A question for Latinoman

[newbie81]

I agree on those points. But I still feel that as much effort you put into attracting a woman shouldn't and doesn't stop once you've got her. Even a job you LOVE is work just the same. Everyday aren't going to be roses. Everyday you aren't going to be working on the project you want to. Everyday you aren't going to want to go into work. But I do agree that when a person changes and evolves for the better and his spouse or mate hasn't as well--then there poses a problem. But in a marriage you should want to uplift your partner just as you are--on both sides. At that point if the person doesn't want to then yeah its time to move on because they will hinder you. But I didn't see anything in Latinoman's commentary on making that effort other than just simply telling his wife he wanted out.

Sorry Maverick, ummm no. I have had strong men in my life ALL my life and that is my father and grandfather. Sorry I am in no way desperate for a father figure. Aww, but thanks for the offer anyway.

And I do believe that the man should be a leader, superior--NO. Men lead, women follow--but women aren't trying to follow blindly behind men who aren't leaders. And to be a leader doesn't mean acting or thinking that one is superior. A leader recognizes when he is weak and needs help. A leader hopes to uplift those around him and not just himself. A leader recognizes that nothing is handed to him on a platinum plate and that it takes WORK. God (or whoever/whatever you hold your faith in) is the only entity that is ALL powerful--superior, no MAN is.

Thank you for going on-topic again.

I have been heavily envolved in lifting weights for 7 years now. I got often remarks from people like "I would like too lose weight, but I have no time, I would like to do some sports, but it's too much work,..."
Never does it seem "work" to me. I do it because I like to do it, because it makes me happy, because it's fun. There are days when training doesn't go as well as other days, but in general, more than 80% of the time it's just pure rewarding fun. It goes naturally, so for me it's not "work" or "effort" which have a negative, unnatural & forced connotation to me.

Attracting & keeping a woman attracted is the same thing, it shouldn't be work or effort, it should be natural. How? By being a Man. No seducing tricks & gimmicks: just be a Man & be who you are. You'll keep her attracted.

No-one needs negativity in his life. Your partner can add happiness to your life for a certain time. Until one day you change or your partner changes, leading to negativity. "Work" on it? I do not know your experience, but from my experience "work" on it, does basically mean: you change or she change.

Latinoman didn't give any details about why he left. It's his life, he chooses which information he divulges on this board regarding his private life. We may be curious, but until he gives any accurate facts about his past, let's not judge him based on personal opinions. Better: let's not judge him or anyone at all.

No human being is superior to another human being. Men are leaders & women follow. Of course the leader doesn't force anyone to follow him, women have the power of choice: they choose to follow or not to follow, to trust or not trust the leader in his decisions. That is the true power of a woman: if her trust is broken, she can choose to lead her way out of the relationship.

But work? No it's never work. If I meet a women and she wants me to do things that go against my convictions/lowers my self-esteem/blocks me in doing what contributes to my happiness , I will not "work" on myself by changing myself to adapt to the situation. If I want to change, I'll do it for myself. And maybe I'm wrong not to, but I'll let LIFE give me the answer to this.

Let it be clear, that no woman needs to "work" on herself to please me. I do what I want to do, and any woman can choose to follow me or not to follow me. If she chooses to follow me & therefore changes herself, that is her CHOICE, a type of CHOICE that I would never make to please anybody but myself. But again, who are we to judge another human's choices?

Pook said: you do not "build" a relationship, you "buy" a relationship. My experience also tells me that people can not change for others, but themselves. Therefore unless your partner changes as you change, you have come to a dead end in the relationship. This is the hard truth, that one will deny in the beginning, until it becomes unbearable.

peace.

 

[WestCoaster]

Question: Why do women come on this board and try to change guys? Seems baffling to me. I don't know any men who go on women's sites and try and gete in arguments with them.

 

[MAVER1CK]

I don't know any men who go on women's sites and try and gete in arguments with them.

heheh

sometimes when I need an ego boost I will drop into a womens forum and thrash them. They are easy to defeat, as you can see from this thread.

but you make a damn good point

 

[Oblivious]

No one tried to change anyone--just offer another perspective and point of view. And basically no female site can really help me understand how guys think and act. Plus I don't know of any sites dedicated to females like this anyway.

