Absolutely ridiculous situation with dating ex again

[StacksHitEmUp]

Never confess your love bro what were you hoping for? That she would break down, tell you she loves you aswell and then live happily ever after? That's Hollywood ****, things never play out like that. You ****ed up and she lost all attraction, proved by the fact she's now withholding sex.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

@KokonutKrew
Do you know what you're avoided? I'll tell you. Personal emotional responsibility. In other words, self love.

And rather than take the time to learn to love yourself, you're desperately seeking validation from this girl and probably others. You identify with their validation so strongly because you're neglecting your emotional self and expecting them to maintain it for you.

As others have said, you are seeking to be coddled like a child by his mother.

You're like a junkie looking for his next hit of approval and attention. What you fail to realize is the most fulfilling satisfaction and approval is yours, and it comes from within.

If you keep seeing girls with your current mindset then I would argue reform and maturity will be a long and tough road for you. The women you meet will help you along by treating you like the man-child you are. They will use you, and you may even grow to resent them for it, but that resentment will only stray you further from the path of masculinity. Then one day you'll hopefully realize you should have valued yourself much more the entire time and snap out of it.

Have you stopped to ask yourself why you want to tie this or that girl down so badly? I have a feeling you don't have a good answer for this, and I'm willing to bet the real reason is because it'll make you feel more emotionally safe in life. In other words, out of fear.

Imo you are the epitome of the blue pill mindset. You are so lost from the path that you're not even asking the right questions. You're asking how to stray further from it. That is why it feels like games, and that is why you feel this is so complicated, and why you are contemplating posting on SC just to try and influence her, and why you made this thread to ask how exactly to play this. This is extremely childish and backwards.

What you need to do is stop everything and focus inward. Find hobbies you truly enjoy, work on your career, find what moves you, what you're passionate about in life(not women) and pursue that passion with all your might. In that pursuit you'll be challenged relentlessly, and in overcoming those obstacles you'll be reminded of your strength, your capacity to be successful.

That success will breed self confidence and that confidence will create conviction in your endeavors. It'll spill out into other areas of your life with your stewardship.

Call these challenges your dragons. Every day you slay them, and it's tough work, but you love it and find it extremely fulfilling and satisfying. Women are an optional joy in this state. Why would you seek fulfillment from them? Instead you will have fulfillment to share, to give.

You will have value, and will be picky with who you choose to share it with. When a woman gives you trouble or games you won't have any trouble walking away because you will already be an overflowing cup from your passions. That may be it's own challenge, learning to say no, to guard your value.

You can reform yourself, you can do it. You can become a great man that never contemplates how or what to say in order to keep a woman. It'll simply flow out of you because your mind will be saturated with abundance. It'll feel so natural, and women will be trivial.

All you have to do is take responsibility for your emotions. They are simply feedback. You don't have to identify with them, simply use them to course correct, and you will prosper.

A woman's eyes can be on a man, but the man's eyes are set on the horizon, seeking the next challenge to overcome, the next dragon to slay.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Honestly what I figured was that she dated and realized I was her best bet/better than the other dudes she had access to, and that's why she came back. If she had found something better she'd have no reason to hit me up.

I hooked up with someone else last night and I've been trying to set up dates/hangouts with other women as well to take my mind off her. Supposed to be hanging out with an old f*ck buddy I haven't seen in a while on Wednesday. Truth be told I want a relationship with this ex, but I have no idea where it's gonna go and I don't just want to completely waste my time waiting for her (and not even having sex).

Comical...you think acting this way is what she wants?? C'mon Man!

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Because dumping someone you're exclusive and in a relationship with who you know is really into you just to go try someone else out is incredibly f*cked up. Beyond words honestly. It shows a complete lack of feelings, empathy, morals, etc. And crawling back to that person after it didn't work out with the new person? Damn near evil.

There is a lot to unpack here.

“who is really into you”.....

I really want you to understand something here: The amount of interest you have for her has ZERO bearing on her interest of you. And when I say that, I’m not just talking about her. I am talking about any woman (or even any man, as seen from the eyes of his woman.) In fact, not only does it have no bearing, it often has the opposite effect: The more you are into her, the less she is into you. It is classic push-pull.

This is why so many women are still bananas over the Chad that pumped and dumped them. I am not promoting that, nor do I think one should do that to generate attraction. And I am not suggesting that a man should not be kind and loving and a good partner to his woman. What I am saying is that in many things, but especially romance, people look out for their own best interests. If she meets a guy who she thinks is much higher value than you and she thinks she has a chance with him, she will likely go for it. Men do it too but I will say it is more common with women from my observations. Women tend to love opportunistically. But I am not bashing women here because in most (but not all) cases, the man has made some critical mistakes that result in the woman thinking she can do better. The most common mistakes men make that result in a woman monkey branching are:
1. Neediness
2. Lack of ambition/drive/purpose in life
3. Complacency
4. Letting himself go, physically
5. Not being a stable, masculine leader (including being too emotional)
6. Lack of effort in trying to understand her
7. Arguing/fighting
8. Not drawing boundaries and sticking to them

The above list is not in order but neediness is #1 with a bullet.

