them would be able to help me. But I really believe YOU GUYS CAN HELP ME.

Here is what I believe the problem is. I don't approach any women. I get all these girls off the internet because its just so easy. But something is still wrong. I should be happy I'm getting girls, hot ones too. But I never went through the right steps to get them. I cheated.

I do not approach anymore. I feel like that was part of my youth. And my job is high status and it would just be wrong of me to do things like that.

There was a hot girl sitting by me when I was at the store and I did absolutely nothing... I went home extremely depressed.

She should be coming up to me right? I've got everything going for me right now! She should be lucky to even be near me!

I think in the end, all this stuff about self improvement really means nothing...

There must be some evolutionary pathway embedded in the male brain that automatically makes one feel depressed if they don't approach a girl.



Maybe back in the day for thousands of years, the only way to spread your seed was to approach. So therefore if you don't approach you're automatically making your brain depressed.

Am I out of my mind???????


In fact, if I pass 2 pretty girls and don't approach I feel almost TWICE as depressed.

Am I out of my mind?????

First off, let's highlight the difference between happiness and joy.

Happiness is due to external circumstances.

Joy is due to you yourself internally. It is difficult to describe but you can have joy even when facing difficulties.

The fact that you are letting your emotions be defined by girls (and whether or not you approach them) is not a fun way to live.

One tiny concrete step you can take is to start feeling gratitude for everything you have. In terms of your achievements and possessions, you are at the top 1% of all males. You've just grown so accustomed to it that you can't even enjoy it anymore.

Be grateful and start ENJOYING the fruits of the labor.

I'm not going to turn this into a religious argument - well actually I am going to. It just goes to show you that having *everything* in life will not make you happy unless you reconnect with God. Hence the question: 'How is your spiritual life?' that another poster posted.

Read Ecclesiastes in the Bible - I'm sure you will definitely relate to what the writer was saying.

 

[squirrels]

Let's not get too philosophical here.

The man said he wants to talk to women, but is afraid to. I thought I knew the reason, but he seems adamant that I am wrong...whatever, the reason is not important.

We can sit here trying to analyze the meaning of these feelings of depression, why human beings sabotage themselves, etc...

Or we can look at it in simple terms.

First of all, let's throw out all the BS extraneous information that's only clouding the issue. Namely, the whole "I have an awesome job, I'm rich, powerful, well-dressed, etc, etc". If that was the defining factor in who was successful with women and who wasn't, the human race would've evolved by now because scum wouldn't be breeding...as we know, scum is not only breeding but THRIVING.

The problem here is very simple...this man wants to do something (talk to a cute girl in the bookstore), but something in his mind isn't letting him execute. Doesn't matter what...some BS social conditioning mechanism that's imbedded itself so thoroughly we don't even know what the heck it means any more, but we all have had it. Fear of rejection or whatever.

The solution is to acknowledge the risk and do it anyway.

It's that simple. Just talk to the damn girl. Hell, make an ass of yourself and just blow it outright if you have to. Just to do it.

You don't need therapy or counseling. You need to say hi to the girl. Acknowledge that your stupid arse will likely fail and get shot down and be embarassed in front of everyone in the bookstore, say, "F it, I'm awesome anyway", and just go DO IT.

When women say they like a guy who can make them laugh, what they mean is they like a guy who's confident enough that he can just not take himself seriously all the time and is willing to take the initiative to do what he WANTS to do even if some people will laugh. When you talk to this girl, there will be 3 or 4 chumps standing there thinking, "Look at this ass, who does he think he is talking to that girl here?" You could leave with her and they'll STILL think that. F 'em.

Just next time it happens, go talk to the girl. It's that simple.

 

[8YearLurker]

Haha, there's a LOT of hatred and bitterness on this forum. That's why I lurk and never post. I refuse to respond to personal attacks and the "negative Nelly's"


Yes I love what I do. I'm in a position of power and I help people get better. It's very gratifying. As a bonus, I get paid very well for it. Unfortunately not everyone does get better and those days aren't as glamorous but you do your best.

So no, I'm not empty inside. Maybe it makes you feel better to think that I am.

I have a LOT to offer. I bring a lot to the table. I'm a dynamic and complex individual.

Maybe I am addicted to p***y and money but no one's perfect right? They are both excellent mood elevators and healthier addictions than others out there. But unfortunately, as with any addiction comes tolerance.

The point of my post was that I truly don't feel challenged anymore because everything I struggled so hard to get finally came to me.

The one thing I don't do however is approach. And this is definitely the source of my "void" so to speak.

Why does this create a void? Possibly because it's so much fun and so awesome. In my twenties I went out to bars and made it a point to talk to everyone and it was extremely thrilling. Somehow I stopped having fun and doing all that. I also met tons of women that way.

I just need to have fun in life. I need that thrill of the approach and talking to strangers. Somehow in this whole rat race I stopped doing all that. It's time for a change.

