An Intoduction and my story

[Vulpine]

I think I love country living, but I don't love doing it alone. I'm not sure it makes any sense financially to sell my place at this point since I have only had it for 3 years, but if I could just walk away from it, I think i would.

:cuss::box::trouble:

BLASPHEMY!

I lived in my car for 3 years straight, with three jobs, to stack the down-payment. Talk about game-crushing situations. "Let's go back to my place" was a tongue-in-cheek joke of an offer. Then, since it was 2009, I was left commuting 2 1/2 hours one-way and sleeping in my car part-time (half the week) for another two years after I pulled the trigger and literally "bought the farm". There just weren't local jobs to complete my relocation! Failure, though, was never an option I gave more than passing consideration to.

Doing it single SUCKED, I completely understand. I resigned myself to doing it alone forever: chicks just aren't generally into the homestead lifestyle. I wanted my homestead, period. Me. Me. ME! I did it for ME. Lo, and behold, about the 4 years in, I asked a gal on a first date why she had two jobs...

Her: "I am working to pay off my student loan, then I was planning on getting a little place in the country. You know, a little 4 acre hobby farm sort of place where I could maybe have a little garden."
V: "What are you doing Wednesday?"

^^^ verbatim ^^^

I drove her 2 1/2 hours to my place. She didn't tell me that she took off from both jobs to go with me until much later. She agreed to wear a blindfold after a long ride... it was date #2.

I had no idea that my question, initially asked to qualify if she had a drug habit or wild credit card debt to support, would get THAT answer. Did we talk about my place? Nope, I didn't describe it with even a single word beyond "My". I took her arm and SHOWED her. Twenty acres, and the garden was already started. It was on her, then, to be:
She is still here with me. Caught her on the way out the door this morning and lifted her skirt, in fact. Ah... the smile in her eyes...

...pardon me.

Here's my point:
Don't change your goals because of women. No way, no how, never, ever.
Friends, lovers, jobs, money... it all comes and goes: the only constant in your future is YOU. Yes, indeed, it's going to be tough to find an "old fashioned" woman these days. Fortunately for you, it's Vermont. There's more there than say, Los Angeles, right? They are out there, to this I can attest.

I have felt overwhelmed by the volume of "work" involved, and certainly got down on myself thinking I might have bitten off more... I eventually realized simply that my hobbies changed and I hardly consider what I do around here "work". It's far too enjoyable, in far too enjoyable of a place. MY place. Not a cubicle in someone else's place.

I'm at this strange crossroads, if I met a woman that was into this lifestyle I would love to share it with her, but this lifestyle makes it very hard to meet women naturally. It takes most of my free time and almost all of my money to keep my place, and I am not building any wealth right now.

Dude, keep on doing your thing. SHE'LL find YOU. She's looking just as hard as you are, and is counting on you to stay the course. Keep qualifying with your lifestyle needs and eventually some gems will present themselves. It's not as bleak as you might have yourself convinced. I was convinced of the same thing. The lifestyle is gaining in popularity, though, much like a modern hippie movement. It may not have occurred to you, but, the "Yin" to your "Yang" is thinking this:

Why can't I find a decent guy? All the losers I meet are only into playing video games, drinking up paychecks at the bar, or watching TV! I only want a simple, old-fashioned guy!

The chick you're yearning for? Dude, you must have no idea how much "the prize" you'll be in her eyes when she finally finds you. Man... it takes sifting through the scummers, for both men and women, to REALLY appreciate a quality find. Just imagining that should boost your confidence like crazy!

And, you ARE building wealth. In fact, I'm of the opinion that it's completely stupid to try to have savings when you have debt. The rate of return is ultimately negative, so focus on smacking-down the mortgage. Focus on the freedom of being free from that debt. The chips will stack all the more quickly when that burden, that dragging ball and chain, is off of you. If nothing else, your "sweat equity" is wealth building. The improvements you've made are money in the bank.

Part of me says I should just keep hanging onto the place and someday I will have someone to share it with

Right on... that's the Man part of you talking. No "maybe".:rockon:

but the other part of me says that is beta talk, cut your losses and simplify your life, sell the house, get an apartment in town and start meeting tons of women and living the playboy lifestyle.

There is the beta talk. "I'll plug back into the matrix with everyone else and not remember a thing. Then I can get some püssy!"

