An awakening...

[playa99]

I've spend some time away from the forum, which has had it's up's and downs.
This is not going to be a guide or a log, just how my mind progress's from being where I am/have been for a long time to where I'm going to be going. I have been on a mental rollercoaster over the past 5 years. From the age of 16-18, I was a DJ. from 19-present I have been switching between DJ/AFC.

The predominant reason for this is that I had a extremely unhealthy co-dependent relationship, she was a 5, brought down my social value & alongside this told a lot of people about my past issues with gambling.This has huge implications on my ego & made me become anxious. I have faced up to this issue recently and I feel that I have had an awakening and have begun working on my issues. I've realised the importance of focusing on yourself and your goals. I've summarised what I've realised recently below:

THE FOCUS ALWAYS NEEDS TO BE ON YOURSELF!
You and you alone are responsible for how you feel as a person & how you progress. .

FIND YOUR PASSION!
I am in the process of selling my company. I love business, but I am not passionate about the type of business I am in. I am selling it so I can focus on my passions.

YOUR BIGGEST ENEMY IS MORE OFTEN THAN NOT IN YOUR OWN HEAD
For a long time, I blamed how other people were for my shortcoming's, if you are unhappy, it is more often than not your own fault.

PEOPLE WILL TAKE ADVANTAGE AS MUCH AS YOU LET THEM
Yes, even the softest of people will have you running around for them if you let them, don't believe me? Try it!

WOMEN ARE NOT IMPORTANT.
Infact, I take that one step further, people in general, aside from close family members are not that important. It is great to have a nice social circle, but friends do come and go, even if you have known them a long time. I have 2 close friends. I had 2 close friends from 3-21, but we drifted apart as I grew.

TALENT ONLY TAKES YOU SO FAR
Hard work & dedication are the key, without this, you will not get anywhere. I look at people my age with degree's & decent jobs who have no talent, yet got where they need to be through sheer determination.

DJ'ING IS NOT ABOUT WOMEN.
You can read all the tips, techniques & everything else, this is all useless if your mind is not right. The key is changing how you think. Do this, mix it with the tips & techniques and your on to a winner.

UNWAVERING CONFIDENCE IS THE KEY TO EVERYTHING
You've gotta be confident, I lost my confidence for a long time. I still looked good & dressed well, but my confidence wasn't there, The key to confidence is consistency. Consistently put yourself out there

YOUR ALWAYS LEARNING
The moment you think that you have 'cracked it' is the moment you come crashing down. Complacency is the devil. You can always improve and learn more. If you view the world the same in 10 years time, you have failed.

NO DREAM IS UNREALISTIC UNLESS YOU TELL YOURSELF SO.

 

[marmel75]

If you are going to put yourself through something like that it better be for way better than a 5...that doesn't even make sense

 

[playa99]

If you are going to put yourself through something like that it better be for way better than a 5...that doesn't even make sense

Exactly, It doesn't make sense... Out of all the women I've dated she is the least hot and had by far the biggest impact on me, it's fvcked up, it's what a gambling addiction can do to your head.

She befriended me and 'loved' me on the secret for well over a year. I had issues, which I thought she could solve, because she befriended me.

it was never going to work and I should have know better.

 

[Dingo]

Good points....

 

[Poon King]

Fantastic post.

The fact that a level 5 woman can yield so much power is proof of how weak, manipulated and desperate most men are these days. This is what the blue pill agenda wants though.

Most relationships with women degrade over time as the woman expects more from you while giving less at the same time. The price of her p*ssy rises the longer you stay with her as she expects constant "progression" of the relationship which is really just code for shifting the relationship from being on YOUR terms to being on HER terms. She will create drama and confusion to make you fall in line. Since most men are faggots.. they give in rather than just ignoring her and f*cking her friend/sister instead. Men are basically punished for emotionally committing to women.. yet they do it anyway. Its pretty stupid. But women are skilled at manipulating men so this is really not a big surprise.