 

[Oblivious]

Oh and by the way, everything isn't a competition. I was not defeated and nor was I trying to defeat or thrash anyone else. There is nothing wrong with being challenged and just have a healthy debate.

 

[WestCoaster]

There are plenty of sites like this for women, some other women have come in here and mentioned them. Guys just don't visit them.

Women come in here trying to change men, not a healthy debate. No one is going to go home and say, "Gee, Oblivious was right, that gal has it going on."

Most of the guys here are players or want to be, or have had it with catering to women's needs to only get sh-t on. That's the culture of this board, right or wrong, a healthy debate isn't changing anyone here.

 

[MAVER1CK]

Oh and by the way, everything isn't a competition. I was not defeated and nor was I trying to defeat or thrash anyone else. There is nothing wrong with being challenged and just have a healthy debate.

Yes, everything with men IS a competition. And it should be.

and you did get thrashed. I rebuked everything you had.

 

[newbie81]

no female site can really help me understand how guys think and act.

Most people came on this board originally to learn how to seduce girls or how to cure one-itis, the lucky ones understands what it's really about after some time.

You do not need to understand how men think & act, just as men do not need to understand how women think & act. It is not important what other people think about you, neither why they do certain things.

You need to understand yourself & find out whatyou need to do in order to be happy in life: your life goal. Women (or in your case men) will come from themselves once you get this.


Good luck.

 

[Latinoman]

Let me explain this one more time without going into the details as I’m a very private person. There is no way people can understand my decision unless I explained them in detail. But I won't do that.

All I can say is to remember, our society in the last 30 years have shown that “men leave their wives” ONLY when they either (a) find another woman, (b) she cheats on him, or (c) she becomes insane/criminal/etc. While women in our society leave their husbands for similar reasons and in many cases because they simply “stop loving him” or “he was a good man but I was not happy as he deserves better”. The "********" stuff. How many times women leave PERFECTLY fine husbands? Plenty of times! But in our society no one says a thing. When a man does the same, people cannot comprehended. Why? Because of societal standards set by women and AFCs.


All I have to say is that she was

Loyal
Did NOT control me
A great mother
A great lover
Young and very beautiful
Professional
Educated

She was a perfect wife for all the years we were together. I changed and I adapted as my goals did too and she did not adapted with me.

Certainly a perfect mother to my children and the perfect wife…but NOT to me (especially the Latinoman I want to be in my 40s and beyond).

Why?

Some layers of negativity that was making me unhappy. Every woman whines. Every woman feels insecurity. And that’s fine. However, my level of tolerance is considerably less than most men. Especially if it can impact the way I want to influence my kids (son and daughter) and the way I want to move with my career and for that matter life in general.

I didn’t leave her because I wanted sex. I had plenty of sex with her…and I don’t have to leave anyone to get sex from other women as I have NEVER had issues getting women to find me attractive or fascinating. My point is…I didn’t have to go through a divorce, just because I want sex. That makes no economical sense (as we all know men are the ones that lose $$$ in a divorce).

Once a man start feeling unhappy…and start getting annoyed and tired to the point that he start losing that passion for his partner…well, let’s say some men stay and others make executive decisions.

Why I call her perfect? Because for over 95% of the male population she would have been. In fact, many people considered our marriage perfect. I treated her very well…I held her in public and people viewed us as the perfect couple. But, I’m not in that 95%. I seriously doubt I’m in the 98%. I’m not afraid to go from relationship to relationship or even spin plates as I know that I still can get married in my 50s and 60s if I truly wanted to live my life with someone.