No, no, NO NO NO! :nono:

You need to knock that "WaaahH! This is sooOOoo hard! I should make it easy!" sh!t right-the-ƒuck off. Anything worth having is worth making sacrifices for. This situation of yours is just part of your sacrifice. I've made sacrifices, too; tough ones. Sleeping in my car, -40ºF, done. I made that sh¡t look easy.

Your playboy lifestyle will trump that apartment crap if you make it so. I imagine a commune of 3-4 women that are comfortable sharing you and your kingdom.

Sure, american chicks suck for what you are looking for. They suck for pretty much anything. Consider importing, or better yet, finding one that imported themselves. Whatever you do, don't move the X on your map because there aren't any women by it yet. You'll never forgive yourself.

Imagine the "what if's" if you left that place. All that effort? Only to walk away? Fruit and nut trees you'll never enjoy the bounty of? Ugh... I don't even want to imagine how completely disgusted I'd be if I never got to enjoy the fruits of my labor.

But then all the crap you deal with in an apartment? Voices through the walls, doors slamming at all hours, parking lots... NOISE! And more NOISE! You'll never get sleep, dude. The grass is greener because it's cared for by paid professionals.

Check out NorPacWolves "small town sarging" thread for some venue ideas. Hell, for all I know, the property owner kitty-corner from you is the female version of you: "Where, oh where, could he be!?"

There is a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path, Neo. You have a lot to be confident about, and no doubt there are many, many men on here that envy you and would tell you as much. You're pretty modest, (comes with the lifestyle) but your situation lends to being 5x the prize you even suspect. I was there, too.

Stay positive, man.
:cheer:

 

[Vulpine]

I am just not feeling it, I am barely attracted enough to her, and I am starting to feel pissed at myself over the situation. Getting easy sex on demand is great, but I have already gone too far down the road with this girl. Not sure how to drop her, I have never really had to drop a girl before. Usually they loose interested or they have moved away. I don't think ignoring her is going to make it happen.
I feel bad for it as well, I don't want to hurt her feelings, and surely I cannot tell her that I'm just not that attracted to her. She constantly tells me how hot I am.
I guess this is just another thing I will have to learn.

You owe her nothing.
Who said you need to drop the plate?

Wow, you are really having a blue-pill moment here, aren't you?

She's obviously grabbing at the frame and is pushing you to do something you don't care to do. It's the standard "let's be monogamous" agenda from a woman that recognizes your value. Better get used to it.

You can simply offer non-apologetic communication: Our relationship is this. Enjoy it, or leave it. You've made your choice, she can make hers. Careful, though, such unabashed honesty might make her go even more :crazy: over you. Careful? Pssshff... the plate would spin itself at that point! Consider a FB conversion instead of dropping.

 

[MtnMan]

You owe her nothing.
Who said you need to drop the plate?

Wow, you are really having a blue-pill moment here, aren't you?

She's obviously grabbing at the frame and is pushing you to do something you don't care to do. It's the standard "let's be monogamous" agenda from a woman that recognizes your value. Better get used to it.

You can simply offer non-apologetic communication: Our relationship is this. Enjoy it, or leave it. You've made your choice, she can make hers. Careful, though, such unabashed honesty might make her go even more :crazy: over you. Careful? Pssshff... the plate would spin itself at that point! Consider a FB conversion instead of dropping.

I wouldn't say I am having an AFC backslide here, I am disappointed because I have been banging/hanging with a girl who I am not that attracted to. I want to do better. The more I pull back, the more she tries to contact me....

In response to the talk about selling my house:

At this point, I am going to continue in a holding pattern. I am far to early into single life to be able to make a rational decision. My emotions fluctuate quite a bit on a weekly basis.

At this point, I am not really enjoying rural living. I feel lonely and isolated, and I don't want to bank on someday meeting a woman who would suit me and this lifestyle. If I could put it on hold, I would.

I think I will have to re-evaluate how I feel in the spring, and go from there. Honestly, I can see myself living with minimal responsibilities and possestions, and doing a lot more traveling, spending more time on my hobbies and basically just living a more carefree lifestyle. Not even sure I ever want to get married or have kids. I just really don't know what direction I want to steer my life. I am going to have to have another period of self discovery, and I suppose I am in the middle of that right now.
Its tough, I like to have a direction and a purpose, and I really don't feel like I do right now.