MEN: There is ZERO benefit to emotionally committing to a woman. Women don't exist for you to fall in love with them. They exist for reproduction, sexual pleasure and entertainment. They don't exist to be your emotional support system. This is why women grow to disrespect men who fall in love with them and submit to them. Look at most couples and you will see that the relationships where the man is indifferent and strong are also the relationships where the man is respected. Women do NOT respect any kind of pandering to their desires. They love when you do it.. but they don't respect you for it. Most men today pander... so their women see them only as a utility to use and show off to friends and family.. while boosting her social status.. like a dog or a nice car. But she masturbates to real men. Strong men.

By never giving full emotional commitment to ANY woman EVER.. you keep the power and you keep the women in your life acting right. Men who engage in beta submission to one woman usually come out of those relationships completely embarrassed and devastated when the woman eventually leaves.

 

[Huffman]

Good on you. I find it a bit funny that everybody is constantly regurgitating the same points over and over again, me included.

I guess you could call it reflection through writing!

 

[playa99]

I've made huge changes in myself recently and I can already feel women looking at me more, guys want to talk to me more and I am commanding respect.

This is solely through the mental side of my game & being positive. A lot of guys believe you have to be 'mr super smooth' to get women, but you really don't!

I've made a conscious effort recently to focus on what brings me happiness in my life and make it happen. If it doesn't add value to my life, I won't do it.

I got more women when I worked in a gym & was on £100 a week than when I owned a company and a hell of a lot more money. My status was a helluva lot higher being a company owner, but I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. This is the key thing. All you need to do is walk round a shopping centre & you'll see dudes trying to look cool and its fake, its fake as fvck.

I've found that setting groundrules and then moulding your happiness around these groundrules is critical in becoming a DJ:

YOU GOTTA BE CLEAN.
Shower daily, make sure your clothes are washed & ironed. No-one likes a scruff.

STAND TALL AND PROUD
You've got to be proud to be you, there is only one of you in the world, you are unique. Slumping over is not a good look and does not make a good first impression to anyone.

RELAX YOUR EYES/FACE
I found that when I was an AFC I was unbelievably tense. My eyes jittered everywhere and I didn't look relaxed. Try meditating at least once a day to relax your mind and in turn your body.

SPEAK CLEARLY, CONCISELY & LOUD.
You want to be heard? Better speak up! Record/video yourself and practice in the mirror if you are uncomfortable. If you aren't comfortable speaking to yourself, other people aren't going to be comfortable in your presence.

HAVE A UNIQUE SENSE OF STYLE
I personally like to dress with a checkered shirt open with a nice top underneath, nice jeans & trainers. If you are struggling & have absolutely no fashion sense, look at the mannequins in shops, they are what is in fashion at the moment.

A lot of what I am saying has already been said, what I want to do is portray my voyage from AFC to Don Juan as someone who has done it before and is doing it again.

 

[sph21]

Congratulations on your enlightenments, OP. What you wrote are spot on.
By changing how we walk, talk & dress, people will notice. Our self-projection will affect other's reactions

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Congratulations on your enlightenments, OP. What you wrote are spot on.
By changing how we walk, talk & dress, people will notice. Our self-projection will affect other's reactions

But they were always doing it. So its part of their society.

 

[playa99]

I've been trying to be very mindful lately. I can think of my past mistakes and regret them or I can think of the future in detail as to where I'm going to be.

It is so important to live in the now and enjoy what is going on around you.

I put a lot of this past projection down to smartphones & social media.

You go on your Facebook and all you see is people you had casual relationships with. Women you regret not banging who you could have done. Girls who you've been afc with.

You regret the past so you try to map out your future, be perfect and plan every single minute of it, but the truth of it is that your missing the obvious. That social media can cause you to be anti social and get wrapped up in your social bubble.

For my social standing I need Facebook, Instagram etc. But I have realised its a double edged sword, you have access to what people are saying instantly, but you are still distant from them.

