An awakening...

[TheMonkeyKing]

Your brain changes perceptions based on your fears. What you are scared of another man more than likely isn't.

This is more true than we realise.

Neuroplasticity is a well known physiological concept in anatomical medicine. There's no reason why it shouldn't be applied in psychology as well. The brains of depressed or anxious people are literally physically wired differently to those of happy chilled out people. That's why depressions are so difficult to overcome for some. Neural circuitry doesn't just reorganise itself overnight. It takes years.

 

[playa99]

I have absolutely blasted SS for the past couple of weeks, more than I ever have. I am absolutely 100% determined that this time around, I am going to change my way of thinking & living for the better.

It all boils down to how much YOU want it. Are you willing to lay everything down and put everything into becoming a better man, not for women, not for money, but for yourself?

I am working harder, I am in the gym constantly. I am eating healthy. The next step is meeting and building social relationships with people. I am going to college in September, but I am restless. I go to the gym, I walk my dog... I will meet new people.

Most people have a tendency to revert to their comfort zone & not try and change things which are outside of their direct control. I am not being that guy anymore.

You must impose your will on the world. It has taken me a long time to get it, but the lessons of the DJ bible are finally sinking in.

I look at the women I've dated, mistakes I've made in business & I no longer see them as failures, I see them as a path on the road to success.

 

[playa99]

At the moment I am 100% focused on self improvement. I am focusing on me. I am beginning to do what I want to do and be more assertive in my life. I have found that being 100% honest with yourself pays dividends. For a long time I kidded myself into believing I was perfect at everything I did & you know where it got me... NOWHERE.

I am learning all the time and that will never stop. I will not remain static.

The only way you get to being the best is through hard work & dedication. It is possible for any man to be the best at what he does if he is 100% dedicated.

Women should NEVER be the highest on your list of priorities. Your career, family & mental wellbeing must come first.

I came here, read the material & everything became about women. Wherever I went I was looking for women to approach & game. Wherever I went I was trying to be the alpha male!

Whilst I had some success through using the techniques, I hadn't grasped the main thing I needed to grasp which is...

Focus on yourself, your goals & improving yourself. Take the focus off women, fix yourself and they will come running to you further down the line.
Use the techniques alone & you're nothing but a magician, people will eventually see through your tricks.

I am first & foremost improving my business, education & familial relationships, everything else can suck it for now.

I am walking past 9's & 10's & not giving a fvck now. I have never done that. I'm doing it because I KNOW that I am a great catch and no matter how hot the girl is, she is not altering my priority list.

Putting the foundations in to living successfully is paramount.

 

[playa99]

HAPPINESS

I am happy now, which is a fantastic thing to say. It is predominantly down to this forum and committing to improving myself. Even after coming back to this forum I wasn't happy straight away and now I know why..

I WAS TREATING THE SIDE EFFECTS OF BEING UNHAPPY RATHER THAN THE ROOT CAUSE.

Happiness is a state of mind, you can be happy regardless of your situation in life. You are here on this planet & have the potential to do anything, what is not to love about that?

For a long time I tried to cure my unhappiness by trying (& failing) to make a lot of money. I tried to cure my low self esteem by buying clothes and having social proof. I tried a lot of things to cure my deep rooted unhappiness, and none of them worked.

I believed there was something inherently wrong with me when I had minor success's and wasn't over the moon.

IF YOU ARE HAPPY FIRST, EVERYTHING ELSE WILL COME A LOT EASIER.

You are going to have issues, you are going to be rejected, you are going to do stupid sh!t, you may as well enjoy yourself doing it.

I have issues in my business every single week, so fvcking what? Large business's have more complaint's in a day than I do in a year.
You can't control other people, but you can control your own happiness.

Commit to improving yourself and you have nothing to be sad about...

The only shame is not being happy.

 

[playa99]

LOOKING BACK

I have been considering why I ended up so miserable & anxious lately. I lost my Mom at 11 years old. My Dad did NOT cope, at 12 I was writing his online dating profile for him, which is fvcked up. He would ask me advice on relationship issues at 12 fvcking years old!!! I'd be going to play soccer and he would be asking what he should do on the way to the game.