 

[MtnMan]

Random Note:
Since I was 15 one of my two front top teeth has been dark. I got smacked hard in the face and had to have a root canal on that tooth. It was structually ok, but turned a light shade of gray. Later on the same tooth got a small chip. I just finished going through an internal bleaching and chip filling.

All I can say is WOW! best $180 I ever spent. My teeth are really nice, straight and white, but that one tooth messed up my whole grill. I cannot believe how much better I look, somehow it looks like all my teeth got bleached, even though it was just one.

If you guys have a messed up grill, it might be something to consider looking into having it fixed. I cannot believe i waited my entire adult life to do this. :cuss:

My friends noticed right away, and my confidence already gained a decent boost just from this. Awesome.

 

[Prime_Beef]

Your posts and journey are always interesting to read.

 

[Vulpine]

...and my confidence already gained a decent boost just from this. Awesome.

Show it off, man! Keep on smilin'! I bet you feel GrrrrreEEEAT! Like Tony the Tiger! Go get 'em, man!:cheer:

 

[MtnMan]

Weekend Field Report:

Went out Friday night with a couple friends, talked to a few women, had a good time. Towards the end of the night my regular plate #3 hit me up and came and found me. Of course I ended up going home with her, not terrible happy about that. I think she has gotten the message that I am really not interested in anything more than sex with her, but I'm not even sure I want that.

I almost feel like I have cheated myself by wasting my sexual energy on someone that I am really not that into. It takes a few days to build that energy back up.

I had a hiking date at my place with the 30 year old hb7.5 yesterday. That went very well, she had dinner at my place after, watched some netflix and made out for hours. I didn't go for the bang, and didn't really even push the makeout beyond some light groping.

I think this is partly because I got laid the day before, and partly because I was pretty tired from the hike. I just wasn't feeling like having sex. Its a strange feeling, the girl that came over is the hottest girl I have hooked up with so far this year. Hopefully I didn't mess it up by not pushing hard for the bang.

Woke up this morning with mega morning wood wondering WTF was I thinking last night? :kick:

 

[MtnMan]

Weekend Field Report:

Met up with 30 year old divorced woman after work friday. Paddle boarded around on this gorgeous reservoir, saw a bunch of otters, loons and other wildlife, set up camp at a remote site, had a fire, cooked dinner and tented out.

There was plenty of fooling around in the tent, but a lot of resistance. I got her topless with lots of dry humping (including her wildly riding me while sitting on my lap, sucked on her t!ts etc) and that's as far as I could get it. This went on for most of the night, and both parties seemed to enjoy ourselves, but the no sex thing kind of pisses me off. At one point when she pulled my hand away from her vag and said something about "how patient are you?". I gave some deflective answer, and continued on like she never said anything, but that one line is burned into my brain.

She said she hadn't even kissed anyone else since her divorce..bla bla bla.

Overall I still had tons of fun. we paddle boarded all around the lake the next day and spent most of the day on the water.

I am not sure about this girl, definitely enjoyed my time with her, but certainly discovered a lot about her during this date that I will need to mull over. (some daddy issues)

Besides the no sex by the third date thing, she seems really into me. I'm not sure how much of a red flag this is at this point.

If she was really into me, wouldn't she want to have sex ASAP? Not sure.....maybe there are women that actually need some time to bang, or maybe Nismo will come in here an throw in the Channing Tatum line and close this case :rockon:

 

[MtnMan]

MtnMan,

I want you to try something with this chick.

Next time you guys go out, feel free to hold her hand, but don't try and kiss her. Just make no effort to do it, or go further. If she tries to kiss you, fine, a light peck and no more.

DON'T ACT BUTTHURT - just mildly uninterested. Do this for the next couple dates, meaning DO NOT ESCALATE.

Then.....see what happens.............

My guess?

She is going to wonder why you are not trying to get in her pants. This is where a woman's power lies.....when you take this away, in a very subtle, non-threatening manner...............it confuses them.Makes them insecure.

"Does my breath stink? Doesn't he like my body? Is he losing interest? IS THERE SOMEONE ELSE/ AM I LOSING HIM?"


Try this for the next couple dates. I have read advice on here lots that if you fail to escalate, she loses interest. That may be true in some cases, but you you have ALREADY shown you want in - she knows this. So now, by NOT trying...you will get all the above doubts working on her mind. She may slide those panties off quicker than you will believe.

Thank you for the kind words Mauser, I do re-read this thread every couple weeks or so, and it helps me keep a positive attitude. I am at a good place right now. I know I can get laid if I need to, but I also don't feel that desperation to have women in my life. I currently have 2 plates, both are into me. I am very pleased overall.