As for crawling back after a failed monkey-branch attempt, I agree with you. It is quite low, disrespectful, and demonstrates how selfish she is. And obviously she will do it again when she feels another better opportunity comes along.

 

[DreamAgain]

OP, listen to me. We've all been in your shoes at some point, and made similar mistakes.

This situation is not salvageable. Walk away with some pride and leave this hoe alone. You will thank me and others later after you finish no contact and move on to better women, yes they are out there even though you may be skeptical right now.

I strongly suggest you just ghost this woman, or if she asks to see you/talk to you, just tersely say you are busy and you'll let her know when you're free. And of course never "let her know" after this.

You will thank me later when you look back at this thread, I 100% guarantee it. But choose your own path, being young and stupid is a part of life, I went through it, others did, unfortunately some of us need experience the hard way.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

@KokonutKrew
Do you know what you're avoided? I'll tell you. Personal emotional responsibility. In other words, self love.

And rather than take the time to learn to love yourself, you're desperately seeking validation from this girl and probably others. You identify with their validation so strongly because you're neglecting your emotional self and expecting them to maintain it for you.

As others have said, you are seeking to be coddled like a child by his mother.

You're like a junkie looking for his next hit of approval and attention. What you fail to realize is the most fulfilling satisfaction and approval is yours, and it comes from within.

If you keep seeing girls with your current mindset then I would argue reform and maturity will be a long and tough road for you. The women you meet will help you along by treating you like the man-child you are. They will use you, and you may even grow to resent them for it, but that resentment will only stray you further from the path of masculinity. Then one day you'll hopefully realize you should have valued yourself much more the entire time and snap out of it.

Have you stopped to ask yourself why you want to tie this or that girl down so badly? I have a feeling you don't have a good answer for this, and I'm willing to bet the real reason is because it'll make you feel more emotionally safe in life. In other words, out of fear.

Imo you are the epitome of the blue pill mindset. You are so lost from the path that you're not even asking the right questions. You're asking how to stray further from it. That is why it feels like games, and that is why you feel this is so complicated, and why you are contemplating posting on SC just to try and influence her, and why you made this thread to ask how exactly to play this. This is extremely childish and backwards.

What you need to do is stop everything and focus inward. Find hobbies you truly enjoy, work on your career, find what moves you, what you're passionate about in life(not women) and pursue that passion with all your might. In that pursuit you'll be challenged relentlessly, and in overcoming those obstacles you'll be reminded of your strength, your capacity to be successful.

That success will breed self confidence and that confidence will create conviction in your endeavors. It'll spill out into other areas of your life with your stewardship.

Call these challenges your dragons. Every day you slay them, and it's tough work, but you love it and find it extremely fulfilling and satisfying. Women are an optional joy in this state. Why would you seek fulfillment from them? Instead you will have fulfillment to share, to give.

You will have value, and will be picky with who you choose to share it with. When a woman gives you trouble or games you won't have any trouble walking away because you will already be an overflowing cup from your passions. That may be it's own challenge, learning to say no, to guard your value.

You can reform yourself, you can do it. You can become a great man that never contemplates how or what to say in order to keep a woman. It'll simply flow out of you because your mind will be saturated with abundance. It'll feel so natural, and women will be trivial.

All you have to do is take responsibility for your emotions. They are simply feedback. You don't have to identify with them, simply use them to course correct, and you will prosper.

A woman's eyes can be on a man, but the man's eyes are set on the horizon, seeking the next challenge to overcome, the next dragon to slay.

This post motivated me and I am already doing all these things. This post is what Spartacus said to his army of gladiators.

 

[firstbornunicorn]

If you're gonna pretend that you've never had sex, the first step is to... have sex.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

sounds like she has you simmering on the back burner til something better comes along

 

[KokonutKrew]

She's also been on lexapro 4 years. Not sure how much it affects sex drive and emotions.

She smokes weed at weird times as well. On saturday, after the gym and before we went to dinner, I went to her place to hangout for an hour before heading out. I got there and smelled weed. Then an hour later, right before we left, she said she had to use the bathroom and... Smoked again. She says it "relaxes" her.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

She's also been on lexapro 4 years. Not sure how much it affects sex drive and emotions.

