An awakening...

[soulforge]

Fantastic post.

The fact that a level 5 woman can yield so much power is proof of how weak, manipulated and desperate most men are these days. This is what the blue pill agenda wants though.

Most relationships with women degrade over time as the woman expects more from you while giving less at the same time. The price of her p*ssy rises the longer you stay with her as she expects constant "progression" of the relationship which is really just code for shifting the relationship from being on YOUR terms to being on HER terms. She will create drama and confusion to make you fall in line. Since most men are faggots.. they give in rather than just ignoring her and f*cking her friend/sister instead. Men are basically punished for emotionally committing to women.. yet they do it anyway. Its pretty stupid. But women are skilled at manipulating men so this is really not a big surprise.

MEN: There is ZERO benefit to emotionally committing to a woman. Women don't exist for you to fall in love with them. They exist for reproduction, sexual pleasure and entertainment. They don't exist to be your emotional support system. This is why women grow to disrespect men who fall in love with them and submit to them. Look at most couples and you will see that the relationships where the man is indifferent and strong are also the relationships where the man is respected. Women do NOT respect any kind of pandering to their desires. They love when you do it.. but they don't respect you for it. Most men today pander... so their women see them only as a utility to use and show off to friends and family.. while boosting her social status.. like a dog or a nice car. But she masturbates to real men. Strong men.

By never giving full emotional commitment to ANY woman EVER.. you keep the power and you keep the women in your life acting right. Men who engage in beta submission to one woman usually come out of those relationships completely embarrassed and devastated when the woman eventually leaves.

One of the best posts I have read, saved this one to ponder upon.

 

[Red Legg]

One of the best posts I have read, saved this one to ponder upon.

Women are NOT our "emotional support system" the great Poon King (RIP) was right on the money about that one,some men on this forum need that tattooed on their forehead so they do not forget it.

 

[playa99]

Thanks @Atom Smasher I've dropped you a PM.

It's funny how acceptance of the real issue can make you feel a lot better. I feel as though a big weight has been lifted. I've booked in to see a male therapist tomorrow & am going to buy "the one thing" today.

I have the benefit of working for myself so I can focus more time on getting better than someone doing a 9-5 job.

I wonder how many men are distracting themselves from the "real issues" in their lives by putting women on a pedestal, drinking heavily or abusing substances. I became the issues & had zero detachment, tried to please everyone & only hurt myself.

Putting anything in your life on a pedestal can be devasting. Truth be told your probably distracting yourself from bigger issues. Being over invested in any area or value will come back to bite you.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

I wonder how many men are distracting themselves from the "real issues" in their lives by putting women on a pedestal, drinking heavily or abusing substances.

It's definitely true. Kinda come to realise this the last few weeks myself. Doesn't always need the input of therapy, but it does require brutal honesty with the self.

I read/heard someone saying last week, that all behaviours, on a singular linear level, either make you weaker or make you stronger. All that remains otherwise, is free will and personal choice.

 

[Konada]

This is actually a great revelation. So often we men go year after year suffering from depression without even realizing it. It's interesting that you cite a tumultuous relationship with your dad, yet you feel comfortable talking to him about how you feel, confident that he will understand. That's a real blessing to have him there to talk to.

Probably the most effective way I've ever found to gain confidence, whether in business or socially, and in every other way, has been to break goals down into the tiniest of chunks. Sometimes we put massive, overwhelming pressure on ourselves because we keep seeing the magnitude of how far we have to go, discounting how far we've already come. A great read is the book, "The One Thing", by Gary Keller. He shows how we can beat overwhelm and stagnation by identifying the simple, ONE next step we need to take in any area of life. This book really helped me to get a sense of control in my life.

I would also advise every man to get his spiritual life in order. I personally believe that when we are not right with God, life tends to run roughshod over us and past hurts and regrets have free reign to hound us from the back burner, which is always left on, just simmering away, thereby affecting how we perceive the world. Nuff said here. If anyone want me to expound on this, PM me.

If you do see a counselor, make sure to find a MALE counselor and not a female. A female counselor can easily set a man back and confuse him even further. When it comes to counseling, men need male energy.