My life does not revolve around one woman. Yes, I love women…and I can make them VERY happy as I know how to treat them from different levels. But I’m not looking for the perfect woman…what I’m looking for is for the woman that can help ME get to MY next level. She doesn’t have to be perfect by societal standards…what she has to be is “Just Right” for a man that is outside the norm…WAY outside the norm. If I feel that the woman in my life is negatively impacting my goals (note: my goal is NOT to have a perfect wife by sociatal standards)...then I do what I have to do. However, I try and work things out. Even if it takes me weeks, months, or 2-3 years (like in my case).

She did nothing wrong...I take full responsibility.

 

[Latinoman]

But I didn't see anything in Latinoman's commentary on making that effort other than just simply telling his wife he wanted out.

You simply assumed that. In fact, I was relatively vague with my post.

Now...even as vague as I was...you still ASSUMED the worst and went on insulting me (see below). You choose to make the worst assumption about me...without even ASKING me a few questions. You assumed that a man doing what women have done for decades (dumping men that are viewed by society as perfectly fine men...but dumping them because "we just changed") is not acceptable. You reach a conclusion without even knowing me. In fact, you acted EMOTIONAL (don't worry, I have that effect on women).

This is a bunch of bull. How could she have been the epitome of a perfect wife and not help to enhance your future? What would you be doing to enhance hers? I think its just pure selfishness thats all...it had nothing to do with her, yet still really sad, unfair and a selfish act on your part. Marriage is till death do us part and all that jazz. Not until you feel you want to start a second life? Boo on you! Just own up to it for what it was. You didn't deserve her cause you are an ass who feels your happiness is wrapped up in getting your rocks off. Marriage isn't about being selfish. Its all about a union between two people who acknowledge give and take--compromise and strive to want to enhance each other. PERIOD. You and alot of this bull spouted on this forum is all about men being selfish. And thats just it. So don't complain when some woman does you wrong and adopts a male way of doing things in how she interacts with you --you wouldn't like it either. Get over yourselves. GROW UP!

 

[Latinoman]

By the way...Oblivious last posted in August 2005. That's over 1 year and 3 months ago.

She comes back last week and posts 13 times...ALL in this thread.

Oblivious? Yeah right!

LOL.

 

[ElChoclo]

Well put Latinoman. You really must be in the top 5 or 2% if you are willing to get a divorce to pursue an ideal. So, now maybe you get it Oblivious, there are men who seek divorce because they are idealists, not whinney victims of society aka women.

Here was a man willing to take full responsibility for his actions, a man in control of his gonads, taking the path less travelled on his own personal road to enlightenment. You disgust me Oblivious.

 

[Oblivious]

What does my posting in Aug. have to do with me posting now? I just found the thread that I was curious about and posted accordingly.

But regardless, people want to do what they have to do to pursue thier happiness.

Seemingly you guys have no clue what it means to be self-less. Everything in your being seems to be totally selfish. No one is saying to bend to the whims of desires of women, but in a relationship--if you are in one, bending should be on both sides. You shouldn't expect her to bend if you won't.

And Latinoman--great that you gave your wife the house and supported the kids. Glad you made that imperial decision rather than not! But you did that because it was the right thing to do. I hope that it wasn't a coin toss to decide to take care of your kids. As their father isn't that your duty? I don't think you get a hero cookie for those moves. Hmm... but anyway.

And Latinoman made a decent explanation...kinda screwed it all up with saying he left in search for and ideal. What logic is in that?

 

[grinder]

Oblivious:

Its so very easy to generalize, we all do it.

Selfish, you say we are...

I have some very vivid memories of my youngest son (I have 4) in the ER, blue, not breathing, and strange foamy-red bubbles coming from his mouth after they punctured his lung (tube too big for a 3 year old), then later on the ventilator. You can imagine how scared he was when he woke up. I was there with him. Where was my great wife? Drunk, out of her mind in a mental hospital.

Yep were all just selfish as hell.

 

[ElChoclo]

No it isn't his duty to take care of his kids Obnoxious, and it isn't his duty to leave a house for his wife either. He is an astronaut of the human spirit and she was just some sort of booster rocket which has now been made redundant as he is propelled towards enlightenment. He, bearing the precious cargo of manhood, should be applauded.