Well I have chosen a new way. Forgetting about social media, remembering a time where you actually picked up the phone to people.

My social circle is going to grow again, and it's not going to grow through being 'popular' on Facebook or whatever.

In business, money is a byproduct of success. In your social life, being popular is a byproduct of being successful in your social life. That priority has to be the right way round.

You gotta change your way of thinking to improve and want success in life rather than just wanting money or popularity.

I used to want things for all the wrong reasons. I got bullied as a young kid and that can make you want the money, power etc to show people that you are better than them.

Instead I now pity the people who put me down when I was 11 because bar none, none of them are successful. I am becoming egoless. I want nothing more than to simply improve, both in business and socially.

Most of us on here have been through bad experiences and the pain of that experience is a million times more than the pain of regret.

I have been living in regret over things I did as a kid for a long time, but can I change it? No I can't.

Do I have a badass streak in me which I never thought i would have? Absolutely. Most people do!

Do I regret the time wasted looking on Facebook at past girlfriends? Yes I do, but all I can do is change the now.

I am fast learning that dropping the ego, living in the present & committing yourself to self improvement is the key thing to do.

 

[playa99]

Having a no pressure mindset is absolutely critical in becoming a DJ. External influences whether it be family, friends, social media or whatever tell us that we must act in certain ways or we are not 'cool' or we are doing the wrong thing.

That my friends, is bullsh1t!

The only person who should be putting pressure on you is you.

From the moment you wake up its there, you turn your alarm on your iPhone off and you check your Facebook, the pressure is there. You go to grandmas for tea and the pressure is there. It's wherever you look.

You gotta develop a brick wall to deal with people telling you your wrong. Listen, take on board what people say, then do what your gonna do.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

I've made huge changes in myself recently and I can already feel women looking at me more, guys want to talk to me more and I am commanding respect.

This is solely through the mental side of my game & being positive. A lot of guys believe you have to be 'mr super smooth' to get women, but you really don't!

I've made a conscious effort recently to focus on what brings me happiness in my life and make it happen. If it doesn't add value to my life, I won't do it.

I got more women when I worked in a gym & was on £100 a week than when I owned a company and a hell of a lot more money. My status was a helluva lot higher being a company owner, but I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. This is the key thing. All you need to do is walk round a shopping centre & you'll see dudes trying to look cool and its fake, its fake as fvck.

I've found that setting groundrules and then moulding your happiness around these groundrules is critical in becoming a DJ:

YOU GOTTA BE CLEAN.
Shower daily, make sure your clothes are washed & ironed. No-one likes a scruff.

STAND TALL AND PROUD
You've got to be proud to be you, there is only one of you in the world, you are unique. Slumping over is not a good look and does not make a good first impression to anyone.

RELAX YOUR EYES/FACE
I found that when I was an AFC I was unbelievably tense. My eyes jittered everywhere and I didn't look relaxed. Try meditating at least once a day to relax your mind and in turn your body.

SPEAK CLEARLY, CONCISELY & LOUD.
You want to be heard? Better speak up! Record/video yourself and practice in the mirror if you are uncomfortable. If you aren't comfortable speaking to yourself, other people aren't going to be comfortable in your presence.

HAVE A UNIQUE SENSE OF STYLE
I personally like to dress with a checkered shirt open with a nice top underneath, nice jeans & trainers. If you are struggling & have absolutely no fashion sense, look at the mannequins in shops, they are what is in fashion at the moment.

A lot of what I am saying has already been said, what I want to do is portray my voyage from AFC to Don Juan as someone who has done it before and is doing it again.

This. Great stuff.

I find when I am feeling like a BAMF I walk slow, with good posture, and if looks could kill I'd be Dexter. But I'm not grilling individual people, I'm grilling the world ahead. And people see it. You can either relax your face & eyes or intensify them, but one thing you don't do is dark them around, blink a lot, or look down.