I know this is all unsolicited advice, but I thought I'd throw it on the table in case any of it might resonate with you or one of the readers here. Can't hurt.

You've reached a real milestone by recognizing your depression, and this first step is the basis upon which you'll overcome it.

I'd like to add on that prior to gaining confidence, one must dig deep to find out what truly matters to him and rid himself of past inner demons. The one question that really freed me from the shackles of living in my father's shadow was 'Dad, are you proud of me?'.

Granted, he said No and it hurt real bad that I cried myself in my bed. But then, I realized the answer lied in my courage to ask the question rather than the answer itself. Anyone can work out, pick-up girls, get wealth, but it takes a whole deal of another sort of courage to conquer your inner demons hiding in your childhood.

Only those who have went through this path will know that confidence is nurtured in the process of pushing on rather than achieving the end result itself.

 

[playa99]

UPDATE:

So after realizing that I have been depressed for a long time, I decided to take the step of going to therapy & taking it seriously for the first time in my life. I did some therapy earlier in the year which tackled a few issues, but not the big ones!

I believe I have suffered with PTSD for a long time. A few things that have happened that have impacted me are below:

• I heard my Mom die in the room next to me.
• I witnessed my Dad be in an abusive relationship in the 5 years after my Mom died.
• I was bullied at a young age.

All the gambling & women were just keeping me busy from facing up to these issues. It is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I am beginning to face up to these issues.

I have a lot of pent up anger towards my Dad & my family for what went on in the years after my Mom died, I am considering moving away from where I am now & getting a fresh start.

I had no emotional support growing up until I came to SoSuave.

 

[highSpeed]

One of the best posts I have read, saved this one to ponder upon.

I don't think of it as pandering soulforge, I think of it as being someone who is attempting to care for their partner and make their life better. Your hope/expectation is that they are seeing you do something like that and reciprocating. That doesn't happen very often though and this is the problem. That is what you learn. Look all throughout history and the writings. Look at the Greeks, the Romans, the British, the Americas. You have guys doing heroic things, loving things, acts of kindness, acts of nobility, acts of sacrifice and you have women lapping it up. The writings talk of women doing well by their kids mostly but all of those acts of kindness, love and sacrifice on the part of the guy are simply expected. The guy did this thing, saved her from the monster, created a new kingdom, fought a war for her, pined away for her and if he was lucky, all that was written was that they lived happily ever after. I don't often read though, what the woman did to obtain the man's devotion besides provide some beauty and perhaps, some p*ssy (I guess the beauty part kind of gave away the act of giving p*ssy though because who's going to sacrifice, pine away and do heroic things simply to look at her?) and the guy was literally willing to cut off his arm to get it. This notion of men going their own way, it's not new. Guys have been b*tching about going their own way for quite some time.

 

[playa99]

UPDATE:

I would advise any man who struggles in life to go and see a therapist. More specifically a male therapist.

The guy I'm going to costs $90 an hour & it is worth every penny!

People with mental disorders find you, you don't find them.

I am concluding that I am not the problem, the people around me (family & friend) have been. Take this exchange with a family member earlier this week. To give some context I'd agreed to bring said family member home from the mechanic. I couldn't take them back later as I had a meeting. This was the guilt tripping I got after missing 3 phone calls & a text that said he had a lift.

Family member (FM.): I've got a lift back to the mechanic, so you don't need to worry about taking me
Me: Ok, so who is taking you?
FM: My next door neighbor.
Me: Oh, that's good.
FM: So I was just phoning you so you don't worry about me getting there.
Me: Ok, Sorry I couldn't take you, hope it goes ok.

The mistake I made was apologizing. I shouldn't worry about something I can't do. The above is just a small example of so many situations I've had since being a toddler.

I'm pretty positive certain members of my family are Covert Narcissists.

These patterns have repeated in all relationships across my life. Now I'm aware, they aren't going to happen any more.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Family member (FM.): I've got a lift back to the mechanic, so you don't need to worry about taking me
Me: Ok, so who is taking you?
FM: My next door neighbor.
Me: Oh, that's good.
FM: So I was just phoning you so you don't worry about me getting there.
Me: Ok, Sorry I couldn't take you, hope it goes ok.