Kids can be easily acquired for virtually nothing in Third World countries, ask Madonna. Why is it that women are unable to think of human life in terms other than those of money. Because they are spiritually rotten, that's why.

 

[edger]

No it isn't his duty to take care of his kids Obnoxious, and it isn't his duty to leave a house for his wife either.

Right on man!

"A man's duty to take care of his kids and leave a house to his wife", what a f*ckin' joke!....

 

[newbie81]

Seemingly you guys have no clue what it means to be self-less. Everything in your being seems to be totally selfish. No one is saying to bend to the whims of desires of women, but in a relationship--if you are in one, bending should be on both sides. You shouldn't expect her to bend if you won't.

Men must be selfish. It's not about "bending" which is actually "changing" & not being yourself! Bending & changing is pleasing somebody else desires, while not following what your SELF wants in life.

Re-read all my posts & A-unit posts. You should have understand what this thread is about by now.

Take a look in Ayn Rand books.

 

[david2006]

edited

 

[Latinoman]

What does my posting in Aug. have to do with me posting now? I just found the thread that I was curious about and posted accordingly.

What is so "curious" about a thread titled: "A Question For Latinoman"?

Seemingly you guys have no clue what it means to be self-less. Everything in your being seems to be totally selfish. No one is saying to bend to the whims of desires of women, but in a relationship--if you are in one, bending should be on both sides. You shouldn't expect her to bend if you won't.

Listen...I satisfy my women. Sexually, emotionally, intellectually, mentally...I know how to do that. I also know how to drive them crazy as I'm a very difficult man too (wink). Some comes naturally, but most due to experience and "experimentation" as I'm a student of behaviors. My "ex" still wants me back. Any woman that I'm involved with (intimate)...she wants me back. That's why I know that the Friend With Benefits thing will NEVER work with me. I just treat them very well...and then...become distant...then treat them well...etc. It is who I am.

Now...do I get feelings? Of course I do! I love women or at least something about them.

And Latinoman--great that you gave your wife the house and supported the kids. Glad you made that imperial decision rather than not! But you did that because it was the right thing to do. I hope that it wasn't a coin toss to decide to take care of your kids. As their father isn't that your duty? I don't think you get a hero cookie for those moves. Hmm... but anyway.

I take care of my kids because I want to be a positive influence to them. I’m not doing that out of duty or obligation. I’m doing it out of desire. In a nutshell, no one is making me do it (and trust me, MOST men and some women are ordered by court to do certain things as it relates to their kids).

I gave her the house (under certain conditions) not because of duty or obligation. I did it because I felt it was fair and right. For the same token, I’m not giving her other things (such as alimony), because I felt it was unfair to me.

No judge and no man are going to tell me what to do or give to my children and ex-wife or what to do with my money or my time. It is MY decision and it is how I prefer to do things. At the end, I’m the one looking myself in the mirror. So, there are no lawyers and no judges and no mediators. I’m simply doing what I view is fair and quite honestly…I’m happy. And comes down to that: Happiness.

And Latinoman made a decent explanation...kinda screwed it all up with saying he left in search for and ideal. What logic is in that?

I'm not "searching" for an ideal. Instead, I'm "getting" what I want. I want Peace and I want Happiness.

Women? Well, I love women...I truly do. I love how I make them feel (at least the ones in my life). I truly do. It is addictive. And in a way, it is selfish as wanting to make them feel like no man has before is what satisfy ME. But the thing is...I can have that when I want. So, that's not my goal.

Peace and happiness are my goals...and they are closely tied to others such as my career, health, and fitness.

 

[Oblivious]

Oblivious:

Its so very easy to generalize, we all do it.

Selfish, you say we are...

I have some very vivid memories of my youngest son (I have 4) in the ER, blue, not breathing, and strange foamy-red bubbles coming from his mouth after they punctured his lung (tube too big for a 3 year old), then later on the ventilator. You can imagine how scared he was when he woke up. I was there with him. Where was my great wife? Drunk, out of her mind in a mental hospital.

Yep were all just selfish as hell.

Ummm..she was sick...not selfish---a difference.