I like the idea of backing off Ms. Divorcer, I think that very well could work. Interestingly, she called me last night and really opened up quite a lot. It was fairly unexpected, but nice. I think she might be worried that she scarred me off with the resistance to sex and a couple other mixed signals.

Honestly, I wasn't too put off from it, she is recently divorced and I am the first person she has had any kind of physical contact with. I would expect that things might be a little different than the other girls I have been dating.

The convo last night really didn't sway me one way or the other on Ms. Divorcer. I am surely going to see her again, but still want to observe her carefully before making any decisions about her. It was quite nice to have her open up to me like that, I really wasn't expecting it. I think she is quite intrigued by me.

 

[MtnMan]

Last night I had a first since turning my life around. I had two girls actively competing for my time. Plate #3 (newscaster) and Plate #4 (30 year old divorcer). So nice to be able to choose who I want to hang out with. I think they both know there are other women, but I have done a great job of not putting out desperation without actually giving any information away.

Divorcer invited me over for dinner last night last minute, we already had plans to hang out sunday/monday. (Sleepover at my place implied). She currently lives in a really nice apartment at her mothers place. I knew this was a big step for her to show me her place since she is pretty self conscious about the fact that she is back living at her mom's. Of course when I arrived, mom was in the outside garden, so she could check me out. I am great at these kind of situations, I checked out mom's garden, flashed some green thumb knowledge and went inside.

I used Mauser's suggestion, gave her a light peck on the forehead and a quick hug and played somewhat low key and aloof. I am usually pretty high energy, and naturally quite touchy with women I date, so this was a fairly serious change. At some point she grabbed me and forcefully started to make out with me. Nice.

We hung out for a while, she showed me a bunch of yoga stretches, which was really nice. Felt great to stretch out like that. We fooled around on her bed for a while, but I didn't try to push for sex at all. She got pretty damn worked up. It was late and I really needed my sleep so I bid her goodnight.

Hopefully this will lay the stage for some sex this weekend when she comes to my place. Who knows. She certainly is turned on by me, I'm just hoping she needed more comfort before sex. Hopefully there is no hidden sexual issue that I have yet to discover.

I am keeping a close check on myself with this situation. I REALLY like this girl and she REALLY seems to like me. Its a great feeling because I feel excited about the prospect of hanging out with her without that horrible desperation of oneitis that I have felt earlier this year with other girls that I really liked.

Within the last week, some metaphorical weight has lifted with my feelings about my ex. I no longer miss her, and I no longer feel any negativity towards her. I actually think about her fondly, like you would a pleasant childhood memory. Its really a freeing feeling.

I am very proud of where I am right now!

 

[Sik]

MtnMan,

Looks like things are going great for you! Glad to hear it.

Regarding your doubts, Vulpine is right. If you dispose of your place, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Especially if it is even slightly related to lack of women.

I live the much-vaunted city lifestyle you desire, with a renovated, beautiful place nestled minutes from bars, pubs and downtown. I can even walk to my pad from one of the local watering holes, which makes taking a girl back even easier.

But, it gets old fast. Traffic, smog, parking issues, neighbors I don't like, bums walking around, general scumbags, trash and litter, lack of privacy, can't go outside and pop off a few rounds of .45, etc. Those girls I find at the bars? Not exactly the highest-quality, generally speaking. I still have to use other avenues to find good ones.

I am currently looking for a place in the mountains, more as a retreat than a permanent dwelling. Perhaps you could do something similar? Get a small place in town and keep your mountain fortress. Maybe rent a room with another bachelor or something similar. Or rent a room in a sorority house? For the win!

Easier said than done, of course, but if you have the desire to make it happen, I'm sure you can find a way.

 

[MtnMan]

Weekend Field Report:
30 year old divorcer came over and spend sunday and yesterday with me. Got food, hung out by the river, and just chilled. I haven't chilled around the house in quite a long time.

Had sex sunday night a couple times and monday a couple times. Was fun, she seems to have a bit of a tough time getting out of her own head during sex, but seemed to open up a lot the more we banged. I am the first person she has banged in a while (since her divorce). She is very seductive, and loves foreplay, which is a nice change I have not experienced in a while.

Going to have to mull this one over some more. I enjoy my time with this girl.