He has put in SO many fvcked up situations when I was dependent on him. I had the infinite wisdom at 18 to go into business with him & shortly therafter lose the frame I had built from 15-18.

I resisted a lot of the bad influences in my life from 15-18 & had a fvcking whale of a time. My ex gf befriended me and then I ended up dating her, I have since concluded she likely has mental health issues. All the signs were there.

She couldn't take me going out. She lied to her parents about my age. She would switch between in love and hating me. Her relationship with her parents was awful. I could go on and on.

NONE of that was my problem, but I made it mine.

You cannot control other people, you can however, decide who you let in your life. People with a negative mindset can breed an AFC relapse.I always wondered why the least successful & least attractive girl i've been out with had such a lasting impact on me.

I wish I would have invested in the forum the way I am doing now 5 years ago, but past is past.

Break the mold, get yourself out there and start living.

I am in the business of meeting likeminded people. I will talk to anyone, but I need stimulating conversation & people who will benefit me in the long run.

I would rather have 10 solid people in my life than 100 worthless spongers.

I got this wrong last time round, I would be friends with anyone, regardless of how much of a negative impact they could have.

 

[playa99]

Progress..

You will notice that I abandoned posting about previous women in my life, there is a good reason for this, I hadn't been following my own advice. The past is gone, never to be seen again.

You can search for devine meaning in the past to try and change your ways or you can accept it and move on. All you have is the now. The past is gone & we don't know the future.

I work from home which can be a nightmare in terms of being social. I am going back to college which will enable me continue building a new social circle, with likeminded people. A lot of my childhood friends have gone out of my life recently. I am happy with this as it is due to my progression. I won't go to the same local pub every week with the same people, working the same job and in the exact same situation as 10 years ago. I will not stay static.

I am progressing by making small steps every day. All you have is today, any day you do not progress is a failed day.

 

[playa99]

2 months have flown by since I started this thread of random thoughts. I have progressed more than I ever have in my life. I have started a new martial art, granted I've only been to one session, but I have done it!

If you really want to change you will find a way.

My company is still up for sale but I am in control now. All our liabilities are settled up and I'm making good money.

I have wrestled back control in my LTR and things are getting much better. I am noticing that average & cute women are checking me out! My SMV is going up by the day.

Getting women is a side effect of successful living.

 

[playa99]

UPDATE:

Life is about balance. It took a lot out of me recovering from my gambling problem & it left me with some nasty side effects.

In the 4 years since I stopped I have either been one extreme or the other in all realms of life. I have been a master DJ one day and a flaming AFC the next.
I have nailed the gym consistently doing amazing workouts and then fell off completely and ate McDonalds every night.

This is where I have changed my thinking. I may not do amazing every day, but now I am consistent. I force myself to get to the gym at least a couple of times a week. I force myself to make awkward phone calls. I improve every day in some way or another.

As the saying goes 'Quality is better than quantity.' Whilst this is true in a lot of cases, in terms of self improvement I believe it not to be the case. I would much rather improve in some way every day than have a week of vast improvement then revert back to being an AFC.

This mindset has done wonders for my business also. I know we have to turnover a certain amount per week to make profit, I have made it my mission to hit this figure. This figure is by no means the highest figure we have ever made, but I know if we are consistent.... the profits will appear in time. In turn I can reinvest the profits into the company and sustainably grow a larger business over time.

Take approaching women. If I were single, my approach now would be to consistently obtain a couple of dates a week, not do anything spectacular, but constantly deliver.

 

[playa99]

Inner vs Outer.

I have been working on my inner values and the theory of how I attain my goals. I will continue to do this on a consistent basis, but my focus is now switching to demonstrating these values in order to realise my goals.

I truly believe that when you hit pause for a minute, it enables you to grow.

In the past I have read one article on a subject and thought I understood it on some deeper level, how wrong I was!

For ANYONE coming to this website for the first time, it's a must to read the DJ bible, digest what you have read and then demonstrate it to reality.

