Am I being too quick to "next"?

Boilermaker

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 3, 2010
Messages
1,332
Reaction score
76
Agree with Zarky/ Disagree with Iqqi.

Iqqi, being a woman, probably cannot handle the harsh reality of harsh nexting. Jophil used to say women would rather go through open-heart surgery with their eyes open than have their pvssy rejected. So NEXT'ing is dreadful for them. Because they relinquish everything. Literally.

But there are many women out there, and we don't have the time to sift through the bad stuff. You have to go through a hundred bad ideas before you can stumble upon a great one. A lesson for creativity: Dig a little bit, if it doesn't open up a big hole very easily, go to the next one. Same with women. Better err on the "quick NEXTing" than wasting your resources on a dead end. This modus operandi is the way for a Don Juan. And never take "woman" advice from women. This is probably a truism as well :)

Cheers, my dear SS community.
 

tryst type

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 13, 2007
Messages
616
Reaction score
23
Today I did another next on a girl who seemed iffy about getting together.

I asked if she was feeling spontaneous tonight she replies that she was too tired. I tell her that if not tonight the only other day I'd be free is Monday.

Her: I'm being 100% honest I just got home and don't feel like going out but I'm definitely okay with maybe Monday

Me: Maybe Monday? That's not going to work for me. Sounds like you'd flake out and I don't want to waste a Monday if that's the case.

Her: Holy cow.

Deleted her number and never responded back.
 

backbreaker

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 24, 2002
Messages
11,573
Reaction score
572
Location
monrovia, CA
tryst type said:
Today I did another next on a girl who seemed iffy about getting together.

I asked if she was feeling spontaneous tonight she replies that she was too tired. I tell her that if not tonight the only other day I'd be free is Monday.

Her: I'm being 100% honest I just got home and don't feel like going out but I'm definitely okay with maybe Monday

Me: Maybe Monday? That's not going to work for me. Sounds like you'd flake out and I don't want to waste a Monday if that's the case.

Her: Holy cow.

Deleted her number and never responded back.
i'd tone the verbage down it's like you are trying to go out getting the last word or something but i agree with the premise. she isn't doing **** to justify you spending time with her.
 

Boilermaker

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 3, 2010
Messages
1,332
Reaction score
76
tryst type said:
Today I did another next on a girl who seemed iffy about getting together.

I asked if she was feeling spontaneous tonight she replies that she was too tired. I tell her that if not tonight the only other day I'd be free is Monday.

Her: I'm being 100% honest I just got home and don't feel like going out but I'm definitely okay with maybe Monday

Me: Maybe Monday? That's not going to work for me. Sounds like you'd flake out and I don't want to waste a Monday if that's the case.

Her: Holy cow.

Deleted her number and never responded back.

Err on the bold side.

Like in any justice system; you will wrongfully NEXT some innocent girls; but it's well worth the effort.

What you will be left after the filtering will be girls who are

1) predisposed to be submissive
2) with possibly higher interest levels;

double win.


Her response could have been: "Hey, I am not flaking out right now, don't be such an hard-ass". But she chose to be judgemental and persistent.


Good call, you are not missing out anything, cut the loss and move on.
 

flashpoint

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jul 28, 2012
Messages
320
Reaction score
12
tryst type said:
I tell her that if not tonight the only other day I'd be free is Monday.

Her: I'm being 100% honest I just got home and don't feel like going out but I'm definitely okay with maybe Monday

Me: Maybe Monday? That's not going to work for me. Sounds like you'd flake out and I don't want to waste a Monday if that's the case.
at first i was like "isnt he a bit to sensitive?" but reading again, i feel I would have done the same. after all you told her that monday was your only other opportunity (true or not) to which she comes back with a "maybe monday". "well girl, if you dont want to - i dont need to." came to my mind here. and that is roughly what you have told her. maybe chicks really need to get used to that, since usually it is kind of their prerogative to say yes or no. or at least they like to think so. and of course that is a way of cutting losses before they even appear.

not sure though if i would never talk to her again. if she tries to contact me after that there is a good chance either she wants to win by having sex with me or wants to apologize by having sex with me. or she just wants to have the last word, in this case i'd repeat my point of view and end it right there. doesnt hurt to find out.
 

Rollo Tomassi

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 4, 2004
Messages
5,309
Reaction score
340
Age
56
Location
Nevada
Read NEXT

Far too many men, and even practiced PUAs, have a very hard time with NEXT not only because of this dissociation, but also the doubt that comes from “what might’ve been.” Couple this with a soul-mate myth inspired ONEitis and you can see why most guys will fight to their own bitter end not to NEXT the girl they’re with.