 

[MtnMan]

Some thoughts on Ms. 30 year old as a note to myself. I like her, she has mentioned me sleeping with other women, monogamy etc. I think its possible that this could turn into a relationship, and I want to get my thoughts in order. Feel free to comment if you like.
Pros:
-very attractive, perfect shape body, amazing really
-feminine, and feminine acting during sex
-very healthy eater/exercise
-no debt, good job/career
-loves kids
-very affectionate, and very receptive to my affection
-has a limited sexual history, and a history of monogamous LTR’s
-shares a common love of animals and outdoors/hiking/camping with me

Cons (red flags):
-Daddy is a functioning alcoholic
-divorced
-has a crazy dog that tries to bite other dogs (including mine). Something about the way she let the dog roam around when we were hanging at the river bothered me. There were other people and dogs nearby, and her dog started some $hit with the other dog. She didn't seem to think it was a big deal, but her dog was clearly the aggressor and out of line.

Need a few days away from her to let me brain digest the 48 hours I spent with her this weekend.

 

[MtnMan]

I dropped plate #3 today (newscaster). Feels great. I was feeling really bad about stringing her along know that she wanted to be my GF and knowing that I would never want anything more than sex. She got a bit pissed at me, but honestly I've been treating her like $hit, flaking constantly etc. She still gave me the "if you have a change of heart let me know" line.

I am relieved and feel like this is the right choice. The only problem is now I only have one plate. I wanted to keep newscaster around to make sure I didn't get one-itis for plate #4, but I couldn't bring myself to string her along any more.

 

[Vulpine]

I dropped plate #3 today (newscaster)...
I am relieved and feel like this is the right choice. The only problem is now I only have one plate. I wanted to keep newscaster around to make sure I didn't get one-itis for plate #4, but I couldn't bring myself to string her along any more.

Aww... no "FWB Conversion"?

She seemed like a premium candidate.

You can still get back to her:

Hey, I've been doing some thinking. There isn't any reason why we couldn't continue to have the good sex we do. We enjoy it, and we get along. Do you feel able to continue in a situation of convenience? Yes, well, then there should be some ground rules to keep everything friendly, don't you agree? Ok, protection with others. This should be self-explanatory, but, don't expose the other to VD. Open communication. If you got something serious, put the other person off by being honest. Like, "Hey, I might have some potential here, sorry, but we need to go into 'sleep mode'." No need to beat the other person over the head about it, just be discreet and respectful. Do you see any other potential problems with enjoying our time together?

In fact, after dumping her might be the super-premium time to pitch the FWB offer. She lost you, but, she can still ƒuck you for a while until the next branch comes along?

She sounds freaky enough for this to be a slam-dunk.

You'd be amazed, if you haven't pulled the FWB thing before, how well brutal honesty and openness works. Hell, this career girl probably only wanted a ƒuck buddy in the first place.

Meh... maybe it's not your speed. Just offering an idea.

 

[MtnMan]

she has sent me so many text messages in the last 24 hours, its crazy. The last few are basically saying to hit her up if I am in town with my boys if I need a place to crash (i.e. bang).

I wonder if this woman is addicted to me because of the way I owner her sexually? Maybe I should be approaching sex with all women this way, but I cannot imaging doing the things to ms. 30 year old like I did to this girl.

 

[Vulpine]

Maybe I should be approaching sex with all women this way, but I cannot imaging doing the things to ms. 30 year old like I did to this girl.

Have you never been part of a "mature relationship" before? It's synonymous with "enjoy each other's respectful company without future contractual terms". For a single man, it's a force-multiplier.

All this "stringing her along" talk of the newscaster is indicative of something working against your DJ evolution. It's a steaming pile that has a distinct "blue" aroma, whether you smell it or not. You've chosen "tradition" over "logic", you've chosen AFC over DJ.
:trouble:
Would you agree that you dropped the newscaster gal out of "tradition", not "logic"? "Stringing her along" are not your words, you are parroting the words of a previous generation's feminist guilt, and following those traditions, needlessly. And, despite the protests of (#3), you've chosen to terminate a mutually agreeable relationship... for what reasons, exactly? Your guilt? AFC muscle memory? Were you causing harm to the other person? Did you bother to ask?