She smokes weed at weird times as well. On saturday, after the gym and before we went to dinner, I went to her place to hangout for an hour before heading out. I got there and smelled weed. Then an hour later, right before we left, she said she had to use the bathroom and... Smoked again. She says it "relaxes" her.

Right now bro, you're trying to rationalize everything in your favour. Fact is, she didn't want you to bang her. Also, weed makes women horny because every single sensation on weed feels amazing. Food tastes better, sex and touch feels better, music sounds better, ...

 

[KokonutKrew]

Right now bro, you're trying to rationalize everything in your favour. Fact is, she didn't want you to bang her. Also, weed makes women horny because every single sensation on weed feels amazing. Food tastes better, sex and touch feels better, music sounds better, ...

You think she lost the desire on the night that got emotional?

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

You think she lost the desire on the night that got emotional?

Yeah, there's a clear twist in her behaviour from there. I know this might not be easy for you to hear but you screwed it up beyond salvation there. You appeared weak in her eyes and women want a dude that's strong, bitches want a dude that can't be fazed by anything. That's what SECURITY and SAFETY means in their eyes.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Right now bro, you're trying to rationalize everything in your favour. Fact is, she didn't want you to bang her. Also, weed makes women horny because every single sensation on weed feels amazing. Food tastes better, sex and touch feels better, music sounds better, ...

Depends upon the female. There are some females that weed pleases so much that sex is the last thing on their mind.

 

[KokonutKrew]

Yeah, there's a clear twist in her behaviour from there. I know this might not be easy for you to hear but you screwed it up beyond salvation there. You appeared weak in her eyes and women want a dude that's strong, bitches want a dude that can't be fazed by anything. That's what SECURITY and SAFETY means in their eyes.

I'm curious why we had sex later that same night then...

Depends upon the female. There are some females that weed pleases so much that sex is the last thing on their mind.

Said it "relaxes" her. I haven't known many or any people who get horny(er) on weed to be honest. I've primarily heard relaxed/tired/paranoid.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I'm curious why we had sex later that same night then...



Said it "relaxes" her. I haven't known many or any people who get horny(er) on weed to be honest.

I don't smoke, almost NONE in the last 15+ years. But when I smoked often, my lusts and desires seem to be increased. Sex drive revved up. I would be more "into the moment" during sex, each stroke seeming to last a few years as I am aware of each and every micro sensation, warmth, textures, her sounds, breathing, tension, body movement, etc. That's how it worked on me. That **** was great. I've had alot of great sex off of weed, but I remember those weed days.

I know alot of women, that get high and one of their greatest yearnings is to go lay in the bed, and go to sleep.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

I'm curious why we had sex later that same night then...



Said it "relaxes" her. I haven't known many or any people who get horny(er) on weed to be honest. I've primarily heard relaxed/tired/paranoid.

You're in denial. Females don't want to take it slow with men they're highly attracted to. You realise your weakness might've hit her later on when she was thinking about it? We can give you all the advice you want, but if you don't have the right listening attitude it's all a waste of time and energy. Your ego is blinding you from the truth.
I know a lot of women that get extra horny on weed, my best friend and my girlfriend both do and if you don't believe me you can just use google.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You think she lost the desire on the night that got emotional?

She lost the desire because she knows she has you now more than ever. And that is one of the most unattractive things a woman can feel.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I'm curious why we had sex later that same night then...



Said it "relaxes" her. I haven't known many or any people who get horny(er) on weed to be honest. I've primarily heard relaxed/tired/paranoid.

She felt pity for you. Then afterwards that pity turned to disgust. In the coming weeks it will likely build until she either ghosts you or ends things again. Because no woman wants to be with an emotionally weak man they have to have pity for.

You are showing codependant behavior. Unless this woman was similarly codependant it will be a humongous turn off. And even if ahe is she doesn't want to KNOW you are, she wants to have some glimmer of doubt in there she can ponder over and you've left none of that for her to do.

You need to back way way way off if you want any hope of salvaging it but I am not sure it's possible with what you told her and your actions the other day. This is honestly textbook on how NOT to get back with an ex if they decide to get in touch and seemingly provide another opportunity.

 

[KokonutKrew]

Well she flaked out saying: "Hey I woke up this morning with a cough so I’m going to go get a Covid test later :/"

I just said: "Ouch. Hope you don't have it. Good luck"

It's whatever. I won't reach out to her.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

Well she flaked out saying: "Hey I woke up this morning with a cough so I’m going to go get a Covid test later :/"

I just said: "Ouch. Hope you don't have it. Good luck"

It's whatever. I won't reach out to her.

Surprise surprise. This is over. Hopefully you learn from this and don't let it get to your head there's thousands of fine ass women out there with more to offer.