It’s exactly this doubt that makes men think they’d be throwing the baby out with the bath water by NEXTing a woman. A lot of men think that NEXTing a girl is some knee-jerk response from guys who don’t have any other ideas of what to do, when in fact it should be a practiced, default response for the first indication that a woman is attempting to set the frame in her favor by manipulating a guy using her intimacy as a carrot to pull the cart. It’s men without options that find NEXTing a girl in some way ‘wrong’, and to a man with only one plate spinning this is entirely counterintuitive, but it’s important to remember that Rejection is better than Regret – even if you’re the one doing the rejecting. It’s better err on the side of NEXTing than be dragged into the quicksand of a woman’s frame.
 

tryst type

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 13, 2007
Messages
616
Reaction score
23
Great article. The question that comes to mind is: How do you maintain that indifference to be able to next without worry if you're not spinning so many plates? I mean sometimes I'm just not in the mood to get more prospects
 

backbreaker

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 24, 2002
Messages
11,573
Reaction score
572
Location
monrovia, CA
tryst type said:
Great article. The question that comes to mind is: How do you maintain that indifference to be able to next without worry if you're not spinning so many plates? I mean sometimes I'm just not in the mood to get more prospects
just got to fill the time void with other ****.
 

disgustipated

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 11, 2011
Messages
509
Reaction score
29
If you don't have that mentality of indifference naturally, then what BB said. But at some point I've developed a natural I don't give a fuvk mentality with women, it may he due to the sheer amount of bs I've went through over time with them. It's like riding a roller coaster for the 1000th time, doesn't phase ya as much.

Great article Rollo.
 

yuppaz

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 21, 2008
Messages
1,033
Reaction score
99
It's tough to say what is appropriate. If me I would err on the side of giving her SOME time to get together. Remember when you first meet someone they don't know how awesome you are just yet, so it's understandable if they are pensive about getting together. If you go out a couple times and then she responds like that, it's a different situation...because she's had enough time to see who you are and you her and if she is hesitant, then there probably just isn't much chemistry at all.

Her response was pretty lack luster, so I get why the next but I don't really like the way you set it up. Could you have instead said "Monday is really the only other day I have available this week" to give her the chance to counter on a possible day. If she didn't then ya forget it but I'm not a fan of going out on Mondays personally...maybe it's the day that's the issue...???

The WAY that you nexted made you look thin skinned to her, don't know if it means f*ck all to you but it didn't seem indifferent, it seemed bitter and butt-hurt.

Just calling it as I see it.

Luck
 

Men frequently err by talking too much. They often monopolize conversations, droning on and on about topics that bore women to tears. They think they're impressing the women when, in reality, they're depressing the women.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

backbreaker

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 24, 2002
Messages
11,573
Reaction score
572
Location
monrovia, CA
yuppaz said:
It's tough to say what is appropriate. If me I would err on the side of giving her SOME time to get together. Remember when you first meet someone they don't know how awesome you are just yet, so it's understandable if they are pensive about getting together. If you go out a couple times and then she responds like that, it's a different situation...because she's had enough time to see who you are and you her and if she is hesitant, then there probably just isn't much chemistry at all.

Her response was pretty lack luster, so I get why the next but I don't really like the way you set it up. Could you have instead said "Monday is really the only other day I have available this week" to give her the chance to counter on a possible day. If she didn't then ya forget it but I'm not a fan of going out on Mondays personally...maybe it's the day that's the issue...???

The WAY that you nexted made you look thin skinned to her, don't know if it means f*ck all to you but it didn't seem indifferent, it seemed bitter and butt-hurt.

Just calling it as I see it.

Luck
while i agree he did seem a tad butthurt, a woman might not know how interesting that you are just yet, but she should still show a sign of being interesting in finding out more about you.

it's the most simplist of **** test; you don't past the eye test. you don't do it for her. a woman that you do it for will make to see you and find out more about you.

she either has some serious other plates or she thinks you are cute but not hot enough to make definite plans with; she will keep you around in case she just has nothing whatsoever to do but you aren't a priority.

i've been on enough dates to be able to quickly tell the difference between a woman who I do it for and a woman who thinks she can get a few nights out of the house with me. this woman falls in the latter.

i had a woman i met at the track like a year before I met my GF. brunette, about 5'6, very cute, not smoking hot, but she had her mojo workin and i was kinda digging her. well i goth er number, she was very interested so much so that we went and had drinks right there at the track later in the day.

i went out of town a few days later and just honestly forgot about her. i was interested in seeing her i just forgot. so i come to the track that next Saturday and she meets me there and is happy to see me and asks if i wanted to go grab something to eat later on. come to find out she was waiting for me to call her and when i did not call she started just coming to the track hoping she would run into me lol.

that is an interested woman lol.
 

tryst type

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 13, 2007
Messages
616
Reaction score
23
This was a girl from an online dating site which I had given my number to and suggested she text me.