 

[8YearLurker]

The solution is to acknowledge the risk and do it anyway.

It's that simple. Just talk to the damn girl. Hell, make an ass of yourself and just blow it outright if you have to. Just to do it.

You don't need therapy or counseling. You need to say hi to the girl. Acknowledge that your stupid arse will likely fail and get shot down and be embarassed in front of everyone in the bookstore, say, "F it, I'm awesome anyway", and just go DO IT.

When women say they like a guy who can make them laugh, what they mean is they like a guy who's confident enough that he can just not take himself seriously all the time and is willing to take the initiative to do what he WANTS to do even if some people will laugh. When you talk to this girl, there will be 3 or 4 chumps standing there thinking, "Look at this ass, who does he think he is talking to that girl here?" You could leave with her and they'll STILL think that. F 'em.

Just next time it happens, go talk to the girl. It's that simple.

This is the advice I was seeking.

 

[backbreaker]

i'm sorry but someone who has done what you have done in life, has been to shrink after shrink, if you thinkt he "answer" to your pboelms is to go talk to women you are fvcking kidding yourself.

you dont' go to 5 shrinks because of your fear to talk to women. you have issues.

 

[squirrels]

This is very encouraging. That means, if anyone on here can approach a girl and talk to her, you are doing even better than a guy who claims to have all those socially conditioned things that make them 'worthy' to have a girl. So, if anyone thinks they are unworthy to approach a girl, read this thread, because even the 'best' guy that fits the ideal stereotype of the american dream on here doesn't think he's worthy to approach a girl.

Or...it means that value judgements are subjective and, therefore, don't mean sh!t. Take your pick.

If this guy isn't full of sh!t (which is a real possibility), I'd love to have his money and power. But it wouldn't mean anything to me if I was just trying to get some pretty girl to notice me.

If every dude in this world waited until he was "good enough" to approach a chick before he approached her, the human race would be extinct in about 100 years.

 

[ElChoclo]

I second brokenupinside's view.

 

[djzulu]

quoting backbreaker:

I think you are unhappy, and i've been there, beucase everything you are doing is not for you but to impress some ***** who you don't even know so she can suck on your wang for a few seconds. that's a pretty pathetic existence, and I think deep down you know it.

I am probably in a similar situation, actually was in a similar situation because I am past the approaching hot women phase, even past a girlfriend stage and I realized that the problem was my job.

It is a high paying 'gratifying' sort of job, but I realized that I went that route for the wrong reasons.

Your situation might be different, I don't know what you love doing and what you do for a living, but in my case I feel that I need to change my life completely.

I realized that $ or Pu$$y don't bring happiness; you must find the happiness regardless of $. I see people that hardly make a living who are far happier than me because they are happy with their lives.

These are the questions you should ask yourself:

- Why are you looking for happiness in pu$$y?
- Do you really like what you do? I mean, if you could do anything in the world, is there anything else you rather be doing with your time?

 

[IamMe]

I don't think anyone can ever be truly, completely happy. I dont know why, but nobody is every 100% happy all the time. Its simply impossible unless you're retarded or something. There's no reason to even pursue this goal. This probably made you even more depressed because its morbid, but just letting you know your not alone and nobody is ever 100% happy regardless of what they may say. LOL at the "ever fail something twice" which does make this post seem like bs, idk why you would even post it, i think your trying to prove something to us not yourself....

 

[8YearLurker]

I don't think anyone can ever be truly, completely happy. I dont know why, but nobody is every 100% happy all the time. Its simply impossible unless you're retarded or something. There's no reason to even pursue this goal. This probably made you even more depressed because its morbid, but just letting you know your not alone and nobody is ever 100% happy regardless of what they may say. LOL at the "ever fail something twice" which does make this post seem like bs, idk why you would even post it, i think your trying to prove something to us not yourself....

Someone told me that David D'Angelo said something like, "every guy has their one big insecurity that eats at them and prevents them from approaching that 10/10 woman" like "I'm too short," or "I'm too poor." Something like that he said.

If you were 100% happy all the time you wouldn't get anything done. There would be no need to. You could just sit and watch tv all day and never shower or shave. Kind of like a heroin addict just sitting at home shooting up. Completely euphoric.

Remember that movie Memento, where the guy can't make new memories and he's searching for his wife's killer. Well he actually sets himself up to continuously search for this killer when in fact he caught him already. It gives him a reason to live and something to strive for.

I didn't mean to come across as a CEO or multimillionaire! I'm not any of those. I do have a business I run with my father/brothers that does very well which required an advanced degree due to the nature of the field.

I really didn't want to come off as saying that I'm better than you all. The point was that I still don't feel complete. And the day I get married is the day I DIE lol.

 

[Tictac]

Even Alexander wept when he had no more lands to conquer.

Find more lands, and conquer them.

Great advice if you want to end up like OJ Simpson. Eventually you find that acheivement after acheivement that results from setting and meeting goal after goal must give way to something else, something more.