Doesn't sound like a particularly problematic interaction. But you're right; there's no need to apologise. I learnt a while ago that we shouldn't apologise unless it's absolutely warranted.

Here in the UK, the English are well known for being overly polite, accommodating, courteous and apologetic in nature; only to be somewhat passive aggressive behind people's backs. A very unhealthy mentality.

At the same time as becoming less apologetic, I've become more forgiving of people's nature and behaviour. Without knowing your full story, I'm not always sure narcissism is the problem. Conversely, I think often times it's actually a lack of self awareness ironically that makes people appear self-serving.

Pay attention and make sure to find some very straight-up, live and direct people that you can rely on - people who you know will be honest (in a constructive way) when you're acting out yourself, for example. They are few and far between, but generally the kinds of people I prefer these days.

 

[playa99]

Doesn't sound like a particularly problematic interaction. But you're right; there's no need to apologise. I learnt a while ago that we shouldn't apologise unless it's absolutely warranted.

Here in the UK, the English are well known for being overly polite, accommodating, courteous and apologetic in nature; only to be somewhat passive aggressive behind people's backs. A very unhealthy mentality.

At the same time as becoming less apologetic, I've become more forgiving of people's nature and behaviour. Without knowing your full story, I'm not always sure narcissism is the problem. Conversely, I think often times it's actually a lack of self awareness ironically that makes people appear self-serving.

Pay attention and make sure to find some very straight-up, live and direct people that you can rely on - people who you know will be honest (in a constructive way) when you're acting out yourself, for example. They are few and far between, but generally the kinds of people I prefer these days.

Exactly! It's a very small example of many. Being honest, I am coming to terms with who I am and removing my flaws. I have been 'too nice' for a long time.

I am realizing that whether or not people are 'narcissists' or 'borderline' or whatever doesn't matter. It is how I am that matters. Every day is a learning experience at present!

I'm from the UK too and I can definitely say having the British 'stiff upper lip' has done me no good!

 

[marmel75]

Update:

I saw an article today and it's made me have the biggest revelation I've had in years.

For a long time I've been depressed!

I think deep down I've known this but not been able to accept it, I've been living in denial for a long time.

Its weird because I do function & on the whole my life is good. I earn a good wage for my age and I am setting up a variety of businesses.

That being said, I can't bring myself to drive these businesses forward & make them succeed to the level I deeply desire. Getting out of bed & into work is a struggle. I do it, but it is a struggle! My mind constantly burns with a treadmill of thoughts & insecurities.

I'm not suicidal but I must admit the thought has crossed my mind a few times in the past gear!

Ive made my way into the top 10% of males my age & I'm not happy. I feel as though I have no control over my life.

I try and take control and I may come here and post about how I'm going to change my life and whilst it does improve, I still feel the same!

I see guys like Chris Cornell & Chester Bennington commiting suicide and I'm determined that isn't going to be me!

Why am I depressed?

• It could be unresolved grief issues from family passing away.
• It could be insecurities from being bullied when I was younger.
• It could be being a gambling addict and feelings of shame & guilt.
• It could be feeling like I don't fit in.
• It could be a tumultuous relationship with my Dad.

I think it's all this & more importantly, not accepting that this stuff has an emotional impact.

I've tried to show people I'm ok from a young age, rather than actually processing my emotions & being okay. I feel emotional writing this post, because it's the first time I'm admitting my problem.

Im not depressed all the time & have had periods of feeling great. Namely from being 16-18!

I need to take control of my life and gain my confidence back. Coming to the forum & admitting the problem is the first step. The next thing I'm going to do is get a therapist. I'm also going to set up a diet plan & workout plan that I'm in control of. I'm going to fire any clients that affect my mental wellbeing.

I'm going to talk to my Dad and tell him how I feel. I know he will understand!

The number one cause of depression among males is low testosterone levels. It would do you well to get yours checked just so you can rule that out if anything.

 

[playa99]

After a year and 4 pages of searching for answers to my problems and I've come to 1 conclusion:

I am the problem.

On this thread I've blamed everyone else for my problems aside from myself. I've posted advice on how to be & not followed it.

In my mind, everyone's took a beating, from my Dad to my friends to my GF. I have been the problem & I'm okay with that.