She did and as I was setting up a get-together she went into how she likes to chat via text for a while before meeting someone. Well if I were in high school that would have been fine, maybe. Although over-texting no matter what the age range usually makes it even harder to get together. She gave off the sense that she just likes being pursued and I wasn't having it.

Sure my response may have come off "butthurt" but in the moment I really did not care haha
 

backbreaker

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 24, 2002
Messages
11,573
Reaction score
572
Location
monrovia, CA
tryst type said:
This was a girl from an online dating site which I had given my number to and suggested she text me.

She did and as I was setting up a get-together she went into how she likes to chat via text for a while before meeting someone. Well if I were in high school that would have been fine, maybe. Although over-texting no matter what the age range usually makes it even harder to get together. She gave off the sense that she just likes being pursued and I wasn't having it.

Sure my response may have come off "butthurt" but in the moment I really did not care haha
i can honestly say, for all the 100000 posts about hypergamy, about the girls making you wait for sex, about the girls spinning plates, about the girls being high maintance, about girls keeping oribters around..


this is really the only thing that women do that get under my skin and the only thing that women do that i feel is honestly stupid or wrong.

i hate women who are too stuck in fanasty land and and want me to do chase them down like this is some romanace novel. somewhere in their heads they have this idea of prince charming showering with them with love and **** and calling them and devoting themselves to the point that they assume that any guy who doesn't show instant strong lust/love for them is not "the right one".

they might not even be dating anyone. they just have a wrapped sense of reality. and then teh same women will ***** about how there are no good men. well **** how would you not you shot all of them down before you got to meet them.
 

yuppaz

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 21, 2008
Messages
1,033
Reaction score
99
^^^

I agree with that, women who play TOO hard to get at the outset might end up getting chased, but she'll lose respect for the guys who chased her (+ attraction). It would really be in their best interest to chill the f*ck out in the beginning and stop making so many poor snap judgements. It would also be in mens best interests to really decide what qualities they want from the women they spend time with and screen hard for those things, not just taking whatever comes their way. Women need to go a little easier, men need to be a LOT more selective.
 

backbreaker

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 24, 2002
Messages
11,573
Reaction score
572
Location
monrovia, CA
yuppaz said:
^^^

I agree with that, women who play TOO hard to get at the outset might end up getting chased, but she'll lose respect for the guys who chased her (+ attraction). It would really be in their best interest to chill the f*ck out in the beginning and stop making so many poor snap judgements. It would also be in mens best interests to really decide what qualities they want from the women they spend time with and screen hard for those things, not just taking whatever comes their way. Women need to go a little easier, men need to be a LOT more selective.
lol and that's the most fvcked up part about it.


if the guy actually DID all that ****. she wouldn't like him lol.

I mean all women are.. women, but a good woman has a sense of practicality about herself. women who are just 100% off the deep end, i'm out. it's like the independent black woman bit. you can't please her no matter what you do beucase she doesn't even know what she wants.
 

iqqi

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 27, 2003
Messages
5,136
Reaction score
82
Location
Beyond your peripheral vision
read confident persistence. :cool:

Nexting too soon is just a simple way for the insecure AFC to avoid the agony of rejection before he even gives a girl the chance to really reject him. Grow some balls, men. My 17 year old cousin in high school has better game than this.

Seriously, read the article. Ingest it. The man who does it right is very sexy, but it's on some next level sh!t. Not for newbies, AFC's, or insecure men.

Read this too: Rejection is better than regret. It's good for you too.
 

backbreaker

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 24, 2002
Messages
11,573
Reaction score
572
Location
monrovia, CA
iqqi said:
read confident persistence. :cool:

Nexting too soon is just a simple way for the insecure AFC to avoid the agony of rejection before he even gives a girl the chance to really reject him. Grow some balls, men. My 17 year old cousin in high school has better game than this.

Seriously, read the article. Ingest it. The man who does it right is very sexy, but it's on some next level sh!t. Not for newbies, AFC's, or insecure men.

Read this too: Rejection is better than regret. It's good for you too.
unlike most of the men here i don';t have a problem with you at all, and i genuinely respect the point of view you come from, though i have no idea of your motives of being a member of this site that is not my concern. I have no issue with you, but this particular bit of advice i have to say is horrible. i don't give a **** what the article says. And yes I know the article is from this very site I've read it before.


i don't need an article to reinforce what i have seen with my own two eyes in the field; a woman who is into you will show you that she is into you.

one of the very.. no, THE fundamental principle this entire website is built upon is that women who like you, will show you that they like you, and women who not like you, will not show you that they like you.