Achievement is the basis of all progress. We, especially men, are goal setting and reaching machines. But moving from success to signifigance is what marks a mature man.

Once you've gotten to the bottom of your third Ferrari, passed the 100 women mark and on and on, decide what's signifigant to you rather than chase the next rung on the conspicuous consumption ladder.

We are all bundles of wants. That is stoked by advertising and peer pressure. So we acquire trophy wives, $25,000 wris****ches and the like.

What makes you happy? New lands to conquer? Alexander ran out of real estate and his men wanted to go home to their families. Another high bucks car, house, ....? Not likely. More women? You see and feel where that's going. All these are someone else's idea of success.

You've gotten to success. What's signifigant to you? You'll find you answer and the beginnings of your peace there.

Tictac

 

[Colossus]

The problem is, Like TicTac said, everyone equates happiness with MORE. More money, more girls, more stuff, more substances. When I get THERE, I'll be happy. The grass is always greener.

Happiness really is a choice, as trite as that sounds. It's little wonder some of the most content people in world have the least amount of 'stuff'. They have the love of family and enjoy the real pleasures in life---a sunny day, a cool breeze, a meal with a friend, a warm fire, and a hard day's work.

 

[edger]

but the days of the "PUA" or "player" being able to outclass all men by simply "being direct" are OVER. Women are WISE to the PUA universe. Ever since Mystery's TV shows and Neil Strauss publishing "The Game", women are wise to "game" being run on them everywhere.

Yeah, it's so over. It was fun while it lasted though. I created a thread about this 2 yrs ago about being worried about this. That's why I don't run PUA game like I used to. Every other guy nowadays is running it..I'm trying to stand out, and NOT be like all the other guys. I don't want to be that guy women perceive as the socially inept guy who's getting his game from pick-up artists. Don't get me wrong, I'll still throw out ****y/funny humor, but only when the time really calls for it..not randomly in every little instance like I used to. Nowadays I just kick back, relax, interact with them like a buddy(but of course interact like more than a buddy at the same time too), try to be interesting, show I'm worldly/cultured, adventerous, and of course in all of this, have backbone and not be a disrespected doormat. Not that I haven't been doing this all along. I've retained everything, but have significantly toned down the ****y/funny because of exactly what we're talking about.

 

[wanderlust420]

You will *never* feel complete. That's the point. Happiness doesn't come from more ***** or more money. It comes from within. Be happy with what you DO have, which sounds like a lot.

If the only thing stopping you from being happy with what you DO have is your inability to talk to strange women, then talk to strange women.

I promise you once you've accomplished that, there will be something else. Men go from problem to problem in life, and we try to overcome each one like a frog jumping from lilypad to lilypad.

Unless you get super spiritual on us, and I don't think its in your personality, then understand this basic truth of life.

I hope some of the info in this thread has helped you, especially from squirrels, that dude knows how to write.

 

[8YearLurker]

I promise you once you've accomplished that, there will be something else. Men go from problem to problem in life, and we try to overcome each one like a frog jumping from lilypad to lilypad.

Unless you get super spiritual on us, and I don't think its in your personality, then understand this basic truth of life.

I hope some of the info in this thread has helped you, especially from squirrels, that dude knows how to write.

Nice posts everyone, this is really deep stuff. Some of you guys say the most heartfelt intelligent stuff.

I enjoyed squirrels' posts from back in the day. Actually, I have some of that stuff saved on my comp somewhere

Thread reminds me of the TYSON documentary. That guy had it all, lost it, got it back, lost it, got it back. I guess he only found peace when he had kids.

 

[i-shine-regardless]

Hey man good post. I feel like I'm in almost the exact same situation as you. And for me, it's not that I think 'women' are going to bring me happiness, it's just more the feeling of not living up to my full potential.

It's knowing that I, and we, are all going to die and that none of this shyt even matters so why not go for it.

It's knowing that there's no real reason not to just talk to beautiful women, just because I want to.

It's knowing that these idiot scumbag dudes all over are just grabbing their balls and approaching the chicks I want, while I sit around thinking and watching.

It's knowing that the only thing holding me back is ME.

It's knowing that the only person I'm letting down by not approaching is myself.

It's the fact that I can get more hobbies, work out more, volunteer more, get in touch with nature more, meditate and pray more, philosophize and read Pook more, spend time with friends and family more...

and yet at the end of the day I still go to bed a man who didn't face his fears.


So fukk it man, I mean we can talk about it all day long, but it all boils down to stopping being a pu$$y and just getting out there and approaching

Or you can die afraid.

 

[8YearLurker]

^^ Yeah exactly.

The worst is when you see them checking you out, then they get all flustered, smile, prim their hair, then quickly avert eye contact...

and you just walk right by them.

You knew what she was doing. She was in all probability attracted to you, your look, your hair, your body, whatever...

And you still did nothing!

Then you go home and wank it lol.