Even though I haven't focused on the outer that much in the past 2-3 months, I have made more progress in 2 months than the past 5 years, Why is this you ask? Because I know where I'm headed. I have direction and I have goals, which I know I want to achieve.

I am commiting to self improvement for me, throughout relationships, work & everything else, the one constant is you.

 

[playa99]

Another month has gone by and it's time for another update.

Since my starting this thread I have pretty well cleared my head and sorted my business out. We struggled in the first quarter and have bounced back.

@guru1000 s thread about frame has been very thought provoking for me. I have switched between agreeing with his premise, to disagreeing with it to then finally grasping what he means and how to implement this in my life.

When my problems developed from late 2010-2012, my frame as one of the 'cool guys' took a steep nose dive. The girl I went out with was NOT attractive. When I finished her this subsequently had an impact on girls I tried to attract in my social circle.

Your frame is the bedrock of who you are. It starts with how you perceive yourself. You must then project that to the world.

I am beginning to see myself as a high value male. I don't identify myself as a businessman or gym dude, as these can change at any given moment.

My business or ability to go to the gym can be taken away, if my value is invested into these things I will be crushed if they fail. I don't need any external factors, I have goals and things I would like to do, but I do not need anything.

Not everyone will like or buy into your frame and they don't have to, your frame is for you. I believe you get to a point of notoriety where your name speaks for you. When people are truly buying your frame you have the opportunity to go viral, people know of you when you walk in a room and they know your frame!

The brilliant thing about life is that you always have a chance to start over, you can change your frame today and begin working on it. Now that my business is recovering and I have had a very long period of instense self discovery I'm ready to get out there and build my social circle again!

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

This really is a great post. Everything boils down to action in the right direction and it all begins with a DECISION to move in that direction no matter what.

I've no idea who said it but there is a quote that I love:

"A man with experience is never at the mercy of a man with a theory"

And from Churchill:

"If you are going through hell, keep going"

Cheers gents - BE

Edmund Burke I believe. From the 'Reflections on the Revolution in France'.

 

[playa99]

Another update on this post of ramblings....

Recently I've not felt great. I've been reading a lot of content on here and books off of here.

I am currently reading *******s by Aaron James, which is proving revelatory.

I was looking at my 5k times earlier and realised I'd improved by 2 minutes, which is quite significant. I've never run a 5k under 25 minutes before.

The point that I'm getting to is that I still feel as though I'm clocking sh!tty times. It's the same at work. My company is doing very well, but I feel like I'm underperforming.

I think I'm a jerk, AFC hybrid at the minute. I've spent a lot of time soul searching over the past couple of years and I need to concentrate on the doing rather than the thinking.

I was on a steep upwards slope between 16-18 and i fvcked it all up.

Truth be told I've become a bit of an ******* myself. A very dignified ******* at that. My mind still lives in 2010 when I was the Sh!t! I am going to get to that place again, my social value will rise, my work will become great again and I will achieve what I want to.

I am not actually applying myself to anything at the moment. I'm doing a bunch of things not as well as I should be.

The truth is I've lost passion for life over the past few years. I have stuck myself in a job that is stressful to maintain the appearance of an image. I've not been willing to risk it all, but I am now.

I am willing to lose everything, for the right reasons

I'm making the following plan to get where I want to go:

1: Set up another business. I need to diversify my income.

2: Develop a new social circle. My old social circle was trash, I can do better

3: Take up new hobbies and force my life forward. Will I be in the relationship that I'm in a year from now? I honestly don't know. I'm taking my life back and I'm going to see where it goes!

 

[playa99]

Update on this rambling thread of rants:

I'm giving up drinking, I was out last night and I just don't see the benefit! It acts as a crutch to confidence!

I feel as though drinking in social situations is holding back my progress! Life is to short to waste it on being hungover. I'm also getting a lot more serious about the gym and my long term health, drinking a lot of vodka red bull is not healthy!

I am committing to going teetotal, for the foreseeable future!

 

[playa99]

UPDATE:
I keep on toying with the idea of leaving the forum altogether, my mind changes by the day! I know that day will come, but I believe it will be a natural step away rather than a forced one.