There are tale tale sings of high interest; kissing, a real interest to see that person, caring more about actually meeting up with the person versus what you are going to be doing while you are meeting them, being overly touchy, these are things that women who are highly interested in you do. Quite frankly, a woman who does not do these things if they are interested in a woman, are women who have a problem with their sexuality and women I'm not interested in anyway. So that in itself is a weeding out process.

The premise of nexting is not to next before she hurts your feelings. it's to not spend one second of time more than you have to once you realize that it's not going anywhere. I mean, common sense has to be applied to all advice given ont his site, but the second that I know or sense that a woman is not interested in me, what do I owe her to stick around? This isn't fvcking zelda i'm not going on some love conquest to prove my undying love to a woman i'm a fvckign catch and there are plenty of women who are interested in dating me. if she's not i have no problem with that, i just am not going to waste what little free time i have chasing a dead end.

And the only reason I even replied beudcase yoru advice is very femninist and AFC in nature; suggesting that the guy should stick around even though teh woman has not given him reason TO stick around and telling him that he has to prove himself to a woman before she is to get hot and interested in him is not only AFC in nature, it's femcentric in nature and it's to be blunt, ****ty advice.

a woman generally knows if she is hot for you within a few mintues or at the very least, if she is open to the idea of being with you. This isn't something youc an change. There are things you can do to lose her interest, but you arne't going to turn on the vag swich on the third date andg et her to feel anything she wasn't feeilng when she first saw you. been there, too many times, done that wrote the book.

i've said this before.. i've been on too many dates. I knew, within.. maybe 10 mintues of our first date with my wife we were going to eventually have sex. partly because one of the first things she said was that she confsed she had never dated a black guy before but thought i was "hot " and liked the way I carried myself, i was very sexy to her. **** she was barley in the car. maybe not that night, she did not come off as a slut or fast, but she made absolutely no qualms about showing me that she was quite interested, we kissed multiple times, held hands, petting all over each other. by the end of hte second date she ASKED to come over my house. **** here i was trying to be reserved and she wasn't having it. and while we didn't do anything that night she made it clear she wasn't fvcking around and that as long as i vetted out i wasn't going to have a problem sealing the deal.
 

iqqi

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 27, 2003
Messages
5,136
Reaction score
82
Location
Beyond your peripheral vision
backbreaker said:
i don't need an article to reinforce what i have seen with my own two eyes in the field; a woman who is into you will show you that she is into you.

The premise of nexting is not to next before she hurts your feelings. it's to not spend one second of time more than you have to once you realize that it's not going anywhere.
How do you know it isn't going anywhere when you next a girl at the first sign of possible rejection? Most women play hard to get, and no it's not always a sh!t test. There is always the possibility that you are never going to get anywhere with a certain woman, and while it is important to be able to recognize the signs of real rejection, it is also important to learn how to persist when there is possibility of more. Quite simply, it is manly. I'm no feminist, and other women out there in that camp also will agree, that a man should pursue. A man who has the art of perusal down pat is very, very sexy.

Obviously, if you have a ton of options already overcrowding your fishing pool, and you are just after some good sexual relations, don't bother. If you are at an insecure stage in your DJ training... don't bother! You could hurt yourself. :cool: If you have illusions of grandeur and can't see when you really aren't attractive to a woman, maybe don't do this.

However, if you are a normal, attractive guy, you are going to encounter women who don't "put out" whatever signs you need for validation immediately.

And this could be for a myriad of reasons. Here are some possibilities:

1. She was raised by her father to beware of men who only want to fvck. She was raised with healthy self esteem, that she has more to offer than being a cvm receptacle and should not waste her time on men who don't know how to go about getting to know her first.

She was taught to weed those ones out.

2. She thinks you are a player. Which you probably are if you are on this site with the motivation to learn to spin plates, and not necessarily a bad thing either. But not all women are going to have sex with a guy who is having sex with other women at the same time.

3. She thinks you are not serious. Similar to above. So she does not take you seriously.

4. She doesn't find you extremely attractive at first. You might have to grow on her. To grow on someone is a very fine art in itself however. You do not grow on someone by spending money on them and sending them poetry for example.

5. She has the wrong first impression about you.

6. Wrong place, wrong time, wrong man. But times change.

7. She is seeing someone else. These things can change rapidly.

8. She is crazy. There is good sex to be had.

9. Women are fickle. Isn't that one of the first things you learn here?

10. She likes the game of push pull. You get some push, do you know how to pull? Do you know the right way to push back once she pulls?