There is an amount of "exposure" that comes with being single. One-night-stands, booze, drugs... other people's lack of personal restraint and poor decision making can effect YOU. I, when more actively seeking stable future-progressive companionship, recognized these dynamics and yearned for security (allayment of concern) for my own peace of mind. I'm not saying you should live in fear of contracting STD's, but, I would like you to consider the element of exposure. More partners, more exposure; it's a bit of "DJ taboo" to discuss, but it remains reality nonetheless.

Having a steady partner, who makes no claims on your future, that gets you off and mutually gets off themselves, and further respects you, is a premium "bird in hand". There is no better friend, man or woman, whose company you enjoy, that respects you and does not lay claim upon you. If you should meet such agreeable company, it is truly in your better interest to maintain such relationships of convenience instead of seeking out "two in the bush".

Why? The answer is simple: function. Seeking out "two in the bush" to fulfill a need that is already being met by your "one in hand" is a masturbatory exercise in itself. It's a redundancy for the sake of being redundant. In your case, you had "two in hand". Set them loose for more? More, MORE, MOORREEE! How much püss is ever enough? If you can't answer that, then answer this: how many warts on your penis are enough?

Having stable and dependable sex frees up your time, resources, and focus. This is the pragmatism in "plate theory" that is understated. With all that competes in your life for priority, "find a woman"? Pssshf.

Those "two in the bush" may have little red bumps around their mucous membranes. Women, instinctively understand this, which is why they are willing to share a steady supply of secure sex.

Are you following? YOU, unknowingly, were very likely the newscaster's fück buddy. You were (a) stable sex input for her. Your ms. 30 nurse friend most surely understands the element of exposure associated with being single, too. Surely a nurse understands the health risks of promiscuity. Has she told you about HER ƒuck-buddy? Of course not, but she certainly pumped your ears full of other words, huh? Has she told her FWB that she met someone else that will heretofore meet her needs? You don't know. For all you know, her FWB is another female nurse that satisfies her sexual needs, respectfully and discreetly, with no claims on ms. 30's future. WHAT'S MORE is that you have no guarantees that ms. 30 does not have a personality disorder that is predatory in nature...

Cons (red flags):
-Daddy is a functioning alcoholic
-divorced
-has a crazy dog that tries to bite other dogs (including mine). Something about the way she let the dog roam around when we were hanging at the river bothered me.

^^^Many guys here would read this and alarm sirens would go off in their heads^^^
Somehow, though, you've decided to eliminate your other options, put your juevos in ms 30's basket, and play right into her "I'm a virginal epitome of all that you want" sales pitch arrangement of words. Despite your observation of potential daddy issues, and despite your gut intuition (the dog observation is your gut screaming: "TAKE NOTICE!"), you've accepted a person's words as realities, haven't you? Is this logical? Rational? Or, simply an emotional and traditional reflex response that you are on this site to learn to avoid?

You're probably resisting everything I'm trying to explain at this point because of your learned shaming and defense mechanisms. So, I'll share personal experience in a way that shows "friends can ƒuck" and it's evolution.

As a result of a sarge, I had met a HB5/6 average chick: I was distracting an obstacle. It turns out that my so-called "wings" never engaged, but that's another story.

The "obstacle" and I ended up getting along quite well. Eventually, we ƒucked. We continued getting along, and ƒucking, for a long while. It became obvious that I wasn't compatible with her personality for "pair-bonding" long-term (after all, she was a "moped": fun to ride, but not something you want to be seen around town with). It was at that point, that, I explained to her my assessment: as enjoyable as the relationship currently was, I ultimately will be with someone else who is more compatible in terms of life-direction, goals, and philosophies. There will be no future potential beyond friends that ƒuck.

Of course, she protested. I gave her some time away to consider the terms as outlined: we can enjoy our time together, respectfully, with open communications, friendship, and support. Or nothing, it was for her to chose.

I had called to hang out after a week: she agreed. I sat her down, and we discussed our reality. We can hang together, ƒuck, but when the other person slept with another, it will be openly communicated such that the other party has the option to continue or discontinue sexual involvement. Protection will be used, and all efforts to preserve the health and dignity of the other will be made. Agreed? Yes, it was agreed. She immediately showed me how wet her pûssy was and ƒucking ensued.

Over the course of many years, she was "put on hold" sexually many times, respectfully, and with mutual agreement. And, she was also "taken off hold" sexually, several times more. She had even travelled to other states to visit and "otherwise enjoy our friendship". Simply stated, we had awesome companionship and great sex off-and-on for over 10 years. In THAT time, I ƒucked other people, respectfully with protection, and shared openly with my friend as required. Often, she didn't care to hear about it at all: "I trust you. Let me know if we need to chill." That was all that was required by either of us.