Taking accountability is the first step on my self improvement journey. The biggest problem I have had is setting boundaries.

Want to rip me off? I'd let it happen then sulk about it happening!

Most people will push their luck given the opportunity. Setting out as you mean to go on is the most important thing you can do in any relationship. Trying to enforce boundaries when you haven't historically is tough.

I can let the bad things that have happened in my life ruin it, or I can use them as fuel to grow & improve from my own unique perspective.

I'm not for one second saying that the people around me have been perfect, because they haven't, no-one is. What I am saying is that I have dealt with the negative situations in my life in the wrong way for me. I disassociated from my emotions because as a child I didn't want to deal with them. I rationalized peoples behavior & ignored blatant red flags. At 25, I am finally coming to terms with this & am going to use it as a springboard for success.

Their is still a stigma around mental health, certainly where I'm from & it needs to change. After going to therapy for a while I've realized that I've not been clinically depressed or have a mental disorder, but I have struggled & that's okay! I thought the best way to deal with issues was to push them down & get on with things. Turns out, it isn't! This is something I'm passionate about & I am going to do charity work in some way to help get the message out there!

I can let my gambling addiction be a bad thing, or I can use it to realize that I had poor emotional control & that's something I need to work on. Truth be told, I just wanted an escape from the emotional turmoil I was constantly going through.

 

[playa99]

Meditation is something I would recommend for any man.

I have been doing it pretty much every day for near on a year now. I am starting to become more detached from my feelings & looking at things holistically rather than jumping in to an emotional response.

For years I have been too fixated on one particular target. Whether it be one girl (ONEITIS.) or one client. Abundance alone doesn't change this. Back when I was spinning plates I had abundance, but my mind was off. If I got rejected of things didn't go my way, I took it personally and affect my value, rather than moving on with my life & knowing that a rejection has no effect on my value!

I am not thinking in black & white terms anymore, the truth is invariably grey.

I am letting go of bitterness from past relationships that didn't work out & friendships that went south. I can accept my part in this & the other persons!

I am hitting the gym again, hitting my stride in business & picking up a lot of new contacts!

I am finally watching peoples actions rather than trusting there words!

The DJ bible is solid, so is the HS bible, you've just gotta be ready to take the advice onboard.

 

[playa99]

UPDATE

This is going to be my last post on this thread and maybe on SoSuave.

This past 18 months has been a journey of the mind. I've had a million different thoughts that contradict each other.

Am I depressed?
Am I not good enough?
Am I the problem?
Are other people the problem?
I had traumatic experiences in my life, will they ruin it?
I live a good life, I should be happy, why aren't I?

I am not going to post on this thread anymore because I am moving on with my life. I was living in the past & viewings events in my life as having happened to me, rather than for me.

I may come back on here to post frequently, I may not. The truth is I am finally living in the now & I need to build a life for me outside of this site.

Look at your life a year ago, is it different? If it isn't, the chances are that you aren't progressing! Truth be told my life has regressed in the past year & that's because I've been thinking rather than doing.

Moving forward I'm going to do 5 things to change my life:

1: Raise the standards that I expect of others & myself & stick to it!
2: Identify the one thing I need to do that will propel my life forward & do it!
3: Identify & challenge any self limiting beliefs that appear along the way.
4: Adapt my strategy until I achieve success.
5: Be positive, every day.

Because I was thinking too much, I was over invested in my emotions. Because I wasn't doing enough action, little things became over important.

We come here for help with women & it ends up impacting every aspect of your life. I am learning that being successful in work requires me to have the right mindset all of the time, not just when 0800 rolls around & I fire my laptop up. Women are a complement to an already satisfied life, not the thing that makes your life satisfied.

Until next time...

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

All the best man. You have come a long way. It does seem you have made good progress since the start of this thread.

Look at your life a year ago, is it different? If it isn't, the chances are that you aren't progressing!

This is particularly true and insightful; something we should all be doing regularly. Carry on in your upward trajectory and let us know how it's going every so often.

 

[guru1000]

viewings events in my life as having happened to me, rather than for me

Remember these words.

There are no random events. No random mishaps. No random people.

Always look for the lesson.

Until next time ...

—Guru