I'm in no way saying you should exert a ton of energy on a flaky, unsure chick. But every circumstance is different, and if you have a really hot prospective that isn't giving you the time of day that you want, it might be in your best interest to learn how to pursue properly. It's silly to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Side note: That article was written by Allen Thompson, you know, the founder of this site. The other post was written by Pook.

Don't make me break out the tons of anecdotal examples I have accumulated from my own experiences and those of my cute buddies.



Also to BB... you don't have to write any long letters to me about if you like me or not before you respond to a point I made. I'm not that sensitive if you disagree with me, I won't go cry. It's not like you are calling me a troll or any of the other names I am accustomed to by some of the more immature and angry posters here. Just get at the meat of the matter next time, your posts are long enough as it is. :)
 

backbreaker

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 24, 2002
Messages
11,573
Reaction score
572
Location
monrovia, CA
bradd80 said:
of course i'm gonna agree with iqqi here. Most of the time only ugly girls/plain janes give you immediate high interest. But the really hot women have SO many guys hitting on them, they almost universally give all guys moderate to low initial interest, no matter how good looking you are, how great your personality is, or what kind of job you have.

Any guy - even an AFC - can ask a girl out a couple of times and then give up. But it's the mark of a true DJ to turn that inital low to moderate interest from a very hot woman and turn it into something almost like an obsession ;)

Anything worth having in life, sometimes you gotta work a little bit for it.
brad you are missing the entire point.

you can't fvck every girl you meet. My goal is not to fvck every last girl i come in contact wtih. My goal is to.. have a relationship with of some type with girls who are very interested in me.

what does that tell you about a female who is so childish that she likes you but won't show you that she likes you? that's just as bad as a girl who does not like you at all in my book. why would you knowingly get involved with a girl who is about games.

then the same guys will come here and make 5 paragraph posts about all the drama tht the girl is providing him in his life.

again i'm not crap out my ass, i've dated/had sex with / married very attractive women, i mean let me put it this way, say you had 4 girls who you were very interested in, and you saw this new girl who you just though was banging and she seemed very sweet and very nice, i don't how many girls you have in the rotation she's going to be a priority to you if to anything get to know more about her. you don't necessarily want to settle down with her at first sight but you are intrigued enough to make it a paorirty to see her.

don't make the game harder than it has to be.

you are the guy who went on the date with the hb8.5-9 and spent 2-3 dates with her and didn't get anywhere. you made the exact same mistake.

compare that to the woman who you banged a few nights ago.


I really do not understand or can't understand how this concept cannot be as clear as day to every guy here. I really don't.

Even your senerio where this mythical hb 8.5 has all these guys hitting on her, you put yourself in a no win situation by chasing her or trying to prove your worth; there is no situtation where you actually chase a girl and she turns around and becomes head over heels with you. none. the fact that you chase her validates in her mind that she's a better catch than you.

the girl hat brought me to this site, you won't find a more naturally beautiful woman.. guys chased her down daily. her boyfriend that she ended up dating for 3 years, she started dating him the night she met him. attraction was instant. and this is a girl who had her pick of the creme de la creme.

you can't give a woman time if she is not going to give you a fighting chance or a clean slate. you can't start from below the clean slate.

I'm not mad, but you can't think from this mindset it will never get you where you want to get to. you have to be willing to cut off a little bit of the meat of a steak to get all the fat. you can't be afraid to next a chick.

my first real adult GF, a chick i met in the mall who worked there, very hot, and when we saw each other i could tell she was checking me out. we ended up chatting and i got her number and i set up a date with her. she cancelled at the last minute.

i was busy so i didn't call her for a few days, i went to her job the next weekend and i told her look i'm going to put it like this.. you are very cute, and i like your personality, this is what i'm going to do; i'm going to pick you up tomorrow night and we are going out, i will be there at 7pm. if you cancel you won't hear from me again. i won't be mad but i'm not going to waste my time chasing you if you aren't interested.

she not only didn't' canel she moved it up to that night. she was just getting out of a relationship with a ex of 5 years or so, and had other guys interested BUT, she liked me enough to give me a real chance.. and we ended up dating a few months later for over a year.

a woman who will not give you a honest to guy's punchers chance with her, just leave.
this woman in the OP is not giving the OP a chance, they are keeping him around in case they don't have anything to do
 

Create self-fulfilling prophecies. Always assume the positive. Assume she likes you. Assume she wants to talk to you. Assume she wants to go out with you. When you think positive, positive things happen.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

Top