The meditation is great for this. It carries you back into the present moment quite well. Wish I could freeze this understanding in the a bottle or carve it into my pre-frontal cortex. I've been off on these basics recently, but appreciate your refresher.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

At the end of the day you have to challenge yourself, because that'w how you grow. Pick a challenge that can nearly kill you and you will transform. Or sometimes life challenges you and you grow and laugh at all the things you used to be afraid of. Challenge - the ultimate beta destroyer. We don't live in a tribal society where there are rites of passages anymore to turn us into men, so we have to create our own rites of passages. Becoming a masculine man is a transformation, not an automatic process that happens with age. Most adult males are manchildren.

This.

The two times I felt the most masculine in my adult life were whitewater rafting Class IV rapids in Pennsylvania, just spending 5 hours trying to stay straight and above water. And the time I got lost in a foreign country and was walking around a rural area at 2 am trying to find an ATM with no money or food, while not speaking the language.

My only goal was to survive so I could tell the story.

 

[BeExcellent]

This really is a great post. Everything boils down to action in the right direction and it all begins with a DECISION to move in that direction no matter what.

I've no idea who said it but there is a quote that I love:

"A man with experience is never at the mercy of a man with a theory"

And from Churchill:

"If you are going through hell, keep going"

Cheers gents - BE

 

[playa99]

I am an Ltr guy, I always have been and always will be. I have dated a lot of women, but my goal has always been an Ltr which I now am in.

I look back at my dating history and I made so many mistakes in the lead up to being in a healthy, stable relationship.

I'm gonna go from the beginning, this post is about the girl who drove me here!

Girl no#1. We will call her Jenna. This is the girl who drove me to this site. I was in high school, young and naive. I fell into major oneitis with this girl even though we hadn't been on a date and she was seeing other people. Ridiculous i know. It ended in me crashing and burning massively. Her bf at the time got me to confess to liking her on IM and it was overall a massively embarrassing experience, one which makes me cringe so much looking back!

It taught me to never emotionally invest before dating a girl. When dealing with oneitis, you need to look at the facts.

Fact 1: I had never been on a date with this girl.
Fact 2: this girl knew how i felt and clearly did not feel the same way.

These were the facts, it's easy to draw the conclusion from this that...

1: I wasn't thinking clearly.
2: I was better off placing my efforts on other women.

I had a couple of other high school experiences like this before I finally saw the light, read the DJ Bible and the fun stuff really began....

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

You gotta develop a brick wall to deal with people telling you your wrong. Listen, take on board what people say, then do what your gonna do.

Finally, someone who's said it. It's abot having a strong will. People will call you stubborn and ignorant, but stubborn ignorance is refusing to change or listen to reason despite knowing you are wrong. It is fueled by ego. Strong willed is knowing what you want and actually following through with whatever it is. It is fueled by pride.

playa99, I am 17 years old. I still live with my parents. I abide by the above quote very strongly. Because of this, I clash very often with my father. I have very strong visions of how I would like to do things and he does too. He has both pride and an ego, though I'd say that as he has gotten older, he has shifted more towards the latter. He does not want to listen to reason. We argue very frequently and they are pretty big arguements, like we are getting close to physically fighting. What am I supposed to do to try not to clash with him anymore? I won't listen to anything he says because it made me weak back when I did, and once I stopped listening to him, my life had gotten so much better. Do you have any advice to give me regarding my situation?

 

[playa99]

Girl no#2: my high school girlfriend.. Abi.
So after the crushing experience with Jenna, i improved myself in a major way. I got a brace, I sorted my fashion out, I bulked up & became popular and so came along a girlfriend. We were together for a year and it taught me a lot about relationships.

It taught me that as a man you must always lead a woman. In dealing with women, you having fun is critical, what are you doing this for if not to have fun?

We went our different ways when we decided on different colleges. This caused a serious rift in the relationship and it was never going to work. A woman who isn't happy with you doing your thing is not worth it.

It also taught me about the nature of jealousy in a relationship. It goes one of a few ways.

1: The woman is a paranoid Nutjob who you are best off without. Simple!