I am making genuine progress, having read back through this thread I have summarized that my main problem isn't knowing how to be a DJ, it's following through on the principles that you learn here!

My mental state has been all over the place up until recently, I look back through this thread and there is a variety of extremes 'I'm going teetotal' 'I'm doing great' 'I feel sh!t' and so on...

It all begins with a mindset, and I am chipping away at the negativity in my head.

I haven't had true control of my life and I've looked to get control in stupid ways like signing up to stupid diets, paying loads of money out for stuff I don't really want to do.

I cannot control other people, I can only control what I do and how I do it. I am having the life blood sucked out of me in keeping a business and a house running and I feel as though I'm doing that to service other people's needs. I am simply living to survive day to day, and I know there is more to life than this.

I need to stop taking on board other people's issues and work on myself.

I know what I want to do, I know most of how to do it, I need to take action.

This stems from coming out of addiction nearly 5 years ago just wanting to get through the day without having a bet. I was seriously in the sh!t and nearly lost everything. I need to accept this and realize a lot of time has passed.

I've been successful in recovery apart from one instance a couple of months back. I got on the hamster wheel of people pleasing and it is a never ending pit of sh!t.

I have set my chief aim and am aligning my actions along with this. I need to out-grow all or nothing thinking and stop blowing my top at the slightest disrespect. It is better to win people to your way of thinking.

Truthfully, I haven't known how to influence people without inciting conflict. The book 'How to win friends and influence people' has been a god send.
I highly recommend it to anyone who struggles with conflict in personal relationships.

On the flipside of not having control, I truly believe that I will be successful in business.

I need to heed my own advice, I am a machine that's broken and in need of repair. SoSuave gives you the guide and tools of how to do this but it is down to you to actually fix the machine.

 

[BeExcellent]

That's such a great book. It taught me a tremendous amount many years ago & I still pick it up for a refresher from time to time.

I wanted to encourage you in your journey. What you have written resonates with me as well as far as internal happiness, self determination and perseverance goes.

Keep moving forward!! Onward & upward!

 

[playa99]

Day 1 of my rekindled DJ light has been the best day I've had in years, I've been up early, organized everything I need to as far as business is concerned and i'm getting on with it!

I need to meet new people, I've been stagnant in that regard for a long time.. time to join a running club and other stuff to get out there!

 

[Atom Smasher]

I like what you said in one of your posts... "You must impose your will on the world."

This is an excellent thread. I hope you keep it going. My bet is on you for success in life.

 

[playa99]

I've realised that you can meander in life not knowing what's really going on. You can believe you know what you want but end up taking steps away from what you want because you haven't quantified it!

I've certainly done this for far too long.

I have found that there are generally 2 reasons for anyone asking you to do anything. One that sounds good and then the actual reason.

Before you know it, you can end up doing other people's bidding on account of there laziness. You believe it is good for you to help others but you end up neglecting yourself. Their deficiencies then end up projecting onto you and you then end up stressed.

I've written a self improvement plan this morning. I've set 3 concrete goals that I want to meet as soon as possible. I want to achieve these goals within the next 90 days.

Everyone wants success, but what does success mean to you? Where can you improve that would make you happier?

 

[Milano]

Refreshing post, this cant be said enough

 

[playa99]

UPDATE:

I am working better every day and I have found a plan that has helped me become productive. I finish work every day at a set time and get my tasks done.

I am going to therapy once a week to resolve the childhood issues that I've had. These predominantly relate to my Mom passing away and the aftermath of it. I meditate daily which is great.

The main area where I need to improve is diet/exercise. I looked at pictures of me at 16 when I was 12% bf and now at 20% bf and the difference is staggering. I look like a different person. I'm going to start my workout log again!

I am realizing the issues that I've got haven't just miraculously appeared. I'm not just a 'no good' person, things happened outside of my control & I suffered because of them.

My LTR has changed dramatically as of late, I am learning that people's reactions to me are reflective of my body language and behavior. I am being much more positive in all aspects of my life and it is beginning to pay dividends.