In fact, while in that FWB situation, I had sex with one gal in particular who was on my couch next to my frau just last night. My frau KNOWS that this gal and I have had sex in the past. Do you understand? I am telling you that my current girlfriend is in a friendship with a friend of mine THAT I'VE FÜCKED.
My girlfriend - is friends with a gal - that I've had sex with. There is no secret. I have no reason to be ashamed or otherwise apologize.

She loves to be dominated, dirty talked, etc. So I suppose she can be a steady plate for the time being.

Ok, so back to "a little cellulite on the big bootied HB7 that smokes". I respect your decisions. However, I must advise you to communicate terms to afford this person, that wants to fück you, a choice of continued involvement.

It would be horrible folly on your part to put off a woman who has high IL, who tickles your freaky-bone in bed, and with whom you've established a friendship. Communicate, unapologetically, your standpoint. Give this "7" a chance to be your friend that you can also ƒuck. If she "loves to be dominated" as you say she does, then she will DEFINITELY be agreeable: the terms are part of her domination, and she is trying to show you that SHE IS YOUR PET.

I know it's difficult to view this as a real concept, especially if you've never had a "pet" before. But others on this forum have experienced this (and I hope they will jump in and co-sign it). Moreover, it's doubly-difficult to act on the knowledge of having such a "sex pet" given the AFC brainwashing we've all grown up with. Let that "dirty" guilt slide and embrace your human sexuality.

Either don't yet understand these realities, or knowingly and willfully deny reason. The reality is this: someone wants to have sex with you. You did something right with (#3): she is yours. Examine what you did right, own it, and most importantly, use the knowledge to lead her to achieve mutual benefit.

You can "turn her loose" and still "keep her around". You can "avoid stringing her along" with simple communication. Once you afford her the truth of the matter, she can chose what is next, and you are relieved of "stringing" guilt. Tell her the deal, and let her agree to continue to be your pet. Open the door, unsnap the leash you've been "stringing her along" by, and make it clear that SHE is free to go, but is welcome to stay, IF... hell, make her quit smoking and lose the cottage cheese, if you want - they're your terms.

I cannot continue beating you over the head with how clearly this one-itis of yours is fücking over your game. Re-read your post evolution after this, please, MtnMan.

Know this and embrace it: it is not cheating if you are sharing.
I wish you only the best of fortune.

 

[Shaka]

Thanks Vulpine, was a good insight (for me at least )
I might be wrong, but maybe it's something else (I had a similar situation and I found what was holding me back.

Maybe MtnMan unconsciously wants to protect his heart.

He came here, like many, broken by a girl. And it's not that long ago.
One moment or another, he should have said to himself that he will never put himself in the same position. Fair enough.
He knows that this girl isn't LTR material for him, right ?

So why not convert it to a FWB ?
Well, maybe his instinct tells him that he is not ready yet, and that his AFC memory will make him fall for her. And Bam, game over.
To accomplish what Vulpine is saying, you have to be strong up there. We all know how an AFC man, or even an DJ with some AFC remains can turn back and do the same mistakes. Look at the NC thread and you will see many.

Again, I might be wrong here. But try to consider it, because some of those sh1ts are difficult to realize on your own.

 

[MtnMan]

Im dropping her because I feel unhappy with myself after banging her, yet keep doing it because its easy and fun at the time. I'm not that attracted to her, and I can (and currently AM, banging a much hotter woman)

 

[MtnMan]

Update, as you may have seen on my salsa dancing thread, I went salsa dancing with Ms. 30 year old. Had a great time, but realistically need an actual lesson. I was terrible.

We hung the whole next day and she showed me her town. She basically asked me if I would be willing to be sexually exclusive with her. After careful consideration, I decided to give it a go. I think I am ready to try it, and the situation with this girl feels good to me.

Am I crazy for this, I do not know. I am ready to try my hand at the next level of game......relationship game....seemingly much more daunting than just simple "get laid" game. So far I think I have done well, and I think only seeing her once a week allows me to pull back and check myself, and make corrections as needed.

For instance, last weekend I held felt some insecurities come out when I was with her. I recognized it once I went home and thought about it, and the next time I saw her those insecurities were completely gone. They were irrational, and taking time to analyze the situation allowed me to drop them before they infected the frame of the relationship.