2: A lot of the time intense jealousy can be a partner being unfaithful to you. In the case of Abi it all went downhill after prom night. We ended up going to different parties and she ended up rocking in at 6am. Her ex was there. I have no proof that anything happened but I've always had my suspicions. The jealousy really kicked up after this.

3: You are being unfaithful to her and she is onto you!! I got with another girl on holiday and went to college and started meeting other girls.

I ended the relationship swiftly as it wasn't working and moved on.. Once a relationship is done its over, there is no point rehashing it, if only I would have taken my own advice a few years later....

 

[playa99]

I'm making massive progress in my life being real with myself and with other people.

you've got to ask yourself what is the point in being on here, reading the bible and then not putting yourself out there.

Having a no pressure mindset & dropping the ego is transforming the way I behave.

I truly do not care what people think of me anymore. I do not care if people are talking about me in a negative way, they are probably just jealous. My focus is on me and progressing my life.

Everyone has an agenda, everyone. In any relationship you want people whose agenda is to spend time with you. This is an extremely rare thing to find & this can change with time as you grow and people change around you.

A lot of people mix up being strong in your frame and not caring what people think with being too headstrong and not listening to any point of view other than your own. If life does not change you, you are not truly living life.

I was rash to sack mates off for anything when I was younger and say I was done with them. i have since calmed down and learnt to forgive people's mistakes, because I have made many.

It is being 2 sides of the same coin

To be strong and set in your views but open to change.

To not accept any sh!t but be forgiving.

This is where a lot of aspiring DJs go wrong, myself included. They see one side of the coin and see the other side as wrong or 'beta'. Being a DJ seems like a paradox, but it isn't!

Being a DJ is to be open to life & lead your own life, it is to make judgement calls based on your gut instinct and to learn along the way. It is to drop the ego and be open to change & to not get set on anything because it is 'your view'.

 

[playa99]

Girl no #3.

Holly... Well, this was an interesting one. We met on a night at the pub. I had a few people back to my house. I had barely spoke to her and got her upstairs. If a woman is attracted to you, the boundaries simply aren't there, especially after a few drinks. She did me as it was her time of the month. I got her number and the next day I got a text saying she had left something of hers at my house, can't remember what.

If a woman is highly interested, she will find a way to be around you, for any reason.

The next time she came round it was time to do the deed.. I was nervous as hell, and to cut a long story short, couldn't get it up. This was an attraction killer. It just killed anything between us, she started meeting someone else shortly after.

It taught me that no matter how nervous you may be with the first few girls that you fvck, you have to lead women. Being scared of your sexuality will kill the vibe between you & any woman. Why are you here if it isn't to have sex???? You may as well enjoy it.

 

[playa99]

Overcoming fears:

Coming out of high school I was fearless, I thought I was ready to tackle the world. I thought I had quashed my fears and insecurities.

What I didn't realise at the time was that I had some serious childhood issues to confront, which I hadn't dealt with.

I was bullied heavily at a very young age for what reason I cannot gather, then in early high school I was bullied again for the way I looked at the time.

I lost my mum at an early age and since then have pretty much looked after my dad emotionally.

The main issue that I have and a lot of men on this board have is low self esteem and having massive amounts of fear.

i am overcoming my fears/insecurities at present and I'll be honest, it's tough!

The first thing to do is to put down every single flaw that you have. It is important that you feel the flaws and how bad they make you feel.

The next thing to do is to look at what you stand to lose versus what you stand to gain. I have realised that I truly have little to lose and everything to gain and in a lot of scenarios, I am already in the worst place I could be!

I am currently working through my flaws and eliminating them one by one. Some are easier than others. Going to the gym and working out is easy for me.. Ringing people up for money terrifies me.

By realising that I have nothing to lose and everything to gain I am eliminating fears. Your brain changes perceptions based on your fears. What you are scared of another man more than likely isn't.

By writing things down and looking at things logically you can deduce whether or not your brain is playing tricks on you.